I did answer it but look, anybody else asks "what have you done this weekend?", "are you going on holiday this summer?" etc. These were seeking generalised responses as if to say "aha - you have no friends and you never go away outside of here." Not true and true in some way - no I don't go on vacation (at least not his kind) currently outside of church trips ("currently" being subjective?).
I don't think people are implying anything by those questions. Different people have different hobbies and different ideas about vacation, so the only way to find out about what someone does is to ask them. I think you are being a little over-protective of yourself, and possibly projecting your feelings about yourself onto others. Those are perfectly innocuous questions I ask people I've known for years as well as people I just met. There's no judgement inferred or implied, just a simple query designed to start-up a conversation or small-talk. How else am I going to find out my co-worker is going to South Carolina to run a marathon if I don't ask him if he has any summer plans? Those types of questions shouldn't make you uncomfortable, and if they do you need to continue to meet people so they don't become uncomfortable. If you don't like your answer, you can always say, "I don't know yet, but I got some ideas I'm kickin' around." or some other type of answer that isn't specific and open-ended.
That's a good kind of answer, thanks; but, as I said, he framed them in generalising ways.
I can't say for sure what his intention was but the vibe I got was that he was being patronising. I was trying not to project but since I'd got the vibe he seemed like this from earlier experiences with him then I have to take them into account as well. He didn't ask about summer plans but "do you ever go away?" and "so what do you do when you're away from work?"
I asked a colleague once about his family because he'd earlier said voluntarily that he didn't see his kids much. He looked uncomfortable and avoided me or was very formal for months afterward. The point is if I'm not comfortable with a
particular person then I shouldn't go disclosing plans to them.
But basically the book i was reading said "don't date in a vacuum" -
is this good advice or not?
I go to church and other places to have interactions outside of work, dates but I don't have to explain or prove myself to
anybody do I? This seems more like an approval-seeking shadow and then feeling guilty for not seeking approval. I would like to talk to somebody which is why I've spoken to selected people who seem trustworthy.
Also, lurching from a vacuum to a bunch of people who go to the same church withotu any other thought doesn't seem sensible.