Men are from Mars, Women I have no f*$%ing idea

[cramx3]

I used to give my x-fiance the silent treatment at times.  We were very disfunctional with arguments.  She liked to yell and I'd rather not raise my voice.  If something was wrong, I'd get berated and therefore give the silent treatment until both of us were calm enough to talk about it.  Deep down, I often enjoyed the silent treatment time because it let me get some "time off from us" and honestly, that was never a healthy relationship and one of many reasons why it didn't work out.

[jingle.boy]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

[Stadler]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Was that the screaming I heard here in CT?  (I kid, and with respect; I should know better than to bust on someone's marriage).

[King Postwhore]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Sounds like you need to put on your goalie equipment.

[jingle.boy]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Was that the screaming I heard here in CT?  (I kid, and with respect; I should know better than to bust on someone's marriage).

It very well might have been.

[wolfking]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Was that the screaming I heard here in CT?  (I kid, and with respect; I should know better than to bust on someone's marriage).

It very well might have been.

Ouch dude.  So she's turned from silence to screaming now?

[jingle.boy]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Was that the screaming I heard here in CT?  (I kid, and with respect; I should know better than to bust on someone's marriage).

It very well might have been.

Ouch dude.  So she's turned from silence to screaming now?

As I said, arguing and yelling at one another is normal for her based on her upbringing.  It's been a long time since we've had an argument this bad... all stemming from a misunderstanding / misperception on something rather trivial.  But, that was the spark to the powder keg.  There's always something else going on underneath... not sure we've got to the root cause just yet.

@ folks like Gregg and King... you have my envy to have such patient

[Podaar]

@ folks like Gregg and King... you have my envy to have such patient

Don't envy me.































I don't have near as good of a Scotch collection as you. 

[wolfking]

Well, so much for the silent treatment.  It was nice while it lasted.

Was that the screaming I heard here in CT?  (I kid, and with respect; I should know better than to bust on someone's marriage).

It very well might have been.

Ouch dude.  So she's turned from silence to screaming now?

As I said, arguing and yelling at one another is normal for her based on her upbringing.  It's been a long time since we've had an argument this bad... all stemming from a misunderstanding / misperception on something rather trivial.  But, that was the spark to the powder keg.  There's always something else going on underneath... not sure we've got to the root cause just yet.

@ folks like Gregg and King... you have my envy to have such patient

Yeah wow mate.  I think it's normal though for all women.  I know if I get yelled at for something stupid, there's always something deep beneath the surface that it stems from.  Finding out what it is though is like playing the Amazing Race sometimes.  I've gotten pretty good though and she after a long time can somewhat easily recognize there's always something else going on. 

I think your wife needs to really somehow focus on what these underlying issues are and tackle them as opposed to surpressing them and you copping the wrath and deflection of it.  Easier said than done.  Took me a long time to ask, 'what's really the issue here?' to get to the point and resolve and move on.  Asking that question use to just end in a heavier asault but things are better now.  I'm not sure what else you can do mate.  Keep probing?  Make her more uncomfortable asking until she cracks?  Sounds like with her history and what you've told me in the past you're forever on the back foot you poor bastard.

[King Postwhore]

Well in my relationship with Lisa I am usually at fault. I admit it.  It's how she goes about it that pisses me off. 

[Stadler]

I think your wife needs to really somehow focus on what these underlying issues are and tackle them as opposed to surpressing them and you copping the wrath and deflection of it.  Easier said than done.  Took me a long time to ask, 'what's really the issue here?' to get to the point and resolve and move on.  Asking that question use to just end in a heavier asault but things are better now.  I'm not sure what else you can do mate.  Keep probing?  Make her more uncomfortable asking until she cracks?  Sounds like with her history and what you've told me in the past you're forever on the back foot you poor bastard.

i'm not suggesting that all women are like this, or that all men are like something else, but for me, most of my serious relationships were this way:  if there was some disagreement that went beyond a simple "hey, let's talk about this for a second" then there was usually something else going on.   Figuring that out is the trick, isn't it? 

As for "what we're used to", if there's one thing I've found is that the expression "we're the sum of our experiences" has a lot of truth, and that works both ways (and includes me).  I know in my therapy, it's amazing how often things from the distant past come up. 

[ReaperKK]

I used to give my x-fiance the silent treatment at times.  We were very disfunctional with arguments.  She liked to yell and I'd rather not raise my voice.  If something was wrong, I'd get berated and therefore give the silent treatment until both of us were calm enough to talk about it.  Deep down, I often enjoyed the silent treatment time because it let me get some "time off from us" and honestly, that was never a healthy relationship and one of many reasons why it didn't work out.

My wife is super quick to react and get pissed. I'm the same way, I'll usually say I can't talk right now and go to the office or do something else. After a few hours things have calmed down enough that she and I can attempt to talk it out.

[cramx3]

The girl who broke up with me 10 months ago, reached out to me yesterday asking if there was a way we could talk and maybe work things out 

hard pass

yup, "women I have no f*$%ing idea"

[Podaar]

The girl who broke up with me 10 months ago, reached out to me yesterday asking if there was a way we could talk and maybe work things out 

hard pass

yup, "women I have no f*$%ing idea"

Yeah, I have no idea how I would respond to something like that. Trust is a huge issue for me, and I suspect with you as well. I'm sure I'd find a way to be polite, but it would be very difficult.

[The Walrus]

The girl who broke up with me 10 months ago, reached out to me yesterday asking if there was a way we could talk and maybe work things out 

hard pass

yup, "women I have no f*$%ing idea"

[Phoenix87x]

It's how she goes about it that pisses me off.

This started a lot of fights. She would say stuff like "why are you so pissy" in a really biting and non-supportive way. Which in turn made feel like she didn't give a shit about me or what might be bothering me, it was just like (oh you are pissy, so that is that is ruining my day). All I wanted to hear was "are you ok or is something wrong" instead of "WHY you so pissy".

Or the way she would talk about the father of her kids:  "Oh I felt like I had THREE kids I was raising" attacking his masculinity and demeaning him.

She told me a million times she didn't like How I talked to her vs what I said, but then five mins later, she is doing it to me. Screw that.

How something is said is super important.

[cramx3]

The girl who broke up with me 10 months ago, reached out to me yesterday asking if there was a way we could talk and maybe work things out 

hard pass

yup, "women I have no f*$%ing idea"

Yeah, I have no idea how I would respond to something like that. Trust is a huge issue for me, and I suspect with you as well. I'm sure I'd find a way to be polite, but it would be very difficult.

I thought I was fairly polite yet firm in my response on not wanting to have a conversation, but she took one small part of it and blew it up about how she was right all along to break up with me    you can't make this shit up, I only sent that one response so I don't plan on sending anymore but she really just exposed herself with all that while I'm over here 45 lbs lighter with a new girl    Funny how this also times well with me posting some pictures of myself on IG (where she reached out to me). 

[Phoenix87x]

^^^  I always dreaded my ex fiancee trying to get back in contact with me. Its been years and I haven't had to deal with it at all luckily.

The big difference with me is I don't do any social media. So she has zero idea that I am in better shape, stronger and constantly pursuing goals and hobbies, and am way happier.

Probably for the best

[Orbert]

Sorry to say, but that just sounds dumb.  10 months later, she realizes that she still wants you, and even though there was a problem at the time, she'd like to work it out.  Not even considering that you've moved on.  What, she was thinking that you, like her (apparently), have been pining away these past 10 months, just hoping that she'd reconsider?  Oh, and she was right to break up with you in the first place?  Fuck that.

[cramx3]

It sounds very dumb, she knew she broke my heart and I told her then I'd do anything to keep it but she wouldn't have it.  Two weeks after the break up she said she wanted to still see me but not be "together" for the summer and then she would reconsider.  I shot that down.  3 monthes later she reached out on my birthday and I ignored it.  I just realized the connection between it all though... Devin Townsend.  Let me explain.  It was almost 10 months to the day she broke up with me.  I know the date well, because I was supposed to go to her graduation party on May 18th.  I had put aside seeing Devin Townsend that day to go to her party instead.  She lives like just down the street from the venue too.  Anyway, the night before was when I officially told everyone we were done (she had then asked that night if I could go to the party as her friend, I said no... like how awkward would that be).  Anyway, I ended up going to the show, my first day "alone" and I was so damn depressed knowing the party was going on the same time down the road.  I recorded Devin playing Why? acoustic that night  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zd9F3Vx_Vs and the date is engrained in my head.  I had a blast at the show though, very memorable night for me.  Flash forward to currently... well I just saw Devin last week and posted a picture of him and I on my IG.  I wonder if it set off the same memory triggers as it does for me.  She knew well that I loved Devin and had wanted to go to that concert but I put it aside for her originally (she offered for me to leave the party, see the set and come back but as in going as a friend, I felt that would be awkward but a nice gesture on her part).  Anway... I don't understand it all, but funny how I think this relates to Devin Townsend 

[TAC]

but she really just exposed herself with all that while I'm over here 45 lbs lighter with a new girl    Funny how this also times well with me posting some pictures of myself on IG (where she reached out to me).

That reminds me of a joke a comedian told back in the day. I can't remember the guy's name, but he said, "My girlfriend told me that if I lose 50 lbs she would make love to me. I told her that if I lost 50 pounds, I wouldn't make love to her."

[v_clortho]

I think you should get back together with her. She sounds like a peach!

[TAC]

I think you should get back together with her. She sounds like a peach!

Hairy?

[The Walrus]

I think you should get back together with her. She sounds like a peach!

Hairy?

FUZZY! Not hairy!!    

[Dublagent66]

A Brazilian peach is the best!

[Northern Lion]

I love how it seems every discussion men have about women seems to eventually devolve down to some kind of fruit. 

[cramx3]

Who you calling a fruit!?! 

[Herrick]

The girl who broke up with me 10 months ago, reached out to me yesterday asking if there was a way we could talk and maybe work things out 

hard pass

yup, "women I have no f*$%ing idea"

LoL exactly

Sounds like cramx3 made the right choice. And congratulations on the weight loss 

[Cool Chris]

Who you calling a fruit!?! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPf2y2QGoJw&feature=youtu.be&t=91

[lordxizor]

My minor marriage quibble for the day is how casually my wife can turn me down for sex. Yesterday afternoon I wanted her so badly. She looked great, we were talking and laughing and I felt really connected to her, but of course the kids were around so anything would have to wait. I went out for a little bit, but picked us up some ice cream on the way home (which read her mind as she almost texted me to pick some up). We're sitting and eating it while laughing at some funny YouTube videos and I must have done something to tip her off because she says "I have a book a really want to finish tonight, so no sex tonight. I hope you weren't thinking that ice cream was going to get you some." Well... Yes, that is actually what I was thinking, but thanks for the advance warning. I laughed it off at the time, but felt pretty rejected. I get it, she doesn't want sex as much as me and of course she has the right to say no. I love to read too so I can understand wanting to finish a good book. But I hate how casually she turns me down as if it's no big deal. Rejection hurts every time. I have literally never turned down her advances a single time in 13+ years and will likely never turn her down in the future. In the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world, we'll probably do it tonight instead, but not wanting sex just doesn't compute in my brain.

[Podaar]

You know your wife, and I'm probably projecting, but that sounds like an invitation to a seduction to me. In your shoes, I would have feigned innocence an said, "Actually, I was just angling for a kiss." Then proceeded to give her a soft, lingering, book-forgetting kiss.

[TAC]

This thread is getting icky.

[lordxizor]

You know your wife, and I'm probably projecting, but that sounds like an invitation to a seduction to me. In your shoes, I would have feigned innocence an said, "Actually, I was just angling for a kiss." Then proceeded to give her a soft, lingering, book-forgetting kiss.

I would be shocked if that's what she wanted. I debated pushing the issue a little bit and probably could have gotten a reluctant quickie out of her, but that's not what I wanted.

This thread is getting icky.

[v_clortho]

Give her the silent treatment.

[lordxizor]

Give her the silent treatment.