Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[PMSummer]

Time to share something personal. I think I mentioned it elsewhere already but my wife and I decided to make a big move from the states to Europe to be closer to our kid that moved here. Unfortunately the stress and cultural adjustments needed ended up being a breaking point for our marriage, leading to a divorce.

Adjusting to life in a new country without the person I had spent years with has been challenging to say the least. It's been a while now and we're both still here, though my ex-wife has moved on and found someone new. As for me, I haven't really thought about dating since the divorce. It's been quite a journey of self-discovery.

I'm sharing this because, well, sometimes it's just nice to put your thoughts into words and send them out into the world, even if it's to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Thanks for reading!

[cramx3]

damn, that sounds really difficult.  Any thoughts on moving back to the states?  And thanks for sharing, it can help to not just write it out but to get some feedback.  (I certainly used the shit out of this thread in my hard times)

[PMSummer]

The thought of moving back has crossed my mind but I'm mostly happy here. Believe it or not a lot of things are better! Most of the time I am happy being alone but sometimes it itches you know. I don't think I wil need this thread a lot but thanks cram!

[El Barto]

What size city/town are you in? You speak the language? I'm not the right person to be giving advice on this as I'm a longtime, happy loaner, but it kind of seems like Europe might be a better place for your situation. Kind of seems like being single over there is far more tolerated. Nobody will give you shit about "when are you going to find somebody new," which happens an awful lot over here, and people will be just as easygoing if you actually are looking for somebody new. 

[PMSummer]

I think you are both right and wrong Barto, you would be right were it not that I'm in Scandinavia where social contact is hard even for locals  . I'm in a fairly big city so that's not an issue, language wise I'm still struggling but almost everyone speaks English very well luckily.

[Stadler]

I think you are both right and wrong Barto, you would be right were it not that I'm in Scandinavia where social contact is hard even for locals  . I'm in a fairly big city so that's not an issue, language wise I'm still struggling but almost everyone speaks English very well luckily.

How long since your divorce, if I may ask?

[PMSummer]

I think you are both right and wrong Barto, you would be right were it not that I'm in Scandinavia where social contact is hard even for locals  . I'm in a fairly big city so that's not an issue, language wise I'm still struggling but almost everyone speaks English very well luckily.

How long since your divorce, if I may ask?

I don't mind, three years.

[cramx3]

I think you are both right and wrong Barto, you would be right were it not that I'm in Scandinavia where social contact is hard even for locals  . I'm in a fairly big city so that's not an issue, language wise I'm still struggling but almost everyone speaks English very well luckily.

At least you can enjoy the metal scene?  I'm sure it's pretty popular in Scandinavia

[TheHoveringSojourn808]

Time to share something personal. I think I mentioned it elsewhere already but my wife and I decided to make a big move from the states to Europe to be closer to our kid that moved here. Unfortunately the stress and cultural adjustments needed ended up being a breaking point for our marriage, leading to a divorce.

Adjusting to life in a new country without the person I had spent years with has been challenging to say the least. It's been a while now and we're both still here, though my ex-wife has moved on and found someone new. As for me, I haven't really thought about dating since the divorce. It's been quite a journey of self-discovery.

I'm sharing this because, well, sometimes it's just nice to put your thoughts into words and send them out into the world, even if it's to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Thanks for reading!

hey, thanks for opening up like this. it sounds like you've been through a lot with the move and the divorce. adjusting to a new country can be really tough, and it's even harder when it takes a toll on a relationship. i can imagine how challenging it must be to see your ex-wife move on while you're still finding your way. taking time for self-discovery sounds like a good move. don't rush into anything if you're not ready. sharing your thoughts here is a brave step, and even though we're strangers, we're here to listen. keep taking it one day at a time.

[Stadler]

Time to share something personal. I think I mentioned it elsewhere already but my wife and I decided to make a big move from the states to Europe to be closer to our kid that moved here. Unfortunately the stress and cultural adjustments needed ended up being a breaking point for our marriage, leading to a divorce.

Adjusting to life in a new country without the person I had spent years with has been challenging to say the least. It's been a while now and we're both still here, though my ex-wife has moved on and found someone new. As for me, I haven't really thought about dating since the divorce. It's been quite a journey of self-discovery.

I'm sharing this because, well, sometimes it's just nice to put your thoughts into words and send them out into the world, even if it's to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Thanks for reading!

hey, thanks for opening up like this. it sounds like you've been through a lot with the move and the divorce. adjusting to a new country can be really tough, and it's even harder when it takes a toll on a relationship. i can imagine how challenging it must be to see your ex-wife move on while you're still finding your way. taking time for self-discovery sounds like a good move. don't rush into anything if you're not ready. sharing your thoughts here is a brave step, and even though we're strangers, we're here to listen. keep taking it one day at a time.

I second all that; I think there's very little that at least some of us haven't been through in some form or fashion.   Divorce was both the hardest and greatest thing I ever did, since it got me to where I am now, and as ugly as it was at some points, I don't know that there's much I would change (MAYBE done it sooner?).  I can't IMAGINE having gone through it in a strange (to me) country.

[cramx3]

No divorce here because I ended the engagement before that could happen, but at 10 years in that relationship, it might as well been a divorce as I can relate to exactly what Stadler just said.  Both the greatest and most difficult thing I have done in my life and it was 100% for the best, no regrets ending that.

[WilliamMunny]

No divorce here because I ended the engagement before that could happen, but at 10 years in that relationship, it might as well been a divorce as I can relate to exactly what Stadler just said.  Both the greatest and most difficult thing I have done in my life and it was 100% for the best, no regrets ending that.

Yeah–I walked away from an 8-year relationship 2 weeks before we were due to hit the alter.

When I look back on my life, I realize that it was the first 'really hard' decision I made. Of course, many more would follow, but I look back at that point as a pivotal fork in the road.

No regrets, but definitely wonder why I waited so long, especially considering how everything worked out.

[nobloodyname]

Time to share something personal. I think I mentioned it elsewhere already but my wife and I decided to make a big move from the states to Europe to be closer to our kid that moved here. Unfortunately the stress and cultural adjustments needed ended up being a breaking point for our marriage, leading to a divorce.

Adjusting to life in a new country without the person I had spent years with has been challenging to say the least. It's been a while now and we're both still here, though my ex-wife has moved on and found someone new. As for me, I haven't really thought about dating since the divorce. It's been quite a journey of self-discovery.

I'm sharing this because, well, sometimes it's just nice to put your thoughts into words and send them out into the world, even if it's to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Thanks for reading!

Crikey. What country are you in?

Had an 11 year relationship finish last year. We weren't married but she was my best friend. It was all amicable but we're sadly no longer really friends and see my avatar? Lost my best buddy in the split, too. Heart breaking, to be honest. I moved in here four months after we agreed to split and then two weeks later was told I was being made redundant, totally out of the blue, after 15 years.

But here I am a year and a lot of dating site rejection later, and I still know the split was the best thing for both of us. The last year has been tough with all the changes but I'm doing fine! And bloody hell, it's amazing to have a proper film room now, and also to not get wound up about the state of my partner's toothbrush (she never used to rinse it properly. It's obviously totally unimportant but we all know how silly stuff gets magnified!). Still miss her sometimes, though. Only natural. I hope she's well. But damn, losing my dog. That hurt and still hurts.

Went years without sex. Happy to be open about it. Was never obsessed by it so it was... sort of okay going without? Anyway, that's turned around recently although I don't know that I'd call her my partner. It's very early days. But we've had fun when we've met and I'm seeing her again on Friday.

Wish I'd noticed this thread months ago, to be honest. As you said above, PMSummer, it's good to just get thoughts out.

[cramx3]

No regrets, but definitely wonder why I waited so long, especially considering how everything worked out.

This is more of my regret in the end, waiting so long. But it taught me a valuable lesson about my time.

Lost my best buddy in the split, too. Heart breaking, to be honest. I moved in here four months after we agreed to split and then two weeks later was told I was being made redundant, totally out of the blue, after 15 years.

I hear ya, I lost my three cats.  I really didn't want to part with 1 of them specifically, that I had a good bond with.  It really sucked, but sadly this was part of our very messy break up. Something had to give and that was it on my end.

[Phoenix87x]

Anyone else painfully lonely? And if so may we virtually cry on each others shoulders?

[nobloodyname]

Aww. I feel you.

The problem I had with loneliness is I'd tell people I knew and they'd say, "well, come over!", which was lovely but... it was not that kind of loneliness. It was the loneliness I felt sitting on the sofa and not having someone to talk to or touch, and no favourable probability of it happening any time soon. It's really hard to explain that to people who've been married for 20 or 30 years.

[Stadler]

Aww. I feel you.

The problem I had with loneliness is I'd tell people I knew and they'd say, "well, come over!", which was lovely but... it was not that kind of loneliness. It was the loneliness I felt sitting on the sofa and not having someone to talk to or touch, and no favourable probability of it happening any time soon. It's really hard to explain that to people who've been married for 20 or 30 years.

...who are sitting on the couch thinking "I hope she doesn't ask me a question!" or "I hope he doesn't try to grope my hand again!".   I KID! I KID!  (Do I?)

[Cool Chris]

The problem I had with loneliness is I'd tell people I knew and they'd say, "well, come over!", which was lovely but... it was not that kind of loneliness. It was the loneliness I felt sitting on the sofa and not having someone to talk to or touch, and no favourable probability of it happening any time soon. It's really hard to explain that to people who've been married for 20 or 30 years.

Been married 14 years, and I know it's not the same, but I get it, as much as I can. Sometimes I feel lonely, and I got a wife and two crazy kids at home. It's not about the number of bodies you got surrounding you. It's about how you connect with them. And if that connection is lacking, sometimes that can feel as lonely as actually being alone.