Author Topic: Dear Neighbor,  (Read 11164 times)

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Online kingshmegland

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #35 on: September 13, 2009, 09:00:35 PM »
Dear Bill Bellichick,

Karma's a bitch.  18-1 fucker.

Signed,

Almost every NFL fan.

Dear Karma lovers,

Horseshoes & handgranades

Signed,

3 time superbowl seanson ticket holder! :P

Isn't that saying, "close only counts in horseshoes in hand grenades"?

So wouldn't that phrase apply to 18-1 being close...but not good enough?

  It meant you were close in hurting me  but then I remembered we had 3 SB's in this deacade.  I'll take 18-1 stave over the way the Bill have gone the last 10 years and then you have to deal with games in Canada.
“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart

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Offline blackngold29

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #36 on: September 13, 2009, 09:09:29 PM »
then I remembered we had 3 SB's in this deacade.*
fix'd
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Offline icysk8r

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2009, 10:46:16 PM »
If Santa answered his letters...

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,

It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.

-Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.

Santa

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

SweetDreams!

Santa
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Offline Nick

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #38 on: September 13, 2009, 10:52:03 PM »
Put a muzzle on your little shit yappy-ass dog (or even better, bring it inside), or I WILL punt it into the river.  I am in no mood for this today.

Sincerely,
Neon

When I was growing up my neighbors had the most annoying dog. I used to love winter because then I could throw snowballs at it.
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Offline Super Dude

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #39 on: September 13, 2009, 10:54:36 PM »
If Santa answered his letters...

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,

It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.

-Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.

Santa

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

SweetDreams!

Santa


Alright, where did you copy and paste this from?
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Offline Jamesman42

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2009, 11:05:05 PM »
Dear Women Everywhere,

You suck. That's why I love you.

Love,
Pimpdaddy Jamesman

Thank you. *bows*

Dear Corn on the Cob,
Find some way to be eaten without making it look like my gums are sprouting facial hair.

Sarah (wtih a DAMN BUILT-IN RETAINER!!! >:()

Oh hey there bebecakes.

Yeah, I have a built-in retainer as well, FTL.

Offline blackngold29

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #41 on: September 13, 2009, 11:13:54 PM »
The Santa letters are great. That Pokemon one is so true!
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Offline ariich

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #42 on: September 14, 2009, 12:51:50 AM »
Icy I swear half your posts are copied and pasted from somewhere.

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #43 on: September 14, 2009, 07:15:22 AM »
Santa one was rather stupid.
gone

Offline AcidLameLTE

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #44 on: September 14, 2009, 08:23:34 AM »
Dear Santa,

Please kill Icy for Christmas.

Love,

Everyone

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #45 on: September 14, 2009, 09:01:52 AM »
Dear Santa,

Please kill Icy for Christmas.

Love,

Everyone
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Offline ResultsMayVary

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #46 on: September 14, 2009, 09:04:10 AM »
Where would YOU be without prog?!
I'd be standing somewhere with dignity, respect, and bitches.
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Offline Shadoshi

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #47 on: September 14, 2009, 09:11:39 AM »
Dear Laura Dern Nikki or Susan,

It is the man in the green coat.

Sincerely,
Jack Rabbit

Offline Serpentor

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2009, 09:17:12 AM »
Dear Parent,

Stop bringing your goddam kids to daycare when they are sick.  Secondly, when they are sick and u decide to bring them anyway, please tell the little snot nosed pricks to not cough in my 8 month old daughter's face.  Your child already got my 3 yr old sick last week which led me to have to clean vomit out of her car seat.

Do it again and you will be shot

Sincerely,

A pissed off father.
Dear Santa,
Please kill Icy for Christmas.

Love,

Everyone

Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #49 on: September 14, 2009, 09:28:14 AM »
^^i hear that one^^....try it when you're sister in law IS the child care.




Dear Fat Nosey Gossip Lady Neighbour.

I don't care who's doing what in who's yard.
I don't care to tell you my business despite your persistent information fishing attempts.
I can barely remember your name - and have zero interest in what your teenage sons or fat lazy husband are up to.
You're still unemployed? Why am I not surprised.
I'm trying to get into my house with all of these groceries.
Why haven't you left yet?

Signed

Some guy.
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

Happy Lives to you all.

Offline nightmare_cinema

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #50 on: September 14, 2009, 10:18:01 AM »
Dear neighbour,

PLEASE stop singing. Yes there's a lot of passion in your rendition of The Blower's Daughter ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk ) and I do like that song, but you sing terriblly and it even manages to drown out my playing of dream theater, which when you moved in you deemed to be 'crap and unoriginal'.

Thanks,

Your neighbour
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Offline tri.ad

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #51 on: September 14, 2009, 11:53:16 AM »
Dear Santa,

Please kill Icy for Christmas.

Love,

Everyone

:rollin
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Offline icysk8r

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #52 on: September 14, 2009, 01:54:25 PM »
Icy I swear half your posts are copied and pasted from somewhere.
Is that a bad thing?
My own jokes aren't funny enough to be posted
 :(
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Offline ariich

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #53 on: September 14, 2009, 01:59:49 PM »
Well you don't HAVE to post jokes in every funny thread, not everyone is funny all the time! (I haven't come up with anything myself). I mean, there's nothing wrong with copying something from another site, but there's no point in just pasting loads of text with no link. Best thing to do in this case, for example, would have been to post a handful of your favourite ones, and then post a link to where you found them so we can all enjoy :)

Offline veronica

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #54 on: September 14, 2009, 02:00:53 PM »
Dear Prudence,
won't you come out to play.

Please,
Veronica


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Offline icysk8r

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #55 on: September 14, 2009, 02:02:45 PM »
Well you don't HAVE to post jokes in every funny thread, not everyone is funny all the time! (I haven't come up with anything myself). I mean, there's nothing wrong with copying something from another site, but there's no point in just pasting loads of text with no link. Best thing to do in this case, for example, would have been to post a handful of your favourite ones, and then post a link to where you found them so we can all enjoy :)
ah, well that was all that was on that site.  i actually wanted the "Dear Santa" one from funny junk if you have ever seen it, but I wanted text based, not image based.


dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,

When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.

Truthfully,
Collin
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Online lordxizor

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #56 on: September 14, 2009, 02:07:17 PM »
Put a muzzle on your little shit yappy-ass dog (or even better, bring it inside), or I WILL punt it into the river.  I am in no mood for this today.

Sincerely,
Neon

When I was growing up my neighbors had the most annoying dog. I used to love winter because then I could throw snowballs at it.
On my flight to NC a couple weeks ago I was flippng through the Skymall catalog and they had fake birdhouse thing that emitted a high frequency sound to make dogs shut up when it hears barking. I'm so going to buy one of those if I ever live next to an annoying dog. There's are few things worse than dogs who bark all the time.

Offline MetalManiac666

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #57 on: September 14, 2009, 02:43:53 PM »
Dear DTF,

Why the fuck did you insist on taking away 3 days, 18 hours and 46 minutes of my life that I'll never get back?  I hate you and your soul sucking addictiveness...

Love,
MetalManiac666

Offline ariich

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #58 on: September 14, 2009, 04:05:35 PM »
dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,

When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.

Truthfully,
Collin
:lol See it wasn't that hard to be funny was it? :D

Offline icysk8r

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #59 on: September 14, 2009, 04:07:27 PM »
dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,

When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.

Truthfully,
Collin
:lol See it wasn't that hard to be funny was it? :D
It took all I had.  ;D
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Offline SeRoX

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #60 on: September 14, 2009, 04:18:54 PM »
Dear God,

Plase turn all the Emos in to the Neanderthal.

Thankfully
Humanity
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Offline 73109

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #61 on: September 14, 2009, 04:50:58 PM »
Dear God,

Plase turn all the Emos in to the Neanderthal.

Thankfully
Humanity


Dear God,

Kill all the emos.

Offline Gwii

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #62 on: September 14, 2009, 05:26:51 PM »
Dear God,

Kill all the people who are still bitching about the VMA's.
My Soundclick Page

I can just sense Gwii hiding in the bushes with a knife between his teeth.

Offline ehra

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #63 on: September 14, 2009, 05:47:37 PM »
Dear people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention,

Stop. You guys are just as annoying as the people who always talk about this stuff


I'm super serious,
ehra

Offline Shadoshi

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #64 on: September 14, 2009, 06:02:29 PM »
Dear people who bitch about people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention,

Stop. You're only encouraging more arguments from the people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention and messages such as this one.

I'm super duper serious,
:shadoshi:

Offline TL

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #65 on: September 14, 2009, 06:08:07 PM »
Dear neighbor,

Really? Landscaping with heavy construction equipment at 8am? Really?

Offline blackngold29

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #66 on: September 14, 2009, 07:34:49 PM »
Dear lady in my English class,

It's not impressive that everytime we read a detective story you claim to have solved it halfway through. Nobody cares. Go get a job at the police station.

And your voice is fantastic at bringing on headaches.

From, Me
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Offline True Death of Life

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #67 on: September 14, 2009, 07:36:51 PM »
Dear Crazy French Teacher,
Even though you have assigned a shitload of immpossible homework, I will still post on here.  :biggrin:

Au revoir,
An easily sidetracked student
True Death of Life must have passed through some sort of heavenly passage to be able to not only resist 73109's fail, but to also surpass the n00b and youngin' status and be an actual cool poster.

Offline PlaysLikeMyung

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #68 on: September 14, 2009, 07:37:42 PM »
Dear Jason Segel,

Why do I love you so much? It's driving me crazy

-A huge fan

Offline icysk8r

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Re: Dear Neighbor,
« Reply #69 on: September 14, 2009, 07:50:09 PM »
Dear John Petrucci,

What the hell.  I take you into MY home, give you MY wine, share MY family heritage, yet YOU think I am trying to kill you?  Then you write a song about it, making ME look like the bad guy!  Don't give me that silver lining bullshit, it might work with the fans, but I ain't buying it.  And to think I thought of you as a friend.

Sincerely,
A very pissed of count



Dear Count,

Now wait a minute man...   

-John
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