Wow, numbers. I hope for the best for you guys. I know three people personally who've had it, all three have survived, although two were hospitalized for a while. The first had relatively minor symptoms (minor for Covid, that is) much as you've described. Hopefully this is as far as it goes for you.
I just did my home test. It came with a little foam swab with about a three-inch handle. The instructions specifically said that you don't have to place it very far into your nostril; only until the foam head is no longer visible. Run it around the inside of your nostril at least three times, then repeat with the other nostril. Use the same end (only one end has a swab anyway), so the only kinda gross part was taking the "dirty" swab out of one nostril and going into the other, but I don't even have a runny nose right now, so it's not like it was gooey or anything. In fact, since things are dry in there, I was a little concerned about it not picking up enough sample material, so I made sure to run it around inside a few extra times and kinda spin the handle as it went to maximize how much it picked up.
Then drop it into the little tube (supplied), into the biohazard bag (supplied), back into the box it all came in, and into the FedEx Express Biohazard package (supplied). Quick and painless. I'll drop it off at FedEx today.