Author Topic: Post a Pun or a Joke  (Read 13034 times)

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Offline kirksnosehair

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Post a Pun or a Joke
« on: June 27, 2021, 05:48:38 AM »
I went digging for the "funny stuff" thread and saw that it was locked so I wanted to post this silly story/pun/joke

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.


He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.


"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."


Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.


Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.


The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.


Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.


She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."


She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
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The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a nick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Offline Elite

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2021, 06:31:53 AM »
I don't get it, but that doesn't say much.







The doctor told me I'm going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
Hey dude slow the fuck down so we can finish together at the same time.  :biggrin:
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Offline Snow Dog

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2021, 08:37:26 AM »
Do vehicles that transport donkeys haul ass?

Offline Architeuthis

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2021, 09:04:47 AM »
Don't ever tell a pig a secret,  it might squeal on you! 🐷
You can do a lot in a lifetime if you don't burn out too fast, you can make the most of the distance, first you need endurance first you've got to last....... NP

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2021, 09:07:29 AM »
HAHA, Barry, I like that one!


Offline XJDenton

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2021, 09:18:28 AM »
I once asked a german if he knew what the square root of 81 was. Unforunately, he didn't.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman

Offline Fiery Winds

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2021, 09:47:20 AM »
People are shocked when they discover I'm a terrible electrician.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2021, 11:24:11 AM »
I once asked a german if he knew what the square root of 81 was. Unforunately, he didn't.

That took a minute...

Online Kwyjibo

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2021, 11:40:15 AM »
I once asked a german if he knew what the square root of 81 was. Unforunately, he didn't.

That took a minute...

Me too, and I'm german.  ;D
Must've been Kwyji sending all the wrong songs.   ;D

Offline XJDenton

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2021, 11:40:44 AM »
What’s the difference between a sharply-dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman

Online Kwyjibo

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2021, 11:42:30 AM »
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's a parent.
Must've been Kwyji sending all the wrong songs.   ;D

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2021, 12:05:33 PM »
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

A vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

Offline pg1067

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2021, 02:16:05 PM »
I once asked a german if he knew what the square root of 81 was. Unforunately, he didn't.

I'm not sure this works.  If you asked in German and got a response in German ("neun"), there would be no confusion.  If you asked in English, then a response of "nine" (a homophone of "nein") should also result in no confusion.

Yeah...I'm that guy.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2021, 02:34:49 PM »
I once asked a german if he knew what the square root of 81 was. Unforunately, he didn't.

I'm not sure this works.  If you asked in German and got a response in German ("neun"), there would be no confusion.  If you asked in English, then a response of "nine" (a homophone of "nein") should also result in no confusion.

Yeah...I'm that guy.

For us Polacks, who don't speak a word of German after "kindergarten", it's still funny.  :) :) :)

Online lonestar

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2021, 04:53:25 PM »
A guy calls a house, and a child answers in a whispered voice... "hello..."

The guy asks "Hi, is your father there?"

Little boy whispers "yes"

The guys asks "may I speak to him?"

Little boy whispers "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone"

The guy then asks "Well how about your mother?"

The boy whispers "yeah, she's here"

"Well, can I speak to her then?"

The boy whispers "I'm sorry, she can't come to the phone..."

The guy asks "Well is anyone else there?"

The boy whispers "yeah, a policeman"

The guy asks "well, can I speak to him?"

The boy whispers "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone"

The guy asks "Is there anyone else there?"

The boy whispers "yeah, a fireman"

The guy asks "Well, let me speak to him then..."

The boy whispers "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone"

The guy finally asks "Well what are all these people doing?"
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The boy whispers "looking for me"

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #15 on: June 27, 2021, 05:00:52 PM »
Well, that went dark at the end, but it got a laugh out loud!  :)

Online lonestar

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2021, 05:23:40 PM »
Well, that went dark at the end, but it got a laugh out loud!  :)

It's not dark, the little kid is just fucking with everyone  :lol

Offline crazy climber dude

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #17 on: June 27, 2021, 09:01:40 PM »
I knew this guy who had a dog that didn't have any legs. He decided to call it cigarette, because every night after dinner....he took it out for a drag.

Offline Kotowboy

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #18 on: June 28, 2021, 05:08:52 AM »
How is a Crab like a Chinese man being run over by a steamroller ?

One is a Crushed Asian.....

Yeah it works better if you hear it.



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There are 2 types of people in the world.

One - those that can work out the ending of a joke

Offline El Barto

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #19 on: June 28, 2021, 08:29:21 AM »
A cat goes to the neighbor's dog and says "I killed 4 rats last night." The dog says "you know, I've killed 3 cats this week." The cat says "Oh my God, a talking dog!"
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #20 on: June 28, 2021, 08:48:55 AM »
Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic?


He stayed up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Online Kwyjibo

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #21 on: June 28, 2021, 09:58:12 AM »
I have dogs named one and two, if one dies I still have two.
Must've been Kwyji sending all the wrong songs.   ;D

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #22 on: June 28, 2021, 12:04:12 PM »
What was Forrest Gump's email password?
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1forrest1


 :omg:

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #23 on: June 28, 2021, 12:05:12 PM »
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.  :eek

Offline Lonk

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #24 on: June 28, 2021, 12:19:15 PM »
What does an upset chef make food with?
 
Angrydients
Vmadera has evolved into Lonk

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #25 on: June 28, 2021, 12:28:37 PM »
I made a pun about the wind but it blows  ::)

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #26 on: June 28, 2021, 12:33:59 PM »
I had a good one about a pizza but it was pretty cheesey
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #27 on: June 28, 2021, 12:35:32 PM »
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #28 on: June 28, 2021, 12:36:22 PM »
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

 :lol
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #29 on: June 28, 2021, 12:36:58 PM »
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”  :loser: 

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2021, 01:00:34 PM »
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

“I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue,” replied the horse.

The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.
Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2021, 01:30:04 PM »
 :lol

Offline Stadler

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #32 on: June 28, 2021, 01:32:32 PM »
Kirk, you're on fire!

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #33 on: June 28, 2021, 01:33:47 PM »

Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
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Because they’re shellfish.


 ;)

Offline kirksnosehair

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Re: Post a Pun or a Joke
« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2021, 01:35:33 PM »
Kirk, you're on fire!


"The Farce is strong in this one..."