....I woke up after binge drinking the day before, and with heavy tears in my eyes looked at my wife and admitted to her I had no control over my drinking....that I was an alcoholic.
I had been struggling with accepting that fact for years....trying time and time again to 'prove' to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic and that I had control. I had already stopped for a year once, and another time stopped for 6 months. Only to reward myself with those instances of false control with months of binge drinking. My particular 'type' of alcoholism I guess if you want to call it that wasn't "I need to drink" every day. It was, when I did drink I drank every ounce of alcohol I could get my hands on once I started and wouldn't stop until my body shut down.
Well, that particular morning was the morning after a golf tournament where I had started drinking around 6:00 am and stopped somewhere in the am hours the day after. It was on the heels of having stopped drinking for a year already to prove to my wife I could...it was one of those 'reward' days. We'd been arguing about the way I drank and when I woke up that morning and realized not only could I have killed someone else and ruined another families life by doing so....I threatened my family's well being also. I had a three and one year old son and a wife who were counting on me to be the man I was supposed to be for them.
So as I said, as I sat there crying in bed I vowed to my wife that I was done drinking....that I was going to do all I could to be the best father and husband I could be. I sought out counseling to confront the issues I had from being molested as a child which I knew were a large factor in my self destructive behavior and I just stopped drinking. That was it.
My wonderful wife and Faith helped lead and guide me through the tough times of counseling and at first the 'urge' to drink was there but at this point I haven't 'wanted' to drink in ages. But, I know myself and I know that there is no chance I can just have 'one beer'...because I've never been able to do that....so I have just removed drinking from my life all together.
There are a couple of you guys here on this board who have encouraging stories....RJ, Barry...Akasha...tp name a few, that are inspirations to me to keep focused and realize that although our stories might not be the same the struggle and fight is. And it's helpful knowing others are fighting that fight and 'winning' as well. But it is a fight and it will never end so thank you to those who have encouraged me privately.
Sorry for the long post...I typically try to stray from those and one of the only reasons I even posted was hoping that maybe if one of you guys/gals is out there and know that you're fighting that battle as well and maybe on the losing end right now....keep at it and realize that you can overcome it. Anyway, thanks for reading.
I have this 'trophy' from the golf tournament the last day I drank....it helps serve as a reminder to me.....