Some news...

[frogprog]

My condolences to you and your family.

[T-ski]

Thoughts are with you Stads, cherish the good times.

[Bluefish]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Cool Chris]

I hope in my golden years my kids speak of me to random internet strangers with the love and respect you always showed toward your parents. Glad you could feel comfortable sharing this with us.

[KevShmev]

Damn. I am very sorry to hear this, Bill.

Condolences to your and your family, and feel free to reach out if you need anything.

[Lethean]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Stadler. 

[MoraWintersoul]

I'm so sorry Stads. It's so hard to lose your father. My thoughts are with you

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

I'm so sorry for your loss! 

[TAC]

Bill, thinking of you on the Father's Day.

[Spiritus]

So sorry for your loss Bill.    Na zdrowie to you and yours!

[MinistroRaven]

I am sorry to hear that Stad, my deepest condolences.

[soupytwist]

So sorry for your loss Stadler, take good care of yourself and your family.

[Stadler]

Just want to catch up and say thank you again for all the kind words.  It really does mean a lot and I want you all to know I'm taking great comfort from the replies.  Thank you again.

[ReaperKK]

My sincere condolences Bill, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must feel like but I feel like you always have this forum to fall back on and point out the unfunny. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Chino]

I'm a few days late to this news. Super sorry to hear it, Bill.

*Internet hug*

[nick_z]

Clearly very late to this...

Adding my condolences, Stadler. So very sorry for your loss.

[Stadler]

(Ignore this if you want; it helps me to talk about it)

I had my first "moment" yesterday; I'm putting new hardware in an old Squire Strat I have.  And the wires to the jack are REALLY thin, like angel hair.  They've already broke once.  So I'm thinking about replacing them, but I have questions about the wire gauge to use.  First thing I thought, "my dad would know!" (he did electronics in the Army) and I even gestured to the phone.  It's not like I broke down or anything, but it was a distinct feeling of being... lesser. Or in this alone.  I can find the knowledge on the internet - and I did - but it's not the same.

Ah well. This is that thing they call "life". No one said it was easy. 

[Harmony]

My sister has been gone for more than 6 months and I still go to text her every day but at least my hopeful heart has stopped thinking every incoming text is from her.  That went on for several months.

I'm told the year of "firsts" is the hardest...first birthday without them, first holiday without them, first family gathering without them.  I have no idea yet if this is true.  I guess it seemed to be with my mom and step-father but then I had my sister to turn to for solace.  I guess what has helped is just recognizing that in that moment when you are reminded of them that it is a good way to pause and be with them in their spirit (if that makes sense).  Sometimes that is with sadness and sometimes with joy - most of the time it is a bit of both.

Hang in there.

[romdrums]

My sister has been gone for more than 6 months and I still go to text her every day but at least my hopeful heart has stopped thinking every incoming text is from her.  That went on for several months.

I'm told the year of "firsts" is the hardest...first birthday without them, first holiday without them, first family gathering without them.  I have no idea yet if this is true.  I guess it seemed to be with my mom and step-father but then I had my sister to turn to for solace.  I guess what has helped is just recognizing that in that moment when you are reminded of them that it is a good way to pause and be with them in their spirit (if that makes sense).  Sometimes that is with sadness and sometimes with joy - most of the time it is a bit of both.

Hang in there.

I can say that the year of "firsts" is the hardest.  My Dad passed back in December of 2019, and the first twelve months, with the addition of the beginning of the Covid pandemic, were tough.  First birthday for my son, first Father's Day, his birthday, my birthday, first Christmas, first anniversary of his passing, were all pretty tough.  As time passes, I've found the impact of his loss has hit in different ways.  I'll definitely have moments where I wish I could talk to him about something, or I'll have times when I think, "man I wish he could see how his grandson his doing."  I also grieve for my son, because he's only 7 and he absolutely adored my Dad.  It would be fun to see how their relationship would have developed over the last two years!  I try to talk about him as much as is appropriate, so that my son's memories of him stay front of mind.  I don't know that the passing of time makes it easier, it just becomes different.

[DoctorAction]

Wishing peace and strength to you and yours, Stadler.

[Ruba]

I'm sorry to hear that, my condolences to you and your family.

[tofee35]

Your post hits deep. It's your Mom's reaction, in particular, that puts your Dad's loss into its simplest form. I'm sorry for your loss.
-Tof

[KevShmev]

(Ignore this if you want; it helps me to talk about it)

I had my first "moment" yesterday; I'm putting new hardware in an old Squire Strat I have.  And the wires to the jack are REALLY thin, like angel hair.  They've already broke once.  So I'm thinking about replacing them, but I have questions about the wire gauge to use.  First thing I thought, "my dad would know!" (he did electronics in the Army) and I even gestured to the phone.  It's not like I broke down or anything, but it was a distinct feeling of being... lesser. Or in this alone.  I can find the knowledge on the internet - and I did - but it's not the same.

Ah well. This is that thing they call "life". No one said it was easy.

I feel ya, man. I have definitely had moments like this since my mom passed back in February.  On many levels, it still doesn't seem real, like "okay, that didn't really happen, and this is all just a bad dream," and I am sure you are feeling that at times as well. 

[MirrorMask]

Apologies for not noticing so far this post.

Condolences Stadler, may you find solace in the good memories!

[HOF]

Just seeing this for the first time tonight, Stadler. So sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

[Stadler]

Thank you all again for the kind words.  It gets harder before it gets easier, let me tell you, but I do have a lot of good to fall back on, not least of all my friends who have seemingly come out of the wood work (in a good way, I promise) to help with my well-being. 

[ProfessorPeart]

As I mentioned, I'm watching my wife go through this right now dealing with her Mom's loss. To say it has been a roller coaster would be an understatement. Throw in the fact that she is bipolar and the ride gets even more bumpy.

As for the 'ghost call' thing, my first experience with that was when my best friend died from cancer right at the very start of covid. To this day, something will happen and I reach for my phone to text Carl. Then it makes me sad.

[MusicMaker]

I'm a praying-kind-of-guy, and I will be praying for you and your family.  I know for many that expression doesn't really mean anything, but it is heartfelt and means something genuine FROM me, for whatever that is worth. 

Sorry to read this, Stads.  I'm very bummed to hear it, so I can only imagine what you're feeling and experiencing.  Hang in there.  You matter (as did your dad), and I'm glad you contribute to this community.

[Stadler]

Same post in the "What made you happy" thread, but it bears repeating here.   So... little background...

- My dad was a HUGE fan of Kris Kristofferson, having seen him multiple times, and he and mom even met him once in San Antonio. 
- My mom and dad used to go to Nashville frequently for vacations.  Grand Ole Opry, Dollywood, etc.

So it's my anniversary this week and my wife and I decided to sneak off for a couple days to celebrate.  We land, check in, and decide to go downtown to get a drink.  First place we go is Tootsie's a legendary Nashville dump dive bar.  The place - two stories - is packed.  Not even a bar seat on the first floor and on the second we get up there and "magically", there is one table wide open.  We grab it.  I order drinks, and I'm looking around at the memorabilia, and notice the ceiling of the place:

https://i.imgur.com/8TkC94R.jpg

All the acoustic tiles are painted black except the one right above our open table.   I look closer, and I see:

https://i.imgur.com/qts0GxR.jpg

Written in ash from an ashtray is "Peace    Kris Kristofferson".  I don't know what you all believe, and you're all entitled to your opinions on this, but I cried a little, raised my drink, and took great joy and comfort from this random coincidence/message/sign from the great beyond. 

(I don't know why the links are showing up and not the photos; but the links should work.)

[jingle.boy]

Same post in the "What made you happy" thread, but it bears repeating here.   So... little background...

- My dad was a HUGE fan of Kris Kristofferson, having seen him multiple times, and he and mom even met him once in San Antonio. 
- My mom and dad used to go to Nashville frequently for vacations.  Grand Ole Opry, Dollywood, etc.

So it's my anniversary this week and my wife and I decided to sneak off for a couple days to celebrate.  We land, check in, and decide to go downtown to get a drink.  First place we go is Tootsie's a legendary Nashville dump dive bar.  The place - two stories - is packed.  Not even a bar seat on the first floor and on the second we get up there and "magically", there is one table wide open.  We grab it.  I order drinks, and I'm looking around at the memorabilia, and notice the ceiling of the place:



All the acoustic tiles are painted black except the one right above our open table.   I look closer, and I see:



Written in ash from an ashtray is "Peace    Kris Kristofferson".  I don't know what you all believe, and you're all entitled to your opinions on this, but I cried a little, raised my drink, and took great joy and comfort from this random coincidence/message/sign from the great beyond. 

(I don't know why the links are showing up and not the photos; but the links should work.)

Fix'd for ya (you used "url=" instead of "img".

And yeah, that ain't no coincidence that that particular table was the only one free.    :'(

[gmillerdrake]

Love hearing about when moments like that 'happen' when you know there's a bit more behind it than just coincidence. 

[KevShmev]

Bill, that's awesome.  Have a great time this week! 

[Stadler]

I'm home now; it was a good trip. There were a couple other moments like that, though none as stark or powerful.  We stopped in at Jimmy Buffet's (we had gift cards) for a quick lunch before going somewhere else.  The guy playing guitar was nice, but... I hope this wasn't his day job (that's a joke; it was lunch time on a Wednesday; this WAS his day job).  There was a table requesting Radiohead and Collective Soul, that kind of thing.  He was struggling a bit and I could tell he was working hard not having fun playing that stuff, so I put a dollar in his tip cup; he asked if I wanted to hear anything and I said "Nothing special; Kristofferson is always good".   I figured, hey, we get four minutes of "Me And Bobby McGee" can't be any worse than Radiohead.    He doesn't play that (by far, Kristofferson's most well-known song) and goes deep for a version of "Sunday Morning Coming Down", my dad's favorite song.  I'm sitting in Jimmy Buffet's Margueritaville trying not to cry, my wife is laughing at me (in a good way) and the guy is kind of looking at me...  It was a good moment though, and the guy was really ... appreciative I guess is the right word - that he was able to make a connection like that. 

[vtgrad]

Wow... I'm so very sorry for you and for your family Bill.  Prayers for you and your family (especially your mom; the pain that you and your brother feel for her is hard to articulate... I know).

I lost my Father to cancer 10-years ago this year, and I still catch myself looking for him.  Pain of loss lingers, but it is no longer sharp.  Like you, my solace comes from knowing that the man that I never saw sick or down a day in my life... the man that is my hero and my example before his passing (and even more so after his passing when I heard stories that he didn't tell me)... no longer experiences pain.  I can rest because I know that he rests, and I know in Whom he believed; this gives me hope.

A wonderful and thoughtful piece of advice that I received from a friend after Dad's passing helped me move forward quickly; actually, looking back on it, this advice helped me more than I realized at the time.  Go somewhere specific that you shared with your Father, an actual place that holds memories; stay a while in this place if you can, and say goodbye.  Let all the emotions come, embrace them and let them have their way, then let them go.

[Stadler]

So, not like it was a terrible surprise, and not like it's probably not for the best in the long run, but Stadler's Mom passed away on Saturday.  She was in hospice and in memory care (I'm not 100% sure she recognized me the last time I saw her) at the time, confined to a wheelchair.  She went downhill pretty quickly after "losing her buddy" when my dad passed in June.  As some of you may know, she carried a lot of water for the Stadler family over the years, doing a lot of the physical aspects of day to day life, until we kids were old enough to take on the slack.   She was a tough old bird, and I say that with unequivocal respect and admiration.

She was 85.  I hope she's found her peace. 


(By the way, I feel bad for my daughter; her mom - my ex-wife - lost her mom last Tuesday to cancer.  So the poor kid lost all three surviving grandparents in the space of four months.)