Men are from Mars, Women I have no f*$%ing idea

[Orbert]

I'll be 54 in May so I've past the point of no return.  My gf just turned 55 and she has 2 grown kids with families of their own.  I haven't completely ruled out marriage, but at this point I'm so set in my ways that it is highly unlikely.

That's why I shared my anecdote about my co-workers Gene and Rick.  Both well into their 40's when I met them, I think Rick and Julie got married when we were all past 50.  Julie has adult kids, Rick had never been married, but for whatever reason, after years of being together, they decided to go for it.  You never know.

It's fine to have a plan, have goals, dreams, whatever you want to call them.  I'm just saying that as time goes on and life happens, those can and will change, because you yourself will change over time.  Sticking to the plan sounds great, but don't rule things out because they don't fit your idea of what you thought you wanted.  You could miss out on things that ultimately would have made your life better, more enjoyable, etc.  And by "you" I mean people in general.

[Herrick]

Regarding the tale of not being told the time to leave. It seems clear The Womang doesn't know how to plan ahead of time. I think The Mang should stop asking her and take it upon himself to do the planning. Yeah it's annoying if it's an event that The Womang wants to do and The Mang doesn't really want to, but it is what it is. Why make it more difficult?

If you are familiar with the area you live in, then you should be able to make an estimate of what traffic conditions are like during that time of day and how far the two destinations are from each other. Use Google Maps or whatever if it's a place you've never been to. Google Maps can give you an estimated time of how long it'll take to get there.

Honestly, it sounds like both Mang and Womang don't know how to plan ahead. If The Mang is unable or unwilling to choose a time to leave then next time this happens just tell The Womang to let you know when it's time to get ready to leave.

Regarding the inability to give a straight-up fucking answer to a straight-up fucking question: I got nothing. It's annoying. Don't know why they do it.

[Orbert]

I know how to plan ahead, and I know how to use Google Maps.  There is very little I ever do without a plan in place.  That's why I was putting the plan together, for an event I knew we were going to later that day.  But she's the one who knew where the place is, and also all the details about the secondary stop we had to make on the way.  Google Maps cannot help me if all she's told me is that it's by the grocery store and I don't remember the name, or any details about the other stop.  It was my attempts to get that information from her, so I could complete the plan, that was so damned frustrating.

[Herrick]

I know how to plan ahead, and I know how to use Google Maps.  There is very little I ever do without a plan in place.  That's why I was putting the plan together, for an event I knew we were going to later that day.  But she's the one who knew where the place is, and also all the details about the secondary stop we had to make on the way.  Google Maps cannot help me if all she's told me is that it's by the grocery store and I don't remember the name, or any details about the other stop.  It was my attempts to get that information from her, so I could complete the plan, that was so damned frustrating.

Ah I missed that part. Sorry. Well then, if she refuses to tell you where the place is or the name of the place then there is not much you can do. I'd stick with, "Let me know when you want me to get ready to leave".

[cramx3]

Such easy solutions to us meng don't typically apply to womeng, hence the thread.

[Herrick]

Such easy solutions to us meng don't typically apply to womeng, hence the thread.

I've had success with that strategy. I guess the correct thing to do would be to talk and find out why the problem exists in the first place.

[TAC]

Talk?? To a woman??

[Herrick]

Talk?? To a woman??

Yeah. Don't they like talking about feelings and shit?

[Northern Lion]

Talk?? To a woman??

Yeah. Don't they like talking about feelings and shit?

Feelings yes, logic no 

[Herrick]

Talk?? To a woman??

Yeah. Don't they like talking about feelings and shit?

Feelings yes, logic no 

Logic? This Is SPARTAAA!

[jingle.boy]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

[The Walrus]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

Ouch!! What'd ya do, brains?

[King Postwhore]

Yeah, that's not good.

[gmillerdrake]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   
[/quote

Uh oh.

[jingle.boy]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

Ouch!! What'd ya do, brains?

There’s a task that needs to be done around here that involves making a phone call as the next step. Mrs.jingle has been taking the lead on this task, and as we were talking about it Wednesday night, I simply said “I’ll leave that to you”. That lit the powder keg. Not our biggest argument ever - not even close.  But it’s clearly triggered something.

[Northern Lion]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

Ouch!! What'd ya do, brains?

There’s a task that needs to be done around here that involves making a phone call as the next step. Mrs.jingle has been taking the lead on this task, and as we were talking about it Wednesday night, I simply said “I’ll leave that to you”. That lit the powder keg. Not our biggest argument ever - not even close.  But it’s clearly triggered something.

I'm sorry Jingle Boy.  I really hope you are able to get it resolved soon.  That doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

[TAC]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

Ouch!! What'd ya do, brains?

There’s a task that needs to be done around here that involves making a phone call as the next step. Mrs.jingle has been taking the lead on this task, and as we were talking about it Wednesday night, I simply said “I’ll leave that to you”. That lit the powder keg. Not our biggest argument ever - not even close.  But it’s clearly triggered something.

Didn't have anything to do with a certain Keto book did it?

[jingle.boy]

Haha. But no.

[wolfking]

The good thing about being in the doghouse is that it’s incredibly quiet in here.

2 days of silence and counting.   

2 whole days!?  You lucky bastard.

I'm guessing you didn't go through with the keto birthday book?

Jokes aside, I've never had more than like 2 minutes of silence let alone 2 fucking days.  We can't help but to yell at each other until we calm oursevles down and admit were both wrong somewhat and realise how much energy we just wasted yelling and move the fuck on.

[jingle.boy]

It's amazing how much we're shaped by our childhood.  This is the MO her parents had - and they argued a lot.  jingle.mother-in-law would give people the silent treatment when she was mad/upset/bothered etc...  for days at a time.  So, this is how mrs.jingle plays things.  She's easily agitated over things I would consider minor, which can then often turn the proverbial mole hill into a mountain.  When arguments get real big/bad, then there's the silent treatment.  Literally.  She had to tell me something, and wrote me a note.

She's still pissed.  We had meatloaf for dinner last night, and I was going to pour the little bit of grease in the pan down the drain (chased by hot water naturally).  I got chastised for not disposing it in a grease can and that I "should know better".

All because of a topic that she was in charge of, and I simply reiterated that I figured she was taking the next step on the task at hand.

As for the Keto book, that's another (long) story.  Wasn't a bad outcome, but it was a confusing one.

[wolfking]

It's amazing how much we're shaped by our childhood.  This is the MO her parents had - and they argued a lot.  jingle.mother-in-law would give people the silent treatment when she was mad/upset/bothered etc...  for days at a time.  So, this is how mrs.jingle plays things.  She's easily agitated over things I would consider minor, which can then often turn the proverbial mole hill into a mountain.  When arguments get real big/bad, then there's the silent treatment.  Literally.  She had to tell me something, and wrote me a note.

She's still pissed.  We had meatloaf for dinner last night, and I was going to pour the little bit of grease in the pan down the drain (chased by hot water naturally).  I got chastised for not disposing it in a grease can and that I "should know better".

All because of a topic that she was in charge of, and I simply reiterated that I figured she was taking the next step on the task at hand.

As for the Keto book, that's another (long) story.  Wasn't a bad outcome, but it was a confusing one.

Fucking wow on that first point mate!

And that second point, sorry but that's not on for me.  Fighting is one thing but being spoken too like you are a child and basically told you're stupid is just not cool.  I don't know what advice I can give as I've never really experienced the silent treatment.

Maybe just go along with it, say 'fuck it' I'll be silent too.  Maybe don't even bother trying mate.  But I know if that's was me, I'd tell her to 'pull her head out of her ass and grow the fuck up and move on with life.'  That would result in the yelling I was talking about which would then build the bridge to move on but I guess that wouldn't really work for your situation mate.  I'd just go along and enjoy the silence maybe.

[jingle.boy]

Maybe just go along with it, say 'fuck it' I'll be silent too.

This is exactly it. 

I'm being as patient as possible, because there are a handful of other physical and mental ailments going on with her at the moment (and ongoing).  Add on to it that this is completely normal to her - she doesn't know any different / better.  The post wasn't meant to bitch/whine/moan/complain about her/our marriage, but rather to be on topic - women make no sense sometimes.

[Phoenix87x]

My last Ex was ALL about the silent treatment, but I came to realize there was nothing conscious about it. It wasn't like "he did x or y so therefore I shall be silent and miserable". It was more of like a knee jerk reaction.

I remember asking her one time "do you even know what your mad about?" and there was no answer. She literally didn't even know, lol.

I'll totally admit I screwed up at times, but most of the time she just felt like I did something, when really I did nothing intentionally. She felt I did, so therefore I did. And now we are fighting, again and again and again.

It was truly exhausting. I strait up told her "when you shut down, that just makes it 100% worse, please just try and express what you feel and we can talk about it, but the silence it just making me anxious and worried and upset"

She seemed to get my point, but by that point there was no saving that relationship

And the one time I tried to give her silent treatment, she pretty much had a mental breakdown with being ignored. It didn't work at all. There were no revelations like "wow, this really sucks and I shouldn't do it to him", it just turned into a massive fight. So that didn't work

[jingle.boy]

I'll totally admit I screwed up at times, but most of the time she just felt like I did something, when really I did nothing intentionally. She felt I did, so therefore I did. And now we are fighting, again and again and again.

Don't get me started.  Sure, I screw up frequently enough, but part of the mental ailments I referenced is that she truly confuses facts with feelings.  She'll *constantly* say "I feel <something>" but that something is a fact or event, or worse yet ... an opinion.  And during an arguments, once she starts to get agitated/upset/bothered, she listens for feelings, not for facts, and then can never come off of that feeling even when the facts don't support how she feels.  I'm not sure if this is making any sense. 

Something like "I feel like you don't know how to wash the dishes".  Uhh.... that's not a feeling.  That's an opinion.  "I feel like I'm doing most of the chores".  Again, not a feeling.  "I feel like I'm always the one doing the grocery shopping".  Whether the statement is accurate or not, THAT'S NOT A FEELING!!!

[The Walrus]

In her defense she is right about one thing, you shouldn't be pouring that grease down the drain 

[jingle.boy]

In her defense she is right about one thing, you shouldn't be pouring that grease down the drain 

True, but it was the equivalent of about 2 tbsp... and it was how she pointed it out that was my beef - not just because she pointed it out at all.

[wolfking]

In her defense she is right about one thing, you shouldn't be pouring that grease down the drain 

Don't show her this post Chad, or else you're fucked. 

[Northern Lion]

I had a girlfriend once who gave me the silent treatment for several days.  I could not figure out what I had done wrong.  And when I was finally able to pry it out of her it ended up being a complete misunderstanding. 

[KevShmev]

The important part of the silent treatment is to just enjoy it while it lasts.

[Orbert]

I had a girlfriend once who gave me the silent treatment for several days.  I could not figure out what I had done wrong.  And when I was finally able to pry it out of her it ended up being a complete misunderstanding. 

That's the part I've never understood about the silent treatment.  There's a problem, but it can never be discussed and therefore resolved because one of the two persons involves refuses to talk.  Apparently there's something the other person is expected to say or do to break the magic spell, but the only person who knows what that is isn't talking.  Completely fucking pointless.  Why would anyone think that this is the proper way to address the problem?

And yeah, any time she thinks this is a "punishment" and he just enjoys the silence, I laugh.

[Podaar]

In her defense she is right about one thing, you shouldn't be pouring that grease down the drain 

True, but it was the equivalent of about 2 tbsp... and it was how she pointed it out that was my beef - not just because she pointed it out at all.

You've pointed out what I don't understand at all, the adversarial stance I keep hearing about from couples. I've never once thought (with Mrs. P or the previous spouces), 'I'm going to point out your mistake and berate you for it.' See my thought would be, 'When she's done there at the sink, I'll run some extra hot water for a while  to flush down that grease.' Shrug.

[jingle.boy]

@ Gregg (and others)... to my previous point, it's largely a function of the dysfunctional household from her upbringing.  For the most part, this isn't how she acts/behaves/talks, but every so often, we revert back to bad habits - around things where good habits that were never properly shown or taught to us.  Lord knows I have more than a handful of those as well.

Sometimes, our emotions control us, instead of the other way around.

[Podaar]

Yeah, sorry, Chad. I realize after rereading my post that it sounds like I'm criticizing your situation. I actually meant to point out that in my daily life I hear coworkers, golf partners, customers, vendors, etc., often mention a mild adversarial situation with their spouses. A great deal of the time folks are just laughing it off as part of the deal/charm of being a couple. Sometimes they mention it with a great deal of frustration. It's unfortunate, and I don't really get it. But then, I don't have to. 

[Stadler]

Maybe just go along with it, say 'fuck it' I'll be silent too.

This is exactly it. 

I'm being as patient as possible, because there are a handful of other physical and mental ailments going on with her at the moment (and ongoing).  Add on to it that this is completely normal to her - she doesn't know any different / better.  The post wasn't meant to bitch/whine/moan/complain about her/our marriage, but rather to be on topic - women make no sense sometimes.

I empathize with that first sentence (of the second paragraph).  We've got some things we have to work on, some things we have to talk through.  Couple the fact that - as Jingle says - her comfort zone is not talking (I don't mean "the silent treatment", just when it comes to deeper feelings, she's very quiet and passive) with the fact that she's really struggling with a shoulder injury from a car accident (surgery in a month or so) and it makes it very hard.  I have, in the past, been able to push her - gently, and of course metaphorically - to talk about hard things, but with the suffering she's going through (sleep is almost an impossibility) it makes it extremely frustrating. 

I'm getting good at Injustice on the PS3, though.  And I've made progress on the project Jeep in the garage! 

[jingle.boy]

Stads, our situations are incredibly similar - mrs.jingle doesn't sleep worth shit for back pain and/or muscle spasms.

And I remind myself that sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  I know the few times I've had trouble sleeping - or just a lackthereof - the next day is gruelling.  I couldn't imagine that being almost everyday.