Author Topic: I just wanna personally thank DT for getting me through the past year and a half  (Read 513 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline npiazza91

  • Posts: 351
I have no idea if they even come on here and check the forums lol, maybe not, but I can still connect to the other fans of this amazing band.

A year and a half ago I fell in love with my best friend. We had such a close friendship for years. We had built trust and true companionship throughout all that time. She fell for me too. It was mutual and the situation felt perfect. But not long after she started to emotionally abuse me. It turns out she was a narcissist and I gave every excuse under the sun to justify her actions towards me. “Oh she’s bipolar”. “Oh she has abandonment issues”. “Oh she has BPD”. “Oh she does so much for me” etc... She always threatened to leave me alone with nobody. She would say “Maria’s not gonna be around forever, so you need to get used to it”. She would mock me any time I showed any emotion. She would leave for days after telling me she’s never gonna come back. Then she’d text me telling me how much she missed me. Then we’d have sex again and feelings of euphoria would come. We’d have a day or two of peace and...everything was perfect. Then it would start again. I couldn’t ever figure it out. The more I dug deeper the more confused I got. I was so tightly bonded to her that I couldn’t leave. And she made me happy just enough to where I didn’t want to. I was so deeply in love with her and I cried myself to sleep multiple times a week. I failed all my classes, dropped out of college, lost my job, etc. She was sucking my soul out. My mind and my heart would go from euphoric thoughts of fantasizing about our future one day...and pure panic and hopelessness the next. It was a true rollercoaster ride. Near the end I even started to thank her for not leaving. Stockholm syndrome. God I was so stupid.

But one thing stayed constant. I always had Dream Theater. Their songs...made things more manageable to me. At a time where I was too afraid to even talk about my feelings, they made me feel...understood. I connected with songs such as Beneath the Surface, Build Me Up Break Me Down, Out of Reach, At Wits End, Fall into the Light, One Last Time, Far From Heaven, and Panic Attack. Sometimes I would just sit and cry. The songs understood me when nobody else really could. Sure, a part of that was me projecting what I feel on to the songs, but in some cases the lyrical similarity to my situation was just...incredibly real.

This girl really messed me up. She’s been gone about six months now. It didn’t end well. There’s so much I still wanna say to her, so many questions I still have. And I still love her, as messed up as it is. But it would have been a lot worse if I didn’t have Dream Theater. I’m honestly tearing up just writing this. You guys helped me so much. And my connection to you guys will never die. Thank you.

Offline wolfking

  • Posts: 31097
  • Gender: Male
Wow npiazza91, thank you for sharing such emotions with us.  As a fellow DT fan, and everyone on the forum fully understands the power of DT's music and how it can help us in times of need.  I'm sure the band would appreciate your words also.

I know it doesn't mean much, but it sounds like it's best for you that you have parted ways with this girl.  I'm sure it hurts mate, but time will heal and please know and tell yourself that you didn't deserve the treatment you received and deserve much better. 

I got played by a girl when I was young, not to your extent by the sounds, but the way it ended, I was crushed and never thought I'd get over it.  I did and found someone better.  Stay strong mate!

Offline gzarruk

  • Posts: 2994
  • Gender: Male
Wow, I'm so sorry for what happened to you! Thanks for being open and sharing this here with us. As someone who had to end a very emotionally exhausting relationship after 5 years of being with her (and a lifetime knowing her), I totally get the scope of what you mean. Still, what I went through is nothing compared to what you had to endure. As wolfking says, I think it's best for you to be without her and now you can finally have some time to heal and care for yourself after all this time.

It's so good, though, that you found refuge in DT's music. It's happened to me many times, but I specially remember going through hard times when I was 18 and DT's self-titled had just been released. I played it pretty much everyday and got to connect a lot with the songs and the message behind each one.

Hope all this pain goes away soon.
It sounds like, "ruk, ruk, ruk, ruk, ruk." Instead of the more pleasing kick drum sound of, "gzarruk, gzarruk, gzarruk, gzarruk."

Offline Bertielee

  • Posts: 2366
  • Gender: Male
  • RIP, Dad (1935-2017)
npiazza, as wolf has said, I think you're in a better situation now she's gone. In any case, it takes balls to be able to open yourself to us and bravo for this. As wolf said again, you'll find someone better, it's just a matter of time (pun intended).

B.Lee
"Life is divided into two sets of people : people who have lost and people who haven't yet." George Michael

Offline Max Kuehnau

  • Emotionless Brainiac
  • Posts: 1452
  • Gender: Male
  • Doomed to be a man this world forgot
Sorry about what happened to you, but I agree: there were quite a few moments where DT helped me through dark periods in my life. (and I guess some of their pieces can have that effect on people, certainly on me.) I'll spare you the details. (mostly since ADTOE came out. Had I not had that album and DT12, I wouldn't be here right now) I'll add my personal "Thanks DT" to the collective call as it were.
"Life's greatest battles often are fought alone"

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14618
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Thanks for the honesty npiazza91...I know that's not an easy scenario to admit and say. I had a similar relationship in my early 20's that crushed my spirit as well. But, like you.....DT was a source of strength that provided a time to 'get away' and get lost in their music. I've been listening to DT since I was 16....I'm not 44 and I can safely say that their music has gotten me through many a tough time. That's why they'll never be replaced as my favorite band. It's simply impossible to overtake the connection I have with their music.

As far as your scenario......sorry to hear that you had to endure that but just know it will/does get better.....you may not see or feel it now but you'll be stronger for having overcome it.
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline MoraWintersoul

  • Gloom Cookie
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6042
  • Gender: Female
  • type :mora: for a surprise
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. You are very strong for going through such tough times. Believe us that you're better off and that in time you'll start feeling it too.  :heart

Dream Theater got me through many difficult times. For some reason, right now I remember a love debacle too at the very beginning of my twenties; a major (returned) crush I almost got involved with was dishonest to me and we had at least two or three dramatic breakup moments despite not having had a relationship at all, and in all the circumstances there were things left unsaid. I remember just blasting Space-Dye Vest on repeat until 4AM and just crying over it like a lost puppy. Every new sample triggered crushed my heart with the mundaneness of life continuing on while I'm sitting in my room suffering (which I guess is one of the reasons why KM at the time put so many in, and why the DT guys loved using them in general - a lot of the times, when they appear, they serve this function). Moreover, I remember venting about it to some DTF members (y'all know who you are).

Quote
Don't try to BS her about Kevin Moore facts, she will obscure quote you in the face.
You consistently make so much sense, and express yourself so eloquently, that I've decided you're basically a female version of robwebster.

Offline hunnus2000

  • Posts: 154
As Dave Chappelle would say - "Fuck that bitch!"

That's the attitude you need to have. You WILL find someone else. You will find love again. You found it once, you will again. And kudos to you for being honest and hanging your feelings out to dry.

Consider this a virtual bra-hug!  :metal

Offline JediKnight1969

  • Andrés
  • Posts: 889
  • Gender: Male
I totally understand you pal. Love is beautiful only when is mutual. Otherwise is torture. You will fall in love again and you'll be happy. But, be patient. This kind of crushes could take up to 2 years to heal. Just do your "homework": don't idealize her by remembering constantly the good times. Don's stare at the old photos. They only remind you happy moments and if you lose sense of time and reality, your head will convince you that there's nothing wrong with her and the problem was you. And then you'll try to "get better" in order to get her back. Beware. That kind of behaviour is dangerous. That kind of attitude isolates you (I know the irony during Covid times). Share time with your friends. Know new people online (carefuly). I'm telling you this because at 42 I was single and knew a woman. I became deeply in love with her and I tought she will be my wife. 7 months later, without warning, just from minutes to telling me "my love" she left me. It was devastating. I cried a river. But my preservation instinct prevailed. I thought: "If I could find love once, I will find it again. She was the problem. Not me." I found her on twitter, so I close my account and opened a new one. 4 months later, openly talking about broken hearts, one woman reply to me. To make a long story short, 2 years later we were living togeter, and now at my 50's we were raising a 2 years old baby. Real love is a real thing. Just do your part. Become a better person every day and love will find a way.
A daily dose of eMpTyV will flush your mind right down the drain...