Scenes From A Hat v. Rising from the Ashes

[Podaar]

Know. Thy. Audience.

If any of the rest of you are confused as to why my entry won, all I can say is spend a month in Australia. You'll get it. 

Updated standings:

Jingle.boy - 71
gmillerdrake - 52
Podaar - 32
kingshmegland - 26 (or whoosie whatever)
lonestar - 25
TempusVox - 23
Stadler -18
Cool Chris - 17
TAC - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
TheSilentHam - 10
masterthes - 9
BlobVanDam, hefdaddy42, Snow Dog - 8
Soupytwist, Zydar, El Barto - 7
MetalJunkie, JayOctavarium, Vmadera - 6
LeeHarveyKennedy, TheLordOfTheStrings- 5
Dragon Attack, Jarlaxle, Jonnybaxy, Mister Gold, wolfking - 4
FlyingBIZKIT, Scorpion, Prog Snob, millahh, Master Cup-Zula, DebraKadabra -  3
Faizoff, AngelBack, Ruba, robwebster, Jaffa,contest sanity, bout to crash, 984759827 -  2
XJDenton, Indiscipline, Super Star Wars, Soundgarden, Raven Heart, Pols Voice Lucien, Lolzeez, Jamesman, Ħ , Fiery Winds, der Ruhige Schinken, chknptpie, Cedar-redaC – 1


Next scene:

Things you can say about your favorite restaurant, that you can't say about your partner.

[jingle.boy]

Good thing everything tastes great, because there's zero charm.

It's got over a thousand 5* reviews on Yelp.

[Snow Dog]

"Has Tiger Woods eaten here?"

"I can't believe you're so cheap!"

[Lonk]

Everytime I eat it's a little salty, but I don't mind.

[faizoff]

Eating out here is a pleasure! No need to worry about any hair in your clams.

[gmillerdrake]

They never complain about my tip being small

[XJDenton]

"You'd be amazed at what they can do with otherwise boring vegetables."

[jingle.boy]

i love it despite the pie tastes like it's a week old.

[gmillerdrake]

Really love and am beyond impressed in the ability to handle large groups. Didn't matter which entrance they came in either, was able to accept with ease and please all.

[wolfking]

Know. Thy. Audience.

[wolfking]

'Jeez, it's lovely and quiet in here.'

[King Postwhore]

The restaurant doesn't bitch, when I'm finished.

[TAC]

Check please.

[jingle.boy]

It's amazing how much meat they pack into that burrito, and they're still so damned tight.

[TAC]

At least they honor my yeast allergy.

[King Postwhore]

No reservation needed here!

[Jamesman42]

They're open all night.

[soupytwist]

- Do you have a low fat version?
- I'm not eating that till you remove the hairs.
- What a delicious rump.
- This clam is great, but I could do without the crabs on the side.

[Stadler]

"You're such a nympho, Mom, I was just here this morning. Now get off him, we're late for darts down at the pub. Let's go Kade..."

How could this not be the winner!!  Brilliant! 

I never post pics of myself but this deserves a thumbs up from me Gregg!

And here I've been thinking all these years that your avatar was Kip Winger!!!   

[TAC]

Australian for Kip.

[Podaar]

Some great, naughty, entries my friends. Right out of the gate, jingle got me though.

It's got over a thousand 5* reviews on Yelp.

The Great White North takes the victory. You're up Chad!

[jingle.boy]

Updated standings:

Jingle.boy - 72
gmillerdrake - 52
Podaar - 32
kingshmegland - 26 (or whoosie whatever)
lonestar - 25
TempusVox - 23
Stadler -18
Cool Chris - 17
TAC - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
TheSilentHam - 10
masterthes - 9
BlobVanDam, hefdaddy42, Snow Dog - 8
Soupytwist, Zydar, El Barto - 7
MetalJunkie, JayOctavarium, Vmadera - 6
LeeHarveyKennedy, TheLordOfTheStrings- 5
Dragon Attack, Jarlaxle, Jonnybaxy, Mister Gold, wolfking - 4
FlyingBIZKIT, Scorpion, Prog Snob, millahh, Master Cup-Zula, DebraKadabra -  3
Faizoff, AngelBack, Ruba, robwebster, Jaffa,contest sanity, bout to crash, 984759827 -  2
XJDenton, Indiscipline, Super Star Wars, Soundgarden, Raven Heart, Pols Voice Lucien, Lolzeez, Jamesman, Ħ , Fiery Winds, der Ruhige Schinken, chknptpie, Cedar-redaC – 1


Next scene:

if company slogans were honest

[wolfking]

"You're such a nympho, Mom, I was just here this morning. Now get off him, we're late for darts down at the pub. Let's go Kade..."

How could this not be the winner!!  Brilliant! 

I never post pics of myself but this deserves a thumbs up from me Gregg!

And here I've been thinking all these years that your avatar was Kip Winger!!!   

[soupytwist]

McDonalds : Probably contains spit.
Pesci : For when you can't find a coke.
BMW or Audi : Driven by Tossers.
Adobe Acrobat : Updating....

[King Postwhore]

I'm needing it.

Our Whopper is bigger than yours.

What's the beef?

Diarrea, gracias taco bell.

[XJDenton]

AT&T: Your only option.

[hefdaddy42]

Little Caesar's: Hey, technically, it's pizza.

[Lonk]

Toyota - It's Going to Break in Some Places.

[Jamesman42]

Little Caesar's: Hey, technically, it's pizza.

It's almost pizza!

[King Postwhore]

The King of Beers?

[gmillerdrake]

Pfizer - Y'all some gullible mother fuc%ers

[Lonk]

Geico - Did we say 15 minutes? we meant 50 minutes.

[King Postwhore]

Reach Out & Goose someone. 

It takes a licking and goes limp.

Our most important package is your, package.

[TAC]

The King of Beers?

[Jamesman42]

Target: an apt name for the right