Oh my sweet merciful ****farting deity residing in the deepest pits of hell....

[Hyperplex]

...this cannot be real. If it is real, then ohmyfuckinggod.... I'm dying. Easily the funniest set of product reviews for an individual product I've ever read in my life.

And sorry if this is old, but holy fuckfarts I'm laughing too goddamn hard to care.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/cr/B000KKNQBK/s=rd/ref=aw_cr_sort_rd

[kirksnosehair]

[njdtfan]

Yhanks dude, i am laughing my ass off.

[Scorpion]

Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.

Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus

This made me 

[Hyperplex]

I'm sure it's a bunch of guys who decided it would be fun to post comedic reviews but goddamn are they funny nonetheless.

[Jaffa]

I'm partial to the one about sticking a rusty needle in your eye and using it to slice a raw onion.

[Hyperplex]

Fuck I can't read anymore. I'm at work and trying not to cut farts from holding in laughter.

[Sigz]

Possessing as I do a genital cluster that bears an uncanny resemblance (and indeed aroma) to Chewbacca's armpit, I decided to purchase this product. Upon applying the creme to my tassel and conkers, I was taken aback by a sudden and disturbing gasping noise, followed by a sound that I can only describe as the horrific howlings from Satan's own Hell Hound, Cerberus. As I whirled around to view the source of the noise, I perchanced to glance in the bathroom mirror, and, seeing my own mouth stretched agape in a terrible rictus of agony, I deduced the sound was coming from me.

My eyes widening with mounting horror, I surveyed the damage occurring to my sausage and beans with no small sense of panic. My pubes were actually bubbling and fizzing, in much the same way they might if one of James Cameron's Aliens had just sprayed their acid blood upon them. There were no swear words strong enough to adequately describe the agony, and in my delirium I began making them up. I don't recall exactly what I screamed, but I'm fairly sure the entirely-new expletive "funting" was employed.

With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man's land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock's "Psycho". Although believe me, being hacked to death by Norman Bates in a dress would have been a walk in the park compared to the searing agony I endured that fateful day.

Oh jesus lol

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

Being scottish, im not a wimp like all the other reviewers of this product. I squeezed the whole tube out and smeared it all over my back,sack and crack. The sensation was the most intense thing i have EVER experienced. I can strongly recommend it to all men out there. I now do this on a weekly basis, forming a rather intense thursday night experience... but i need more each time for the same hit!

ps. however, i think i may now also be sterile as a side effect.

 

[Nekov]

 

I've read only a couple but I'm having a blast

[lonestar]

I can now pass urine in three positions, standing, sitting, and curled up in a ball weeping.

Should anyone wish to experience a similar level of pain, I suggest lowering your love spuds into a pan of boiling cillit bang, whilst getting a friend or colleague to roughly insert a pineapple into the suntanned cyclops using a six pound sledgehammer and a good run up.

 

[King Postwhore]

 

Wow oh wow!!

[hefdaddy42]

Glorious.

[SeRoX]

I think I'm ordering right NOW!

[Elite]

Holy shit, this is amazing 

[Ravenheart]

  Reminds me of this: https://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A

[millahh]

oh jesus...a couple of those had me in tears...

I am giving the product only 4 stars as I feel the instructions should be in larger font so that they can be read whilst crying.

 

[Nel]

...snip...

Oh jesus lol

Sweet christ. I'm laughing so hard I am literally crying. 

[DebraKadabra]

This made the rounds on FB not too long ago - completely hilarious!