The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Feeling a little down lately because it's dawned on me that I am graduating in college and there are so many ways my future could go. Just a little scared and worried I guess that they won't go the way I want them to. If anyone here has ever felt like this before, a PM or reply would mean a great deal right now.

[snapple]

Just trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life. I have crazy good support from Courtney and parents, but, still gets me down from time to time.

[jcmistat]

I am still planning to quit my job in April (only been working there since Oct) but I'm having second thoughts

I want to find a new/better job, maybe go back to school, something outside of the box. I'm worrying the downtime trying to find what I want to do will destroy me.

[Dr. DTVT]

Feeling a little down lately because it's dawned on me that I am graduating in college and there are so many ways my future could go. Just a little scared and worried I guess that they won't go the way I want them to. If anyone here has ever felt like this before, a PM or reply would mean a great deal right now.

All you kids out there...here's what I tell my college students when they start worrying about this kind of stuff.

You DON'T have to know what you want to do when you graduate college - or even before that.  Changing careers is somewhat common nowadays because people tend to get bored with things faster since we have access to and are exposed to an exponentially greater amount of information than previous generations.  If you know what you want to do, great.  But if you don't just keep looking for your calling and hold down the fort until you find it, or it finds you.  Becoming a university professor wasn't really an idea I had for myself until I was 25 and passed my prelim.  Before that I was just doing chemistry I liked with no real thought of where it would take me.

Life is NOT going to follow you script you try to write, so don't try to script too much, or you're just going to be dissapointed.  I didn't marry my college gf, my football coaching career got curtailed by chemistry and school work, and the wealth I accumulated didn't come from some grand idea overnight, I earned it grinding away at work, poker tables, and over backgammon boards.  My friend's wife died of cancer at the age of 25.  Shit happens that you can't possibly prepare for, so just keep loose plans like, "find a job I like", or "pay down student debt early".  Is where I am and what I'm doing what I imagined for myself when I was in college?  No.  Am I enjoying the unexpected ride?  By and large yes.

You're not that special.  Don't worry, neither am I.  Prepare to accept that your life will by and large...be average.  The upside to that is that the people you see that you think are successful aren't that much further from you - usually only separated by years of experience you will eventually gain.  Your generation has by and large been shielded from failure, and the bid bad real world is going be an ice cold pitcher of water dumped on you.  It's not lethal though, its just water.  Dry yourself off and continue on with life.  Shake it off and carve out your little niche.  The world probably won't know your name, but if you do things right you'll permanently etch it into the hearts and minds a few people.  Do them wrong and you end up on youtube or reality TV

Don't try to micromanage your life.  You only get one chance to live.  While we all have to work and take care of our responsibilities, but make sure you take at least a few minutes everyday to do something you enjoy, no matter how frivolous it may seem - it will keep you sane.

You can dissavow all this now - I know I would have...but in 10 years you'll be making this same post to the next batch of kids, and I'll be right here to say with a wink, "I told you so."

[wolfandwolfandwolf]

  DTVT.  I loved that post.  I don't fret about too many things post-college, but this is also because I didn't have the typical college experience.  I try to tell myself what you just shared very often.  It keeps things together.  Life is too good to waste on worrying about things that may or may not happen.

[wolfandwolfandwolf]

In contrast to my above post, while I don't worry about the future too much, I do feel this way:

I generally feel like a failure at most things I try.  I lack will power.  I am lazy.  I have guilt over my failings.  It just kind of self-perpetuates from failure, to guilt, to sadness, to more failure.

I wish I would just do the good things that I think about doing.  I feel helpless a lot of the time, and I'm generally selfish.  I'm horrified of failing as a husband.

[TimelessSymphony]

Okay so lately i've been feeling like total crap... i got this depression since july so i think its 8 months since i got it... right now i don't have a job or going to school and to be honest i don't know what the fuck i'm gonna do in my future since i got this freaking learning disability... (M.I.D.) Mild Intellectual Disorder or something like that... i got out of high school in 2010 so all i did was eat, sleep and computer almost every day...

I tried to see a shrink but i have trouble to trust people and it's kinda hard... also i came out of the closet last year and it's all new to me... i have trouble to make friends... i always do something awkward or they just remove me out of their lives.... this part might sound pathetic to you guy's but here i go.. sometimes when i'm angry i tend to erm cut myself i guess i don't know how to managed to control my anger... High school was the worst time for me *sigh* i had a few friends but also got into shits for no reasons...

So in one word Depression sucks ass...

[OsMosis2259]

Feeling a little down lately because it's dawned on me that I am graduating in college and there are so many ways my future could go. Just a little scared and worried I guess that they won't go the way I want them to. If anyone here has ever felt like this before, a PM or reply would mean a great deal right now.

That is a very normal feeling that we all have especially after graduating.  If you think about it, during college and all the years before, everything in our life is pretty much organized and set up. Its a structure that we just follow and go with it but once college ends, its really all upto you and you get that overwhelming feeling and start thinking about what you are going to do.

You really just got to take action my friend. I graduated just before the summer of 2010, took a 2 month vacation in Turkey to see my family and friends that I haven't seen in a very long time. Then it was just time to apply for jobs every where and basically figuring things out. That process took awhile for me but I did other things in the meantime to keep me busy like play in a band, go to the gym, and just stay positive. Staying positive is the most important thing and you need to surround yourself with positive people and are happy and then that will push you to head in that direction. I freelanced for a year, lived at home and saved money but here I am now with a full time job that I am happy with and recently moved to my own apt.

I faced a lot of negativity the past year and a half and I felt the same way you did but the best thing to do is to take action, stay positive, and surround yourself with people that are not necessarily "better" than you but you know are successful or are going to be successful in the future.       

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Thanks for the advice guys! Little late posting this but it's nice to know there are people out there who know what I'm going through and who can also lend a helping hand! Still feeling nervous right now, but I'm a hardworking guy who loves to "take action" - and I think I'm going to do great!

[Ħ]

Feel like I just overcame a MAJOR depression. For the past two weeks, I've been sleeping in past noon, getting 10+ hours of sleep. BREAKING THROUGH.

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Good to hear H!

[lateralus88]

Guess where a genuinely frustrated and pissed off and depressed Alex decided to put his fist today.


Go ahead. Guess.





Well let's just say it's a good thing I don't care about this one at all and I've had it for...7 years.

[Ħ]

Dude maybe you should calm down.

[lateralus88]

I was pissed off. At what? I have no clue. It kind of came out of nowhere. After beating that guitar to death, I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for 40 minutes and then worked a 6 hour shift.


Eh.

[Adami]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

[jcmistat]

Best friend's fiance just got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and my sister with Undifferentiated Schizophrenia both under 30. There's more to say but that's enough. I should be feel worse but I don't. I know it will hit me later though. I know I am depressed in the inside. For now its just ignored.

[Ħ]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

I'm sorry to hear that. :/

[lateralus88]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

Did what I think happened, happen?

[Adami]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

Did what I think happened, happen?

Unless you think zombies ate my mom or something, then yes I would say probably so.

[Silver Tears]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

I'm sorry Adami 

I'm sure you'll get through it soon enough, but for now, I give you a hug and some cookies. Eat as many as you like, internet cookies are low in calories. 

[Ħ]

I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.

Did what I think happened, happen?

Unless you think zombies ate my mom or something, then yes I would say probably so.

Sorry Adami...hope you pull through it. I believe you have the strength to get through.

[Adami]

Thanks guys. I know I'll get through, but it's going to be a tough road for a while. I talked to her literally every day, for 5 months or so. And now I have to adjust to essentially not having anyone to talk to. And I promised her, for her sake (since there was a big issue with her family over it) that I wouldn't contact her, so I have to keep fighting the urge to tell her how much I care about her and love her.

[Ħ]

Thanks guys. I know I'll get through, but it's going to be a tough road for a while. I talked to her literally every day, for 5 months or so. And now I have to adjust to essentially not having anyone to talk to. And I promised her, for her sake (since there was a big issue with her family over it) that I wouldn't contact her, so I have to keep fighting the urge to tell her how much I care about her and love her.

That sounds tough. It's one thing to be heartbroken but able to fight it off through anger, but when it's something circumstantial that comes up like this, there's no appropriate response but depression. =/

I hope you find somebody though. I think you will. From what I know of you, you're still relatively young and you've got lots of time.

[Adami]

Oh yea, I know eventually I will be okay. But until then, life sucks, you know?

And yea, there's no anger at her what so ever. She was as against this as I was, it was just circumstantial crap and now we're both having to suffer for it.

[Silver Tears]

Life does indeed suck sometimes    and circumstantial crap being the cause is just ridiculously annoying

[Progmetty]

Lately I've been doing that thing where I put my head between my elbows with my hands raised and apply pressure with my arms for 5 to 10 minutes, better done on a carpeted floor. I do that when I feel like crying and it works to prevent crying. Yesterday and the day before it resulted in nose bleeds and subsequent oversleep, which sucks cause the whole point of this is to keep the depression hidden, usually something I'm a master at.

[LCArenas]

Fuck. I don't even know how to feel, I don't know whether to feel sad about the situation I've had since the year started or hating myself like I've done for years. Let's say the dark side of me likes to tear me apart, and no one in the world knows how to do it better than him.

[Adami]

Lately I've been doing that thing where I put my head between my elbows with my hands raised and apply pressure with my arms for 5 to 10 minutes, better done on a carpeted floor. I do that when I feel like crying and it works to prevent crying. Yesterday and the day before it resulted in nose bleeds and subsequent oversleep, which sucks cause the whole point of this is to keep the depression hidden, usually something I'm a master at.

Jesus dude, just cry.

[lonestar]

Lately I've been doing that thing where I put my head between my elbows with my hands raised and apply pressure with my arms for 5 to 10 minutes, better done on a carpeted floor. I do that when I feel like crying and it works to prevent crying. Yesterday and the day before it resulted in nose bleeds and subsequent oversleep, which sucks cause the whole point of this is to keep the depression hidden, usually something I'm a master at.

Jesus dude, just cry.

Totally agree.  Feeling is healing.  I can't even begin the amount of good, solid, snot dripping cries I've had in the last almost ten months, trying to deal with thirty years of fucking up my life.

[wolfandwolfandwolf]

Sometimes I have sad feelings and they are circumstantial.  They go away after like a day or so.

Right now I'm in total desperation mode over who I am.  I don't like myself.  Know what I mean?

[lateralus88]

Yes, I do.

[MajorMatt]

.

[Adami]

So. I sent her a letter a week or two ago. The letter was pretty long and heartfelt, just expressing how I felt, feel etc. Quite hard to write. I also wrote and recorded her a song and sent that to her as well. Now, I made the dumb move of putting in the letter that she doesn't have to respond because I wouldn't reply, due to my agreeing to never talk to her per her parents/communities wishes.


Now I sit here, and think to myself "did she get the letter?" "Did she laugh at it?". A million other worse ones as well. I don't want to contact her again to ask if she's got it because it kind of defeats the purpose of writing the letter in the first place. But it eats at me day after day. I have not been this depressed in a very long time and it seems to get worse on a daily basis.

I dunno. No one to vent to either, kind of sucks. Good thing for this thread.

Also might be because it's exactly a month since we broke up. And I have this feeling she has a new boyfriend, forgot about me etc. Aint life grand?

[MajorMatt]

Hey Adami, I've never had to go through what you are now because I've always been single. The anniversary could have alot to do with this, but in my eyes you should be thankful for what you shared, taking advice from someone inexperienced may seem daft, but at the end of the day you have shared something I didn't get the chance to - youre probably better advising me  Although it may seem hard and although I may seem cliched, stay on the positive side, but remember its perfectly natural for you to get down once in a while

Peace.

[Adami]

Just found out her parents/community had nothing to do with it and she just made that up as an excuse to leave me.


Awesome. And to think I was actually starting to feel better.