Author Topic: Mundane But True Stories!  (Read 23729 times)

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Offline Orbert

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Mundane But True Stories!
« on: December 14, 2020, 09:41:55 PM »
I have no idea how popular this will be, or not.  Actually I do have some idea.  But WTF...

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There was probably less than half an inch of coffee left in my cup, and it was pretty cold by now.  I usually just gulp it down anyway, rather than waste it.  At work I'd probably dump it and pour a new cup, but at home, hey, I pay for this coffee.  Not gonna waste it.

For whatever reason, I decided to just dump it and make another cup after lunch.  Got to the sink, dumped it, and started the water with my other hand at the same time.  I watched the last of the brown liquid swirl around and down, along with a dead spider.  Wait... that was in the coffee!

How...? When...?  Was it in the cup when I made my coffee this morning?  I was, as usual, half asleep at the time and wouldn't have noticed it.  Or did it crawl in and drown... sometime?  Good thing I decided to dump rather than gulp.

And then I considered... if I'd chosen to gulp, there's a good chance I would've swallowed it and also felt it, but not in time to stop the gulp!  I nearly gagged just thinking about it.

Mundane But True!

Offline black_biff_stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2020, 06:05:26 AM »
I just imagined James Hetfield singing the thread title.
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Offline MirrorMask

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2020, 06:16:37 AM »
I just imagined James Hetfield singing the thread title.

We all did  :metal
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Offline Podaar

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2020, 07:38:51 AM »
A few years ago, at Costco, I purchased an Oral B motorized tooth brush. You know, the kind with an oscillating head, recharging station, five different clean settings, and (inexplicably) Bluetooth. On setting 2 (deep clean), it will prompt you every 45 seconds to switch to a different quadrant in your mouth.

Recently, I realized that in all the time I've been using it, I always start with the lower left quadrant of my teeth, move to the lower right, then upper right, and finish at the upper left. I got to wondering if I should be rotating the starting position to get a better cleaning result overall. After all, why should the lower left always get the fresh toothpaste? So, the next morning, I began my teeth cleaning in the upper right quadrant.

My mind usually wanders a lot in the morning, and as I was guiding the brush over my teeth, I got to wondering why Van Halen’s cover of You’re No Good was rolling around in the back of my brain. I honestly don’t think I’d heard that song in more than 20 years. It’s not really that good of a cover anyway. I mean it’s hard to beat Linda Ronstadt…and Roth’s squeals sorta ruin the whole Blues vibe. I was marveling over the random nature of my brain’s morning sound track when I noticed the brush advised me that I was finished. Only, I was at the upper left quadrant! What the hell? I should have been finishing up at the lower right. Did I miss a section of my teeth? Did I miss the entire bottom row? Just to make sure, I started over again.

I'm sticking with lower left starting position from now on.
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Offline splent

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2020, 09:52:10 AM »
About 20 years ago I was mini golfing with my family. While waiting, I often played with the shrubbery near the beginning of the hole, like twisting the grass or something. One time I felt a particularly thick piece of grass and thinking it was a seed pod or something squeezed it to pop it. I looked down and realized I killed a yellow jacket with my fingers. I did a good deed for the world.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2020, 09:56:47 AM »
A few years ago, at Costco, I purchased an Oral B motorized tooth brush. You know, the kind with an oscillating head, recharging station, five different clean settings, and (inexplicably) Bluetooth. On setting 2 (deep clean), it will prompt you every 45 seconds to switch to a different quadrant in your mouth.

Recently, I realized that in all the time I've been using it, I always start with the lower left quadrant of my teeth, move to the lower right, then upper right, and finish at the upper left. I got to wondering if I should be rotating the starting position to get a better cleaning result overall. After all, why should the lower left always get the fresh toothpaste? So, the next morning, I began my teeth cleaning in the upper right quadrant.

My mind usually wanders a lot in the morning, and as I was guiding the brush over my teeth, I got to wondering why Van Halen’s cover of You’re No Good was rolling around in the back of my brain. I honestly don’t think I’d heard that song in more than 20 years. It’s not really that good of a cover anyway. I mean it’s hard to beat Linda Ronstadt…and Roth’s squeals sorta ruin the whole Blues vibe. I was marveling over the random nature of my brain’s morning sound track when I noticed the brush advised me that I was finished. Only, I was at the upper left quadrant! What the hell? I should have been finishing up at the lower right. Did I miss a section of my teeth? Did I miss the entire bottom row? Just to make sure, I started over again.

I'm sticking with lower left starting position from now on.

Honest to god, and no mocking at all, that was fascinating.    I'm always interested in the pathways the mind takes. 

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2020, 10:23:49 AM »
A few years ago, at Costco, I purchased an Oral B motorized tooth brush. You know, the kind with an oscillating head, recharging station, five different clean settings, and (inexplicably) Bluetooth. On setting 2 (deep clean), it will prompt you every 45 seconds to switch to a different quadrant in your mouth.

Recently, I realized that in all the time I've been using it, I always start with the lower left quadrant of my teeth, move to the lower right, then upper right, and finish at the upper left. I got to wondering if I should be rotating the starting position to get a better cleaning result overall. After all, why should the lower left always get the fresh toothpaste? So, the next morning, I began my teeth cleaning in the upper right quadrant.

My mind usually wanders a lot in the morning, and as I was guiding the brush over my teeth, I got to wondering why Van Halen’s cover of You’re No Good was rolling around in the back of my brain. I honestly don’t think I’d heard that song in more than 20 years. It’s not really that good of a cover anyway. I mean it’s hard to beat Linda Ronstadt…and Roth’s squeals sorta ruin the whole Blues vibe. I was marveling over the random nature of my brain’s morning sound track when I noticed the brush advised me that I was finished. Only, I was at the upper left quadrant! What the hell? I should have been finishing up at the lower right. Did I miss a section of my teeth? Did I miss the entire bottom row? Just to make sure, I started over again.

I'm sticking with lower left starting position from now on.

Honest to god, and no mocking at all, that was fascinating.    I'm always interested in the pathways the mind takes.

This is the vision I have of Stads "mind-path"

That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
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Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2020, 10:27:54 AM »
Synchronicity!

I put on a Linda Ronstadt playlist this morning.  Greatest Hits Volumes 1 and 2.


A toothbrush with Bluetooth capability?  There's any number of bad jokes in there somewhere, and one good question: Why?  So you can download programs from the Internet for optimal toothbrushing?

Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2020, 10:59:37 AM »
No, silly, so you can listen to your toothbrush on your Airpods!  :) :)

Offline pg1067

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2020, 11:09:09 AM »
A toothbrush with Bluetooth capability?  There's any number of bad jokes in there somewhere, and one good question: Why?  So you can download programs from the Internet for optimal toothbrushing?

The bluetooth brush will interface with an app that will give you feedback about how well (or shitty) you're doing with your tooth brushing.  Seems like massive overkill to me.
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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2020, 11:16:40 AM »
A toothbrush with Bluetooth capability?  There's any number of bad jokes in there somewhere, and one good question: Why?  So you can download programs from the Internet for optimal toothbrushing?

The bluetooth brush will interface with an app that will give you feedback about how well (or shitty) you're doing with your tooth brushing.  Seems like massive overkill to me.

True mundane story.  My wife can tell me that. 
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Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2020, 11:21:34 AM »
My dentist used to give out really nice Oral-B soft bristle toothbrushes every time you went for a checkup.  Cool, a nice new toothbrush every six months.  A few years back, he switched to some cheapo brand, so I went and bought one, for the first time in many, many years.

First of all, it's insane how toothbrushes (like everything else in this insane country) now come in 4000 varieties, in every possible color.  I don't remember seeing the Bluetooth-enabled ones, but I'm sure they were there.  Anyway, I picked one that had a groovy multi-level contoured head and a nice grippable handle.  Yay.

I was brushing my teeth at least a few months later when it suddenly starting vibrating.  Scared the shit out of me!  I pulled it out and looked at it, and it's buzzing in my hand.  For the first time, I actually look at the nicely molded handle, and two of the bumps have a little "+" and "-" marking on them.  On and off?  I pressed the "-" bump and the thing stopped buzzing.  I'd purchased a vibrating toothbrush (more bad jokes entirely possible) and had no idea until I accidentally pressed a little too hard on the "+" bump.  I just liked the nice grippable handle.

Mundane But True!

Offline pg1067

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2020, 12:24:35 PM »
You could always get yourself one of these bad boys...for $4,200

https://youtu.be/PwSVBpUZl78
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Offline Podaar

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2020, 01:42:24 PM »
A toothbrush with Bluetooth capability?  There's any number of bad jokes in there somewhere, and one good question: Why?  So you can download programs from the Internet for optimal toothbrushing?

The bluetooth brush will interface with an app that will give you feedback about how well (or shitty) you're doing with your tooth brushing.  Seems like massive overkill to me.

This is true.

I did some checking this morning and the phone app will also communicate with your dentists' computer if they have the Oral-B program on their system. It can provide frequent updates to the dentist about the amount of times you brush, when, and for how long.

Mundane But True!

The only reason I can come up with for why that would be handy is if you had pretty bad periodontal disease and were on a strict care schedule. Keeping you and your dentist on the same page.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2020, 03:07:07 PM »
I tell my dentist that I brush twice a day and floss at least once a day.  I don't need data refuting that!    :)

Offline splent

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2020, 10:51:55 AM »
I swear my dentist has add. She always goes on about big ten athletics.
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Offline pg1067

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2020, 11:09:00 AM »
I tell my dentist that I brush twice a day and floss at least once a day.  I don't need data refuting that!    :)

 :lol :lol
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2020, 11:17:59 AM »
I tell my dentist that I brush twice a day and floss at least once a day.  I don't need data refuting that!    :)

She/He doesn't need a bluetooth toothbrush to know you're full of shit.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
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Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2020, 11:27:01 AM »
One of my favorite Jeff Foxworthy bits is about going to the dentist, and the hygientist asks him the last time he flossed.  "Let's see... the last time I flossed?  Hmm...  Actually, I think you did it!"

Then you have Steven Wright, who has a crush on his hygientist, so he eats a whole pack of Oreos right before going in.

I swear my dentist has add. She always goes on about big ten athletics.

Yeah, but is she hot?

Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2020, 11:39:17 AM »
Every Sunday, we go to this place near our house for Sunday Brunch.  It's the one meal a week that all four of us can (usually) eat together because of schedules.  These days, I order it to go and bring it home.

The breakfasts all come with your choice of toast or English muffin, and we always order wheat toast because they use this really good bread.  Hearty, flavorful, just damned good bread, so good that I save the toast we don't eat (which is usually two or three orders) and make sandwiches for lunch with it during the week.

Well, it's great bread, and great toast, but let's face it, toast is drier than regular bread, so by time you get to the corners, you're basically munching dry bread.  I guess my mama trained me right, because she's been dead ten years, and the other day it finally occurred to me: I don't have to eat the crusts!  No one's watching to make sure I eat the crusts, no one's gonna give me shit about it if I leave them on the plate or toss them to the birds.  I'm 58 years old, dammit, and I decide if I want to eat my crusts.

I still feel just a little bit guilty, though.

Offline pg1067

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2020, 11:42:28 AM »
Then you have Steven Wright, who has a crush on his hygientist, so he eats a whole pack of Oreos right before going in.

That's from his (most excellent) I Have a Pony album, which I bought on cassette a million years ago.  I still have it even though the only cassette player I still have is a handheld thing that I bought several years ago in a failed attempt to transfer the cassettes I still had to digital files.
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Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2020, 11:55:06 AM »
Yep.  I have I Have a Pony and the follow-up he made like 20 years later, I Still Have a Pony.  I consider the sequel just as funny as the original, basically more of the same if you like Steven Wright (which I do).  Same style, same humor.  If it's not quite as funny, I figure it's because we're now used to his style so it doesn't have the novelty.  But I consider the material just as strong.

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2020, 12:01:21 PM »
I dated a girl who owned cathedral floors.
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Online DragonAttack

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2020, 12:17:56 PM »
snip
My mind usually wanders a lot in the morning, and as I was guiding the brush over my teeth, I got to wondering why Van Halen’s cover of You’re No Good was rolling around in the back of my brain. I honestly don’t think I’d heard that song in more than 20 years. It’s not really that good of a cover anyway. I mean it’s hard to beat Linda Ronstadt…and Roth’s squeals sorta ruin the whole Blues vibe. I was marveling over the random nature of my brain’s morning sound track when I noticed the brush advised me that I was finished. Only, I was at the upper left quadrant! What the hell? I should have been finishing up at the lower right. Did I miss a section of my teeth? Did I miss the entire bottom row? Just to make sure, I started over again.

I'm sticking with lower left starting position from now on.

I was waiting for you to say that when you were done, you turned on the radio, and 'You're No Good' was playing.  I can remember humming 'Blinded By The Light' in a college hall restroom, going out to my car, and it was playing on my station.  Same with the beginning of 'Kilroy Was Here'.  Not sure if my fillings were picking up the radio waves or not.

Mind wandering:  go to the store, with one of the items a jar of olives.  Get home, and they were stuffed with anchovies!  First of all, WTF!  Had never heard of that.  Second, our personal opinions....gawd, the one we each tried tasted like  :censored .  Ever since, we've used that example of being extra careful and reading the labels before purchasing something either one of is unfamiliar with.  My problem:  I still eff up on occasion :facepalm:
...going along with Dragon Attack's Queen thread has been like taking a free class in Queen knowledge. Where else are you gonna find info like that?!

Offline Orbert

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2020, 01:50:49 PM »
So they were olives stuffed with anchovies instead of pimento?  That's some crazy shit there!

One time back when my now-wife and I were still dating, we were both losers still living with our parents but we had cars so we could get out and meet in the evenings.  Or I'd meet her when she got off work at 9:00 at the mall and we'd go somewhere, come back for her car later.  At some point it finally occurred to me that I was in love with this girl and that we had tons in common and were meant for each other and all that.  We're, like, tuned to the same frequency.

After an evening of driving around, getting stoned and stopping at Taco Bell and just generally being losers together, I dropped her back at her car in the now-empty mall parking lot.  As we drove our separate ways, Alice Cooper came on the radio, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and she's a huge Alice Cooper fan.  I knew she'd be listening to it as well, because there was only one Rock station in town and she always had the radio on.  So I knew she'd hear it because we're tuned to the same frequency.  And I thought about what a sappy, cheesy way that is to say you're in love; you're tuned to the same frequency.  But it was true.  Been together 38 years, married for 31 of them.  Still love it when Alice Cooper comes on the radio.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2020, 02:04:58 PM »

After an evening of driving around, getting stoned and stopping at Taco Bell and just generally being losers together, I dropped her back at her car in the now-empty mall parking lot.  As we drove our separate ways, Alice Cooper came on the radio, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and she's a huge Alice Cooper fan.  I knew she'd be listening to it as well, because there was only one Rock station in town and she always had the radio on.  So I knew she'd hear it because we're tuned to the same frequency.  And I thought about what a sappy, cheesy way that is to say you're in love; you're tuned to the same frequency.  But it was true.  Been together 38 years, married for 31 of them.  Still love it when Alice Cooper comes on the radio.

Funny (and it is funny, to me); after I was divorced, I met this cool girl and we went on one or two dates and really (I thought) hit it off.  We lived far away, but we seemed to be... on the same frequency.  We met at a restaurant for our second date or so, and after we left, and I was driving home, a song we had been talking about at dinner came on.  I texted her, and she said "I was listening to that too!"

Like a week later, she ghosted me.  :) :) :)

Offline TempusVox

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #26 on: December 16, 2020, 02:50:03 PM »
When I am in any of my vehicles, I always use hand-free options when I have to speak on the phone. Last week my agent phoned me while I was out driving errands, and for whatever reason, I simply just grabbed my phone and answered it. We spoke for a few miniutes and he was telling me how his wifes entire immediate family were all hospitalized with Covid. As he was telling me about this, I was stopped and waiting at a traffic light at a busy intersection, where the speed limit is normally 45 mph, when suddenly I just drove through the intersection, like the light had just changed.

The cars behind and opposite me all honked their horns at me for my transgression, but it was too late. I had not ran a red light in probably close to 35-40 years (I'm 57 now). About 30 minutes later, my wife phoned me while I was in the car, and I was telling her what had happened...and I ran another red light! WTF? Two opportunities where I could have been t-boned because I wasn't paying attention, within an hour! It sort of freaked me out; and now I am wondering if that's just going to be my thing now? Until I am severely injured, have my license taken away, or I'm killed-- I'll just be the dude that runs red lights.  :\
« Last Edit: December 16, 2020, 02:56:04 PM by TempusVox »
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Offline v_clortho

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #27 on: December 16, 2020, 03:03:16 PM »
When I am in any of my vehicles, I always use hand-free options when I have to speak on the phone. Last week my agent phoned me while I was out driving errands, and for whatever reason, I simply just grabbed my phone and answered it. We spoke for a few miniutes and he was telling me how his wifes entire immediate family were all hospitalized with Covid. As he was telling me about this, I was stopped and waiting at a traffic light at a busy intersection, where the speed limit is normally 45 mph, when suddenly I just drove through the intersection, like the light had just changed.

The cars behind and opposite me all honked their horns at me for my transgression, but it was too late. I had not ran a red light in probably close to 35-40 years (I'm 57 now). About 30 minutes later, my wife phoned me while I was in the car, and I was telling her what had happened...and I ran another red light! WTF? Two opportunities where I could have been t-boned because I wasn't paying attention, within an hour! It sort of freaked me out; and now I am wondering if that's just going to be my thing now? Until I am severely injured, have my license taken away, or I'm killed-- I'll just be the dude that runs red lights.  :\

Maybe don't talk on the phone while driving?

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #28 on: December 16, 2020, 03:38:10 PM »
v_clortho, he is saying he wasn't paying attention by grabbing the phone. He wasn't thinking it wasn't hooked up to the bluetooth.  It's just natural to grab the phone and forgot.

You're missing his point.
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Offline v_clortho

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #29 on: December 16, 2020, 07:08:25 PM »
He gave two instances where he was on the phone and ran red lights. I'm only suggesting that maybe he not use the phone while driving.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #30 on: December 17, 2020, 09:08:03 AM »
Studies have shown that even hands-free phone use is "distracted driving".  Hands free is not risk free.

Online HOF

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #31 on: December 17, 2020, 09:18:54 AM »
As I was brushing my teeth late last night before bed, I noticed I had spilled something on my sweater. I’m in a hurry to get in bed, but I decided to spray it out with Shout, that stain remover stuff, and just toss it in the washing machine to be washed later. For some reason, we keep a bottle of pet stain remover on the shelf next to the Shout. Only too late did I realize I had sprayed that stuff all over my sweater and not Shout. It’s for carpets and upholstery, but maybe it works on sweaters too? I went with it and rubbed it in like you would for a carpet. We’ll find out if my sweater is jacked up or not when it comes out of the wash I guess.

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #32 on: December 17, 2020, 10:29:53 AM »
Cross thread pollination....  when Chino talked about the snow in his area, I thought the pictures below it were still his post, and from his place.  Then I saw those pictures on Señor Nosehair's FB feed and thought "what the hell is he posting Chino's pictures for?!

:lolpalm:
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Online DragonAttack

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #33 on: December 17, 2020, 09:33:07 PM »
So they were olives stuffed with anchovies instead of pimento?  That's some crazy shit there!

Tell me about it!  And it wasn't 14 or 20 pt font with the normal 'Lite' or 'No Salt Added' description, but 4 or 6 pt font sized print.   I opened the jar and thought the olives were rotten due to the smell.  I have no clue how they tasted.  Closed the jar, and into the outdoor trash it went.

I did listen to Side One of 'Love Stinks' later that night for some reason.....

If people eat those things, I wonder if they like spotted dick?
...going along with Dragon Attack's Queen thread has been like taking a free class in Queen knowledge. Where else are you gonna find info like that?!

Offline Stadler

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Re: Mundane But True Stories!
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2020, 10:15:31 PM »
So they were olives stuffed with anchovies instead of pimento?  That's some crazy shit there!

Tell me about it!  And it wasn't 14 or 20 pt font with the normal 'Lite' or 'No Salt Added' description, but 4 or 6 pt font sized print.   I opened the jar and thought the olives were rotten due to the smell.  I have no clue how they tasted.  Closed the jar, and into the outdoor trash it went.

I did listen to Side One of 'Love Stinks' later that night for some reason.....

If people eat those things, I wonder if they like spotted dick?

I had dinner at Emeril's once in New Orleans, and they made the Caesar dressing at the table.   There are anchovies in their recipe.  One of my party (not me) said nuh-uh to the anchovies, so the guy made it both ways.  We got to taste the difference.   All of us ate it WITH the anchovies (even the woman who made a stink - no pun intended).