I would love to drop this entirely as long as we can agree that I'm not a fucking transphobe. Okay? I get that Cyril apparently doesn't think I actually am one, which is great. But can we clear the air? This is ridiculous.
Absolutely. As a moderator, a neutral in this argument, and someone who very much likes and gets on with both of you, I would very much like that.
I would like to make a few (hopefully final) points from my perspective, if I may. I do this partly as a moderator in terms of explaining how I see it, and partly as an internet friend wanting to offer my own perspectives and experiences.
I 100% accept that you intended to apologise and "agree to disagree" in a respectful way, but because of the heated discussion and some of the wording used, it didn't come across that way. Similarly, I 100% accept that Cyril wasn't meaning to call you a transphobe, but that's what came across from the harshness of some of his reactions.
I'm a firm advocate for agreeing to disagree, but I also think it's important to fully engage in a discussion first, to listen respectfully to the other side of an argument and really take it in and be willing to have your mind changed. Often you won't significantly, or even at all to be honest, but just having the will helps reach that point of respectful disagreement. In this case, that didn't happen - both of you jumped very quickly to entrenched positions and dug in. Maybe you've had too many discussions like this or just wanted to move on, but again it's about how it comes across, which seemed dismissive (again I'm not suggesting this is what you intended or felt).
Also I was going to say this anyway, but it's particularly relevant to what you said here:
For the record I've been aware of the phrase for years. I've been aware some people don't like it. I was NOT aware that suddenly any usage of it can now be labeled as transphobic, and it greatly disturbs me that my intent is of no importance to the matter. The context in which I used it had absolutely nothing to do with trans people and doesn't even contain any negative nomenclature.
I agree that intent is extremely important, I'd even argue it's the most important thing, but it's not the only important thing - which I think is the point here. I also know from experience the frustration at being interpreted completely the wrong way. That's why I think it's so important to really engage in a proper discussion - it's helped me so much to avoid those sorts of misunderstandings (although not entirely, I should add). It's also why I believe it's so important to really truly accept that intent isn't enough on its own, and that regardless of intent or context, all of us can accidentally cause offence with what we say.
And in terms of a word/phrase/meme not originally being offensive but becoming so, this is the case for basically all offensive terms. Again with the N word (which I accept is on a completely different scale and history, I'm just using it as an extreme example of the same general principle), it was simply a descriptive term for 200 years before it became derogatory. But once something has that status, I think it's important to recognise and try to reflect that, again because to refuse to do can give the impression of being dismissive or not caring whether you cause offence.