What pissed you off today?

[Chino]

Pissed me off yesterday:

My buddy and I co-hosted a BBQ for memorial day. Based on responses, we had planned on somewhere between 16 and 20 people showing up. 8 people actually showed.

It really pissed me off because he and I take that kind of thing seriously. We want to please our guests. I was up until midnight the night before (I worked all day Saturday and Sunday at my kitchen job) and was up at 5 Monday morning to finish prepping. Loaded up my smokers and was at my buddy's house for 6:30 and got everything rolling. I spent close to $200 on food, only about half of which got eaten because so many people who said they were coming didn't show or bother to let us know they weren't coming. 

I mean, I guess it's kind of cool that I now have, among other stuff, 8lbs of pork belly burnt ends sitting in my fridge, but I don't feel like eating that for the next week in an effort to not have to throw it away.

Lame, OOC though, did this head count come from a facebook event?  I've found from hosting my old (since I didn't do it last year) yearly BBQ that about 1/3 of the facebook attendees wouldn't show. 

"OOC"? 

There actually wasn't a FB group for this. It was all word of mouth. Whenever I do an event with a FB invite, I always send out a post a few days prior asking for a final headcount. If you accepted the invite but don't confirm you're coming, I assume you aren't.

[The Walrus]

The guy with the cigarettes also unrolled the toilet paper in my downstairs bathroom. 

[TAC]

The guy with the cigarettes also unrolled the toilet paper in my downstairs bathroom. 

Do you live in a fucking dorm?

[Chino]

The guy with the cigarettes also unrolled the toilet paper in my downstairs bathroom. 

What in the actual fuck?

[Rattlehead]

Sounds like you need to re-evaluate if that guy is actually your friend 

[The Walrus]

Yeah he's been in rare form since his chick broke up with him at the start of the year. Guy has a sweet job and makes way more money than I do yet he keeps blowing it on cocaine and he's been a real dickhead lately. He's my best friend but even now he's starting to really test my patience. Guess he ain't moving in though, talked to him yesterday and he's gonna keep living with his mom. *shrug* I like living alone anyway. It's expensive but worth it.

I get that best friends give each other shit but there are times I wonder how 'in jest' some of his jabs are. Perhaps I'm just a human doormat, I usually don't care about stuff like that as long as you respect the home itself. Ah, well, you never know with some people, right?

The guy with the cigarettes also unrolled the toilet paper in my downstairs bathroom. 

Do you live in a fucking dorm?

No, it's a two floor apartment! Kind of sweet because I'm on the end of the complex, next to a nice dog park, and the unit next to me is vacant, so I get to blast music fairly loudly

[Ruba]

What the hell, was that a lame attempt at pranking or is he trying to rebel against you? 

When you live with someone, you must make compromises. If he's not willing to give any headway, take none of his shit. He can bunk elsewhere.

[Chino]

The more you say about your friend, the more I'm thinking you live with Wilfred.

[The Walrus]

The more you say about your friend, the more I'm thinking you live with Wilfred.

I hate to say it but this time, I finally don't understand a reference. 

Next time he and my other lifelong pal wanna hang out I'm kind of putting the kibosh on it til they get their act together, we're almost 30, stop acting like children and put your carts in the corra- er, put your butts in an ashtray.

[Stadler]

Chino:  I feel bad for you; I've been in that situation, and it sucks, just from the wasted effort standpoint.

Katt: You do what you do, but if it was me, I'd have words with that guy.  It's not a joke at that point.   It's not fun, or funny (thanks Billy!).  I'm not a big one for the whole ""disrespect" thing; 9 times out of 10 it's bullshit, but here, it seems legit.  It sounds to me like he's trying to make some point, though I can't tell exactly what it is.  (And on another note, not being judgmental or anything; what people do is their bizniss, but if you're looking for a roommate to RELY ON - that's the key part of this - I would steer clear of the dude that's burning his disposable income on blow.)

[cramx3]

"OOC"? 

There actually wasn't a FB group for this. It was all word of mouth. Whenever I do an event with a FB invite, I always send out a post a few days prior asking for a final headcount. If you accepted the invite but don't confirm you're coming, I assume you aren't.

Out of curiosity, and that makes sense to do. 

[JayOctavarium]

Here's my gripe for this morning.

We've always used a simple spreadsheet for our event calendar on the property. They would send out an updated calendar every Friday, which I would save on my (admin) desktop as well as our general non-admin desktop. (I have my own login for obvious reasons). Well now they've changed to an online calendar with outlook. A lot of my employees are too... computer illiterate to use outlook. So now I get to waste paper and print new calendars whenever a new event is added.

[Dublagent66]

Car in front of my stopped at a green light for a pedestrian-activated crosswalk.

If it's just a regular crosswalk, sure, but when it has a pedestrian-activated light and YOU have the GREEN then you DO NOT STOP.  Myself and everyone behind you sees the green light and treats it as such and then you go and stop unexpectedly and dangerously.

Flashing green crosswalk light = go.
Solid green crosswalk light = go.
Yellow-to-red crosswalk light = slow down and stop cuz the pedestrian just activated it.

It feels like this has actually happened to me more times in the last year than in my whole life.  If I'm wrong I'd like to know but as far as I know you DO NOT STOP AT A GREEN LIGHT EVER.

Ah, so if a pedestrian is illegaly crossing against the light, and you have the green, you are going to just run them over and keep going, because you do not stop a green light ever?

No, I would definitely stop, call the police, tell the officer I didn't see the person (who failed to yield) until it was too late, get insurance information for any damage to my car, and collect my 100 points.  

[Lethean]

Chino:  I feel bad for you; I've been in that situation, and it sucks, just from the wasted effort standpoint.

Katt: You do what you do, but if it was me, I'd have words with that guy.  It's not a joke at that point.   It's not fun, or funny (thanks Billy!).  I'm not a big one for the whole ""disrespect" thing; 9 times out of 10 it's bullshit, but here, it seems legit.  It sounds to me like he's trying to make some point, though I can't tell exactly what it is.  (And on another note, not being judgmental or anything; what people do is their bizniss, but if you're looking for a roommate to RELY ON - that's the key part of this - I would steer clear of the dude that's burning his disposable income on blow.)

+1   

Even if he didn't decide to live at home, I'd say this behavior has already disqualified him as a roommate.  You don't smoke in someone else's home without their permission, whether it's a friend, relative, or acquaintance.  If it was at my place, that person would have had about 30 seconds to either go outside or put the cigarette out, and failing that they would have had to find somewhere else to sleep.  If you don't mind smoke or think it's worth it for your furniture to absorb the odors in order to help offset the rent, then that's totally fine and the roommate can smoke inside.  Otherwise, he should take it outside.   And that goes for when the weather is nice as well a when it's raining, snowing, or there's a tornado right outside the window.  You don't smoke in someone else's home.

[hefdaddy42]

Katt: You do what you do, but if it was me, I'd have words with that guy.  It's not a joke at that point.   It's not fun, or funny (thanks Billy!).  I'm not a big one for the whole ""disrespect" thing; 9 times out of 10 it's bullshit, but here, it seems legit.  It sounds to me like he's trying to make some point, though I can't tell exactly what it is.  (And on another note, not being judgmental or anything; what people do is their bizniss, but if you're looking for a roommate to RELY ON - that's the key part of this - I would steer clear of the dude that's burning his disposable income on blow.)

Yeah, that guy is in severe need of an ass-whipping (not you, Stads).

[Hyperplex]

Currently being pissed off by the estate proceedings for my father. Nothing is actually wrong, I am just sick and fucking tired of dealing with it. There is no contention, I just want it done.

[Samsara]

To the fucker that stole my credit card number and stupidly kept trying to have it keyed in at some hotel, you can go fuck yourself. Dumb move, as from what I hear, your ass was detained at the hotel. 

Only prob for me -- "three to five days" to get a replacement primary card. I could force the issue, but not going to ruin my weekend.

[The Walrus]

Chino:  I feel bad for you; I've been in that situation, and it sucks, just from the wasted effort standpoint.

Katt: You do what you do, but if it was me, I'd have words with that guy.  It's not a joke at that point.   It's not fun, or funny (thanks Billy!).  I'm not a big one for the whole ""disrespect" thing; 9 times out of 10 it's bullshit, but here, it seems legit.  It sounds to me like he's trying to make some point, though I can't tell exactly what it is.  (And on another note, not being judgmental or anything; what people do is their bizniss, but if you're looking for a roommate to RELY ON - that's the key part of this - I would steer clear of the dude that's burning his disposable income on blow.)

+1   

Even if he didn't decide to live at home, I'd say this behavior has already disqualified him as a roommate.  You don't smoke in someone else's home without their permission, whether it's a friend, relative, or acquaintance.  If it was at my place, that person would have had about 30 seconds to either go outside or put the cigarette out, and failing that they would have had to find somewhere else to sleep.  If you don't mind smoke or think it's worth it for your furniture to absorb the odors in order to help offset the rent, then that's totally fine and the roommate can smoke inside.  Otherwise, he should take it outside.   And that goes for when the weather is nice as well a when it's raining, snowing, or there's a tornado right outside the window.  You don't smoke in someone else's home.

Yeah. I think they take advantage of the fact that I'm really low maintenance and never ask anything of them, so, it's not fair at all. I don't like confrontation or people being upset at me even if I'm 100% in the right. Kinda sucks. But after realizing they don't even want to hang out or chat since I don't want to smoke or drink, it's really unpleasant. You'd think lifelong buds would stick together, but nope.

[Dublagent66]

Currently being pissed off by the estate proceedings for my father. Nothing is actually wrong, I am just sick and fucking tired of dealing with it. There is no contention, I just want it done.

Are you talking about assets being held in probate?  I've heard that can take years.

[Hyperplex]

Are you talking about assets being held in probate?  I've heard that can take years.

No, there was only one thing to go through probate and it's done. This has just been carrying out his wishes, closing accounts, and going through his stuff to sell the house. It's seemingly neverending.

[pg1067]

Currently being pissed off by the estate proceedings for my father. Nothing is actually wrong, I am just sick and fucking tired of dealing with it. There is no contention, I just want it done.

Are you talking about assets being held in probate?  I've heard that can take years.

FWIW, for the average person, probate typically takes between 4-18 months.  More than that generally only happens if:  (1) the deceased was very wealthy; (2) there are disputes between family members, a will contest or a claim that the executor did something nefarious; or (3) there's some sort of lingering tax issue.

[Hyperplex]

My father had everything except a single checking account in a revokable trust. No probate. The checking account cleared probate within a week or so.

[KevShmev]

The dill hole at the gym a bit ago who has clearly never heard of the courtesy flush.  I go in there to take a leak after my workout and it was like someone had eaten 6 lbs of chili and then let loose for 20 straight minutes. I almost gagged standing at the urinal.

[Lethean]

Chino:  I feel bad for you; I've been in that situation, and it sucks, just from the wasted effort standpoint.

Katt: You do what you do, but if it was me, I'd have words with that guy.  It's not a joke at that point.   It's not fun, or funny (thanks Billy!).  I'm not a big one for the whole ""disrespect" thing; 9 times out of 10 it's bullshit, but here, it seems legit.  It sounds to me like he's trying to make some point, though I can't tell exactly what it is.  (And on another note, not being judgmental or anything; what people do is their bizniss, but if you're looking for a roommate to RELY ON - that's the key part of this - I would steer clear of the dude that's burning his disposable income on blow.)

+1   

Even if he didn't decide to live at home, I'd say this behavior has already disqualified him as a roommate.  You don't smoke in someone else's home without their permission, whether it's a friend, relative, or acquaintance.  If it was at my place, that person would have had about 30 seconds to either go outside or put the cigarette out, and failing that they would have had to find somewhere else to sleep.  If you don't mind smoke or think it's worth it for your furniture to absorb the odors in order to help offset the rent, then that's totally fine and the roommate can smoke inside.  Otherwise, he should take it outside.   And that goes for when the weather is nice as well a when it's raining, snowing, or there's a tornado right outside the window.  You don't smoke in someone else's home.

Yeah. I think they take advantage of the fact that I'm really low maintenance and never ask anything of them, so, it's not fair at all. I don't like confrontation or people being upset at me even if I'm 100% in the right. Kinda sucks. But after realizing they don't even want to hang out or chat since I don't want to smoke or drink, it's really unpleasant. You'd think lifelong buds would stick together, but nope.

I don't like people being upset at me either - I guess especially when I know I'm in the right because then they're mad at me for no reason.  At least if I was somewhat in the wrong, then there's a reason for it and I can apologize, etc.  But sometimes you just don't have a choice - you can let them ruin your stuff or take advantage in other ways, or tell them enough's enough.  It's sad about the smoking and drinking too - I'm pretty sure that you're not trying to convince them not to, so they should respect that you don't want to, and really who cares?  If the one guy is your best friend and he's going through a bad time - maybe you can just have a talk with him and he'll realize what he's been doing.

[PetFish]

Yeah. I think they take advantage of the fact that I'm really low maintenance and never ask anything of them, so, it's not fair at all. I don't like confrontation or people being upset at me even if I'm 100% in the right. Kinda sucks. But after realizing they don't even want to hang out or chat since I don't want to smoke or drink, it's really unpleasant. You'd think lifelong buds would stick together, but nope.

Dude, nobody really likes confrontation, but this is a no-brainer.  This POS clearly doesn't give a shit about you.  At.  All.  So why keep using the "lifelong bud" thing when you clearly don't mean anything to them even though they mean something to you?  You gotta cut him/them loose or else you're going to go to a bad place internally and then that's when bad things really happen.

[Cool Chris]

My wife is having a beef with a friend she's known since high school. They went to college together then my wife moved several states away (this is 20 years ago). They talk over facebook periodically and see each other rarely. I have heard stories about how this gal has done things to upset my wife over the years (petty bs reasons, but still...) and the friend has, to my mind, made no real effort to maintain any sort of friendship. But my wife doesn't want to "throw away all the history they have established." I never got the "lifelong bud" or "we've been friends for 20 years, we have to keep being friends" mentality.

[The Walrus]

Yeah. I think they take advantage of the fact that I'm really low maintenance and never ask anything of them, so, it's not fair at all. I don't like confrontation or people being upset at me even if I'm 100% in the right. Kinda sucks. But after realizing they don't even want to hang out or chat since I don't want to smoke or drink, it's really unpleasant. You'd think lifelong buds would stick together, but nope.

Dude, nobody really likes confrontation, but this is a no-brainer.  This POS clearly doesn't give a shit about you.  At.  All.  So why keep using the "lifelong bud" thing when you clearly don't mean anything to them even though they mean something to you?  You gotta cut him/them loose or else you're going to go to a bad place internally and then that's when bad things really happen.

'cause I have 25 years of history with the guy and know him a lot better than ya'll do. No offense, but it's true. He does give a shit about me otherwise he would've never given me some pretty awesome gifts for no reason other than he wanted to give me some awesome gifts. He's just been a douche lately. I can tell the guy I don't want to hang or have him over and still be friends, it's not like it's a one or the other situation. The more he goes into coke, the less I want to associate. Doesn't mean I'm going to cut him out of my life forever over this

[Stadler]

But here's the thing: I'm totally down with "not throwing away history", but that's not to say that you need to cultivate the abuse.  There are no rules here, and there are no absolutes.   There's no reason you can't create a little distance for your own (maybe temporary, maybe more permanent) well being.   

I'm a big fan of the concept of the "emotional bank account".   If you spend spend spend, without replenishing in any way, it's only a finite resource.    I find that I spend less and less time with those that continue to withdraw without any replenishment.  It sounds like your friend HAS replenished throughout the years, and that's good.  But maybe while he's in withdrawal mode, you just keep a (maybe temporary, maybe permanent) hold on the pursestrings.

(And I'm just being honest here:  I'm open-minded when it comes to substances.  I love my liquor, I judge no one on their ganja intake, or muchrooms, etc.  I even had a girlfriend who's brother was big into horse, and it was what it was.   I have ZERO good experiences with cocaine use among friends.  It's the devil's dandruff, in my opinion, and also in my opinion, it changes people, and not for the better.  I don't mean "just brings out other aspects", like liquor does, but actually changes people.  I'd consider that as well as you plot your next move.) 

[The Walrus]

But here's the thing: I'm totally down with "not throwing away history", but that's not to say that you need to cultivate the abuse.  There are no rules here, and there are no absolutes.   There's no reason you can't create a little distance for your own (maybe temporary, maybe more permanent) well being.   

I'm a big fan of the concept of the "emotional bank account".   If you spend spend spend, without replenishing in any way, it's only a finite resource.    I find that I spend less and less time with those that continue to withdraw without any replenishment.  It sounds like your friend HAS replenished throughout the years, and that's good.  But maybe while he's in withdrawal mode, you just keep a (maybe temporary, maybe permanent) hold on the pursestrings.

(And I'm just being honest here:  I'm open-minded when it comes to substances.  I love my liquor, I judge no one on their ganja intake, or muchrooms, etc.  I even had a girlfriend who's brother was big into horse, and it was what it was.   I have ZERO good experiences with cocaine use among friends.  It's the devil's dandruff, in my opinion, and also in my opinion, it changes people, and not for the better.  I don't mean "just brings out other aspects", like liquor does, but actually changes people.  I'd consider that as well as you plot your next move.)

No, I totally get that. As a massive introvert even after a couple hours with my best friends I need them to go away so I can recharge and have my 'me time.' Factor in behavior like this and it's super easy for me to cut out socializing with them, but I still have a deep love for the guys because we have a lifelong history. Not many people you can you've been friends - best friends - with for 25 years when you're not even 30, y'know. Despite my disdain for the cocaine and how he's treating himself, I can't live his life for him, but that doesn't mean I'm suddenly not gonna be friends with him. Just keeping my distance because 1) I want nothing to do with hard drugs and 2) proximity to that kind of lifestyle is not beneficial to me and my current goals, which is to be healthy and keep a steady regiment of exercise and sobriety. I know he's going through a rough time, so I'm all ears when he needs to vent or talk to someone or figure out how to handle recovering from a bad breakup.

Just maybe not in my home anymore, til he is clean.

[Dublagent66]

Are you talking about assets being held in probate?  I've heard that can take years.

No, there was only one thing to go through probate and it's done. This has just been carrying out his wishes, closing accounts, and going through his stuff to sell the house. It's seemingly neverending.

My ex-gf and I had to go through that when her mom passed last year.  Very difficult and stressful. 

[TAC]

I'm a big fan of the concept of the "emotional bank account".   If you spend spend spend, without replenishing in any way, it's only a finite resource.    I find that I spend less and less time with those that continue to withdraw without any replenishment.  It sounds like your friend HAS replenished throughout the years, and that's good.  But maybe while he's in withdrawal mode, you just keep a (maybe temporary, maybe permanent) hold on the pursestrings.

...or he could impose a "tariff"...

[Harmony]

Home from work and some yahoo has parked their enormous 5th wheeler along the side of our house.  It takes up half the street near an intersection that is already limited in visibility - and is blocking a school bus stop to boot.  So now I'll just make some popcorn and see how many close calls and accidents occur before the cops show up. 

[Stadler]

I'm a big fan of the concept of the "emotional bank account".   If you spend spend spend, without replenishing in any way, it's only a finite resource.    I find that I spend less and less time with those that continue to withdraw without any replenishment.  It sounds like your friend HAS replenished throughout the years, and that's good.  But maybe while he's in withdrawal mode, you just keep a (maybe temporary, maybe permanent) hold on the pursestrings.

...or he could impose a "tariff"...

You do that to give me heartburn, don't you?

[TAC]

I'm a big fan of the concept of the "emotional bank account".   If you spend spend spend, without replenishing in any way, it's only a finite resource.    I find that I spend less and less time with those that continue to withdraw without any replenishment.  It sounds like your friend HAS replenished throughout the years, and that's good.  But maybe while he's in withdrawal mode, you just keep a (maybe temporary, maybe permanent) hold on the pursestrings.

...or he could impose a "tariff"...

You do that to give me heartburn, don't you?

 

Bigly.

[Harmony]

WARNING - VENTING TO FOLLOW

Some of you know, both my parents died last fall 2 weeks apart.  It has taken up until now to get my childhood home ready and on the market.  We listed it the first week of August and got a bid with earnest money 2 weeks later.  Prior to putting it on the market, we had an inspection and so knew we had a few things needed to be done - specifically some work in the crawl space and a small amount of electrical work.  The offer was for 20K less than asking, we countered with 10K less and the original asking was specific - AS IS (with the exception noted above) - and the counter was accepted.  So far so good, right?

Well our realtor referred us to a company for the crawl space work.  We gave him our inspection and he came in with this outrageous bid - about 5K - with a bunch of stuff not included in the inspection (sump pump, more electrical work).  So we asked for a re-bid to ONLY include the scope of the inspection.  A week later, we got a reduced bid that we were willing to go with.

Well along the process our realtor blabbed the info about the original bid to the prospective buyer's realtor and the buyers wanted to see it.  We said, "No way - it's just a bid, nothing has been agreed to."  Well they then went to this same company who did the original bid and this guy essentially gave them our bid!  Now they are demanding we do the full job he recommended in the original bid.

I'm furious.  Our realtor f-ed up big time but this contractor is 100% unethical to bid on the same project twice.  I've got 2 appointments for new bids on the work this coming Friday but this will delay the sale and may even cause the buyers to back out.  For me, it isn't about the money at this point but the fact that there is NO WAY I'm working with this contractor going forward.

So my question is this....am I being unreasonable here?  I just have it stuck in my craw that I don't want to reward someone with a contract and money for being an unethical d-bag.  Principles only mean something if you stick with them even when it's inconvenient for you, right?  Ugh - someone talk me down off this ledge of agitation.