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Author Topic: Post a Pun or a Joke  (Read 13061 times)

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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #105 on: July 01, 2021, 12:37:53 PM »
Last week I called someone a watering hole, but I meant well.
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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #106 on: July 01, 2021, 12:42:02 PM »
If a man is standing alone in the woods and he talks and there is no woman there to hear him....






...is he still wrong?



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Offline King Postwhore

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #107 on: July 01, 2021, 12:50:37 PM »
Why is there fences around cemeteries?






Because people are dying to get in.
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I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #108 on: July 01, 2021, 01:51:06 PM »
What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.
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Quote from: BlobVanDam on December 11, 2014, 09:19:46 PM
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Offline T-ski

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #109 on: July 01, 2021, 05:42:03 PM »
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #110 on: July 01, 2021, 10:12:27 PM »
Quote from: kingshmegland on July 01, 2021, 12:50:37 PM
Why is there fences around cemeteries?






Because people are dying to get in.

My dad used to tell that joke all the time.  That, and the farmer outstanding in his field.
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #111 on: July 02, 2021, 05:38:53 AM »
Quote from: XJDenton on July 01, 2021, 12:31:02 PM
By adding a colon to a sentence, you can significantly change its meaning. For example:

"Jenny ate her friend's sandwich."
"Jenny ate her friend's colon."

I love jokes like that.  :rollin
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Offline MrBoom_shack-a-lack

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #112 on: July 02, 2021, 07:10:32 AM »
Quote from: Kotowboy on July 02, 2021, 05:38:53 AM
Quote from: XJDenton on July 01, 2021, 12:31:02 PM
By adding a colon to a sentence, you can significantly change its meaning. For example:

"Jenny ate her friend's sandwich."
"Jenny ate her friend."

I love jokes like that.  :rollin
Edit for a darker twist.
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Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #113 on: July 02, 2021, 07:44:16 AM »
Quote from: MrBoom_shack-a-lack on July 02, 2021, 07:10:32 AM
Quote from: Kotowboy on July 02, 2021, 05:38:53 AM
Quote from: XJDenton on July 01, 2021, 12:31:02 PM
By adding a colon to a sentence, you can significantly change its meaning. For example:

"Jenny ate her friend's sandwich."
"Jenny ate her friend."

I love jokes like that.  :rollin
Edit for a darker twist.

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Offline King Postwhore

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #114 on: July 02, 2021, 08:38:38 AM »
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I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline Elite

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #115 on: July 02, 2021, 08:43:48 AM »
What is red and goes up and down?
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Quote from: Lolzeez on November 18, 2013, 02:23:32 PM
Hey dude slow the fuck down so we can finish together at the same time.  :biggrin:
Quote from: home on May 09, 2017, 05:05:10 PM
Squ
scRa are the resultaten of sound nog bring propey

Offline DragonAttack

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #116 on: July 02, 2021, 11:51:04 AM »
I recently became addicted to Viagra.  My wife is taking it incredibly hard.
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Quote from: frogprog on January 05, 2023, 06:45:48 PM
...going along with Dragon Attack's Queen thread has been like taking a free class in Queen knowledge. Where else are you gonna find info like that?!

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #117 on: July 02, 2021, 12:59:55 PM »


C, E flat and G walk into a bar....


...and the bartender shows them the door saying,


"sorry, we don't serve minors"



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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #118 on: July 02, 2021, 01:01:56 PM »
The bartender says,
"We don't serve time travelers here"








A time traveler walks into a bar
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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #119 on: July 02, 2021, 01:08:54 PM »

What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards?




A receding hare-line

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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #120 on: July 02, 2021, 01:56:40 PM »
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Offline Elite

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #121 on: July 02, 2021, 02:23:26 PM »
Quote from: Elite on July 02, 2021, 08:43:48 AM
What is red and goes up and down?

It’s a tomato in an elevator.
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Quote from: Lolzeez on November 18, 2013, 02:23:32 PM
Hey dude slow the fuck down so we can finish together at the same time.  :biggrin:
Quote from: home on May 09, 2017, 05:05:10 PM
Squ
scRa are the resultaten of sound nog bring propey

Offline XJDenton

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #122 on: July 02, 2021, 05:04:37 PM »
A man sued Delta for misplacing his luggage. Unfortunately he lost his case.
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #123 on: July 02, 2021, 05:07:19 PM »
" Ask me if im an Avocado  :biggrin: "

" Are you an Avocado ?  :D "

" No.  :angry: "
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Offline tofee35

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #124 on: July 03, 2021, 05:00:05 AM »
...ok my new favorite thread. My officer cousin's favorite joke...Here we go:

A guy is driving down a hill and gets pulled over.
The cop says, "sir, why are you in such a hurry?"
"I'm late for work, I'm a rectum stretcher"
"What's a rectum stretcher?"
"Well, you start with 1 finger, then 2, then 3 until you get both hands in. Then you start stretching until it's 6 feet"
"What do you do with a 6 foot a-hole?"
"Give him a radar gun and put him at the bottom of a hill"

-Tof
« Last Edit: July 03, 2021, 06:23:09 AM by tofee35 »
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Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #125 on: July 06, 2021, 11:44:07 AM »
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I've missed my exit.
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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #126 on: July 06, 2021, 12:19:28 PM »
Speaking of going extra miles...


They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.


All I want to know is who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?  :justjen
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Offline calamitycrush

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #127 on: July 07, 2021, 02:49:09 AM »
I walked into Ikea the other day and shouted at the top of my voice "I NEED SOMETHING TO HELP ME GET FROM MY GROUND FLOOR UPTO MY 1ST FLOOR"
You should've seen the stairs I got.



To whoever stole my Microsoft Office license key: I will find you. You have my Word.



I'm going to the reverse origami championships tomorrow...
Can't wait to see how it unfolds.
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Offline pg1067

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #128 on: July 07, 2021, 09:48:15 AM »
Hey...did you guys hear that the CEO of IKEA was elected as the Prime Minister of Sweden?!

His first order of business...???

..


..


..



...



...


...


Assembling his cabinet!   :biggrin:
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Offline Snow Dog

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #129 on: July 07, 2021, 01:29:49 PM »
Quote from: pg1067 on July 07, 2021, 09:48:15 AM
Hey...did you guys hear that the CEO of IKEA was elected as the Prime Minister of Sweden?!

His first order of business...???



Assembling his cabinet!   :biggrin:

Starting with the Minister of the Interior.
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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #130 on: July 07, 2021, 01:46:02 PM »
Life is like...toilet paper.




You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone  :justjen
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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #131 on: July 07, 2021, 01:47:54 PM »

Knock, knock.


Who’s there?


I eat mop.


I eat mop who?


You eat your poo?! Gross!
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #132 on: July 07, 2021, 02:31:30 PM »
What do you call an anorexic model with a yeast infection?



A quarter pounder with cheese.
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Quote from: BlobVanDam on December 11, 2014, 09:19:46 PM
Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #133 on: July 07, 2021, 02:52:36 PM »
(Better said out loud):

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

The impatient cow.

The impa- 

MOO!!!!
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #134 on: July 07, 2021, 04:53:40 PM »
*Also better said aloud* : A joke I made up several years ago.


A very obese man goes to a garden furniture store.

The manager comes running over

" Good news ! " he says. " All morbidly obese people get any one item in the store for FREE today only ! "

The obese man took a fence.
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Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #135 on: July 08, 2021, 07:05:07 AM »
A kid asked his mom for the new Play Station. The mom said "No, do you think I’m made of money?"

Then the kid said, “Isn’t that what mom stands for?”
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #136 on: July 08, 2021, 07:22:06 AM »
:p that joke doesn't work in the UK Spelling with a U.
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Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #137 on: July 08, 2021, 07:34:16 AM »
Quote from: Kotowboy on July 08, 2021, 07:22:06 AM
:p that joke doesn't work in the UK Spelling with a U.

mum= Money under management  :biggrin: :angel:

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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #138 on: July 08, 2021, 12:12:38 PM »








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Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #139 on: July 08, 2021, 12:14:12 PM »
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