Author Topic: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)  (Read 2549 times)

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Online WilliamMunny

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When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« on: November 16, 2022, 10:21:28 AM »
Well, it kinda seems like the only things I post on here as of late are ‘bummer’ topics. That said, I’m kinda reeling, so I’m going to take a moment to put my thoughts into words.

Of course, comments/well-wishes/anecdotes are always welcome, but if this one hits too close to home, I completely understand moving on from this thread.

Long story short: my wife suffered a miscarriage followed by a life-threatening hemorrhage and is currently recovering from emergency surgery.

Despite the crazy headline, the details are beyond insane.

Two days ago, my wife texts me and says, “can you come here?” I find her in the kitchen, holding my son, looking like she needs to pee. I take over and she disappears. When she returns, I make a joke about the mexican we’d eaten for lunch (I assumed she had diarrhea), but she then tells me that she’s pretty sure she just had a miscarriage.

Um, how is that possible? We weren’t ‘trying,’ and she had an IUD. Apparent ‘1 in a 1000’ means, well, we were the one.

It was a heavy enough thought to think about losing a pregnancy we weren't even aware of, but the next day things got way worse. At work, my wife began to hemorrhage (I’ll spare you the details, but there was a trail of blood from her desk to the car)—fortunately, we work together, so I was able to drive her straight to the ER.

After six hours of dealing with the most misogynistic ER doctor ever, we were discharged and told to call our OB. Her bleeding had stopped and she wanted to leave, so I acquiesced despite my gut saying something was off. That was my first mistake.

We get home and she collapses as soon as she walks through the front door. I immediately tell her we are going back to the ER, but she convinces me she is just faint from not eating all day. That was my second mistake.

After she eats, I take her upstairs to help her shower and clean off. I get her in the shower, turn to grab a towel, and then she hits the floor. This time, she is having a seizure and bleeding profusely…our bathroom looks like a crime-scene.

I call down the stairs to the mother-in-law and tell her to call 911. Fortunately, the first-responders arrive five minutes later and promptly save her life.

Back to the ER, where an OB is brought in to do an emergency DnC. Apparently, the IUD had caused some damage to my wife (and the baby)...the idiot doctor we’d seen earlier had incorrectly assessed my wife’s condition and failed to realize how serious her condition was.

We are home now, and my wife is resting and recovering. According to the doctor, my wife should be back to normal in a week or so, which is blowing my mind considering how intense the last 24 hours has been.

At this point, I’ve slept 2 hours in the last three days. I am struggling to keep the adrenaline in check—there’s a part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Morals of the story? Go with your gut, and don’t trust a doctor who doesn’t seem to have interest in helping you. I should have demanded to have her transferred, and I am kicking myself for leaving when we should have stayed.

For anyone who reads/comments on this, thank you for affording me an opportunity to get my thoughts out.

Offline bosk1

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2022, 10:27:05 AM »
Oh my!  Man, I don't even have the words.  Thank goodness things worked out the way they did, as far as at least coming through the ordeal with her still alive!  Glad you feel comfortable enough with us all here to vent.  Thank God (literally, I'm praying and thanking God for this) for the "almost" part of your post. 
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2022, 10:28:29 AM »
Holy shit!

Glad she's doing much better. We've been talking about how fucked up ER's have been lately. They're called Emergency Rooms for a reason. Yet they're being clogged by non emergencies.

Count your blessings, man.
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Offline emtee

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2022, 10:35:06 AM »
Oh man, so sorry to hear this. Dealing with that kind of stress is overwhelming. Hope family and friends are nearby for support.

Offline El Barto

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2022, 10:42:10 AM »
Glad everything is alright.

Morals of the story? Go with your gut, and don’t trust a doctor who doesn’t seem to have interest in helping you. I should have demanded to have her transferred, and I am kicking myself for leaving when we should have stayed.
Absolutely. We've been conditioned to think that Dr's know what they're doing and we're not qualified to doubt them. We also tend to believe what we want to believe, and when we hear "yeah, it's not a big deal, everything will be fine" from a person in a position of presumed authority we run like hell with it. Doctors might know more about anatomy, but we all know more about ourselves than they ever will. Ask questions and judge how they respond.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2022, 11:01:21 AM »
I'm glad your wife is ok.  I can imagine the panic you were going through.  Both of you get some rest. 
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2022, 11:08:58 AM »
Good Lord......so relieved to hear your wife is doing well now and expecting a full recovery. I cannot imagine the emotion(s) that transpired during all of this. Such a crazy string of events. I hope you're able to get some rest soon as it sounds like you need a little breather.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2022, 11:21:20 AM »
What Barto said.  I'd like to think the Canadian healthcare system cares just a bit more about the patient, but I'm not so sure.  They're just too scattered, and care too little.  Glad it didn't turn out differently.

:hug:
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2022, 12:12:58 PM »
Holy crap!

Glad everything is finally turning out OK.  I would visit the ER again, to have a conversation with that doctor to let him know what he missed.  That way, maybe he won't miss it with the next patient in those circumstances.  Just a thought.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2022, 12:23:41 PM »
Damn, man. Glad to hear everything seems to be okay now. My gosh.

Get some rest, both of you, and be well.

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2022, 12:53:47 PM »
My goodness.  My heart is with you both.  I hope she heals quickly. 

Offline wolfking

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2022, 06:43:44 PM »
Wow, glad she is okay mate.  The health care system in general certainly seems to be going into freefall.  I can't imagine what you must have felt seeing and experiencing your soul mate going through all of that.
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Offline Harmony

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2022, 07:42:16 PM »
Holy f*ck that story is horrifying on so many levels.  I'm so glad to hear you are both recovering from your ordeal and I'm so sorry for your troubles.  My thoughts are with you and your wife.

I can't help but make a small suggestion.  If your wife has access to her electronic medical records (she may not but she may be able to get that set up fairly easily) it would be good look over the reports and spot any discrepancies before memory does its thing and makes things harder to recall.  Obviously healing is the paramount issue here.  But undoubtedly that doctor treats many women the way he treated your wife (I'm taking your word "misogynistic" to go off of) and it could be worthwhile reporting your experience to hospital patient services at the very least.  And if you find something that looks like malpractice then you'll have your reports to show to someone who may be giving you legal advice.

Healthcare providers like that have no business working with patients.

Please let us know how you both are doing once you've had a chance to catch your breath.  :heart
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2022, 09:02:26 PM »
So sorry, man. So thankful she finally got the help she needed and is doing better. I can only imagine how terrifying that must have been. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2022, 09:26:51 AM »
Wow, that's quite a terrible situation for your wife.  But I'm glad things, in the end, have had a happy ending here. Sounds really scary though.  Hope she recovers quickly.

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2022, 11:03:31 AM »
Oh my!  Man, I don't even have the words.  Thank goodness things worked out the way they did, as far as at least coming through the ordeal with her still alive!  Glad you feel comfortable enough with us all here to vent.  Thank God (literally, I'm praying and thanking God for this) for the "almost" part of your post.

Thank-you for that–48 hours later, she seems to be doing 'okay.' The biggest issue that remains is the emotional toll this has all taken. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I think it's beginning to hit us both.

Even our one-year old seems to sense what's happened. He's usually incredibly independent, but since I brought her home, he's been glued to her hip.

Holy shit!

Glad she's doing much better. We've been talking about how fucked up ER's have been lately. They're called Emergency Rooms for a reason. Yet they're being clogged by non emergencies.

Count your blessings, man.

It's good advice, and while I'm a pretty grateful person, I've been counting them way more closely this week.

Oh man, so sorry to hear this. Dealing with that kind of stress is overwhelming. Hope family and friends are nearby for support.

Appreciated.

Glad everything is alright.

Morals of the story? Go with your gut, and don’t trust a doctor who doesn’t seem to have interest in helping you. I should have demanded to have her transferred, and I am kicking myself for leaving when we should have stayed.
Absolutely. We've been conditioned to think that Dr's know what they're doing and we're not qualified to doubt them. We also tend to believe what we want to believe, and when we hear "yeah, it's not a big deal, everything will be fine" from a person in a position of presumed authority we run like hell with it. Doctors might know more about anatomy, but we all know more about ourselves than they ever will. Ask questions and judge how they respond.

While I agree with every word you wrote, in the heat of the moment, I still struggled to wrap my head around acting on my gut. Still kicking myself for it.

I'm glad your wife is ok.  I can imagine the panic you were going through.  Both of you get some rest. 

Rest is definitely all we will be doing next week!

Good Lord......so relieved to hear your wife is doing well now and expecting a full recovery. I cannot imagine the emotion(s) that transpired during all of this. Such a crazy string of events. I hope you're able to get some rest soon as it sounds like you need a little breather.

You know, after COVID, I really thought I was ready for anything. I have a handful of horror stories from the past few years, but nothing hit as close to home as this.

What Barto said.  I'd like to think the Canadian healthcare system cares just a bit more about the patient, but I'm not so sure.  They're just too scattered, and care too little.  Glad it didn't turn out differently.

:hug:

Every country has it's share of issues. Even the best hospital's crew of doctors and nurses exist on spectrum. I'm sure the ER we went to has a handful of genius doctors on staff.....I think we just got the resident dead weight that every workforce seems to carry.

Holy crap!

Glad everything is finally turning out OK.  I would visit the ER again, to have a conversation with that doctor to let him know what he missed.  That way, maybe he won't miss it with the next patient in those circumstances.  Just a thought.


Yeah, man. I'm with you, and there is probably a nasty review in that guy's future. But right now, I am way to focused on the present to grind any axes. That said, there will definitely be a time for it.

Damn, man. Glad to hear everything seems to be okay now. My gosh.

Get some rest, both of you, and be well.

Thank you–appreciated.

My goodness.  My heart is with you both.  I hope she heals quickly. 

You've had your fair share of heartbreak during these past few months, so I appreciate that you keep finding the time to be there for others. It means a lot.

Wow, glad she is okay mate.  The health care system in general certainly seems to be going into freefall.  I can't imagine what you must have felt seeing and experiencing your soul mate going through all of that.

She is DEFINITELY my soul mate. I was sitting there in the waiting room running through how I was going to take care of my one-year old when I got home, and I had a fleeting thought of what the next ten years might look like without my wife. I can tell you this–there is absolutely no space in my heart for anyone else. From here on out, we are either doing this together, or I will be alone.

Holy f*ck that story is horrifying on so many levels.  I'm so glad to hear you are both recovering from your ordeal and I'm so sorry for your troubles.  My thoughts are with you and your wife.

I can't help but make a small suggestion.  If your wife has access to her electronic medical records (she may not but she may be able to get that set up fairly easily) it would be good look over the reports and spot any discrepancies before memory does its thing and makes things harder to recall.  Obviously healing is the paramount issue here.  But undoubtedly that doctor treats many women the way he treated your wife (I'm taking your word "misogynistic" to go off of) and it could be worthwhile reporting your experience to hospital patient services at the very least.  And if you find something that looks like malpractice then you'll have your reports to show to someone who may be giving you legal advice.

Healthcare providers like that have no business working with patients.

Please let us know how you both are doing once you've had a chance to catch your breath.  :heart

I really appreciate this post–I am already one step ahead of you ;) Made a records request this morning so that I could get everything centralized in MyChart.


So sorry, man. So thankful she finally got the help she needed and is doing better. I can only imagine how terrifying that must have been. 

Wow, that's quite a terrible situation for your wife.  But I'm glad things, in the end, have had a happy ending here. Sounds really scary though.  Hope she recovers quickly.

Appreciate you both–yes, 'terrifying' is a good word for it.

That all said, the guy in charge of the first responders did me a massive solid.

When the paramedics were pulling my wife out of the shower, I was shouting questions, trying in vain to formulate a plan, and the guy in charge took my arm, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "Do not worry, I will take care of her. She's not going anywhere on my watch."

Then, she was in the ambulance and gone.

Whether or not the guy believed what he said, I can't say. But he said it with conviction, and it steeled my resolve and gave me the moment I needed to get my head right, pack a bag, make some calls, and drive to the ER.

I don't know the guy's name, but I owe him a beer.

Honestly, I kinda think I owe all of you a beer.

Offline bosk1

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2022, 11:20:23 AM »
When the paramedics were pulling my wife out of the shower, I was shouting questions, trying in vain to formulate a plan, and the guy in charge took my arm, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "Do not worry, I will take care of her. She's not going anywhere on my watch."

Then, she was in the ambulance and gone.

Whether or not the guy believed what he said, I can't say. But he said it with conviction, and it steeled my resolve and gave me the moment I needed to get my head right, pack a bag, make some calls, and drive to the ER.

I love this so much.  Really glad for you and her that this guy was there to say and do that. 
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Offline SwedishGoose

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2022, 12:18:31 PM »
Oh shit..... so glad everything turned out well in the end.

Always trust your gut and always try to find out information for yourself. Don't trust that the doctor's assessment is correct.
I lived with the fear of this happening to my wife for a huge part of our second pregnancy.
She had something called Placenta accreta where the placenta can grow into and even through the uterus.
The doctor's always said that sure this has happened but there is almost no risk of it goin to be any worse. Well it was again and again. We got to the worst stage.
Luckily we got the best surgery team to do a cesarean 5 weeks early (the risks of her bleeding to death was too high for her to go any further).
During the operation she was hooked up with lot's of tubes going in.
She lost 11 liters of blood that day... 6 more than a normal human has.

If we haden't been on our toes neither my wife nor my dauhter would be alvive today  almost 16 years later.

Online WilliamMunny

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2022, 12:19:17 PM »
When the paramedics were pulling my wife out of the shower, I was shouting questions, trying in vain to formulate a plan, and the guy in charge took my arm, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "Do not worry, I will take care of her. She's not going anywhere on my watch."

Then, she was in the ambulance and gone.

Whether or not the guy believed what he said, I can't say. But he said it with conviction, and it steeled my resolve and gave me the moment I needed to get my head right, pack a bag, make some calls, and drive to the ER.

I love this so much.  Really glad for you and her that this guy was there to say and do that.

Yeah, man, you and me both!

I know that the whole idea of what a Police Officer/Fire Fighter/First Responder is has changed over the past few years, and I have no wish to get political here, but there was a time in my life where that line of work was the job every little boy wanted to do when he grew up.

I get it.....one bad egg, blah, blah, blah. That said, I don't know many people who I'd call a 'hero,' but that guy I talked to the other night was a damn hero in my book.

Offline ProfessorPeart

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2022, 12:37:10 PM »
Just awful.

I have been documenting the health struggles of my wife since July and at one point I was afraid I was going to lose her. The feeling was overwhelming.

I have also posted many a time of how much I loathe ER's and how useless they seem to have become.

Call doctor about an issue -> doctor says go to ER and tell them to do x -> go to ER and have them completely ignore you -> have them run no tests or maybe one -> get your pain under control if you have any -> discharge you and tell you to follow up with your doctor = thanks for nothin'

We're still knee deep in health issues so I am living this every day and let me tell you, it's no fun.

In my current state, I almost bet I would walk into that ER, find that smug doctor and slug him. Of course, I work for the same company as all the hospitals we go to so that would be a job killer for me.

Just glad it worked out for you and that the worst is hopefully over.
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Offline MinistroRaven

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2022, 04:00:40 PM »
Wow, I really hope you guys find confort through this time. I know for experience that it can be traumatic even if you weren't expecting the new baby. My wife suffered a miscarriage back in 2014 and we lost our 7 months baby girl.

The hardest part for her is that they gave my wife a pill to induce her to deliver the death baby, and she suffered the pain of a delivering mom. She said she has never felt such hard pain it was like thousand knifes in her belly all at once. And the hardest part for me was that after 10 hours of pain my wife said to me I need to go to pee, and then when she was there she said, I think the baby is out you gotta take her cut the umbilical cord and put it in a blanket, I called my sister in law who was in the kitchen and asked her for scissors, man, I am the type of guy who CAN'T see blood, a scar or anything related, but in that moment I was only thinking on helping my wife and comforting her that I managed to hold the baby, cut the cord and not pass away while doing it.

After that I took my wife back to the clinic where they finished the procedure and cleaned her all inside.

I know our case it's a bit different as we were longing for our baby girl, but I can still feel your pain.

I hope you both can get through this and come out stronger as a couple.

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2022, 04:31:07 PM »
Holy shit. That was hard to read, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it was to experience. Glad all is well.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2022, 10:40:34 PM »
WM….I read this awhile ago, but I was too upset to say anything. The short version is that I’m sick and tired of doctors NOT listening to women, and I am so sorry that this happened to your wife (and, by extension, your entire family) and also I’m glad she’s doing better.
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #23 on: November 20, 2022, 10:54:21 PM »
Been mulling over this thread, trying to figure out what to say, because I wanted to say anything, but wasn't sure what it was.

Then one thing hit me...

When the paramedics were pulling my wife out of the shower, I was shouting questions, trying in vain to formulate a plan, and the guy in charge took my arm, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "Do not worry, I will take care of her. She's not going anywhere on my watch."

Then, she was in the ambulance and gone.

Whether or not the guy believed what he said, I can't say. But he said it with conviction, and it steeled my resolve and gave me the moment I needed to get my head right, pack a bag, make some calls, and drive to the ER.

I have only heard my mom yell once in my entire life. Long story made short, but years ago my dad fell off a ladder and knocked himself out. As my mom, a nurse, called for an ambulance, he was starting to come around and tried to get up. I kept telling him calmly to relax and stay put, but he wasn't having it. Then my mom shouted at him "LAY DOWN!" I felt her stop being his wife and start being a nurse taking control over a situation. And if it took her yelling at her husband of many years, that's what she was going to do.

My dad recently had major surgery, and my mom said everyone has acted with the utmost professionalism and care. I feel sad that you did not experience the same. My thoughts are with you.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #24 on: November 24, 2022, 07:09:39 AM »
I've never been a huge 'Thanksgiving' guy, but this year I am certainly feeling extra grateful.

Ten days later, my wife is well on the road to recovery and all is 'almost' back to normal in my house.

That said, I wanted to take a moment and say 'thanks' to everyone who participates in this forum (extra loud shout out to anyone who posted in this thread–deeply appreciated).

I realize that this forum is merely a small group of disparate music fans congregating on an archaic platform, but for my purposes, DTF is my 'home base.'

And any time I've needed an uplifting distraction, be it last week or at other points in my life, this forum has provided me with just that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #25 on: November 24, 2022, 08:06:19 AM »
I've never been a huge 'Thanksgiving' guy, but this year I am certainly feeling extra grateful.

Ten days later, my wife is well on the road to recovery and all is 'almost' back to normal in my house.


That's great news BMunn!
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #26 on: November 24, 2022, 08:16:51 AM »
That’s great news, WilliamMunny!
Though we live in trying times, we're the ones who have to try. -Neil Peart, 1952-2020.

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Offline Lethean

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2022, 11:59:02 AM »
I just read this and I'm so glad your wife is doing better.  And angry on her behalf at the treatment, or lack thereof, that she received.  She certainly deserved a lot better.

But she's still here and I'm very happy for you both.

Offline El Barto

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2022, 12:07:00 PM »
I've never been a huge 'Thanksgiving' guy, but this year I am certainly feeling extra grateful.

Ten days later, my wife is well on the road to recovery and all is 'almost' back to normal in my house.

That said, I wanted to take a moment and say 'thanks' to everyone who participates in this forum (extra loud shout out to anyone who posted in this thread–deeply appreciated).

I realize that this forum is merely a small group of disparate music fans congregating on an archaic platform, but for my purposes, DTF is my 'home base.'

And any time I've needed an uplifting distraction, be it last week or at other points in my life, this forum has provided me with just that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 :tup
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Online SeRoX

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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2022, 01:58:17 PM »
That was hard to read and horrible experience to say the least. Glad to hear that your wife are recovering. Hope you and your wife doing well after such experience.
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Re: When It Rains, It Pours (My Wife Almost Died Last Night)
« Reply #30 on: November 24, 2022, 11:34:39 PM »
Definitely thankful to hear your wife is recovering quickly!