I am crumbled. I can't find any words, through speech, or paper, or text; to describe how I'm feeling.
I first learned on Thursday. And couldn't sleep. I sat and cried all night.
I knew there would be a crescendo, a tidal wave, of pain when it would be announced. The shock wave on social media has been enormous; nearly audible. And that flooded over me and took my breath away. And I cried all day Friday, and Saturday too.
My wife finally made me get out of bed today. As I write this, I'm not sure what to say or even where this post will go.
So, I'll share this story. I learned he was sick about 18 months ago, but I didn't know how. Ged mentioned once he felt an urge to write more while he could. I thought that odd. At the time I reached out to say I hoped he was well.
Back when Clockwork Angels (Novel) came out he'd had an artist commission something for Al, Ged, and Kevin. In 2016 I was admiring it, and told Kevin how cool it was.
So when I sent my note a year and a half ago, he replied to my note of well wishes, with a note of his own; saying how he was doing fine, focused on just being a dad, and reminisced about the last time we were together. But he also sent me one of the pieces he'd had commissioned. He noted that Kevin told him I liked it.
I won't tell you what it is because that's private and I'd like to keep it that way. But that gesture, so Neil like, touched me in a way I can't describe. I will cherish it for the rest of my life. He was keenly intelligent, fiercely interested in life and in the people he knew, kind, thoughtful, loyal, and fully aware.
I am a very blessed human being. For a number of spectacular reasons. I have my health (mostly, for now), the love of my family and some incredibly amazing friends, I have been successful in my career more than I ever imagined. As I grow older I become more aware of an overpowering need to express my gratitude for all that luck, life, the universe, God, has afforded me. And I got the chance to meet and know my idols. It's hard sometimes to be around Geddy, even now, and not geek out. Because I have to always seperate being a fan of his and the bands, talents and music. The first time I heard Rush I was 12 years old. Instantly that music gently enveloped my soul and locked down on it, and never let go. Music does that to us. Science has shown us that we develop the ability to hear in the womb before we can see. Music permeates our body. It actually physically touches us with its sound waves. Whatever magic was in the music Rush produced touched me in a way that it gave me so many things to help shape my life.
My life, like everyone else has endured peaks and valleys. Some of those valleys have been so deep and full of despair I didn't think I could ever climb out. I have always felt that no matter how hard things were, that it was life simply preparing me to be able to handle times that were even going to be harder in the future. The music of Rush, and the words. My God, those words from Neil, touched my soul, and gave me hope, and inspiration.
I'm rambling right now. So I'll stop.
I only learned about 2 months ago how sick he really was. I wish I had told him once again how much his gift of music meant to me. When I had before he was always so appreciative but really humble and I tried not to make things awkward for him or myself. But he knew. In his note he mentioned how he enjoyed our times together, and hoped that I'd actually put his gift to use, and not let it sit around and collect dust. I always thought we weren't that close. We weren't in each others lives that way. But his note made me feel that we were. And, once again, I felt energized, inspired, and that word again. Grateful.
I am crumbled.
But Oh, so, so grateful to have met and known him and to have been alive to hear and be touched by his music.
Please keep his family in your prayers; and never let the light of the lessons of their music or the words he penned and shared with us ever dim, or fade away.
Topic: Neil Peart - Dead at 67 (Read 41402 times)
