5 years ago today....

[gmillerdrake]

....I woke up after binge drinking the day before, and with heavy tears in my eyes looked at my wife and admitted to her I had no control over my drinking....that I was an alcoholic.

 I had been struggling with accepting that fact for years....trying time and time again to 'prove' to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic and that I had control. I had already stopped for a year once, and another time stopped for 6 months. Only to reward myself with those instances of false control with months of binge drinking. My particular 'type' of alcoholism I guess if you want to call it that wasn't "I need to drink" every day. It was, when I did drink I drank every ounce of alcohol I could get my hands on once I started and wouldn't stop until my body shut down.

 Well, that particular morning was the morning after a golf tournament where I had started drinking around 6:00 am and stopped somewhere in the am hours the day after. It was on the heels of having stopped drinking for a year already to prove to my wife I could...it was one of those 'reward' days. We'd been arguing about the way I drank and when I woke up that morning and realized not only could I have killed someone else and ruined another families life by doing so....I threatened my family's well being also. I had a three and one year old son and a wife who were counting on me to be the man I was supposed to be for them.

 So as I said, as I sat there crying in bed I vowed to my wife that I was done drinking....that I was going to do all I could to be the best father and husband I could be. I sought out counseling to confront the issues I had from being molested as a child which I knew were a large factor in my self destructive behavior and I just stopped drinking. That was it.

My wonderful wife and Faith helped lead and guide me through the tough times of counseling and at first the 'urge' to drink was there but at this point I haven't 'wanted' to drink in ages. But, I know myself and I know that there is no chance I can just have 'one beer'...because I've never been able to do that....so I have just removed drinking from my life all together.

There are a couple of you guys here on this board who have encouraging stories....RJ, Barry...Akasha...tp name a few, that are inspirations to me to keep focused and realize that although our stories might not be the same the struggle and fight is. And it's helpful knowing others are fighting that fight and 'winning' as well. But it is a fight and it will never end so thank you to those who have encouraged me privately.

Sorry for the long post...I typically try to stray from those and one of the only reasons I even posted was hoping that maybe if one of you guys/gals is out there and know that you're fighting that battle as well and maybe on the losing end right now....keep at it and realize that you can overcome it. Anyway, thanks for reading.



I have this 'trophy' from the golf tournament the last day I drank....it helps serve as a reminder to me.....

[King Postwhore]

I look at post like this and think, If Gary is strong enough to stop, I need to lose weight.  Fight the good fight Gary.  You are an inspiration.

[senecadawg2]

Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work! 

[KevShmev]

Good stuff, man. Stay strong!!

[Tick]

You are quite a stand up guy Gary! Just because someone becomes sober doesn't mean they automatically become a good person. You are a class act, Gary! Great to read this post!

[hefdaddy42]

Great post, buddy!

[FlyingBIZKIT]

I love reading threads like this. Seriously. The amount of inspiration I receive from these is just amazing.

[TioJorge]

  Thumbs and toes up. Good stuff brudda. Everyone has their battles...and they don't stop till you drop; stories like these make those battles a bit easier. Support is vital...necessary.

[CrimsonSunrise]

Awesome stuff Gary!  Keep plugging away and fight the good fight.  Big Kudos Amigo! 

[gmillerdrake]

Thank you all for the kind sentiments....every supportive word, spoken or typed is truly valuable.

[lonestar]

The mutual support I receive from our little recovery group here is invaluabl, and post like this remind me why sobriety kicks ass. Rock on Gary, and thanks for sharing man.

[Milzinga]

So cool!! That's amazing, what an encouraging story and great testimony. I noticed you mentioned your faith and you reference 1 Tim 2:5. As a Christian myself it's wonderful to hear your recovery story. About the same time as you I went through a very difficult time myself when my fiance left me. An encouraging verse that helped me was Psalm 42:5
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

[Onno]

Great stuff man, congratulations on 5 years of sobriety!

[Akasha]

Congratulations Gary! 5 years is amazing. I just have a little over a year and half to reach that. Our support system here is amazing. Keep the faith.

[jingle.boy]

hhmmm... sorry I missed this last week.  I think Tick put it perfectly.  You're a top shelf kinda guy my friend, and high on my list of DTF meetups to scratch off my bucket list.  Many congratulations for you, and the entire Miller household.

[TAC]

5 Years is a great achievement. Congratulations.

[Podaar]

Wow, congratulations, Gary! What an awesome and inspiring achievement. 

[gmillerdrake]

Again...thank you all for your comments. Like the rest of humanity I still have struggles and MANY things I need to improve about myself....but not having alcohol in my life makes addressing those struggles much more easy.

I just have a little over a year and half to reach that. Our support system here is amazing. Keep the faith.

I've no doubts you'll get there! And you are right, the DTF support system is pretty tight....

[wkiml]

congrats on your sobriety I myself celebrated 5 years back in May..

I wish you nothing but continued success

[Cool Chris]

I had a three and one year old son and a wife who were counting on me to be the man I was supposed to be for them.

I myself have had problems with alcohol, including 2 DUIs, and the above statement resonated with me deeply. My daughter just turned three, and thinking I am not being the best dad I can for her hurts me. I hope you continue on your journey of success.

[ReaPsTA]

Thank you for sharing.  Inspiring story.  Congratulations on your sobriety and hope you and your family are doing well.

[kirksnosehair]

In a lot of ways, I think giving up alcohol is more challenging than giving up stuff like Heroin or Oxycontin and here's why:   Drinking alcohol is 100% legal and socially acceptable.  Everyone drinks and no one is going to look at you strangely when you're knocking back a few cold ones, right?  Perfectly normal....


Shooting smack?  Eh, not so socially acceptable     


All I'm saying is quitting drinking is not easy.  Some people do it with Church (Neal Morse, for example) and others do it with a 12-step program (Mike Portnoy, for example) and still others may find talking to a therapist to be helpful.  There are some (like me) who use a combination of tools to stay on the straight and narrow.


As far as I'm concerned, Gary, you're a superstar     

[Jaq]

Way to go, dude. I'm six months shy of 20 years of sobriety myself, and I remember how rough the first few years of sobriety were for me (especially the first, since I quit cold turkey with no therapy or help of any sort.) Five years is a great accomplishment 

[RandalGraves]

Congratulations, man.  I know drinking has definitely helped to squander some of my relationships in the past, so you're post is very inspiring.  Keep up the good work.

[jingle.boy]

Way to go, dude. I'm six months shy of 20 years of sobriety myself, and I remember how rough the first few years of sobriety were for me (especially the first, since I quit cold turkey with no therapy or help of any sort.) Five years is a great accomplishment 

Shit dude... never knew. 

[Jaq]

Way to go, dude. I'm six months shy of 20 years of sobriety myself, and I remember how rough the first few years of sobriety were for me (especially the first, since I quit cold turkey with no therapy or help of any sort.) Five years is a great accomplishment 

Shit dude... never knew. 

That was the downside of my decade of adventures, sadly: I wound up a full blown alcoholic. All's well that ends well, though.

[ThatOneGuy2112]

I just love posts like this. Mad props for being as strong as you are, and here's to another lifetime of health.

[gmillerdrake]

Way to go, dude. I'm six months shy of 20 years of sobriety myself, and I remember how rough the first few years of sobriety were for me (especially the first, since I quit cold turkey with no therapy or help of any sort.) Five years is a great accomplishment 

Wow. 20 years...that's awesome I did the cold turkey stop also, didn't go to a counselor until I was over a year sober because it took me being sober to get up the nerve to talk about being molested as a kid....knowing that finally facing the abuse and 'dealing' with it would be tough to do.

And you're right...the first year or so was tough because I was still trying to talk myself into believing that I really didn't have a drinking problem...that I had just stopped for a year again. But thankfully I didn't give in and stuck with it from great support from my wife and inspiration from my kids and bolstered strength from my Faith.

One of the 'side effects' from the type of abuse I went through...which maybe others go through as well...is that no matter how good I do something or what I do accomplish, I never feel like it is an accomplishment or that I've done a good job. Apparently it's common in victims of any type of abuse especially when it's happened to them as children....and even to this day I have a problem even accepting a simple compliment because I honestly don't think I 'deserve' it. It's something I hope to overcome someday but have a large issue doing so.

[jingle.boy]

^ that's gotta be rough dude.  I couldn't imagine constantly questioning my worthiness or deservedness.  Well, hopefully you recognize how accomplished you are - given what you share here about your family (nuclear and extended), it seems pretty obvious to me - along with all the posts above - you put in the effort to earn your spoils.

[gmillerdrake]

^ that's gotta be rough dude.  I couldn't imagine constantly questioning my worthiness or deservedness.  Well, hopefully you recognize how accomplished you are - given what you share here about your family (nuclear and extended), it seems pretty obvious to me - along with all the posts above - you put in the effort to earn your spoils.

It's something I'm getting better at. But it's really a process for me because my initial response to a compliment or anything 'positive' is automatically on my mind 'nope...not worth it' Its even affected my Spiritual growth at times. But ever since "discovering" and really becoming aware of that tendency I have been on the path of trying to overcome it.

It's crazy how the physical aspect of abuse certainly can hurt you....but how the mental aspect is far more difficult to cope  with and understand. I am thankful for my Wife and Faith though because that tandem has really impacted me in ways I can't articulate.

[jingle.boy]

^ that's gotta be rough dude.  I couldn't imagine constantly questioning my worthiness or deservedness.  Well, hopefully you recognize how accomplished you are - given what you share here about your family (nuclear and extended), it seems pretty obvious to me - along with all the posts above - you put in the effort to earn your spoils.

It's something I'm getting better at. But it's really a process for me because my initial response to a compliment or anything 'positive' is automatically on my mind 'nope...not worth it' Its even affected my Spiritual growth at times. But ever since "discovering" and really becoming aware of that tendency I have been on the path of trying to overcome it.

It's crazy how the physical aspect of abuse certainly can hurt you....but how the mental aspect is far more difficult to cope  with and understand. I am thankful for my Wife and Faith though because that tandem has really impacted me in ways I can't articulate.

You keep referring to this Faith chick.  Is she hawt?  Must be nice to have such an understanding wife.