The pathetic facebook status thread.

[Fluffy Lothario]

You know, I always wondered, do the villains in horror films have extremely low budgets? Do they not scan the whole hardware store? Why do they always have axes and cleavers and the like, when they could be interesting and purchase a nailgun or a jackhammer or a precision powersaw?


The ironic thing is, my post begins with "This isn't statuses..."

Dammit.

[ariich]

This isn't statuses, but on my brothers' page, the first two comments are a guy talking about a coarse he's doing, and the second is a girl congratulating him on a cleaver decision.

I always go for the cleaver.  It's a much more precise weapon than the meathook.

Yeah, but the mess that a meathook creates can be fun.

[Fuzzboy]

"FML"

"3 more days"

Yes, please be more vague.

(Both statuses are unrelated, BTW)

[lateralus88]

"FML"

He/she obviously lives a very difficult, challenging life. Obviously.

[Birch Boy]

"FML"

He/she obviously lives a very difficult, challenging life. Obviously.

This. My utmost respect and sympathy go out to her and I look at her as a person who has withstood the hardest struggles and is mentally strong.

[tri.ad]

"FML"

He/she obviously lives a very difficult, challenging life. Obviously.

This. My utmost respect and sympathy go out to her and I look at her as a person who has withstood the hardest struggles and is mentally strong.

You know, that could be a nice status comment. If Mr/Miss FML picks up on that, potential hilarity could ensue.

[blackngold29]

"FML"

He/she obviously lives a very difficult, challenging life. Obviously.

This. My utmost respect and sympathy go out to her and I look at her as a person who has withstood the hardest struggles and is mentally strong.

You know, that could be a nice status comment. If Mr/Miss FML picks up on that, potential hilarity could ensue.

Definitely posting that if someone is so vague.

[Fuzzboy]

It's a 20 year old guy that posted that, BTW.

[Portrucci]

"over life & everything to do with it atm. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

[ehra]

"Just got a crazy warm feeling inside..."

"gas?"

[Super Dude]

This is not a pathetic Facebook status.  In fact it might be one of the most brilliant I've ever read:

"Abnormal psych: Dude just came into the middle of class wearing a dress, saying they were little red riding hood, threw candy at everyone, and then was chased around by a shirtless man wearing a wolf mask. Who was then chased around by my teacher claiming he was in love with the wolf man."

[Chino]

This woman is turning 30......

From the last few days,


" 6 days til my bday!!! woot woot!!!! "
" coconut cake? hummmmm oh yea I think I'm gonna do it! fofl....need anymore of that Ppreperation H??? fofl...I'ts Kim P b-day weekend!!!!!!! "
" 5 days til my bday!!! and the weatherman says monday it will be 50degrees!!!!!! see my bday brings warmth!!!! LOL "
" really not feeling well....dammitt! only id be sick for my bday weekend "
" t minus 24 hours!!!!!!!!! "
" in exactly 12 hours.......kimp world tour 2010!!!!!! i heart my bday! "

[MetalManiac666]

Jesus.

[RobD]

Just make sure you send her this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojhydGkSIIc

[MetalManiac666]

DO IT.

[Birch Boy]

I didn't even click the link and I know that it's "Happy Dethday" 

[Birch Boy]

"with dana on oovoo wit jerry ♥ on the phone wit manny"

Little miss popular I see. She's Oovooing, talking, and being with three different people.

[tri.ad]

"with dana on oovoo wit jerry ♥ on the phone wit manny"

Can someone translate this for me, please?

[Birch Boy]

"with dana on oovoo wit jerry ♥ on the phone wit manny"

Can someone translate this for me, please?

Well, ya see, she's video chatting with Dana, whilst talking on the phone with Manny, whilst being with Jerry.

[tri.ad]

Interesting. Poor Jerry, I guess.

[emindead]

[Gwii]

holy shit

[Arch Benemy]

Good lord

[Pirate]

"so burnt out, uhhh. cod and sleep tonight."

This guy is a very good friend of mine, but damn. He has missed over 20 days of school this year staying home by himself smoking dope and playing Modern Warfare 2.

[Birch Boy]

"taking out the traaaaaaaaaash . lil bit of din-din. lay backkk. its aaaaaaaaaaallll guuuud[= text:P"

What has the English language come to?

[LTE]

For christ sakes people, I have a girlfriend yet I don't feel the need to be this fucking immature.

Holy shit.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
SS chevelle

Whats currently bothering you right now?
nope

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
i want my girl

What do you want right now?
Bridget

Are you afraid of the dark?
no

Have a best friend?
yes, Bridget

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation with for more than 2 minutes?
Bridget

Who have you ever had the longest conversation with on the phone?
Bridget

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
noo

Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
no

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
if i talk to my girl i fall right asleep, if not im up all night

Has anyone ever hung up on you?
ya

Did you speak to your father today?
yes

How have you felt today?
great

Is there any emotion you're trying to avoid right now?
missing my bitch

Are you a forgiving person?
i am

Are you wearing shorts?
yes

Last people in the car with?
bridget

Do you straighten your hair often?
no

What are you up to this weekend?
My girl

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
no

Is it cute when a girl calls you babe?
yes

What is something you like to do when you're down?
Bridge

Do you regret anything from your past?
oh ya lots

Who is the last person you physically hit?
bridget on accident

Missing anyone at the moment?
bridget

What was the last thing you and your mom talked about?
bridget

At this very moment, what exactly are you doing?
talking to bridget

Do you know anyone currently in jail?
ya

Do you enjoy being single?
no

How do you feel about your siblings?
they r funny but annoying

How do you feel about girls who smoke?
dont like it

Why are you taking this survey?
idk

What was the last movie you watched?
"watched?" well we werent really paying attention to it

Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
already am

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
bridget

Who was the last person that texted you?
bridget

Are there any stressful situations in your life?
a few

Will you be sleeping alone tonight?
ya

Do you get stressed out easily?
nope

Did you sing today?
no

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn't?
ya

What are you listening to right now?
my girl

What is wrong with you right now?
my girl isnt here

Name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo?
dad

What is on your wrists right now?
nothing

Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you're wearing?
Summit racing


Can you run in heels?
never tried


What do you like better hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
apple cider

Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister?
nope

Do you make wishes at 11:11?
ya

Have you ever slept in contacts?
ya i forget to take em out a once every few months

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
yes

yes its retarded

Do you use chap stick?
yes

Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
yes

Do you sleep with the TV on?
if i forget to shut it off

Do you have a little sister?
Tiana

Do you like Taylor Swift?
love her

Are you a morning person or a night person?
night

Tell me what's on your mind?
my girl

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?
my girl

What's on your bed right now?
my girl

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hated?
no

Are you happy with the way life is going?
YES

Are you sarcastic?
all the time

When is the next time you will hug someone?
tomorrow.... hopefully

Are you mad about anything?
no

Did you go to sleep last night smiling?
Yes

Have you ever been called heartless?
ya

Are you in a good mood?
pretty good

What woke you up this morning?
cell

[Sigz]

Is there any emotion you're trying to avoid right now?
missing my bitch

classy.

[LTE]

Oh I know right?

His religious views are "Redneckism"

Seriously.

[Sigz]

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?
my girl

wat

[Gwii]

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?
my girl

wat

he probably only read the word "sex"

[LTE]

I didn't notice that, I swear its not a joke though. This kid is for real.

His "bitch" is clone copy dumb, orange blonde too.

[Sigz]

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?
my girl

wat

he probably only read the word "sex"

I'd rather think his girl has a penis, because it makes me laugh.

[Portrucci]

"Feeling reallly bloated for the past 3 days n i look pregnant "

ok....

[Gwii]

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?
my girl

wat

he probably only read the word "sex"

I'd rather think his girl has a penis, because it makes me laugh.

 

Yeah I like that explanation better

[MetalManiac666]

Wow.