I’m really, really sorry, DTF

[bosk1]

Hey, guys.  I first and foremost want to say that I am sorry.  I have ignored some things on here for quite some time.  When I was here, I was not really present.  And then I disappeared altogether for awhile.  (I almost always have a browser window open, so I know it looks like I am always on, to those that know how to check; but I haven’t been here in awhile)

I’m not going to give you excuses.  But I am going to just tell you what’s been going on, at least a little bit, although I won’t be getting into the details.  But I have been going through some very difficult times and I have some very difficult problems, and I have people very close to me that are losing control, and it has all impacted me in ways that are hard to describe and hard to talk about and think about.  There have been times when all I could do was literally just ignore the world outside and just cry and withdraw.  I have responded largely by denying that anything was wrong and burying it, ignoring it, and not dealing with some things that need to be dealt with.  Sometimes, I would actively look for urgent things to pour myself into so that my time would be absorbed into doing that rather than dealing with other important things.  On the outside, everything looks fine.  My life looks great.  But on the inside, it is turmoil and turbulence at times.  And the mere thought of dealing with certain things, even some routine ones that shouldn’t be a big deal, causes seemingly uncontrollable anxiety that I don’t know how to cope with.

Again, I’m not making excuses.  Just sharing a bit of the why.

As far as the what, that’s not really relevant other than to say that that has obviously carried over here.  I have let a lot of things go, haven’t dealt with some things that need to be dealt with, etc.  And most of you may not have even noticed.  If that describes you, then I’m glad.  But I know I have let a lot of you down.  And I let my mod/admin team down by not letting them know what was going on so that they could at least try to have some answers for you all when I disappeared.  I’m going to try to do better.  I have some things I need to handle, including some things here.  I’m just asking that you all be patient while I try to pull myself together and do that.  This community and the people that have made it great deserve better than I have given.

This isn’t a promise that everything will be fine moving forward.  I am trying.  And I am getting help.  And I do promise that I will do better, because you all deserve that.  I’m not “better.”  But I am becoming aware of what’s going on, and, as I said, I am getting help. 

This also isn’t a cry for help, and as I’ve said, it’s not meant to be a set of excuses.  Just letting you know (1) a bit of the “why” I’ve dropped the ball and (2) an apology for doing so.  You all have my gratitude for making this an exceptional community.  You have my apology for my avoidance of my responsibilities here.  Some may choose not to accept either, and that is your prerogative.  For those that choose to accept those, thank you.  For all of you, I just humbly ask your patience a I try to do better for you all. 

Thanks for reading at least some of this long post.  I hope it makes a fraction of the sense on screen that it did in my head.

[faizoff]

Be well our mod friend.

[gmillerdrake]

I truly hope that stability, resolve, peace, solutions....any and all needs that your life requires right now....finds you and those around you. This community is incredible and it's a testament to the foundation that you and the mods have set in place that allow us all to enjoy it. Please reach out if there is anything you need.

[EPICVIEW]

it will be ok   we all go through things, times, inner stress,,,,,its normal,  the good news is it will pass, the only thing that stays consistent in life is change ,... it will get better ....  wishing you peace and strength during this time  and  you are closer to  the better days than you know

[Adami]

I’m here, boss. If you need or want to reach out. I’m here.

[King Puppies and the Acid Guppies]

I've always said that our real life responsibilities and issues always take precedence over things like internet forums and things like that.

So no matter what you are going through, Bosk, take care of yourself first and foremost. This forum can wait for as long as you need. And now that you have this out in the open and the mods know what is going on, we can get along without you for as long as you need to get things under control/sorted out.

The folks on this forum seem to always be understanding about things like this and a lot of them are good people to talk to if you need to get things off your chest. I know this from personal experience.

In the end, this is the internet community that I spend the most time with and we'll still be here no matter how much time you need. You just take care of you. And if you feel the need, reach out to any of us around here that you feel comfortable reaching out to.

[Cool Chris]

None of us are here without you, Bosk, and people like TAC and me would have no contact with the outside world. You have our support.

[lonestar]

No matter the issue, when the chips are down, you know you have friends and support, in any way you need them. DTF is a strong and vibrant community, and we take care of each other. In my hardest days, people here have carried me, whether they knew it or not. And like a family, they loved me through whatever life threw at me. I always found support here.


We are always available, no matter the need my friend. Please be well, and I hope more peaceful times find you soon.

[jammindude]

Bosk…I was worried. Seriously REALLY worried. I was a tiny bit upset that there wasn’t just a “sorry guys…personal emergency…more later”…but mostly I was just really really worried.

You mean a lot to us. You mean more than you might think *TO ME*.  Please stay well, and I will be keeping you in my prayers.

[SwedishGoose]

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time Bosk.

Nothing on this board is more important than health and sanity. Take all the time you need to sort out what needs to be sorted out.

As others have said, if you need it this is a very helpful and understsnding place. But we fully understand you might need to totally withdraw.

Sounds good that you are getting help. Hope everything will turn out alright for you soon.

[wolfking]

Hey boss.  Firstly, it takes some big nads to put this post out there.  I'm sure those who were worried and confused about certain things will take some comfort from this.   

Appreciate the remorse mate but I believe we all here just want each other to be well and happy.  So, don't stress over us, focus on what you're going through and we will all do what we can to offer any support to you.

I don't think you need to apologise as personally you have given me a place for years to give me an outlet from my own daily headaches and grind.  I've met and become friends with people here and over the years, feel and are closer to these people than I do most I come across daily.  I have YOU to thank for that.

So, please take care and use us here also to help if we can.

Take care brother, thoughts to you, you'll get through this.   

[Zydar]

I echo the sentiments from the other posters. Thank you for giving us a great and warm community, bosk. Take care of your health first, no apologies needed here.

[WilliamMunny]

Piggybacking on the sentiment in Jammin's (and everyone's) posts–this place has meant a lot to me over the years, and by extension, that includes you.

As you said, the specifics aren't important–what is important is that you dealing with something right now.

Thank you for sharing that, and, of course, you have my patience. More importantly, you have my support.

If ever you want to vent/chat/or just play shoot the proverbial shit, please reach out (same goes for anyone here).

James

[Lonk]

Be well Bosk, Hope everything resolves.

[King Postwhore]

Glad you responded. I've been there. I disappeared from social media when it was rough. But friends in life and online helped me.  We can to.  We can be there for you.

I hope things turn our well for you sir.

[jingle.boy]

As Joe says... many of us have been there.  I had noticed a week or so that you were noticeably absent, and was wondering what might be up.  Whatever it is that is going on, you have as much or as little support from any/all of us as you want or need.

Unless it involves agreeing with Stadler.  That's where Adami draws the line.

[Adami]

As Joe says... many of us have been there.  I had noticed a week or so that you were noticeably absent, and was wondering what might be up.  Whatever it is that is going on, you have as much or as little support from any/all of us as you want or need.

Unless it involves agreeing with Stadler.  That's where Adami draws the line.

I’d agree with Stadler, in the right circumstance. Maybe.



Probably not.

[TAC]

Jerry,

First off, it's good to just "hear your voice again", and secondly, I am very sorry for the challenges that you are dealing with. The last year has just been one long suck fest.

This is a very special place, filled with special people who..actually give a shit about each other, and you've really been vital to this community. Your mod staff has done a great job, and it's your leadership that really stands out.

You don't owe anyone an apology.

You take the time you need and our arms are always open.

[Metro]

Thank you for the response Bosk.

*deleted comment*

This is uncalled for.

[hefdaddy42]

This is uncalled for.

OK, he's already edited it out of his post.  Let's move on and not let this derail anything.

[jingle.boy]

Thank you for the response Bosk.

*snip*

This is uncalled for. Whether you care about the contest or not, mine and the other people’s concerns in that thread were valid. And who gives a shit about “low posts”, as you say. So their concerns would only be valid if they have a post count as high as yours? Sorry some of us don’t spend every waking moment on this site.

I think Tim's comment was directed towards those that are new and perhaps not as "committed" to DTF as those of us (regardless of post count) who have been here regularly for years - or decades.

Also, I don't think the comment is any less uncalled for than to ask people to react to Bosk in this kind of manner

I think it's well past time to give up on this. And keep this experience in mind if he does another one of these contests in the future.

... or other passive shots at Bosk, when there was a simply a lull communication about prizes being dolled out.  Anyone who is here just for the prize is doing it wrong (imo), and anyone who thinks Bosk attempted to "dupe" people with the promise of prizes to get some money certainly doesn't know Bosk or DTF very well.  It's a very generous thing that Bosk does for this group to offer some swag as a "thanks" to people that help financially, not as a fucking lure.

It's a fucking donation, not a lottery.

/rant

Edit, sorry if this is further derailment.

[wolfking]

Not sure what Tim wrote, but to be fair most of his comments are uncalled for. 

[wolfking]

Well said Chad.  I've said all along, no need for prizes, DTF in itself is the prize and the only prize I need.  Remember that bosk.  That's what this place does for people.  Fuck any other materialistic prizes.  The Donations thread was getting tiresome and glad Nick closed it.

[Metro]

At the risk of derailing the thread further…
jingle, I said everything I have to say about the contest in the thread. You and others can read it at your leisure instead of nitpicking a single comment that I’ll admit was too harsh in hindsight.
And to Bosk. I apologize if mine and other’s comments in that thread were too harsh at times.

Let’s let it rest. He responded. He’s addressing it.

[TAC]

Not sure what Tim wrote, but to be fair most of his comments are uncalled for. 

Totally fair.

[hefdaddy42]

FFS

[hefdaddy42]

Let's move on and not let this derail anything.

[lonestar]

FFS

Right? We're probably worse than your kids.

[wolfking]

FFS

Sorry mate. 

[jingle.boy]

FFS

Yes, we all have Fat Finger Syndrome.  King moreso than others, but pretty soon he won't be able to use that excuse.

[Harmony]

Hey I thought things seemed a little more relaxed around here....haha, I kid, I kid.

I hope things look up for you soon, bosk.  Sometimes taking a hiatus is the best thing to do and I doubt anyone here has a problem with you doing what you need to do.

[Stadler]

Late to the game on this, but I echo most of the sentiments here.  You take the time you need, and know we're all here for you in whatever way you need.   

Thinking about you.

[jammindude]

FFS

Yes, we all have Fat Finger Syndrome.  King moreso than others, but pretty soon he won't be able to use that excuse.

You’re going to cut his fingers off? That seems a little harsh… 

[King Postwhore]

He's Canadian, they abhor violence.   He'd just call me a chucklehead and then a keener.

[Glasser]

It makes me sad that you feel the need to apologize for struggling. I'm here ANYTIME if you ever want to vent or talk. I'm serious. Self preservation is not selfish. One day at a time my friend.