Not to turn this into an advice-about-dealing-with-people thread, but issues with "abandonment" usually come from projecting your issues on your partner. If she doesn't afford herself nice alone time and instead "donates" most of her surplus to you and the kids, she will get pissed because you afford yourself some nice alone time, and since it can't be her problem (because nice alone time is a good thing to have, so the only reason how a human being can convince themselves not to have more of it is that somehow they're a bad person/parent/spouse if they do), it has to be that you afford yourself too much. The other reason could be about the quality of your together time. My husband and I had a phase where we would just watch a lot of TV on the weekends together, and I swear, the second he would switch off from spending time with me doing that to participate in his constructive and scheduled and enriching hobby, I would feel alone and jealous, because the gargantuan amount of time we just spent still wasn't as constructive, scheduled and enriching. The second problem is much, much easier to solve. The first one, I wouldn't know how to solve without being patronizing about explaining to an adult that it's okay to have alone time, as much as you want, and unapologetically demand it and spend it in a great way and not just stressing about when it's gonna be over.