I have one mutual friend with this..."person"...so she showed up on the sidebar as a friend suggestion. Here's her "about me." Keep in mind, I keep trying to read it all, but I've yet to get past the third or fourth line without giving up.
i guess ikcan say my lyf strait rite nah cuz brua ani utha tymez idk hu i am ini mo! 
pore lil' mhee!
ihh mhay hav mhyy momentzx....i am ah verii nice person! i aint ghonnah sit here nnd tlk aboud yhu' ihnn yhah face...ihff yhu' ghot sumthn tah say say ihdd tah mhyy face! i nhodd ghonnah tlk trash tew yhu' bhudd lhett yho' too-faced self push thee wrong button nnd nice akeyliah will disapear! Nhow tht tht hazx bheen said i lhuvb all mhyy ppl nnd i hav certain ppl(frewn type) tht i llhuvb to death.........bhudd uthah than dhat yhu' kcan lhuvb mhe' hate mhe' tlk bhoud me' bhudd lyk i said pushin thee button aint gone ghedd yhu' no wheh
CUHZ IHM REAL CUZ IH KNO THEE RITE DEAL!!
IM NHOD FHAKE CUZ I KNW' ITZX THEE WORST MISTAKE!!
And an added bonus, her favorite quotes:
'hey hunn bun'
'how yhu' zoin babii'
'i zo i zo babi'
'yho' chill brua'
'dnt put yhah han in my face lil shwatie''
'being real ihzx ah ghodli deal,bein fhake izx thee worztx mistke'
luhh daddy
luhh mama
whadd idd do lil whodiee
bbi gurl no
niqqah chiqq plss
dnt play bah boo
Well, after hours of in-depth literary analysis, this is what I've managed to decipher:
My life seems to be improving, seeing as I often suffer from chronic fits of identity loss. While, as I am only human, have moments of physical and emotional compromise, I have several redeeming qualities that label me as a respectable person. I subscribe to a certain ‘ethics code,’ if you will, that pledges a covenant of confidentiality amongst any two or more parties bound by friendship. Undesignated communication and/or distribution of/about information regarding a bound party may render the contract void. Breech of this covenant, (by means of pushing a button or otherwise,) will result in termination of said established pledge and acquaintance. Now, seeing that the basic model for those seeking a platonic relationship with myself has been established, I propose that I, in fact, do embrace tightly my deep affection for those abiding people who I consider close to me. People uninvolved in this assemblage are not subject to the ‘ethics code,’ however are subject to intrapersonal gradation. I maintain that “Existence is but a fair bargain, whilst personal deceit meets conviction.”
Quotes:
Akeyliah: I send my greetings fair lover.
Unspecified Character: How doth thee fare, my fairest Akeyliah?
Akeyliah: So do I continue to fare, yet I fear my strength to do so will soon be exhausted.
UC: Worry not, for thy arms are the wings of angels, thy breast that of a peaceful morning lark; you shall find solace in tranquility, my love.
Akeyliah: With such alacrity do thy woo me? Have you no restraint? Dearest little shwatie, you drive me to discomfort with your haste.
UC: Oh, but what is to be if being is contained?
Akeyliah: Existence is but a fair bargain, whilst deceit meets conviction.
UC: O’ Father, O’ Mother, what I’d do for you belittles who'd die for your heart. My baby girl, my hazel fleshed goddess; I inquire of thee, do bear my fateful plea. Do not fall swift into the dank charade of pretentiousness.
Topic: The pathetic facebook status thread. (Read 306521 times)
