Author Topic: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?  (Read 2924 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline WildRanger

  • Posts: 1301
Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« on: August 12, 2019, 10:03:40 AM »
Why do most mothers want to defend their kids from condemnation even if they're doing some very bad or wrong things in their life?
In your opinion, is that natural, normal?


Online Adami

  • Moderator of awesomeness
  • *
  • Posts: 36084
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2019, 10:07:09 AM »
Oh lord.

Do you mean PARENTS? Cause dads do this too.
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline WildRanger

  • Posts: 1301
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2019, 10:08:42 AM »
Oh lord.

Do you mean PARENTS? Cause dads do this too.

Yeah, but mothers do it more.


Online Adami

  • Moderator of awesomeness
  • *
  • Posts: 36084
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2019, 10:10:51 AM »
You’re lucky this forum is like 99% men.
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline Harmony

  • Posts: 2945
  • Gender: Female
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2019, 10:13:19 AM »
Oh lord.

Do you mean PARENTS? Cause dads do this too.

Yeah, but mothers do it more.

Really?  I have not heard this. 

I'm guessing that it may have something to do with the concept of unconditional love.  But since there are loads of shit parents out there, that obviously doesn't apply across the board.

Maybe giving a more detailed example of what you are talking about could help this discussion.
Just another member of Gaia's intramural baseball squad

Offline Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 25281
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2019, 10:23:34 AM »
This thread should be fun.

Offline Phoenix87x

  • From the ashes
  • Posts: 8386
  • The Phoenix shall rise
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2019, 10:24:01 AM »
I think the reason that parents do it is they see the child as an extension of themselves. So when the child is criticized, they take it as criticism toward themselves personally.

Offline The Walrus

  • goo goo g'joob
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 17221
  • PSA: Stairway to Heaven is in 4/4
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2019, 10:50:32 AM »
Why do most mothers want to defend their kids from condemnation even if they're doing some very bad or wrong things in their life?
In your opinion, is that natural, normal?

I can only assume you're an alien from Ganymede to be this oblivious to the nature of motherhood/parenthood, my dude
From a Mega Man Legends island jamming power metal to a Walrus listening to black metal, I like your story arc.
"I don't worry about nothing, no, 'cause worrying's a waste of my time"

Offline TioJorge

  • Constantly Contorting
  • Posts: 7082
  • Gender: Male
  • Ashes to ashes, fun to funky.
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2019, 11:11:04 AM »
 :corn

I'm not sure how the answer isn't obvious... They're kin. They're apart of you, in a lot of ways a reflection of you, of your parenting, etc. Of course they're protective. "Defensive" is an odd word to use. I've got a feeling there's a specific circumstance surrounding why this thread was created and the way it was worded, but maybe it was just an oddly worded, random thought.

It's a pretty basic question that's super broad. Excluding the "mother/women" part, that part is weird and offensive.

Right now I'm picturing WildRanger throwing eggs at a child, screaming at the mother saying "CONTROL YOUR CHILD!" and then the mother gets "defensive".

Actually that's definitely what happened. As for the "mother/women" part, it's because women are scientifically weaker both mentally and physically because of their vaginas. I feel like that's an acceptable answer for such an oddly stated question. I'd like to think this is all bait but... :-\

DTP says "WOW, LOOK AT THAT GREAT POST"
RIP DTP.

Offline pg1067

  • Posts: 12430
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2019, 11:11:57 AM »
Why do most mothers want to defend their kids from condemnation even if they're doing some very bad or wrong things in their life?
In your opinion, is that natural, normal?

Huh?

Why are you asking about mothers and not fathers?  What makes you think that "most mothers" want to do this "even if [their children are] doing some very bad or wrong things in their life [sic]"?


Yeah, but mothers do it more.

Please cite the statistics that support this assertion (or admit that you're just making stuff up).


Regardless, trying to posit a one-size-fits-all answer to this question would be utter folly.
"There's a bass solo in a song called Metropolis where I do a bass solo."  John Myung

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 42989
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2019, 11:29:44 AM »
I think the reason that parents do it is they see the child as an extension of themselves. So when the child is criticized, they take it as criticism toward themselves personally.

I came here to write this.  PARENTS, not "mothers" or "fathers". 

I'm not sure I buy into the premise of the OP, but I do acknowledge an increasing level of "Not MY kid!" in terms of the response to what some would call bad behavior (but others might rightly say are "life lessons").   Increasingly, if Junior doesn't ace the SATs, it's not that Junior is a dumbass, but that "the teachers failed". If Junior doesn't make the team, it's not because Junior can't walk and chew gum at the same time, it's that Coach has a grudge against Junior.

As much as I'm an attorney and I love to argue, it's not really my best role to be my kid's consigliere as she navigates high school.   At some point kids have to learn that life isn't about "guardian angels" sweeping in to make everything all better.   Even IF the teacher blows or the coach is a vindictive f***, unfortunately the world is full of people who are shitty at their job or that have the intellectual maturity of a 12-year-old.

(I do draw the line at more severe things like criminal activity and what not; when my middle daughter was bullied at school, I had no hesitation in standing up for her with the administration, including involving the police, and would do it again.)   
« Last Edit: August 12, 2019, 11:37:39 AM by Stadler »

Offline Grappler

  • Posts: 3408
  • Gender: Male
  • Victory, Illinois Varsity
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2019, 11:38:13 AM »
I will defend my children to the ends of the earth, regardless of what they may do someday.  It's what my parents did for me when I did dumb things when I was younger, and it's probably what ANY other parent would do. 

Doesn't take away that they may have done something wrong, but it certainly doesn't mean that I have to willfully stand aside when they do. 

Offline TioJorge

  • Constantly Contorting
  • Posts: 7082
  • Gender: Male
  • Ashes to ashes, fun to funky.
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2019, 12:08:05 PM »
The thread would have been much more accessible and interesting if the title included fathers in this and posed a more specific question of "to what extent do you defend your children". As is, it really just seems like bait and/or (pardon the perceived insult/lack of grace) ignorance.

I'm more interested now in what spurred the thread and if it is in fact just a massive jack off or if WildRanger really thinks that women defend their children more than men and if that has to do with women being women or if there's a specific circumstance behind the thread's creation.

Because I'll be damned if I haven't seen some fathers defend some seriously deplorable actions by their sons. On the opposite end of the spectrum, dads like mine have supported me getting better through my alcoholism and kept me alive while a lot of other people threw me by the wayside and said I was useless trash that should be forgotten. All the while, my mother was in blissful drunkenness throughout it all (and still is) with not a care in the world towards either myself or anyone else. Case in point, what the fuck is with this thread?  :lol Everyone has their own circumstance, situation and can probably both define and defy the status-quo in one way or another. Again, way too broad of a question with an apparently biased and awkward preamble.

I defer to my egg-throwing hypothesis.

Also, in reference to Stadler's usual great post, I can see Hitler's dad sitting in a rocking chair, cigar in one hand, cup of scotch in the other.... "Eh...the kid had a bad few years".  :lol

DTP says "WOW, LOOK AT THAT GREAT POST"
RIP DTP.

Offline Super Dude

  • Hero of Prog
  • DTF.com Member
  • **
  • Posts: 16265
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2019, 12:17:54 PM »
Not my parents. If an authority figure (teacher, counselor, etc.) said I did something wrong, they let me have it, no exceptions and usually no explanations.
Quote from: bosk1
As frequently happens, Super Dude nailed it.
:superdude:

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 19148
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2019, 12:41:26 PM »
Yeah. I’m kind of holding off commenting too much  until a bit more clarification is made as to context. I can tell you as a parent of 8, 12 and 13 year old boys.....I find myself calling out and correcting them more than defending.

I only defend in moments where I know they were in the right or not doing anything that warranted criticism. But objectivity is a hard lens to look through when it comes to ‘your’ kids.
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Online jingle.boy

  • I'm so ronery; so sad and ronery
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 44539
  • Gender: Male
  • DTF's resident deceased dictator
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2019, 02:59:23 PM »
Stadler nailed it.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
Quote from: Puppies_On_Acid
Remember the mark of a great vocalist is if TAC hates them with a special passion

Offline WildRanger

  • Posts: 1301
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2020, 09:03:45 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.


Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 42989
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2014!
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #17 on: January 22, 2020, 09:21:03 AM »
Revisiting this a bit; I have a daughter that is in what I consider an abusive relationship and will likely be going through a divorce at some point and another daughter that is halfway through her first year of college.

SPOILER ALERT: MASSIVE OVERSHARE! MASSIVE OVERSHARE!  :)

I have never, in my life, ever felt so helpless as a man and as a father.  I could, I suppose, drive down and get up in the grill of that husband.  What does that solve? Does my kicking his ass (let's play along) solve anything long term?  I need to provide her with the information I have - legal, social, familial - and hope she makes  a good decision long term.   I suppose I could make calls to the university and be 'that guy', but what would that prove?  I can't make teachers give her good grades, I can't make her first sorority choice want her.   And more importantly, even if I could, who does that help?   

I love both of them, but they WILL have people in this world they cannot convince.   They will have jobs they won't get.  They will have relationships that just aren't as loving as on That's So Raven, where every disagreement is solved in 22 minutes with a party at the end.   I find myself spending a LOT of time in therapy seeking understanding that sometimes you have to endure pain in order to grow and become stronger.   

Offline pg1067

  • Posts: 12430
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2020, 09:50:38 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.

You resurrected this nonsense after five months to write this?

I'll pose my inquiry again and maybe you won't ignore it:

Please cite the statistics that support any assertion you've made in this thread (or admit that you're just making stuff up).
"There's a bass solo in a song called Metropolis where I do a bass solo."  John Myung

Offline The Walrus

  • goo goo g'joob
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 17221
  • PSA: Stairway to Heaven is in 4/4
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #19 on: January 22, 2020, 09:54:50 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.

I have to ask, did you come from another planet? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a mother's unconditional love for their children? Motherly love isn't dictated by laws or morality. Mothers love their children because the child is literally a part of them.
From a Mega Man Legends island jamming power metal to a Walrus listening to black metal, I like your story arc.
"I don't worry about nothing, no, 'cause worrying's a waste of my time"

Offline WildRanger

  • Posts: 1301
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2020, 10:43:55 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.

I have to ask, did you come from another planet? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a mother's unconditional love for their children? Motherly love isn't dictated by laws or morality. Mothers love their children because the child is literally a part of them.

And because they love them they have to try to defend them and justify their bad deeds? So they are very biased?


Offline The Walrus

  • goo goo g'joob
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 17221
  • PSA: Stairway to Heaven is in 4/4
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2020, 10:50:23 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.

I have to ask, did you come from another planet? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a mother's unconditional love for their children? Motherly love isn't dictated by laws or morality. Mothers love their children because the child is literally a part of them.

And because they love them they have to try to defend them and justify their bad deeds? So they are very biased?

I think you should ask your supervisors if you can observe x1 hoo-man family for a few years and take notes.

Seriously... mothers just love their kids. They can acknowledge they do terrible things and still love their child. That's called motherly love...
From a Mega Man Legends island jamming power metal to a Walrus listening to black metal, I like your story arc.
"I don't worry about nothing, no, 'cause worrying's a waste of my time"

Offline pg1067

  • Posts: 12430
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2020, 10:53:42 AM »
Mothers will LOVE their sons even if they're murderers, criminals, rapists, fascists, etc.

I have to ask, did you come from another planet? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a mother's unconditional love for their children? Motherly love isn't dictated by laws or morality. Mothers love their children because the child is literally a part of them.

And because they love them they have to try to defend them and justify their bad deeds? So they are very biased?

Stop dodging my inquiry:  Please cite the statistics that support any assertion you've made in this thread (or admit that you're just making stuff up).
"There's a bass solo in a song called Metropolis where I do a bass solo."  John Myung

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34203
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #23 on: January 22, 2020, 11:07:55 AM »
Life was better before this thread got bumped and I then read through it for the first time :facepalm:

Offline bosk1

  • King of Misdirection
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12785
  • Bow down to Boskaryus
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #24 on: January 22, 2020, 11:08:43 AM »
Life was better before this thread got bumped and I then read through it for the first time :facepalm:
I've suggested repeatedly in the past that you all not feed the trolls by responding to their threads, but people ignore that and respond anyway, so...  :dunno:
"The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34203
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #25 on: January 22, 2020, 11:32:51 AM »
If he is a troll, why havent you banned him then?  If he continues to make threads, I take that the mods are OK with it and its not a troll and therefore I participate for the lols.

Offline The Walrus

  • goo goo g'joob
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 17221
  • PSA: Stairway to Heaven is in 4/4
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #26 on: January 22, 2020, 11:41:42 AM »
If he is a troll, why havent you banned him then?  If he continues to make threads, I take that the mods are OK with it and its not a troll and therefore I participate for the lols.

100% this
From a Mega Man Legends island jamming power metal to a Walrus listening to black metal, I like your story arc.
"I don't worry about nothing, no, 'cause worrying's a waste of my time"

Offline bosk1

  • King of Misdirection
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12785
  • Bow down to Boskaryus
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #27 on: January 22, 2020, 11:46:25 AM »
That's fine, and that's why I let it stay.  But I see inconsistency when people complain on one hand, but then "participate for the lols," on the other hand.
"The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34203
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #28 on: January 22, 2020, 11:51:19 AM »
I complain, then it gets added to my new replies feed and I can follow for fun since these threads immediately go off topic and can be entertaining in their own way.  I don't know why it has to be one or the other here (complaint vs. for the lols).

I guess I can add a comment "following" to do the same thing, but that's kind of a waste of a post if I have an opinion to state on the matter, or a complaint about it.

Offline geeeemo

  • Posts: 1014
  • Gender: Female
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #29 on: January 22, 2020, 12:52:05 PM »
Well I am a mom..I love my 19 y/o even though he is into Rap - even went to a Travis Scott concert with him.....this was the true test -  :mehlin

Offline El Barto

  • Rascal Atheistic Pig
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 30560
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2020, 01:02:34 PM »
I'll just chime in to say that I have never once heard a mother say her child was stupid, ugly, or obnoxious, even though plenty of them are at least one. It's rare, but I have heard fathers offer up fair assessments of their kids. 
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Online Adami

  • Moderator of awesomeness
  • *
  • Posts: 36084
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2020, 01:04:19 PM »
I'll just chime in to say that I have never once heard a mother say her child was stupid, ugly, or obnoxious, even though plenty of them are at least one. It's rare, but I have heard fathers offer up fair assessments of their kids.

You’ve never met my aunt. She’d describe her daughter worse than Stads would describe the journalistic standards of CNN.
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline lordxizor

  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 5311
  • Gender: Male
  • and that is the truth.
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2020, 01:09:22 PM »
I'll just chime in to say that I have never once heard a mother say her child was stupid, ugly, or obnoxious, even though plenty of them are at least one. It's rare, but I have heard fathers offer up fair assessments of their kids. 
I would say virtually all parents (mom's included) think their kids act obnoxious or stupid from time to time.

Offline cramx3

  • Chillest of the chill
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 34203
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2020, 01:21:52 PM »
I'll just chime in to say that I have never once heard a mother say her child was stupid, ugly, or obnoxious, even though plenty of them are at least one. It's rare, but I have heard fathers offer up fair assessments of their kids.

Ugly is one you never hear from a mother and I'm OK with that.  You have no say in your looks and its likely you got your looks from one of the parents.  The obnoxious and stupid ones are rare but I've heard them used though from both parents.  I'm not sure I agree at all that moms are worse offenders than dads here though.  I've seen maybe more Dad's being scary obsessive with their sons who can do no wrong than moms in general. 

At the end of the day, it's parents being protective of their children.  I think it's at least part instincts but also a mix of arrogance and ignorance sometimes too.

Offline MoraWintersoul

  • Gloom Cookie
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 6737
  • Gender: Female
  • welcome to the wasteland
Re: Why are most women/mothers defensive towards their kids?
« Reply #34 on: January 22, 2020, 03:28:04 PM »
Ugly is one you never hear from a mother and I'm OK with that.
Ooooh, I'm glad you haven't met them. Luckily, my mom is normal. But yes, some moms (and dads) have no boundaries when it comes to disparaging their children, and "ugly" is not as low as they go, usually.

Even though I disapprove of parents who stop at nothing to defend their children even when they are despicable criminals, at least I can understand and sympathize, and this is why we have (or try to have) unbiased law enforcement, juries, and so on. But parents that go out of their way to crush their child's spirit, I consider that evil, and I can't understand it.

Quote
Don't try to BS her about Kevin Moore facts, she will obscure quote you in the face.

type : mora : and delete the spaces for a surprise