Author Topic: Post a Pun or a Joke  (Read 12347 times)

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Offline soupytwist

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #175 on: August 12, 2021, 05:26:00 AM »
What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four-chin teller!


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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #176 on: August 12, 2021, 09:41:14 AM »
My wife tripped and fell down the stairs while carrying laundry to put away..........I watched the whole thing unfold.
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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #177 on: August 12, 2021, 09:43:01 AM »
Toilet mysteriously stolen from police station.  They have nothing to go on.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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Online Orbert

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #178 on: August 12, 2021, 11:24:35 AM »
My wife tripped and fell down the stairs while carrying laundry to put away..........I watched the whole thing unfold.

I laughed more than I should have (in case my wife heard me and asked me what I was laughing about) :p

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #179 on: August 12, 2021, 12:09:18 PM »
All three of the jokes on this page got a full laugh.  I love that kind of humor.

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #180 on: August 12, 2021, 01:59:43 PM »
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a rabid pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face, and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight, then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now, where's that old bitch with the bad tooth?"
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.”

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Offline TAC

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #181 on: August 12, 2021, 02:02:49 PM »
Nice!
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #182 on: August 12, 2021, 06:18:10 PM »
What's red and sits in the corner ?

A naughty Strawberry !

Online Adami

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #183 on: August 12, 2021, 06:21:23 PM »
What's red and sits in the corner ?

A naughty Strawberry !

I hear that joke in John Oliver’s voice.
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Offline XJDenton

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #184 on: August 13, 2021, 06:39:52 AM »
What has five toes but isn't your foot?

My foot.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #185 on: August 13, 2021, 12:16:31 PM »
What has five toes but isn't your foot?

My foot.

:facepalm:
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.”

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Online Zydar

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #186 on: August 20, 2021, 08:21:54 AM »



Am I doing it right?
Zydar is my new hero.  I just laughed so hard I nearly shat.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #187 on: August 20, 2021, 08:54:41 AM »
Perfectly!

Offline T-ski

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #188 on: August 22, 2021, 08:28:22 AM »
The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking event.
Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #189 on: August 23, 2021, 07:51:54 AM »
So we had a hurricane/tropical storm come through here and we had biblical amounts of rain.

If anyone needs an ark, I Noah guy. 

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #190 on: August 23, 2021, 07:54:56 AM »
The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking event.

But it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation.
Zydar is my new hero.  I just laughed so hard I nearly shat.

Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #191 on: August 23, 2021, 08:00:21 AM »
If anyone needs an ark, I Noah guy.

 :lol Good one  :tup

The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking event.

But it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation.

 :lol
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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #192 on: August 23, 2021, 07:42:50 PM »
The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking event.

But it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation.
Until the invention of the axe chopped down the competition.
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Offline Snow Dog

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #193 on: October 21, 2021, 09:59:55 PM »
My baby farts a lot. I’m predicting she’ll be a teacher when she grows up since she’s already a great tooter.

Online gmillerdrake

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #194 on: October 21, 2021, 11:47:24 PM »
Started reading a book about gravity…….I can’t seem to put it down.
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #195 on: October 24, 2021, 11:56:06 AM »
I made up a few jokes lately...


1. I was just thrown out of a shop because my mask was " too tatty "... So I pointed angrily to their sign which states " Face masks MUST BE WORN "

2. Someone recently asked me on Twitter " WHAT DO YOU THINK OF POLICE REFORM ? " and I replied " I Think it would be great cause I missed their last tour ! "

3. I want to open a 24 hour Hairdressers called " Last Chance Salon "


 ;D ;D

Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #196 on: October 24, 2021, 12:47:35 PM »
2. Someone recently asked me on Twitter " WHAT DO YOU THINK OF POLICE REFORM ? " and I replied " I Think it would be great cause I missed their last tour ! "
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #197 on: November 01, 2021, 11:22:50 AM »
I'm going to jail for travelling into the past.

Just like that old saying goes

" Don't do the time crime if you can't do the time time. "

:emo:

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #198 on: November 01, 2021, 11:49:38 AM »
Know why Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #199 on: November 01, 2021, 11:51:16 AM »
:jamaritard:

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #200 on: November 05, 2021, 07:59:56 AM »
I'm reading a horror novel in braille right now.

Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #201 on: November 05, 2021, 08:03:24 AM »
I'm reading a horror novel in braille right now.

Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.

Haha.  That was good slow burn joke. 

Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #202 on: November 05, 2021, 08:46:56 AM »
The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking event.

But it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation.

But then someone invented the vacuum cleaner and it really sucked.


not to be outdone however - the leaf blower was invented - but that also blew.

Offline The Curious Orange

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #203 on: December 07, 2021, 03:01:40 AM »
A travelling salesman knocks on the door of a house, and it's opened by a small five-year old child smoking a big cigar and drinking from a big bulb of brandy.

"Hello little boy, are your mommy and daddy home?" he asks.

"Does it f***ing look like they're home?"
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We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost..."

Offline XJDenton

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #204 on: December 07, 2021, 04:46:02 PM »
Saw an advert for a Hi-Fi system. It had a broken volume slider, but at $1 it was impossible to turn down.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #205 on: December 09, 2021, 09:29:56 PM »
What's the difference between Iran and Iraq?

Only Iran is afraid of spiders. Iraq - no phobia.
Listen! Do you smell something?

Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #206 on: December 16, 2021, 05:03:35 AM »
Vmadera has evolved into Lonk

Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #207 on: January 06, 2022, 08:17:20 PM »
Vmadera has evolved into Lonk

Offline TAC

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #208 on: January 06, 2022, 08:22:37 PM »
Oh wow, now there's a joke you can milk... :neverusethis:
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #209 on: January 07, 2022, 06:55:08 AM »
Oh wow, now there's a joke you can milk... :neverusethis:

That's udderly ridiculous.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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