"Player No. 5, smell my pit. Now smell your pit, now back to mine. Sadly, you don't smell like me, but if you used Old Spice body wash, you would smell like a champion instead of a chump. Look down, back up, where are you? You're in the middle of a game, getting your ass kicked. Look in your hand, where's the ball? Back at me, it's in mine, dunking on your chump ass. The buzzer has sounded and you've lost the game! See what is possible when you smell like a champion and not a chump? I'm yelling in you ear."
*insert whistle jungle*