Eating out with a friend - when the bill comes

[Phoenix87x]

Being the socially inept, overthinking person I am, I was just curious how you all handle the bill when going to a restaurant with a friend.

Personally, I would be cool just getting separate checks, but going out with different people i've found there's different expectations depending on the person. And this is all when going out with my guy friends btw.

Some expect to just split it 50/50, some insist on paying it fully and taking turns, some just stare at me and wait for me to make a decision. Now, I'm totally cool with 50/50, but there's also the fact that I am an animal and I like to pig out when I go to a restaurant so now I feel like a dick for having spent way more.

And then the other day I go out to breakfast and being the weirdo I am, I looked at the menu ahead of time, picked exactly what I wanted and brought that exact amount of cash plus tip and put it on the check when it came. I'm 35 and my friend is 26 and he said do you only have paper cash? Do you have venmo and I just didn't even know what to say as I'm not into venmo or stuff like that.

So yeah, apologizes for again overthinking basic human interaction, but I was curious what you all prefer to do?

[MirrorMask]

I guess it depends on a case by case basis.

Who's this friend? how often do you hang out? male or female friend? I don't think there's a golden rule that works for everyone, depends on the situation.

For example, if eating out together is a common reoccourence, it could be doable to pay in turns. If it's more rare, getting separate bills is the best. Also, if she's a female friend, it depends on their ides about the whole paying of bills thing - some are VERY adamant about never wanting to get offered dinner, and some other might be ok with that, or taking turns.

Maybe you should drop casually the question when discussing the evening, or at the very beginning of it, just to make sure everyone agrees on what to do on that specific evening.

[XJDenton]

In Sweden it's pretty standard to just get separate cheques. In the US/UK, it would depend on the person, but usually it would be 50/50 unless a) I ate a lot more than the other person in which case I'd make sure I paid my share, or b) it was a small thing (like lunch) and I knew we would be going again in the near future, in which case paying the whole bill and them doing so next time would be on the cards.

[orcus116]

If it's one friend 50/50 generally works but in a group always separate checks since it can turn into a mini cluster as mentioned awhile back in the mildly irritating thread.

[Ben_Jamin]

Me and my friends take turns. Usually the one inviting will pay  the check. Even bar hopping, one person would pay and the another would pay at the other place.

If I don't have much to spend, I let them know I don't have much, yet they'll offer to pay because all my friends want is just to hang out. I'll do the same as well, if I have funds and want to hang out, I'll front the bill for whatever.

But it also depends. At the bars, I would just go to the bar and buy my drinks there. We would also take turns buying drinks for our table.

[lonestar]

Definitely a situational thing, but I rarely ask the establishment to split a check for me, been in the industry way too long and am way too conditioned against it.

[El Barto]

When eating out with my brother we more or less pay separately. Often times that's close to 50/50, but not always. Another friend and I will usually alternate (though she's gotten out ahead of me in that regard). Another friend pays for all of our meals as he's loaded and I am not. Yet with another group of friends I'll usually just throw them cash in an amount a little over my share and call it a day. Enough to make it obvious I'm more than covered. If my share of a ~$120 total for 3 is 40 I'll typically cough up 45 or 50, depending on what I've got. That makes it easier for the person actually paying.

Definitely a situational thing, but I rarely ask the establishment to split a check for me, been in the industry way too long and am way too conditioned against it.

Curious. My brother the lifelong waiter kind of prefers it that way. Modern POS systems make it easy to do, and I suspect four different people tipping on their own is probably better than one big tip, which may or may not be good.

[TAC]

I most definitely have the bill split.

[SwedishGoose]

Most of my friends have Swish (person to person instant transaction via mobile phone number) so one of us usually pays the check and the others Swish their amount to the one who payed.

[lonestar]

When eating out with my brother we more or less pay separately. Often times that's close to 50/50, but not always. Another friend and I will usually alternate (though she's gotten out ahead of me in that regard). Another friend pays for all of our meals as he's loaded and I am not. Yet with another group of friends I'll usually just throw them cash in an amount a little over my share and call it a day. Enough to make it obvious I'm more than covered. If my share of a ~$120 total for 3 is 40 I'll typically cough up 45 or 50, depending on what I've got. That makes it easier for the person actually paying.

Definitely a situational thing, but I rarely ask the establishment to split a check for me, been in the industry way too long and am way too conditioned against it.

Curious. My brother the lifelong waiter kind of prefers it that way. Modern POS systems make it easy to do, and I suspect four different people tipping on their own is probably better than one big tip, which may or may not be good.

I'm sure it is...I just have memories of it being a pain, then again servers will bitch about anything.

[XJDenton]

Most of my friends have Swish (person to person instant transaction via mobile phone number) so one of us usually pays the check and the others Swish their amount to the one who payed.

I still get odd looks from people when I tell them I don't use Swish.

[DragonAttack]

I most definitely have the bill split.

Does Mrs. TAC take offense when she has to then reach into her purse......

If it's just one bill and I'm with a friend (or with the wife and another couple)....it all depends.  If either group has an additional drink or two and a more expensive meal, that party generally (almost always), we'll split the total, but the higher spender lays down the cash for the tip.  With one couple, we always get separate checks, due to the discrepancy in what is ordered....sometimes we're $20-40 more, sometimes they are. 

I miss the days of having a couple of drinks and having them paid for, and then returning the favor the following week (day )

WTW is Swish?

[TAC]

I most definitely have the bill split.

Does Mrs. TAC take offense when she has to then reach into her purse......

Only if they don't take AmEx. Otherwise..I got it!

[bosk1]

I've done it all of those ways.  Just depends on the persona and circumstance.  Sometimes, when going out with a larger group for work, one person will often put it on their card, and the rest will pay back, either with cash, Venmo, Zelle, or whatever.

[XJDenton]

WTW is Swish?

Swedish Venmo.

[TAC]

I've done it all of those ways. 

[bosk1]

Past tense, of course.  I'm not as flexible as I once was.

[KevShmev]

It varies.

A couple friends are ones I do an every other time deal with, meaning I pay one time and they pay the next (and we don't worry about the costs each time, it all evens out in the end), and then a couple other friends are ones where we always get separate checks where we both get charged for exactly what each got, and if we get an appetizer that we split, whoever's idea it was will usually have the appetizer put on theirs.  No rhyme or reason, but it's just the habit we got into.  No issues ever come up, so it all works.

[TheCountOfNYC]

When eating out with a friend, we usually take turns, otherwise it gets too crowded down there.

[pg1067]

Depends on a lot of things.  I work with a guy, and we go to lunch together a couple times a month.  We usually take turns.

On the other hand, we sometimes split the check (sometimes with only one of us covering the tip).

Other times, and with other people, we get one check and each kick in the appropriate amount for what we ordered.

[ProfessorPeart]

I'm a cheapskate. Split checks all the time. Of course, that's back when I used to go into work and we would go out to lunch a lot. I really don't have any in person friends much anymore. Just one guy who I see all too rarely.

[jingle.boy]

Like Seinfeld, I usually just trust that I’ll be “Even Steven” eventually.

[wolfking]

I'm too much of a tightass to ever eat out and too much of a grumpy asshole to want to go out with friends to eat.

In the past though, I've always just paid for my own.  If it was a restaurant with one bill one person would pay the bill and the others give that person the money of what they had.  No fucking way I'm splitting if someone has eaten more than me.

[wolfking]

I'm a cheapskate. Split checks all the time. Of course, that's back when I used to go into work and we would go out to lunch a lot. I really don't have any in person friends much anymore. Just one guy who I see all too rarely.

Pretty much the same.  Although these days even if I did have friends, I would lose them quickly because the last thing I'd want to go is go out and eat food with them.  Just don't have the time or desire.  Even work colleagues I don't want to do that lol.

[Elite]

I most definitely have the bill split.

Yes, unless someone obviously has had like a ton more.

I guess most often over here one person would pay the bill and then you sort it out between everyone. Usually it would be 50/50.

[DragonAttack]

When eating out with a friend, we usually take turns, otherwise it gets too crowded down there.

This at least deserves a .....   

[TAC]

I most definitely have the bill split.

Yes, unless someone obviously has had like a ton more.

I meant separate checks.

[ReaperKK]

Usually do separate checks but there are a couple of close friends I've known forever that we just alternate.

[Dr. DTVT]

As someone who frequents eating establishments with other DTF members, we ask for separate checks unless we are at Star Tavern and splitting pizzas.  So that is the DTF rule - separate checks unless we are getting communal food.  Exception made if we are seeing Porcupine Tree.

[bosk1]

As someone who frequents eating establishments with other DTF members, we ask for separate checks unless we are at Star Tavern and splitting pizzas.  So that is the DTF rule - separate checks unless we are getting communal food.  Exception made if we are seeing Porcupine Tree.

Completely understandable exception.  I wouldn't want to eat before seeing Porcupine Tree either.  Vomiting is never fun.

[King Postwhore]

 

I disagree but damn, I needed that laugh bosk1. Thank you.

[XJDenton]

Completely understandable exception.  I wouldn't want to eat before seeing Porcupine Tree either.  Vomiting is never fun.

Listen here, you little shit...

[Stadler]

I don't know; I'm a pretty disciplined guy with my money, but when it comes to food and eating out...

- At work, usually the senior person picks up the tap and it's expensed.  I'm senior about half the time. 
- At home, with family - wife, kids - I pay 100% of the time.  If my oldest wants to, sometimes he picks up the tab, but usually it's me.
- With my close friends, we've been together for 35+ years; it all evens out in the end, IMO, even when it doesn't.  I have friends that have short arms and long pockets, and it is what it is.  I'm friends with them for other reasons. 
- With "new friends", like DTF meetups, usually I will open a tab.  Honestly, I'm not losing a friendship over the price of a beer or a sandwich.  If no tab, I will throw cash in.  I'm sorry, I'm not singling out anyone here, but I am NOT EVER figuring out my share to the penny; I will invariably overpay in those situations, but again, for me it's not a "cash transaction" like buying a CD or paying for an oil change.  If I'm meeting up like that, it's supposed to be "fun" and that's for me the price of that fun.

And, not going to lie, I sort of like the feeling of picking up tabs. Not ego, like I'm a bigshot, but rather as a gesture of friendship.  Like I'm sending the message that "I'm not letting $$ get in the way of our friendship" kind of thing. 

[gmillerdrake]

As others have mentioned it depends on the situation for me. If I ask a friend to dinner/lunch due to needing to catch up or having not seen them in a while I'll typically pick up the whole tab. But if this is a large get together with multiple families and what not I'll want the bill split to were I'm just paying for what I or we have eaten/ordered.

[King Postwhore]

I always ask before we order what the other people want to do.  Now if it's my brother, we split the bill.  So I guess it depends on how intimate you are with the company.