That moment when you come home to find that the person youve been striving to fix things with is out with another guy and you're left alone to your own depression and alcohol
lots of alocohl
Brother, I know exactly how you feel as I just came through the other end of a hellish rabbit hole that involved me attempting to mend things with my ex and a bout of relapse from my sobriety and...it wasn't worth it. But almost the same situation... Thing is, she has two kids and their father is not around...when we first met, I essentially became their dad because we immediately connected and I immediately felt an immense amount of love for them and that love only grew. Then...I started drinking heavily, which led to our current position of her saying things like "I love you more than anything, as do my kids, but..." and the but leads to worries about me relapsing and how much pain my drinking has caused them. After seeing her date other guys, the pain is quite indescribable. But I know I did it. It's all on me. It's something I'm still accepting even though I'm now at a point where I'm so over alcohol I'm not even worried about relapsing; it's a point that is a 'if I drink, I die'.
Of course, I'm not saying you're an alcoholic. But what others said is something I'll echo ten million fold. Don't turn to the drink to ease your pain because it's not going to work. It just won't. You may think it is, you may even feel better when you're drinking and KNOW it is, but eventually it will hit you that it's just hurting yourself (and perhaps others). Please don't become someone you hate like I did. Perhaps you can control it, but perhaps not... All I'm saying is that the slope you're on now isn't just slippery...it's covered in vaseline and gasoline and that alcohol is a lit match. Some people can drink heavy one night and then be totally fine and go back to their normal routine...but it's when a person drink emotionally and turns to it in times of pain/stress/anger/sorrow that something more sinister lies beneath.
Anyway, I don't mean to preach, I really don't. But I've been there, and I know the pain is more severe than any kind of physical one. So just...know that it's alright to feel that way, but it would behoove you, mentally, physically and emotionally, to at least attempt to mend yourself without alcohol during those times. I can truly say from an immense amount of experience, it will (eventually) only compound those feelings and will fracture your state of mind; then it will only be that much harder to accept whenever you do sober up. Stay strong and know that you're an awesome dude and that while the situation is horrible and it's painful...it will pass. It will. Then you'll be on your way to finding someone new and you'll be glad that you rose above the pain to make a shitty situation good and you'll be stronger, smarter, and better for it. It took me a long time and SO MANY fucked up situations to realize all this and I still don't know jack shit about anything. But I do know one thing unequivocally...alcohol makes it all worse. Perhaps you're the kind of person that can drink and control it...if so that's awesome and I am truly jealous (
); but even if you are, drinking at times when you're an emotional wreck is not a good idea even if you're in control. I personally can't do any of it anymore...but even when I was drinking, in the back of my mind I knew all this and denied it..
Seems I'm back to writing my big ass posts. Apologies if it's annoying. I suppose I need to let it out at times as well. Stay strong, Jay. It'll get better, even if it feels like walking on cinders right now, you can pass this up and come out the other end a better man.