The traps were awesome (I'm impressed that they figured out the keys; I thought this was just a part of my family folklore for years...) but this was the best:
"Why would I want to kill the mouse? I'd befriend it at the first opportunity; we could drink and surf the internet and listen to music together, it'd be awesome. He'd quickly become my go-to mouse for everything. Girl troubles? Talk to the mouse. Need someone to go to a gig with? That mouse fucking loves to mosh. My friends would love him, because he's an adorable mouse, and who doesn't love those? At clubs he's the perfect wingman, jumping on grenades so I can get with the hottest girl there. He's my best friend in the world, and I'm closer to him than I could ever be to a fellow human.
But then, early one morning I awake and go to the kitchen to make a bagel. I open the cupboard, and there he is, munching away on my bagels. My. Bagels. I blackout, and when I awake I find myself covered in blood, clutching the severed head of a girl I've never seen before and the mouse's skin is stuck to the wall with a thumbtack. I never found his body."
For some reason, I could see Kattelox posting this. I would just replace "mosh" with "power metal".