Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Stadler]

It's not her problem, hence why I said "worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen"

And if she doesn't want to be with me she'll say no...

No, I'm talking on another, more metaphysical level.    I mean put yourself in her shoes.  If you were with someone and you mustered up the courage and strength to bare your soul to them and tell them "look, I know this hurts, but it's time for me to move on." do you REALLY want them to be like a little puppy and say "Ok, so, um, after the next chance? Right?  One more shot, right?  Because I love you!"  What about HER feelings?   Do you even care what she's feeling?

Yeah obviously, but signs can be easily misread, which can make a very awkward and bad situation

I didn't mean "sign" from her; nothing to be "misread".  Again, I'm talking metaphysically; you're clearly bemoaning your circumstances.  Maybe it's time to not keep doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result.  Not EVERYONE plays chasing games and relationship politics.   A lot of that is immaturity.  Make that your deal breaker.  Yes, it may reduce the field a little, but for all my issues with relationships (and I've had a few, including a divorce), I've made it a point to jettison the "games' players" early on.   It doesn't mean the world will be perfect, but it does mean you can focus on things that matter to you.

When you meet a girl, and they start that shit, say "Hey, you're a good kid, pretty, but I'm looking for something more real and honest and the games and politics are not part of that."   Boom.  Later.   You might be surprised.

[sylvan]

When you meet a girl, and they start that shit, say "Hey, you're a good kid, pretty, but I'm looking for something more real and honest and the games and politics are not part of that."   Boom.  Later.   You might be surprised.

When I told my buddy about the girl I was dating changing her tune mid conversation, he said that my response should have just been " k ". I thought ha-ha, but then it hit me. Fucking Brilliant! Where was he when I needed him.

[bout to crash]

According to what I have been reading, grief-like states are experienced not only after a death, but also after a breakup, loss of a job, traumatic experience or in any number of similar situations. Also according to these same sources, the best way of ensuring that you get over grief as quickly as possible and don't cause any long-term damage to your psyche is to allow yourself to feel it.

This is all definitely true, but of course grieving is different for everybody. I don't at all advocate regular substance abuse, but I also think it's okay to turn off your brain and feelings every once in a while. If it takes alcohol to do that, well... not that it's a GOOD solution, but as long as it's not a regular thing I don't necessarily think it's BAD. My alcohol use is usually pretty mellow, but I have occasionally just wanted to get drunk and not worry about shit. On the other hand, I have friends who haven't dealt with their shit and drink constantly, and that's obviously not getting them anywhere good.

On the topic of grief: I went to an education session not too long ago for work, and learned about the two styles of grieving- intuitive and instrumental. I won't go off-topic here too much, but basically somebody who is more of an intuitive griever will be more emotional and want to talk about it, whereas an instrumental griever is more reluctant to talk but works things out by DOING. It's pretty interesting.

Why's it all so complicated,

Why Cant I just say "hey, I like you, want to try this out?" 

But instead you have to play stupid chasing games and relationship politics 

I feel you on that. I'm over the whole game thing.

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm making this shit up as I go along.

I'm being dead serious here:  if you DON'T feel that way, you're doing it wrong.  We're ALL making it up, as our experiences and open-mindedness allow.  There are SO few experiences that are TRULY unique in this world.  They all feel unique, because they are new to us, and so we have to feel our way, but... we're ALL feeling our way.

PREACH!

No, I'm talking on another, more metaphysical level.    I mean put yourself in her shoes.  If you were with someone and you mustered up the courage and strength to bare your soul to them and tell them "look, I know this hurts, but it's time for me to move on." do you REALLY want them to be like a little puppy and say "Ok, so, um, after the next chance? Right?  One more shot, right?  Because I love you!"  What about HER feelings?   Do you even care what she's feeling?

I second all of this. It sounds a bit like my last breakup. He was way focused on himself and had this idea that he was going to "fight for" me, but never really asked how I felt about that.

[bout to crash]

Sorry for the double post, but I felt like that last one was long and clunky already. I want to vent.

That guy I met on OKC, the one who I have had four dates with... Sure, there were a few awkward moments but I thought things were going pretty well. We hung out two weeks ago on Wednesday and both had crazy weeks last week so I proposed (via text last Sunday) that we try to hang out this week. He said he would let me know his availability. I didn't hear back from him, so a week later (yesterday) I texted saying I hoped he had a good week and asked if he wanted to try and meet up. I didn't hear anything back, but didn't think too much of it considering his track record with slow responses.
This morning I decided I wanted to go to a movie because I had a pass that needed to be used by Wednesday. The theatre is near him (and we went there on one of our dates) so I texted this morning saying that I would be doing that if he happened to be free tonight. A while later he finally texted back saying sorry he disappeared but that he was busy with school stuff today. I said okay, that I was pretty free this week if he wanted to meet up another day.

His response: "I'll try. I'm running into some poly(amory) drama and may have to lay low a bit."

Wait, whaaat? 

Me: "Well that's... vague."
Him: "I need to back off of dating for a bit."

So it went from "sorry I've been busy" to "let's not date anymore." Which clearly said to me that he was just using the "poly drama" thing as a copout. I also saw later on that he has reactivated his OKC profile (after telling me on our last date that he needed a break from it). So, you're having "poly drama" and need a break from dating but you've put yourself back on the market. Sure, that makes total sense 

We only went on four dates- I was not super invested and to be honest felt ambivalent, but I was overall enjoying his company and was given no indication that this was going to happen. The way he handled it just felt very immature and dickish... which I told him. In nicer words. After he said he was sorry, I told him that was a shitty way to handle things and I was given mixed signals. I said I felt like I'd been pretty direct with him (which is hard for me) and it would've been nice to get that back. Of course he didn't respond, but at least I got it out, I guess. I'm just a bit flabbergasted, I suppose. It put me in a pretty shitty mood and I've been kind of emotional all day- not because he broke my heart, but because there's obviously some pent-up shit that's now coming out because of this one upsetting event. Just... if he'd said he had a change of heart or wasn't feeling a spark that would be one thing, but to leave me hanging for over a week and then totally change his tune out of the blue- wtf?? Oy.

[cramx3]

Sorry, what a crappy feeling when you are upfront and the other person is not.  I get it is really difficult to tell someone you are moving on regardless of the reasons, but I feel like one should be respectful of the other.  We all know that is not the case in the dating game sadly. 

Going to be spending Saturday in New York City with the girl I've been seeing.  Planned a fun sports filled day (yes, she is into sports so I am not dragging her along, half was her idea half was mine).  This was also our back up plan, we were supposed to see Epica but they cancelled the show so we scrambled to make new plans.  Start the afternoon off going to the Penn State Alumni bar to watch the college football game (my idea, but she has been following PSU football this season due to my influence) then we may meet up with a couple of her friends who are going to a WWE event at the garden, then we go to the Mets game (she is a big Mets fan), and we finish up with some arcading at Dave N Busters in Times Square before we crash at our hotel and then we do something for the Giants game (we are both big fans) Sunday afternoon.  I don't think she has ever had such a fun filled date weekend before so I am looking forward to treating her well and having a really fun time together.  If things go well this weekend we may push things a bit further and go to Baltimore to see PSU football play (she is really digging them apparently which is a huge turn on for me) in a few weeks.

[jonnybaxy]

It's not her problem, hence why I said "worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen"

And if she doesn't want to be with me she'll say no...

No, I'm talking on another, more metaphysical level.    I mean put yourself in her shoes.  If you were with someone and you mustered up the courage and strength to bare your soul to them and tell them "look, I know this hurts, but it's time for me to move on." do you REALLY want them to be like a little puppy and say "Ok, so, um, after the next chance? Right?  One more shot, right?  Because I love you!"  What about HER feelings?   Do you even care what she's feeling?

Of course I do, All I’m saying is if I like her and she likes me... where’s the problem?

BTW this isn't a recent ex, so it’s not as if we just broke up and I’m begging for her back...

[sylvan]

It's not her problem, hence why I said "worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen"

And if she doesn't want to be with me she'll say no...

No, I'm talking on another, more metaphysical level.    I mean put yourself in her shoes.  If you were with someone and you mustered up the courage and strength to bare your soul to them and tell them "look, I know this hurts, but it's time for me to move on." do you REALLY want them to be like a little puppy and say "Ok, so, um, after the next chance? Right?  One more shot, right?  Because I love you!"  What about HER feelings?   Do you even care what she's feeling?

Of course I do, All I’m saying is if I like her and she likes me... where’s the problem?

I thinks that's exactly the point Stadler is making. The problem is that she's told you how she feels and made a decision. Don't mistake her civility and friendship for wanting to get back together. Women generally make up their minds about men. That type of persistence will not change her opinion for the better. I hope this doesn't offend you, but you sound young. I remember those feelings when I was 18-22. What do you want to do more, not play games or be with her? If you chose her, let the games begin. Indifference will get you a lot further than the chasing puppy dog. I wish I had a group of people with life experience whispering in my ear at that age. Life would be different...

[jonnybaxy]

It's not her problem, hence why I said "worst that can happen is that it doesn't happen"

And if she doesn't want to be with me she'll say no...

No, I'm talking on another, more metaphysical level.    I mean put yourself in her shoes.  If you were with someone and you mustered up the courage and strength to bare your soul to them and tell them "look, I know this hurts, but it's time for me to move on." do you REALLY want them to be like a little puppy and say "Ok, so, um, after the next chance? Right?  One more shot, right?  Because I love you!"  What about HER feelings?   Do you even care what she's feeling?

Of course I do, All I’m saying is if I like her and she likes me... where’s the problem?

I thinks that's exactly the point Stadler is making. The problem is that she's told you how she feels and made a decision. Don't mistake her civility and friendship for wanting to get back together. Women generally make up their minds about men. That type of persistence will not change her opinion for the better. I hope this doesn't offend you, but you sound young. I remember those feelings when I was 18-22. What do you want to do more, not play games or be with her? If you chose her, let the games begin. Indifference will get you a lot further than the chasing puppy dog. I wish I had a group of people with life experience whispering in my ear at that age. Life would be different...

The circumstances in which we broke up are strange...

as I said this wasn’t a recent ex. Times change.

I’m not forcing her, hell, I'm not forcing myself, if something happens... it happens that’s all there is to it.

[Stadler]

The circumstances in which we broke up are strange...

as I said this wasn’t a recent ex. Times change.

I’m not forcing her, hell, I'm not forcing myself, if something happens... it happens that’s all there is to it.

Well, obviously you are closer than I am, but I can only go by what you wrote, especially in post #782.    To me, it still seems like she made herself clear, and you're looking at her actions in the best possible light for your feelings, and not hers.

Having said that, you shouldn't be listening to some jackass with a Kiss avatar on the interwebs.   But I will leave you with this:  one of the best revelations from "growing up" is the understanding that it becomes (slightly) easier when you see the world as it is, and not how you want it to be.

[Talon]

[Chino]

Is that Tinder?

[sylvan]

^^^ Awesome!

I feel like such a pussy right now. I've pretty much known for like a week that this woman I've gone out with a few times just isn't what I'm looking for. I just don't feel "that" type of chemistry. She's very nice/sweet, I am attracted enough physically, and there are certain things we connect on. But the fundamental feelings that make you want to progress with someone just aren't there. And that's why I feel like a pussy. I have nothing bad to say about her, and I really don't want to hurt her in any way, even though nothing about our interaction warrants her being super attached. But it kinda sucks anytime someone says I don't wanna be with you, regardless of how you feel towards them. Every time I think about asking for advice here, I think to myself that there's nothing to hear from anyone. Just tell her. But then I don't.

I had a second date last night. It's those feelings that I leave with that make me realize the other woman isn't right. Pizza, beer, and bingo. Laughing together when we talk about our past and I mention something at age 15, and she chimes in with a funny smirk, "I was 8." We flipped through the okc questions, and she gave me shit for answering that I find physical attractiveness important. Then she scrolls down and finds she answered the worst part of a first date is not being physically attracted to the other person. Lawyered!

[Stadler]

All style, I guess, but my move is to send the link to Shazam and let her listen for herself.   Piece out the puzzle a little bit.  Tomayto, tomahto.

[Stadler]

^^^ Awesome!

I feel like such a pussy right now. I've pretty much known for like a week that this woman I've gone out with a few times just isn't what I'm looking for. I just don't feel "that" type of chemistry. She's very nice/sweet, I am attracted enough physically, and there are certain things we connect on. But the fundamental feelings that make you want to progress with someone just aren't there. And that's why I feel like a pussy. I have nothing bad to say about her, and I really don't want to hurt her in any way, even though nothing about our interaction warrants her being super attached. But it kinda sucks anytime someone says I don't wanna be with you, regardless of how you feel towards them. Every time I think about asking for advice here, I think to myself that there's nothing to hear from anyone. Just tell her. But then I don't.

I had a second date last night. It's those feelings that I leave with that make me realize the other woman isn't right. Pizza, beer, and bingo. Laughing together when we talk about our past and I mention something at age 15, and she chimes in with a funny smirk, "I was 8." We flipped through the okc questions, and she gave me shit for answering that I find physical attractiveness important. Then she scrolls down and finds she answered the worst part of a first date is not being physically attracted to the other person. Lawyered!

Not to be all Tony Robbins on you, but you're not a pussy if you trust your instincts, and act on them decisively.  You're more of a pussy in my view if you string that first girl along.  Let her go off and find her own "second date girl".  Or guy. You know what I mean. 

[bout to crash]

That^

Just scroll up to my last post and DON'T do what that guy did. I know it's hard to break it off (I've been there) but better now than later.

*snip*

Run away!

[sylvan]

I just started texting with her and sent the message. I typed it out, read it like three times, and it seemed to the point. Fuckin do it you pussy! So, I hit send. She said she was glad I said it, and she felt the same way, no romantic connection, it would have taken her another week to say something. We’re gonna try and keep talking with each other as friends. I just need to give people more credit. I just learned a valuable life lesson in the last 10 minutes. Good shit.

[TioJorge]

I Cheese Beside You *Snip*

Okay...I can't say anything without looking like an asshole, but I've accepted that I'm a big 'ole brown eye a long time ago so:

I just cannot look at any lyric-based-text or note and not crack up. And I'm sorry. It's not at you. It's ANY lyrics-sent text or any type of immense cheeseball text that has to do with lyrics, but mostly and especially when it's just lyrics... I just don't get it. I can't wrap my head around it. It's just so oddly embarrassing to me. I mean, even when I've had women send me them in the past (granted, it hasn't happened since high-school and I think there's a reason for that), I've just had this horribly embarrassed feeling for them when receiving it and have never responded to them only to get some snarky text the next day (keep in mind: I didn't ask for it, nor indicated any such cheesiness) asking why I didn't respond and would have to say something like 'Sorry, I fell asleep; that was sweet' or some shit when in reality I'm still red in the face with a thought in my mind of "Am I dating a fucking teeny-bopper?" Granted, they'd send me country songs or some shit and to this day it's the one genre that will literally frustrate and annoy the hell out of me. So that didn't help.

Apologies if that comes off as me talking down to anyone who loves that stuff, I'm really not; it's truly that I do not get it. There is no realm in this universe in which I cannot see that as just being so horribly, painfully cheesy that any other kind of sentiment meant from the text and lyrics is gone like a fart in the wind. If you wanna say something meaningful...say it, is my train of thought (OH! OH!). A copy/paste of lyrics, especially ones as cheesy as DT's (for as much as I love the dudes), seems...hollow. To each their own! I truly mean no harm in any of this rambling, this is all stream of consciousness here (okay, I'm done...I'm actually not meaning to do this and only realized it after I typed it). I do think that in some contexts, a lyric text can be sweet (and usually if it's not the entire song...or if it's worked into an actual thought from oneself), but with certain songs...I Walk Beside You especially...I just couldn't see anything but cheese. Cheese everywhere. Bleu cheese, at that. It's one of those new-fangled social tropes that started as my generation was growing up and when cell phones blasted into society that I will never ever get into (that, and the mass epidemic of social media). Hell, my sister's boyfriend of...shit...I don't even know how many years now, but they've been together for over a decade, started dating in highschool, and that little (awesome, really nice) son of a bitch asked her out THROUGH TEXT, and used a gawdamn lyric text. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- So y'know, fuck me, clearly I know nothing; but for the life of me, I cannot understand that shit.  But I get it, and it's usually meant only out of nice feelings for another and in that way it is all good! ...and I'll still crack the fuck up at it in the best way possible. 

Kdone with my daily ramble. My posts get longer and longer... One day one of these posts is gonna take up a whole page and I'll be banned for good. OOORRR Bosk is going to hire me to write DTF The Novella: A Tale of Love, Insanity, and Rankings.

[Stadler]

I have to say, though, even if the person is a tool for sending it, the vitriol for the song itself is deeply disturbing.  I LOVE that song; it's one of my top ten favorite DT songs. 

[cramx3]

I personally find sending song lyrics fairly cheesy, but I guess there is a right time and place and possibly a right lyric if you both know it, that can work, but if that pic is from Tinder and that is a first message, then I think it's not bad at all and considering she responded then that is simply amazing.  I'd imagine she had something in her profile to make you feel she knew DT in some way, couldn't imagine sending lyrics that randomly, but then again it is Tinder. 

[TioJorge]

I have to say, though, even if the person is a tool for sending it, the vitriol for the song itself is deeply disturbing.  I LOVE that song; it's one of my top ten favorite DT songs. 

Disturbing...? That's a bit overkill. Well, to each their own. People get weird when they find someone who dislikes a song they love. Damn. I wouldn't even use the word vitriol, I just can't stand the cheese factory going on within the song. Vitriol...that is reserved for the vast majority of the country genre.

I just find the song extremely cheesy and I am not one to go for those all-too-blissful songs, and that song sounds like it farts rainbows. I'm not saying I don't like happy songs, but there's a certain balance I like to a song... Eh. Not that I should have to explain my preferences. Even when I was listening to DT everyday, it's one that I never played. I find sending lyrics disturbing, while others might get pussy (or hell, a god damn marriage) from it. Again, to each their own! 

I digress.

[Stadler]

Well, to some degree, early on, it is helpful to get a sense of what resonates with that person.  Meaning, unlike TioJorge (and this is not an indictment, just a contrast) I like getting them, because it shows me something about the person sending it and how they think and what they react to.   My wife and I did this a lot as we were getting to know one another.

Funny story, though, and a lesson for the kids out there.

I'm a HUGE Noel Gallagher fan.  LOVE him, both in Oasis and solo, and except for one song (literally, one song; it's a Japanese Amazon only track or some shit, called "Alone On A Rope") I have every song he has ever officially released.  So I thought it would be cute and informative to share a Noel song from his first solo album.   We were both coming out of divorces, both dealing with ex's with anger and alcohol issues, both reeling at the end of the "dream of married bliss" and sort of wondering if this is all there is, an empty house, and no one to share it with.    I thought the second verse of "If I Had A Gun..." would be PERFECT:

"Give you back the dream, show you now what might had been
 If all the tears you cry would fade away (away, away, away...)
 I'll be by your side, when they come to say goodbye
 We will live to fight another day"

So I send the link via Shazam.  Later that day I'm playing it, and my daughter goes "what's with that song?"  And I said "I sent it to M******".  And she says "Wow, that's a huge fail.   What's with the gun thing?  You want her to think you're a creeper??"  I'm like, shut up, what do you know.

Later than night, we're texting as we usually did until the kids were in bed, then we'd talk on the phone.  We're talking, and finally she said, "what's with the gun song? Should I be worried?"  And I'm like, no!  Listen to the rest of it!   She's like, "Um, no."

Then about a week later, we're all together, and talking about something One Direction or something and I made a comment and my daughter says something like "Uh, dad, what do you know?  You like creeper songs,", and her daughter goes "Yeah, what's up with that song you sent to mom?"

Obviously they were only busting my stones, since we're happily married now, but I still take shit for that.  And Noel will always and forever be that guy with "the gun song". 

[Stadler]

I have to say, though, even if the person is a tool for sending it, the vitriol for the song itself is deeply disturbing.  I LOVE that song; it's one of my top ten favorite DT songs. 

Disturbing...? That's a bit overkill. Well, to each their own. People get weird when they find someone who dislikes a song they love. Damn. I wouldn't even use the word vitriol, I just can't stand the cheese factory going on within the song. Vitriol...that is reserved for the vast majority of the country genre.

I just find the song extremely cheesy and I am not one to go for those all-too-blissful songs, and that song sounds like it farts rainbows. I'm not saying I don't like happy songs, but there's a certain balance I like to a song... Eh. Not that I should have to explain my preferences. Even when I was listening to DT everyday, it's one that I never played. I find sending lyrics disturbing, while others might get pussy (or hell, a god damn marriage) from it. Again, to each their own! 

I digress.

Haha, I know; I'm just kidding; I don't at all get bothered if someone doesn't like what I do (see the other thread - women who like DT - where we're talking about this exact thing).  I think it's a little cheesy too, but I love it.  Love the whole album, actually.

[TioJorge]

Well, to some degree, early on, it is helpful to get a sense of what resonates with that person.  Meaning, unlike TioJorge (and this is not an indictment, just a contrast) I like getting them, because it shows me something about the person sending it and how they think and what they react to.   My wife and I did this a lot as we were getting to know one another.

I get it, but the picture you're painting makes it seem like sending lyrics/songs is some kind of deep-meaning soul-searching method between two people. Thing is, that is completely cool even if it is and if it works, by all means work it! But...there's a plethora of other ways to find out 'what resonates within a person' without copy/pasting song lyrics through text or sending a song via Shazam. It's important to me, but not something I would considering doing; to find out such a thing, I'd rather be (and have) listening to each others favorite songs together in person, I can totally get and relate to that. It's in person, you both know immediately whether the other person is into the song or not...plus, if you just so happen to play some baby-makin' music, you're right there!  Call me old fashioned, but I still think the way in which certain things are sent/received, be it text/phone-call/Facetime/whatever-the-hell-else-there-is-these-days matters. Tons of people these days ask each other out through text, or even break up through text, and think it's fine. It just so happens to make me cringe. Just my preference.

Good story though, and again, some things absolutely work with people and makes them connect. Others, makes them run for the hills. 

For the record...I Walk Beside You is the only song on Octavarium I dislike. I still love the hell out of that album and it's one of my top DT albums. But they've got a few songs like that, where the cheese just overflows and I'm like 'whoooaaa! Too much cheese'! Not a bunch, but a handful over their career til now. (Forsaken IMMEDIATELY came to mind as well...another one in which it's the only song on the album I don't like)

I have to say, though, even if the person is a tool for sending it, the vitriol for the song itself is deeply disturbing.  I LOVE that song; it's one of my top ten favorite DT songs. 

Disturbing...? That's a bit overkill. Well, to each their own. People get weird when they find someone who dislikes a song they love. Damn. I wouldn't even use the word vitriol, I just can't stand the cheese factory going on within the song. Vitriol...that is reserved for the vast majority of the country genre.

I just find the song extremely cheesy and I am not one to go for those all-too-blissful songs, and that song sounds like it farts rainbows. I'm not saying I don't like happy songs, but there's a certain balance I like to a song... Eh. Not that I should have to explain my preferences. Even when I was listening to DT everyday, it's one that I never played. I find sending lyrics disturbing, while others might get pussy (or hell, a god damn marriage) from it. Again, to each their own! 

I digress.

Haha, I know; I'm just kidding; I don't at all get bothered if someone doesn't like what I do (see the other thread - women who like DT - where we're talking about this exact thing).  I think it's a little cheesy too, but I love it.  Love the whole album, actually.

Oh... Well that's cool! I just woke up...my 'J/K' sensor is still warming up. 

[DebraKadabra]

Even though I've sent the odd song lyric here and there, I use it as a frame of reference as opposed to an... opening salvo or "pickup line". As on many many things though, your mileage may vary. NOW...

Call me old fashioned, but I still think the way in which certain things are sent/received, be it text/phone-call/Facetime/whatever-the-hell-else-there-is-these-days matters. Tons of people these days ask each other out through text, or even break up through text, and think it's fine. It just so happens to make me cringe. Just my preference.

You're not old-fashioned, I so agree with this. Especially breaking up via text/FB/whatever--that is such a cowardly thing to do. Have some balls and at least make a damn phone call. Jeez.

[bout to crash]

Agreed, for the most part. I think it depends on the relationship. In a case where you've only gone on a few dates, text is fine (as long as you DON'T do what that moron did to me  ). If you've invested a bit more, I would say in person is best but phone is a little better.

As for song lyrics, I occasionally have texted them. I had one relationship where we exchanged a lot of them. It was a very cheesy, melodramatic relationship. Short and intense.

I just started texting with her and sent the message. I typed it out, read it like three times, and it seemed to the point. Fuckin do it you pussy! So, I hit send. She said she was glad I said it, and she felt the same way, no romantic connection, it would have taken her another week to say something. We’re gonna try and keep talking with each other as friends. I just need to give people more credit. I just learned a valuable life lesson in the last 10 minutes. Good shit.

 

Update here: I had a date on Tuesday with a guy I've been talking to on OKC for a while but had been too busy to hang with. It went really well and we made another date for today, but he had to cancel due to work crap. We rescheduled for Sunday and the anticipation is killing me because we ended things on a very passionate kiss right before he left my place. Ahhhh!
I have a date with the lady I've been seeing tomorrow, which I am definitely looking forward to! We may check out the "First Friday" art gallery thing that happens in town, but I sorta like the idea of just staying in and cooking, too...

ANOTHER guy asked me to hang, so we'll see what happens there. This is kinda fun...

[Sub Luna Vitrea]

I deleted my OKCupid account and have only been on a less mainstream site, which I feel is more honestly in line with my interests. Talking to a few guys and might be going to a get-together tomorrow night.

[cramx3]

Well my doomed date for Saturday that I tried so hard to keep afloat (not due to any problem between us, just things out of our control) first it was Epica cancelling the concert, then we changed plans to go to the Mets game, then the weather here in the NYC area turned to crap and the game is borderline to be cancelled now, and then to add more to the fire, a health issue came up to me and it requires minor surgery today.  Im glad I went to the doctor yesterday, but yea spending the day in the city tomorrow is off the table.  The surgery is minor and no big deal, the doc said I could be on my feet tomorrow and he said I can do my planned day, but he did say no sex lol.  Just seems like the universe is against us having this awesome date tomorrow.  Oh well, she is cool with just sticking in and watching a movie and just being together since I think we both would really like to see each other.  That's nice, just sucks the money I poured into this weekend will go to waste (well some of it, the hotel I can cancel no cost). 

[Stadler]

Lemons, lemonade.

For me (at least since my divorce) I find these types of things are interesting.   I don't really get worked up over change like that (not saying that's good, just how I am) so it's good to see how she handles these things.  If she's all "c'mon, you pussy, let's go!" or starts to whine that things aren't going perfectly as planned, that's a good thing to know now.  If she's copacetic, and willing to be flexible and play it by ear, that to me is huge points.  Obviously, how you take it is up to you (you may WANT someone that wants to stick to the plan) but it's good to see people in that situation.

Good luck to you! 

[cramx3]

Thanks, yea she is taking it well.  We both understand the situation sucks and only has gotten worse, but we both kept trying to keep some sort of plan alive and hence last night we both just came to the conclusion, "worst case scenario is I cant get out of bed and you come keep me company watching movies" which she said she would do.  We both just want to see each other at the end of the day so it sucks to have gone from awesome fun plans to just hoping to spend time together, but she has been awesome throughout and it certainly shows character that is positive.

[Bacong]

I Cheese Beside You *Snip*

Okay...I can't say anything without looking like an asshole, but I've accepted that I'm a big 'ole brown eye a long time ago so:

I just cannot look at any lyric-based-text or note and not crack up. And I'm sorry. It's not at you. It's ANY lyrics-sent text or any type of immense cheeseball text that has to do with lyrics, but mostly and especially when it's just lyrics... I just don't get it. I can't wrap my head around it. It's just so oddly embarrassing to me. I mean, even when I've had women send me them in the past (granted, it hasn't happened since high-school and I think there's a reason for that), I've just had this horribly embarrassed feeling for them when receiving it and have never responded to them only to get some snarky text the next day (keep in mind: I didn't ask for it, nor indicated any such cheesiness) asking why I didn't respond and would have to say something like 'Sorry, I fell asleep; that was sweet' or some shit when in reality I'm still red in the face with a thought in my mind of "Am I dating a fucking teeny-bopper?" Granted, they'd send me country songs or some shit and to this day it's the one genre that will literally frustrate and annoy the hell out of me. So that didn't help.

Apologies if that comes off as me talking down to anyone who loves that stuff, I'm really not; it's truly that I do not get it. There is no realm in this universe in which I cannot see that as just being so horribly, painfully cheesy that any other kind of sentiment meant from the text and lyrics is gone like a fart in the wind. If you wanna say something meaningful...say it, is my train of thought (OH! OH!). A copy/paste of lyrics, especially ones as cheesy as DT's (for as much as I love the dudes), seems...hollow. To each their own! I truly mean no harm in any of this rambling, this is all stream of consciousness here (okay, I'm done...I'm actually not meaning to do this and only realized it after I typed it). I do think that in some contexts, a lyric text can be sweet (and usually if it's not the entire song...or if it's worked into an actual thought from oneself), but with certain songs...I Walk Beside You especially...I just couldn't see anything but cheese. Cheese everywhere. Bleu cheese, at that. It's one of those new-fangled social tropes that started as my generation was growing up and when cell phones blasted into society that I will never ever get into (that, and the mass epidemic of social media). Hell, my sister's boyfriend of...shit...I don't even know how many years now, but they've been together for over a decade, started dating in highschool, and that little (awesome, really nice) son of a bitch asked her out THROUGH TEXT, and used a gawdamn lyric text. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- So y'know, fuck me, clearly I know nothing; but for the life of me, I cannot understand that shit.  But I get it, and it's usually meant only out of nice feelings for another and in that way it is all good! ...and I'll still crack the fuck up at it in the best way possible. 

Kdone with my daily ramble. My posts get longer and longer... One day one of these posts is gonna take up a whole page and I'll be banned for good. OOORRR Bosk is going to hire me to write DTF The Novella: A Tale of Love, Insanity, and Rankings.

lmao

[bout to crash]

Aww cram, sucks that things won't go as planned but sounds like there's still good potential for the date (and her)!

Oh man, lady date went well. Very well 

[cramx3]

Well yesterday was completely cancelled.  Still in pain from surgery and on meds so I thought it best we just not hang at all and at the same time she had just found out a friend from her church had passed away Friday evening and she was needed at the church so literally no matter what we tried to have the awesome weekend, it was a complete failure.  We are both determined to meet up one night this week and also have another fun weekend sometime soon so that's good.  Oh yea, to add more salt to the wound... the Mets game we had tickets to (which I couldn't even give away since I guess no one wanted to go to a poor weather game) ended up being a no hitter for Sherzer... fucking would have loved to see that in person since I am not a Mets fan anyway. 

[bout to crash]

Ah shit, my friends were at that game. Anyway, that really sucks but at least the date was cancelled due to outside circumstances. You obviously have a good connection, so be patient and I'm sure the next one will be awesome and you'll be feeling way better by then ... that is what I'm counting on today- the guy who had to cancel on me earlier this week is coming over in a few hours!

[bout to crash]

Aaaand he cancelled on me again. He has some computer job that he does at home and I understand things come up, but twice in four days?? I told him that's a bit of a sore spot for me when I feel like my time isn't being respected. We'll see...

[cramx3]

Aaaand he cancelled on me again. He has some computer job that he does at home and I understand things come up, but twice in four days?? I told him that's a bit of a sore spot for me when I feel like my time isn't being respected. We'll see...

My rule if someone cancels a first time meet up they are done unless I feel they were very much justified in canceling.  Girls have done this a few times with me and I fell for those games early on, but not a single time has someone cancelled a first date and things actually progressed.