Things I find a tad exasperating v.3

[Stadler]

Would you say that if your paying Gef, would you, and I don't want to use the work expect, but hope that there is good communication about how your child is doing at school.

I would think most parents just want to know, their child's health,  mental health and how they are doing.  And good parents have good communication with this.

But as someone who IS paying, that's my job as a parent, to have enough of a working relationship with my kid to know those things, or be happy with what I don't know.

I'm really bristling at this notion that - without more explanation - seems to mean that it's the school's responsibility to do what the parent SHOULD have been doing all along. 

[King Postwhore]

That's what I'm saying. If you have good communication,  you'll get this info from the kids. All the other stuff you worry about is natural,  but a part of growing. Mistakes will happen.  It's how we all learned.

[Adami]

No matter who is footing the bill, the school's obligation is to the student, not the parent.

I have clients whose parents are paying their therapy bills. I don't owe them a god damn thing unless my client requests it in writing.

[pg1067]

No matter who is footing the bill, the school's obligation is to the student, not the parent.

I have clients whose parents are paying their therapy bills. I don't owe them a god damn thing unless my client requests it in writing.

Same with lawyers.  I don't know how it is in other states, but in California, if the lawyer knows a third-party is paying the bills, the lawyer is supposed to get a written conflict waiver signed, which will, among other things, put the third-party bill payer on notice that the lawyer owes no duties to him/her.

[TAC]

Would you say that if your paying Gef, would you, and I don't want to use the work expect, but hope that there is good communication about how your child is doing at school.

I would think most parents just want to know, their child's health,  mental health and how they are doing.  And good parents have good communication with this.

But as someone who IS paying, that's my job as a parent, to have enough of a working relationship with my kid to know those things, or be happy with what I don't know.

I'm really bristling at this notion that - without more explanation - seems to mean that it's the school's responsibility to do what the parent SHOULD have been doing all along.

Yes. With us it'd last just one semester. As my wife says to my son, we are not paying for bad grades.

[Podaar]

With us it'd last just one semester. As my wife says to my son, we are not paying for bad grades.

This is the proper response, IMO. Adult children should pay natural consequences for their choices.

I've had one rule about finances and children that has served me well. Never provide funds to children that you, a) can't afford and/or b) expect to get back.

[Harmony]

FTR, the parents did check in with the son and often.  Son said everything was great!  No worries.  Nothing to report.  Doing well in his classes.

They opted to believe him and treat him like the adult they believed he was.

Let's not forget that our brains are not fully done developing until our mid-20s.  The prefrontal cortex is the last bit to finish.  This is the part where understanding consequences to one's actions lives (along with numerous other executive functioning skills).

[lordxizor]

FTR, the parents did check in with the son and often.  Son said everything was great!  No worries.  Nothing to report.  Doing well in his classes.

They opted to believe him and treat him like the adult they believed he was.

Let's not forget that our brains are not fully done developing until our mid-20s.  The prefrontal cortex is the last bit to finish.  This is the part where understanding consequences to one's actions lives (along with numerous other executive functioning skills).

Yup. I stand by my earlier post. This isn't legally confidential medical info or anything, it's simply classes registered for and grades. Heck even just pass or fail is fine with me.

[El Barto]

Let's not forget that our brains are not fully done developing until our mid-20s.  The prefrontal cortex is the last bit to finish.  This is the part where understanding consequences to one's actions lives (along with numerous other executive functioning skills).

Absolutely. And let's also not forget that adults will often lose their freaking minds after having kids, setting them back to about the same level of dysfunction as their teenage kids. 

[pg1067]

Let's not forget that our brains are not fully done developing until our mid-20s.  The prefrontal cortex is the last bit to finish.  This is the part where understanding consequences to one's actions lives (along with numerous other executive functioning skills).

Absolutely. And let's also not forget that adults will often lose their freaking minds after having kids, setting them back to about the same level of dysfunction as their teenage kids. 

I can 100% confirm that!

[hefdaddy42]

Would you say that if your paying Gef, would you, and I don't want to use the work expect, but hope that there is good communication about how your child is doing at school.

I would think most parents just want to know, their child's health,  mental health and how they are doing.  And good parents have good communication with this.

Who the fuck is Gef?

[Stadler]

Would you say that if your paying Gef, would you, and I don't want to use the work expect, but hope that there is good communication about how your child is doing at school.

I would think most parents just want to know, their child's health,  mental health and how they are doing.  And good parents have good communication with this.

Who the fuck is Gef?

I think that's Steve Jobs for "Hef". 

[Chino]

With us it'd last just one semester. As my wife says to my son, we are not paying for bad grades.

This is the proper response, IMO. Adult children should pay natural consequences for their choices.

I had a pretty bad bout of depression my third semester away from home and got a bit too into the party scene after nearly two decades of being a bit socially awkward. It did a pretty good number on me, and it got to the point where I was so ashamed I couldn't even talk to my dad. I had to email him about it. I was pretty much failing everything and was completely off the rails, getting worse as I tried to get back in line.   

I know everyone's situation is different, but I don't have a vast enough vocabulary to properly describe how beyond thankful I am that my mom and dad gave me more than one semester and didn't look at my situation as something that I needed to pay consequences for. Learn from, certainly, but not be punished or left to fend for myself and fail. If I was left "pay natural consequences" for my choices, I would probably be truly fucked in life. I legitimately needed help, and I'm really glad I had parents that were able to recognize that (not implying neither of you guys wouldn't).

It took a good year for my changes to start being reflected in my transcripts. I went from failing and being banned from one university, and a dean not wanting to accept me into another, to graduating in the top 5% of my class by the time all was said and done. 

[TAC]

Well, my point probably wasn't clear, but we wouldn't pull the rug out after one semester, but rather that "not knowing" wouldn't last for more than one semester.

The important thing is communication.

I legitimately needed help, and I'm really glad I had parents that were able to recognize that (not implying neither of you guys wouldn't).

Of course. We'd certainly be there if our child legitimately needed help.

[jingle.boy]

That's awesome, Brian.

[Stadler]

But I think that's part of the balance of being a parent.  I have a similar-ish situation with my parents.  I was high honors, graduated within shouting distance of the top of my class... then got 2.00's for the first two semesters of school.   Similar thing, got into the partying more than I got into the academics.  Didn't really pull myself out until late second year.

My mom and dad didn't pull the plug, but there was some tough love involved.  It was clear there was no blank check involved (and at some point we switched to me paying a portion of the tuition; when I moved into an apartment, I was responsible for all the room and board).   

[Podaar]

Natural consequences are situational, Brian. It could take the form of a parent saying, "Look, I'm not going to foot the bill for classes you aren't attending. Come back home for a year, and distance yourself from the party scene and we'll access where your at then."

I in no way condone parents abandoning their children--adult or no. I apologize if it sounded like I was.

[TAC]

Natural consequences are situational, Brian. It could take the form of a parent saying, "Look, I'm not going to foot the bill for classes you aren't attending. Come back home for a year, and distance yourself from the party scene and we'll access where your at then."

I in no way condone parents abandoning their children--adult or no. I apologize if it sounded like I was.

Right. yes, that's what I was saying as well.


And when my wife says we're not paying for bad grades, it's really just setting an expectation that he needs to take college seriously. And if he can't, as Gregg says, we'll work together on a work around.

[Harmony]

Let's not forget that our brains are not fully done developing until our mid-20s.  The prefrontal cortex is the last bit to finish.  This is the part where understanding consequences to one's actions lives (along with numerous other executive functioning skills).

Absolutely. And let's also not forget that adults will often lose their freaking minds after having kids, setting them back to about the same level of dysfunction as their teenage kids. 

LoL - no argument.  I'd wager some parents NEVER get to a fully functioning prefrontal cortex.  There is some strong evidence that drug/alcohol abuse and trauma can stunt if not halt this development and the earlier the age when these things occur the more serious it can impact neurological functioning.

But to one of my favorite quotes from the movie Parenthood: 

Helen:  It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.

Todd:  Well, it depends on the man.  I had a man around.  He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head.  He'd say, "Hey asshole, get up and make me breakfast."  You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

[Chino]

I wasn't thinking that of either of you 

[Dave_Manchester]

I could just as easily have posted this in the "what made you happy today?" thread, since one of life's simplest pleasures is an attention-whoring douchebag facing 20 years in jail for being an attention-whoring douchebag, but I decided to put it here instead. Attention whores are exasperating.

Anyway: attention-whoring douchebag deliberately crashes his light aircraft for Youtube views and faces 20 years in jail for his efforts:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65567519

Here is the video of the jackass in action. There's gold to be found in the comments:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbYszLNZxhM

[hefdaddy42]

What a doofus.

[Stadler]

I could just as easily have posted this in the "what made you happy today?" thread, since one of life's simplest pleasures is an attention-whoring douchebag facing 20 years in jail for being an attention-whoring douchebag, but I decided to put it here instead. Attention whores are exasperating.

Anyway: attention-whoring douchebag deliberately crashes his light aircraft for Youtube views and faces 20 years in jail for his efforts:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65567519

Here is the video of the jackass in action. There's gold to be found in the comments:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbYszLNZxhM

Yes there is.   

[XJDenton]

I could just as easily have posted this in the "what made you happy today?" thread, since one of life's simplest pleasures is an attention-whoring douchebag facing 20 years in jail for being an attention-whoring douchebag, but I decided to put it here instead. Attention whores are exasperating.

Anyway: attention-whoring douchebag deliberately crashes his light aircraft for Youtube views and faces 20 years in jail for his efforts:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65567519

Here is the video of the jackass in action. There's gold to be found in the comments:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbYszLNZxhM

Hope he gets the book thrown at him. Endangering lives like that for views is repulsive.

[Dublagent66]

Saw the footage on FB.  I said, "yeah, you're busted." 

[wolfking]

So, tries to make it look like an accident yet the whole thing is filmed?  What a bright lad.

[Dublagent66]

Fuckin' genius!! 

[XJDenton]

Was he granted bail or was he considered a flight risk?

[Cool Chris]

Referring to Subway employees as "Sandwich Artists."

Was he granted bail or was he considered a flight risk?

 

[Stadler]

Was he granted bail or was he considered a flight risk?

Genius. 

[Stadler]

So, maybe I should wait a day, but in concert with the "Happy" thread, I have exasperating as well.  People.  Parents.  Families.   My god, there are a LOT of people who apparently feel they are the only riders on this spaceship planet earth.   

They had a special ceremony for my daughters college (a "college" is one school - the school of Engineering, say - and a "university" is comprised of several colleges) after the All-University ceremony, and this one was more personal.  The Dean spoke at length, kindly and eloquently, about each of the 22 students in her college.  Wonderful and I had tears.

Until Spieberg in front of me decided to hold up her phone and try to capture the whole thing.   Think of that symbol on the Van Halen OU812 album.  If you want to film, get up and move to the side.  The upshot is, she didn't really know how to do what she was trying to do and spent a good portion of the time fiddling with her phone.   So I'm rocking back and forth like Ray Charles trying to look around her bony fingers trying to find the "record" button.  Woman behind me apparently doesn't know what a "Silence" button is, or how to turn her volume down.   There were texts or messages throughout the 90-minute assembly.  I'll give you one, everyone forgets, maybe two, who knows, but we counted FIVE interruptions from messages.  To this moment I don't know if she ever turned it off (and if it's an emergency, or she's a doctor, get headphones.  Not that hard, I've done it before.)

And finally, and I expect to take some shit for this one, but the now-obligatory "barking" and "wooing" when your kid goes up.  To me, that's just yet another sign of our insecurity and need for validation.   I did not "woo" when Stadlerette was called; I told her in advance that I was incredibly proud of her and loved her, and we joked about it (she actually said "please don't").  I told her again after.  To her face, directly, not via "woo".   She doesn't need any "wooing" to know how special she is, and I don't have to publicize and declare my love to a group of strangers to affirm what a great and fantastic dad I am. 

Old man rant over.     For the record, this is picking  nits and venting; the last two or three days have been wonderful, fun, rewarding, and incredibly relaxing.   

[pg1067]

They had a special ceremony for my daughters college (a "college" is one school - the school of Engineering, say - and a "university" is comprised of several colleges) after the All-University ceremony, and this one was more personal.  The Dead spoke at length, kindly and eloquently, about each of the 22 students in her college.  Wonderful and I had tears.

I so want this not to be a typo...and hope that you have video.   

And yeah...a-holes taking video and blocking your view is the worst.  Someone was doing that when I saw The Warning last week.  Fortunately, he only did it about three times for a minute each, so I let it slide.

[Stadler]

They had a special ceremony for my daughters college (a "college" is one school - the school of Engineering, say - and a "university" is comprised of several colleges) after the All-University ceremony, and this one was more personal.  The Dead spoke at length, kindly and eloquently, about each of the 22 students in her college.  Wonderful and I had tears.

I so want this not to be a typo...and hope that you have video.   

And yeah...a-holes taking video and blocking your view is the worst.  Someone was doing that when I saw The Warning last week.  Fortunately, he only did it about three times for a minute each, so I let it slide.

No, The Dead.  It was a seance.  Candles and everything.   HAHA.

No, I meant "Dean".   

[hefdaddy42]

Totally agree with your exasperation with adults at kid-centered activities.

[KevShmev]

Accidentally ran over a squirrel when making a quick run to the store just a bit ago.

Stupid thing ran in front of my car when I was about 30 feet from its spot, and I didn't slow down because they are quick and always get out of the way. This one did not.  I could feel the thump. 

Stupid thing should have moved.  That's exasperating.