Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Stadler]

Plus I wasn't about to try and bone some guy in Idaho in the middle of my road trip.

If there was a Wall of Honor for quotes in this forum, this would belong there.   I laughed out loud, multiple times.

[Chino]

Plus I wasn't about to try and bone some guy in Idaho in the middle of my road trip.

If there was a Wall of Honor for quotes in this forum, this would belong there.   I laughed out loud, multiple times.

I like hearing girls talk like this. Not in any creepy or perverted way, but in a 'let's be honest about the sexes' kind of way. So often dudes are made out to be the only ones that crave and enjoy sex and any girl that partakes a lot is immediately deemed a whore. I like seeing stereotypes comes to an end.

[bout to crash]

 

Me too! Fuck stereotypes.

and  Stadler, I'm honored.

cram, sounds like you've got a great date planned 

[jonnybaxy]

Plus I wasn't about to try and bone some guy in Idaho in the middle of my road trip.

If there was a Wall of Honor for quotes in this forum, this would belong there.   I laughed out loud, multiple times.

I like hearing girls talk like this. Not in any creepy or perverted way, but in a 'let's be honest about the sexes' kind of way. So often dudes are made out to be the only ones that crave and enjoy sex and any girl that partakes a lot is immediately deemed a whore. I like seeing stereotypes comes to an end.

 

Spot on

[bout to crash]

 

So I forgot to mention that we continued to text a lot for the next day or so after we hung out, then I knew he was getting ready to go on a trip and had to get up super early for the airport, so I told him I didn't want to distract him from the stuff he had to do. He said oh no, the distraction was welcome... he also suggested we hang out Monday, as soon as he gets back from his trip. I was all worried about trying to make plans again so soon when he was busy, but he was the one who said it! So that was very cool and a relief. I'm always afraid of coming off as too eager in these situations.

[bout to crash]

Soo we ended up having to cancel tonight due to the fact that he was gonna be at the airport way later than expected, but we rescheduled and all is well- he was super bummed and cute about it.

In other news, I kind of want to ask advice on something.

Some of you may remember back in June when I broke things off with that one dude I had been dating for a bit over a year (if not, you can probably scroll back a couple pages ). We were still kinda talking, but then he said something that upset me back in August and we had a little text-fight and I wrote him that note saying we needed to stop talking for a while. So I never heard from him and 2-3 months passed. Well, he's been popping up a lot in my mind lately (and I even had a couple of dreams about him) so I thought maybe it was time to reach out, that there had been enough healing time. We had said we wanted to be friends at some point, so I thought I'd try. I texted him yesterday afternoon saying I hoped he was doing well and stuff.
Well, he wrote back that evening basically saying that I had done something horrible to him, and that he essentially didn't want to be friends unless I acknowledged the pain I had inflicted. I said I was a bit confused, that if he was talking about my getting mad and snapping at him that day in August, that I was sorry (I was a bit bitchy looking back, but it honestly wasn't anything terrible), that I think we were both in a shitty place at the time and buttons were pushed. He said that was it, that he was in a bad place (he added in that he hadn't slept a full night in almost a week, not sure if that's supposed to be my fault), and that he just never thought I would hurt him "so deeply." I was honestly baffled at this- seriously, if I transcribed the fucking conversation you guys would understand what I mean. Did I snap? Yeah. Did I say anything so horrible a normal adult would still be feeling deeply hurt months later? I think not. But this guy is extremely emotionally immature. I don't mean to minimize his feelings, but frankly he's being a fucking baby.
Anyway, I told him that I guess we had seen things differently, because I just saw that convo as an indicator that we needed space from each other (I didn't say in my text but it was clearly a way bigger deal to him). He replied this afternoon saying that he didn't want to "make a thing of this" since he was about to start a long work shift, but to let him know if I wanted to have a "sit down."

*sigh*

Really? A fucking sit down because I got annoyed with you in fucking August? I don't even know where to go from here. I don't think a sit down will be productive, because frankly it sounds like he just wants to make me feel bad. I thought I wanted to pursue a friendship with him. I thought maybe it was my bad for reaching out too soon, but if he's still upset now I kind of feel like I just need to drop it. I'm just not sure what to say at this point 

[sylvan]

It's interesting that you bring this up. I've been thinking about something similar lately, only from the other side. I think it's important to remember that there are two sides. What you found to be not so harmful, he took as something more. Justified or not. Since you two have already talked about it some (wierd that he went straight there after hearing from you), tell him you're not interested in a sit-down just so he can make you feel bad. The fact that you reached out should be an indicator to him, and it seems like he missed it. Did you have any hesitation reaching out?

I've been thinking about my "ghost" recently. The more people I date, the more my perspective of her changes. I've considered sending her a short email just saying hi. But this situation is different, cuz we didn't mutually step away for a while. I think most of you agreed that what she did (disappearing) was completely unacceptable. I think she's smart enough to realize that, and she would never do what Jackie did and reach out to me. But, that's the both sides thing. I was hurt by her, and I'm sure she knows it. But, I also think she did what she did because she was scared, and even if she thought about me occasionally, she would be too scared to reach out. Maybe she would expect me to act like that guy. I would tell her that I expect an apology, and that if she gives it, I'll take it and move past it. This whole thing makes me feel bad. I did nothing to make her feel that way, and I gave no reason at any time for her to be scared about sharing her feelings. That makes it worse when I think about contacting her in some innocuous way, cuz I really feel like I wouldn't hear back from her. There's only on way to find out, right? I feel so weak. *sigh*

[Stadler]

Look, I'll say right up front that I'm not suggesting my way is right or is best for most people, but...

I've found out a couple things that I carry with me in cases like this:  one, it takes two to tango.  And no matter how much I want to tango, if the other person doesn't want to (or is interested in a different kind of dance), it's not going to happen.  Two, closure is WAYYYYYYY over-rated.  To me it is the excuse of the desperate, and those that don't want to let go.  Three, relationships are really just a sharing of an emotional bank account.  I deposit a little in my partner's (in whatever way resonates with her) so that I can withdraw some when I need it from her.  And vice versa.  If you find that you are "bleeding cash" so to speak, that is a sign that perhaps this partnership isn't working for you.

Jackie, I think you did what you could, but that guy is not interested in investing in your emotional bank account, only withdrawing.  maybe that's right for you, but it doesn't sound like it.  I would move on with one of the several interesting and exciting opportunities you have in front of you and chalk it up to someone who doesn't get the program, and is missing out on a cool chick. 

Yeah, I get the idea that sometimes you have to be the negotiator or the mediator, but you can only offer the olive branch, you can't force someone to take it, or take it on your terms.  Sylvan, I'm sure it wouldn't be the worst thing to reach out, but if it was me, I wouldn't have any expectations. 

[bout to crash]

To be clear, I'm not at all interested in dating this guy again. I just think we have a lot of chemistry on the friendship end of things and thought we could go for that after some time to cool off from the drama. You're right- he obviously wants to do a different dance (and yes, he apparently wants to emotionally drain me). I agree about closure sometimes- at this point it seems like he wants to still talk about old shit, whereas I'm trying to focus on having a friendship in the future.

sylvan- I had some hesitation in reaching out, but that was mostly because we haven't spoken in so long. I honestly did not think he could possibly still be upset with me. You're right- his perspective is different and I'm not in his head, which is why it's baffling.

As for your situation, I know that feeling of wanting to find out by reaching out, but if I were in your shoes I probably wouldn't. She owes you an apology, but she needs to offer that instead of your communication sort of forcing it out. And yeah, chances are she won't respond at all. How long has it been?

[bout to crash]

I decided to respond based on our conversation here, so thanks guys! I basically told him I wasn't interested in beating a dead horse, and that if he ever wanted to put the past behind us and be friends, to let me know.

[TioJorge]

Ed: Drat, just saw your ninja'd post. I'll post it anyway for solidarity and the fact that I'm going through the same. But good on you, Jackie.

I'm coming off of an all-nighter so bare with me, but I'd just like to chime in and say that there's a difference between closure and playing up the pity party. There is also a difference (an ocean) between actual issues, true emotional turmoil that deserves to be discussed delicately...and drama that's being played up. I'm in the same situation with my ex, per norm. Just the fucking phrase 'have/having a sit down' makes me cringe and want to all but block the person in question and I've heard it time and time again and it's always the same bullshit. It's like an episode of Degrassi; it's all surface drama and zero actual issues. Stradler couldn't have said it better about closure being over-rated...it absolutely is. I'd like to clarify I'm speaking of the so-called 'closure' on his end, not your act of reaching out just to keep in touch, but his little jab of 'having a sit-down'. It's petty, immature, and it's sure as shit not closure; it's self-gratification, neediness, and self-pity rolled up into a manipulative ball that I've seen so many times that I could spot it a mile away. You had it right, he's being a baby about it and from the picture you've painted, seems like distance is the best answer despite your good intentions. Let him take that highschool drama back where it came from or to a chick that has that same mindset to enable said emotions.

We've all been that delicate fucking flower at some point, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Everyone has taken that one comment that sticks you like a tack in a heated discussion or outright argument. The difference between a teeny-bopper with undeveloped emotional immaturity and an adult is that adults know when an actual discussion of importance needs to be had and when it was something that will without a single fucking doubt be a fart in the wind and long forgotten in the near future. A very good indication of said emotional immaturity is the fact that he held onto it for so long and immediately brought it up when you were the one to reach out. It's like an ace up the sleeve. If he felt it was that important, that meaningful to him and hurt him oh so much, there isn't a single doubt it'd have been brought up by him. It's the old adage of if someone wants something/wants to do something/etc., it'll be done. If not, it's left on the backburner for when the 'time is right'. Again, petty bullshit.

I'm veering into venting about my own shit now so I'll end it there. But I know your pain, obviously.  I'm sick of it myself and on my end I'm done with enabling said drama. I don't want it, I certainly don't need it, and at some point I'm enabling the immaturity and focus on such a god damn meaningless thing. Relationships (and I use that word liberally, really just anything beyond casual friends) take work no matter the magnitude, every single one. I don't need to be wasting it on someone that hasn't matured (and more than likely doesn't want to) past the high-school drama phase and plays up shit just like that just to feel special or...man, I really don't know; some kind of deluded idea that it's important. It fucking isn't. If it's important...it will be painfully clear. There absolutely is a time when delicacy towards someone's emotions needs to be taken and when it needs to be talked about. It really doesn't sound like this is one of those situations...REALLY LONG story short. 

[sylvan]

Yeah, good move Jackie! You said whatever apology you needed to say. It's on him to be an adult now.

I shouldn't be worried about someone I haven't seen in 3 months (which is exactly why I'm bothered by the fact that I am thinking about her). I need to focus on one that I haven't seen in about 1 month . But for real, I took Stadler's advice and messaged her Sunday morning. We kinda chatted sporadically for the rest of the day. I kept it totally friendly and made no mention of anything related to dating. Now I need to just find out if it's gonna happen or not. If I get the "yeah, sometime" response I've gotten the whole time she's been away, I'll make it clear that I'm into her, but not sure if she's into me. And if it comes to that, I'm sure it'll take me like 30 mins to get the words right, hit send, and then still question whether I said the right thing.

I got burnt out with the online part of online dating, sending out messages and not getting much back, and didnt even go "online" for like a month. When I wasn't getting good vibes about that last weekend, I went back on match and started talking to a woman that seems real cool. I got her number and we're trying to setup something this week. I find that I'm nervous in an unfamiliar way. It's like I'm having a hard time finding a way to connect, but it's totally me. She seems very nice, and seems genuinely interested in going out with me, not just for the hell of it. But, for some reason, the little things  that people click on like pop culture/music/TV/sports seem trivial. But they shouldn't be, cuz who only wants to talk about work/school, right?

[bout to crash]

True that. I hope it works out. As for the other one, I think that sounds like a good plan, keeping it casual but then putting your feelings out there if need be. It would also take me half an hour to send the text, so I feel your pain

Ed: Drat, just saw your ninja'd post. I'll post it anyway for solidarity and the fact that I'm going through the same. But good on you, Jackie.

I'm coming off of an all-nighter so bare with me, but I'd just like to chime in and say that there's a difference between closure and playing up the pity party. There is also a difference (an ocean) between actual issues, true emotional turmoil that deserves to be discussed delicately...and drama that's being played up. I'm in the same situation with my ex, per norm. Just the fucking phrase 'have/having a sit down' makes me cringe and want to all but block the person in question and I've heard it time and time again and it's always the same bullshit. It's like an episode of Degrassi; it's all surface drama and zero actual issues. Stradler couldn't have said it better about closure being over-rated...it absolutely is. I'd like to clarify I'm speaking of the so-called 'closure' on his end, not your act of reaching out just to keep in touch, but his little jab of 'having a sit-down'. It's petty, immature, and it's sure as shit not closure; it's self-gratification, neediness, and self-pity rolled up into a manipulative ball that I've seen so many times that I could spot it a mile away. You had it right, he's being a baby about it and from the picture you've painted, seems like distance is the best answer despite your good intentions. Let him take that highschool drama back where it came from or to a chick that has that same mindset to enable said emotions.

We've all been that delicate fucking flower at some point, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Everyone has taken that one comment that sticks you like a tack in a heated discussion or outright argument. The difference between a teeny-bopper with undeveloped emotional immaturity and an adult is that adults know when an actual discussion of importance needs to be had and when it was something that will without a single fucking doubt be a fart in the wind and long forgotten in the near future. A very good indication of said emotional immaturity is the fact that he held onto it for so long and immediately brought it up when you were the one to reach out. It's like an ace up the sleeve. If he felt it was that important, that meaningful to him and hurt him oh so much, there isn't a single doubt it'd have been brought up by him. It's the old adage of if someone wants something/wants to do something/etc., it'll be done. If not, it's left on the backburner for when the 'time is right'. Again, petty bullshit.

I'm veering into venting about my own shit now so I'll end it there. But I know your pain, obviously.  I'm sick of it myself and on my end I'm done with enabling said drama. I don't want it, I certainly don't need it, and at some point I'm enabling the immaturity and focus on such a god damn meaningless thing. Relationships (and I use that word liberally, really just anything beyond casual friends) take work no matter the magnitude, every single one. I don't need to be wasting it on someone that hasn't matured (and more than likely doesn't want to) past the high-school drama phase and plays up shit just like that just to feel special or...man, I really don't know; some kind of deluded idea that it's important. It fucking isn't. If it's important...it will be painfully clear. There absolutely is a time when delicacy towards someone's emotions needs to be taken and when it needs to be talked about. It really doesn't sound like this is one of those situations...REALLY LONG story short. 

Thank you so much for this, honestly. I think I needed to hear that. You're totally right. I have always known he's on a different level emotionally than me, but our dating wasn't super dramatic or anything because of it. I just recognized it and took note. He lost his mom at a young age, and I think he's been coddled ever since but never really learned to deal with his feelings. When we first started dating, he was still telling anybody who would listen about how heartbroken he was over the loss of his cat (which was a month or two prior). Now I love my cats, but this was a different level... and it's really not appropriate to share with everyone you meet. This is also the guy who wouldn't watch a Robin Williams movie for months after the guy died. In his daily life he turned mountains into molehills (his talk about work drama was painful to hear) and drank away a lot of his feelings. The point is I am not super surprised at this, I guess. But I did want to try for a friendship. Funnily enough, I think THIS has given me some closure that I didn't think I needed but since I had been dreaming about him and stuff maybe I did need to reach out and be reminded that yep, it's still him and there's a reason we broke up.

[TioJorge]

 

Wowee...yeah, I think it'd be a good thing to shy away from until he wants to talk about the actual issue with either a professional or to work through it on his own without the aforementioned misdirection and misplaced focus.

Now that I'm more or less out of the blender that was my life and got my shit together, sober, getting back to being healthy...the less I want a relationship, yet the more my libido is reviving.  I recently reconnected with an old friend whom I had a fling or two with in the past but luckily both of us were mature enough to know that it wasn't going anywhere and were both perfectly fine with being two horn dogs who just so happen to like having sex with each other. Except back then I was still pretty insane and drinking like a fish with infinite livers so she distanced herself and more or less told me that she can't have that around her if, and I quote, "she's going to be fucking Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", which I can now laugh at. Kind of. 

Cut to the recent reconnect in more ways than one and that thought of not wanting a relationship has been magnified ten fold. I remember posting a while back how hard it was to find someone that wouldn't make shit complicated if things got physical (especially on a regular basis) and was upfront about their feelings and what they want without flipping it around sooner or later. Lo and behold it's someone I'd already kind of had that with (although not really considering it wasn't a usual thing, but the seed was there, it was just doused in alcohol by me and seemingly died). It is SO fucking nice. I can focus on myself, stay with my own mindset and focus on the things I need to focus on without bullshit drama and still have awesome sex and finally divorce my fucking hand. It's an amicable divorce, but I've found someone better. Bai Felicia (or would it be Craig? I dunno)! I'm proceeding with caution but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I can plow in peace. Good feeling.

[Prog Snob]

I decided to respond based on our conversation here, so thanks guys! I basically told him I wasn't interested in beating a dead horse, and that if he ever wanted to put the past behind us and be friends, to let me know.

That's the best way to handle it, especially if you're just trying to keep this on a friendly basis. I don't see the need for him to bring up an incident from two months ago. One thing though. Don't text fight. I know it's sometimes unavoidable - I've been there. But in this incident maybe things could have been misconstrued by this guy and he blew it way out of proportion. Like you said, he's emotionally immature. It's possible he read what you said one way even though you probably meant it another way? I don't know what you said that set him off.

[jonnybaxy]

I don't know why but I really can't do the whole "stay friends" thing,

I'm not good with break ups which is basically the reason I've kept myself off market... I'm no good at handling it emotionally.

It's easier for me to stay away than torture myself with "friendship" whilst knowing what came before.

[sylvan]

Tio - Get some! 

Jonny - Not all situations call for a "let's be friends" approach when more doesn't work. Like you said, sometimes it's emotionally hard to set aside certain feelings but still hold on to some form of caring for them as friends. I had that problem when I was 20. I could not get past this one girl, and I still think about it regularly over 10 years later. But more so as the lesson I learned, and how I never want to be that person again. I went out with a cool woman like 4 months ago, and then she told me she wanted to date someone else. After about a month, when I felt like those feelings wouldn't be a issue, I got back in touch with her. We're both awesome, we both know the other is awesome, and we're actually becoming better friends. I'm super proud of this for myself, cuz I know where I was 10 years ago. Don't force it bro! <<Believe that!

It would also take me half an hour to send the text, so I feel your pain

I'm not sure it took me 30 mins, but it feels like I didn't get it right .  Nailed the pitch, and got "trying to figure which day is best, I have a crazy week what else is new". My super well thought out response was "I don't want you to have to fit something in, and it would be cool to not be confined cuz you have other things to do. I just wanna spend some time with you, so if you're up for it, let me know." Every minute of no reply kept turning that anxiety dial up, and  I'm inclined to over think things. It started to read like I was putting some stipulation on it, or like I'm too proud to be an afterthought. So after an hour and half of mentally torturing myself, "I feel like an idiot. I ovethink things and then say the wrong thing. I just didn't want to be a burden on your schedule. I'd be psyched if you wanna fit me into your busy week. So if a night is open, I'm in." It was kinda late, so I didn't expect a reply last night. But, I know its gonna bother to some degree all day until I try to reach out tonight.

[cramx3]

I kind of agree with Johnny in that I can't really do the "lets be friends" after a break up, especially after a long time of dating.  Jackie, my advice would have been to just stop trying with him.  Based on what I read from you, it seems like this guy is just a dead end.  I get it you had chemistry and maybe if there was never a relationship, you could have been great friends, but you did have a relationship and things went south for whatever reasons, doesn't matter.  But months later when you just try to be friends, its clear its not going to work for him.  I think it would be best to let the past stay the past here.  It's clearly something that bothers him so no point in stirring the pot even if your intentions are good. 

However, there are times when these things can work, but I dont think they work for me personally.

[bout to crash]

Yeah, I agree. He ended up texting me back saying that he wasn't ready for a friendship with me because, and I quote, he was "frightened of me for a very long time."

Omfg! Frightened?! Because I got bitchy with you one time in over a year?? Yes John, it's clear he misconstrued what I said via text, but the fact that he's actually saying I frightened him has left me fuming. And also positive that he's a fucking emotional 12-year-old and not worth the effort at this point.

sylvan, I know what you mean but I think you just need to lay off at this point. If you've sent two messages with no reply, you don't want to look desperate.

And George, sounds promising 

In other news, I actually had two dates planned with the dude I saw last week this week (tomorrow and Friday) but may have to cancel both due to being sick. I told him he was welcome to come over and chill with me and the cats since I don't have energy for much more, but he lives pretty far away so is on the fence. But on the bright side, we're both really bummed about me being sick and obviously he really wants to see me, so that's good news. I know it will all work out if it's meant to, but I am afraid of losing momentum with him. I also have been really horny 

[sylvan]

Ugh. This is no fun. I thought I was past this unhealthy OCD fueled anxiety, but here we go. I'm not nearly as bad as I would have been in the past, even just a few months ago. But I'm still digging in trying not to slide down that slippery slope. When I didn't hear from her a couple weeks ago, I thought to myself, "Nice knowing ya." If she's not into it, so be it. That's what led to the potential first date I have next week. So the idea of looking desperate is troublesome. But the idea that she's specifically not talking to me because of a miscommunication through text is far more troublesome. Yesterday was shit, I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm sure today will be shit again. I don't have the male ego that says, "Fuck her if she doesn't want this! Her loss."

I get that I need to back off for some time. But if I don't hear from her, I know I'll have an overwhelming urge to find out what's up. I just hope I can find the words that don't leave her as pissed as Jackie lol.

[cramx3]

Ugh. This is no fun. I thought I was past this unhealthy OCD fueled anxiety, but here we go. I'm not nearly as bad as I would have been in the past, even just a few months ago. But I'm still digging in trying not to slide down that slippery slope. When I didn't hear from her a couple weeks ago, I thought to myself, "Nice knowing ya." If she's not into it, so be it. That's what led to the potential first date I have next week. So the idea of looking desperate is troublesome. But the idea that she's specifically not talking to me because of a miscommunication through text is far more troublesome. Yesterday was shit, I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm sure today will be shit again. I don't have the male ego that says, "Fuck her if she doesn't want this! Her loss."

I get that I need to back off for some time. But if I don't hear from her, I know I'll have an overwhelming urge to find out what's up. I just hope I can find the words that don't leave her as pissed as Jackie lol.

Let me ask this question, what is so important about this girl that has got you up all night?  Also if you have another date next week, focus your mind on that and not someone else who isnt giving you that thought.  Easier said than done, but sit back and think, why am I devoting my energy and emotions to this girl?

In other news, I actually had two dates planned with the dude I saw last week this week (tomorrow and Friday) but may have to cancel both due to being sick. I told him he was welcome to come over and chill with me and the cats since I don't have energy for much more, but he lives pretty far away so is on the fence. But on the bright side, we're both really bummed about me being sick and obviously he really wants to see me, so that's good news. I know it will all work out if it's meant to, but I am afraid of losing momentum with him. I also have been really horny 

I've got to be honest, a date with a sick girl is not really a turn on so don't take it as a negative if he doesn't want come over or has an excuse for not coming.  My thought process is if you are too sick to go out then you are too sick for me to come over (unless you need some nursing or something, in which case I am not that nice of a guy to nurse a girl I just met).

and yea, I cant ignore that last line

[bout to crash]

Last night he said he was going to aim to come over tonight, but if I feel tonight like I do this morning, I will tell him not to. Last night I actually felt fairly good, so it might get better. We shall see. Of course I don't want to hang with him if I feel terrible.

sylvan, I don't think you said anything wrong. If she doesn't respond that's on her.

[Stadler]

Ugh. This is no fun. I thought I was past this unhealthy OCD fueled anxiety, but here we go. I'm not nearly as bad as I would have been in the past, even just a few months ago. But I'm still digging in trying not to slide down that slippery slope. When I didn't hear from her a couple weeks ago, I thought to myself, "Nice knowing ya." If she's not into it, so be it. That's what led to the potential first date I have next week. So the idea of looking desperate is troublesome. But the idea that she's specifically not talking to me because of a miscommunication through text is far more troublesome. Yesterday was shit, I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm sure today will be shit again. I don't have the male ego that says, "Fuck her if she doesn't want this! Her loss."

I get that I need to back off for some time. But if I don't hear from her, I know I'll have an overwhelming urge to find out what's up. I just hope I can find the words that don't leave her as pissed as Jackie lol.

I'm sorry, Sylvan, but help me out here.  Unless we're not getting the full story, and I certainly don't mean to be mean here, but from what I see there is little chance of "miscommunication through text".  You've said it once (I thought clearly), you clarified again (I thought unnecessarily)...   I don't think this is "OCD anxiety".   You need to have a look in the mirror that she is not as invested in this as you are.  There is no text in the world, my friend, that is going to change that.   

I'm so sorry to have to say this.

[sylvan]

I know every situation and individual is different. I don't feel like anybody owes me anything, but as adults that seemingly have good communication skills and respect for the other, I just wish people could be more straight forward. Recently I had to tell a woman I didn't want to date anymore. It was tough, but she agreed, and it was, for lack of a better word, satisfying. I'm a big boy and can handle the truth, even if it sucks to hear. I've already had someone "ghost" me, and that was the polar opposite of satisfying. I guess when I'm staring at the potential for that to happen again, it's causing the OCD and anxiety to make a pretty disgusting cocktail. I'll be fine no doubt, just sometimes I can't turn my brain off.  But, that's why I'm bouncing this off you guys. I'm a noob at all this.

That being said... WERD to all of you! Just reading the last three posts before even replying got me turned around and facing the right direction. Here I am hogging the floor like it's all about me. At least you guys are gettin' some .

[bout to crash]

I know what you mean about the anxiety (I've got it in buckets) but I think at this point it's really on her and if you send her a bunch more messages it will just look bad. Maybe she's super busy, maybe she just doesn't have the guts to tell you how she's really feeling... but either way you have done your part.

[sylvan]

It's amazing how quickly advice from sensible people can change a perspective. Or at least help to tell my brain to shut the fuck up .

[bout to crash]

I know, I can't turn my brain off most of the time so it's good to have an outside perspective 

[cramx3]

Agreed, that's why I like to hang around here.  Sometimes I need someone to tell me I am being crazy so I can chill out, or to agree that I am not crazy so I can stop worrying if I am crazy lol.

[bout to crash]

Exactly!

[Stadler]

Even though I'm not on that side for the moment, rest assured that I've gone through this and feel the same anxiety. In hindsight, I am embarrassed at some of the feelings I had waiting for my (now wife) to respond in those early days.   We met on Match, and I sent an email just saying "hello", and didn't hear back for a week (which is about 8 years in online time), but for all my hand-wringing, guitar-playing, PlayStation3 playing (what I do when stressed), it worked out.  But early on, I was not always as cool as I would like to say I was.

[cramx3]

We met on Match, and I sent an email just saying "hello"

Wow and that got a response?! 

I never mentioned, but my date last weekend in Baltimore was fun, Penn State won a really tight fun game so we really enjoyed the game day experience.  Sadly some things came up and I had to be back home for my family early Sunday so we didn't do much besides attend the game.  We are very close to going to see Amaranthe in NYC on Wednesday ( I am going to go regardless, back to back concerts for me with Blind Guardian and Amaranthe , but she isn't sure if she can make it yet).

Anyway, I will share a picture of us from the game, I look beyond exhausted which I pretty much was as last week was ridiculously grueling from some personal stuff that happened and honestly was really close to cancelling the trip, but I am glad we went.

[bout to crash]

Cute pic!

And yeah, I'm surprised the "hello" email got an answer too. I never respond to those tbh

[Stadler]

We met on Match, and I sent an email just saying "hello"

Wow and that got a response?! 

Dude, no shit, and WITH NO PICTURE!  (I had no idea going in that "no picture" was online-speak for "married creeper just looking to get some trim on the side".  Some things you just don't question...

I never mentioned, but my date last weekend in Baltimore was fun, Penn State won a really tight fun game so we really enjoyed the game day experience.

Looks like you had fun, and for that I am glad.  Hope the "personal stuff" isn't too heavy.  Good luck!

[cramx3]

Thanks for your concern Stadler, just had a minor health issue and when I finally recovered my grandfather passed away, which was not a surprise but still tough on the family.  So my last few weeks had been difficult, but life goes on.

[bout to crash]

Aw, that is rough, I'm sorry

On a lighter note I was uncertain about hanging with this guy because I've been sick, but I started to feel a lot better yesterday so we had a really good time last night... and he just left a bit ago
I think we are planning to also hang tomorrow because we probably won't see each other for a long time after that (I'll be volunteering for the film festival plus working full time for almost two weeks). Anyway, I really like him 
Trying not to think too much about it/overanalyze like I tend to, and to just enjoy it. He seems equally enthusiastic, so that is good news!