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Total Members Voted: 77

Author Topic: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce  (Read 8987 times)

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Offline Lonk

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #70 on: March 06, 2019, 07:19:35 AM »
Or just buy wrinkle-free clothes  :P
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Offline WilliamMunny

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #71 on: March 07, 2019, 06:04:07 PM »
I consider myself to be a very lucky man.

I met my wife over ten years ago, and the connection was there from the beginning. The term 'soul mate' doesn't even begin to describe it.

Friends at first, more later on, and today, we are happily married.

I've had enough 'long-term' relationships (including an engagement at one point) over the years to know good from bad from great. And like most people, I've had a mix of all of it through-out my life (I'm about to be 40).

My relationship with my wife is literally as perfect as I can imagine any relationship being. Be it chores, or work (we actually run a business together), it feels like we are always on the same page. Our mindset on most things is the same, and when/where we differ, I feel like we fill in deficiencies for the other (she is not as good with conflict as me, I am not as tactful as her, etc...)

Between our house, cat, job, and a ten year old, I literally have about five hours a week to myself. The rest is spent in close proximity to my wife. I could never imagine this sort of dynamic working with a previous relationship, but then again, I realize now that that's because my current relationship is incredibly rare.

I often wonder what if it had been like if we had met in high-school. Like, would we have hit it off? Sure. Would we still be together? Probably. But I truly think that, while it would have been nice to have met her earlier in life, the perspective we both had meeting in our late 20's allowed us to properly value our connection.

I normally don't respond with such long-winded posts, but I was getting some tests done at a hospital yesterday, and I had a ton of time to play on my phone. I saw this thread, and while this anonymous post is far from a public declaration of love, I felt compelled to write it just the same.

I mean, seriously: the woman got up at 6 a.m. with me, drove me to the hospital. Sat and waited for nearly nine hours while I had 6 appointments, then drove me to work. We pulled back in the driveway at 10 p.m., had a snack and watched some HBO and laughed our asses off; and the only thing I kept thinking to myself was: 'man, this is the life'

TL;DR - I am lucky guy, and I adore my wife.

Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #72 on: August 19, 2021, 06:37:15 PM »
Just curious. For those of you who are married or living with your partner, how do you guys split up the bills? Like do you do the mortgage 50/50? Or does one person do the mortgage and the other does utilities and other bills?

How to you guys break that up?

Online King Postwhore

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #73 on: August 19, 2021, 06:40:20 PM »
We have one checking account.   It's our money. That makes for a healthy marriage. 
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #74 on: August 19, 2021, 06:42:33 PM »
My wife does the bills and handles the accounts. I actually do the taxes. We are currently in the middle of refi'ing our mortgage, and I am handling that.
All of our money is in joint accounts.
But we make all financial planning decisions together.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #75 on: August 19, 2021, 07:31:42 PM »
We have separate accounts with individual financial responsibilities. I take care of every cost/bill like mortgage, electric, etc etc…..anything home related is me. I cover all insurance (vehicle, life, medical) basically all the annoying grown up crap.

She handles all the groceries, co pays foe Dr visits for the kiddos, any supplies for school…..sports team fees or activity fees foe the kids…..and all the miscellaneous crap that families face.

The account are shared meaning we can get in to each other’s accounts  but we treat them separate. Our savings and investment accounts are all shared as well.

It works for us. I like it because I don’t have to ask for permission to spend ‘my’ money. I take care of my portion and if I want a new golf club or firearm or tattoo, whatever…. and have the cash on hand to get it I get it. No questions asked.
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Online TAC

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #76 on: August 19, 2021, 07:49:49 PM »
It works for us. I like it because I don’t have to ask for permission to spend ‘my’ money. I take care of my portion and if I want a new golf club or firearm or tattoo, whatever…. and have the cash on hand to get it I get it. No questions asked.

So spending and fun money.. 

@Gary, I don't know how much all that costs, but if I were to buy a golf club, or a firearm, or a tattoo (none of which I have :lol), that to me is an expensive self gift, and I'd probably center that around a Christmas present.

We are lucky, where we (my wife and I) pretty much have anything we need, and get it if we need it and don't have it.
My fun money goes to music, and an occasional concert. The thing with concerts is that I have to buy two tickets so I could be looking at a couple of bills easy. I just tell my wife to consider it my Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary..whatever is the closest to the concert.
As far as buying CDs, my wife gets me an Amazon card for whatever..Valentine's /Easter/Father's Day/Birthday, etc. No sense buying me junk I don't need, especially when I'll be buying CDs anyway.
That said, if something is released, and I really want it, but don't have any Amazon credit, I will get it, and it's never a big deal.

At the end of the day, especially being married, it's really about being relatively selfless, and discussing long term finances honestly.
We've never had a car payment in 24 years of being married. We buy Certified Used and haven't paid more than 11k for a vehicle. We could afford new cars, but that doesn't help us long term.

What are the goals?
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #77 on: August 19, 2021, 07:56:14 PM »
We each put 75% of our income in to our joint account. The remaining 25% is for our own to use as we see fit. I handle 100% of the financial aspects of our marriage. I try and show my wife our budget, investments, retirement goals, and financial status at the start of every year. She loses interest after about 60 seconds. "Are we doing alright?" is all she asks.
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #78 on: August 19, 2021, 08:05:49 PM »
The remaining 25% is for our own to use as we see fit.

Do your respective vehicles come out of this 25%?

would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #79 on: August 19, 2021, 08:14:24 PM »
The remaining 25% is for our own to use as we see fit.

Do your respective vehicles come out of this 25%?

Good question. We bought a car almost 10 years ago, and I cannot recall how we paid for that one. I think it was more complicated because we hadn't fully established our joint financial plan as it is now. The one we bought in 2017 was a "joint" purchase.
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

Online TAC

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #80 on: August 19, 2021, 08:19:42 PM »
The remaining 25% is for our own to use as we see fit.

Do your respective vehicles come out of this 25%?

Good question. We bought a car almost 10 years ago, and I cannot recall how we paid for that one. I think it was more complicated because we hadn't fully established our joint financial plan as it is now. The one we bought in 2017 was a "joint" purchase.

I only ask because 25% is a sizable chunk of change. If you bring home 1k/wk, 25% works out to 1k/mo. My wife would NOT be happy if I spent 12k/yr on what I see fit. :lol
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Online King Postwhore

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #81 on: August 19, 2021, 08:34:36 PM »
I find the % exhausting.   We just put our money together and bills are paid.  Want to buy something,  we talk to each other. Seems streamlined to me.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #82 on: August 19, 2021, 08:35:15 PM »
I find the % exhausting.   We just put our money together and bills are paid.  Want to buy something,  we talk to each other. Seems streamlined to me.

We operate the same way.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Online King Postwhore

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #83 on: August 19, 2021, 08:36:56 PM »
Honestly,  I'm happy when Lisa spends money on herself  for clothes and flowers for the gardens.  It makes her happy.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #84 on: August 19, 2021, 08:43:23 PM »
Honestly,  I'm happy when Lisa spends money on herself  for clothes and flowers for the gardens.  It makes her happy.

My wife will NOT spend money on herself. And when she does she shops the clearance racks. I always give her a bunch of shit. :lol

would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #85 on: August 19, 2021, 08:49:41 PM »
We have one checking account.   It's our money. That makes for a healthy marriage.

This. For us, marriage is a union. It’s one pool of everything (IMO). Mrs.jingle hasn’t had a paid career since before the kids were born, so if we divvy’d up the income and outgo, it’d all be “mine”. For us, there’s never been a split. It’s all OUR money - income and expenses. Same with investments, haughty practically speaking, some ae in her name, some in mine (solely for tax purposes/implications - current and future).
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #86 on: August 19, 2021, 10:42:37 PM »
I only ask because 25% is a sizable chunk of change. If you bring home 1k/wk, 25% works out to 1k/mo. My wife would NOT be happy if I spent 12k/yr on what I see fit. :lol

I broke it down that way. But that also presumes  that money coming in is spent at the same rate.

I am the one who doesn't spend money on myself in my family. Part of it I attribute to periods in my 20s when I was walking a financial tightrope, wondering how I would manage sleeping in my car if it came to that. Most of my "personal" money goes in to investments. Spending money on stuff doesn't usually bring me joy. I'd rather spend it on the kids or the house.

I find the % exhausting.   We just put our money together and bills are paid.  Want to buy something,  we talk to each other. Seems streamlined to me.

For some couples, this is exhausting  :biggrin:
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #87 on: August 20, 2021, 05:31:44 AM »
If communication is exhausting to the one you love, maybe you shouldn't be together.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #88 on: August 20, 2021, 06:48:46 AM »
THIS

We have one checking account.   It's our money. That makes for a healthy marriage.

AND

My wife does the bills and handles the accounts. I actually do the taxes. We are currently in the middle of refi'ing our mortgage, and I am handling that.
All of our money is in joint accounts.
But we make all financial planning decisions together.

Except we split the bills.  It's all about communication.   I have a separate account - less than $100 - to transfer money to my daughter, and she has a separate account to receive her child support, but all the income basically goes into the joint account and the bills are paid from there. 

My stepson and his wife each have things they are "responsible" for and in my observation/experience, it breeds mistrust. 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #89 on: August 20, 2021, 06:54:02 AM »
I find the % exhausting.   We just put our money together and bills are paid.  Want to buy something,  we talk to each other. Seems streamlined to me.

We operate the same way.

Us too; I think it helps we are both remarried and older and we talked about this before hand.  She knew going in I'm a music fan, she knew going in that I like concerts, and I have good judgement there (in terms of dollars, if not the artists).  I said up front:  "I want to meet Jon Anderson" and since it wasn't $4,000 it was no big deal.  I know not to ask for the Kiss VIP experience - which DOES cost $4000 - because that would be too much for her.   

The ONLY time we ever fought about that was when she bought our dog.  We talked about it, conceptually, but then all of a sudden the trigger was pulled and it caught me off guard.  But we talked and we moved on.  Simple as that.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #90 on: August 20, 2021, 06:55:39 AM »
If communication is exhausting to the one you love, maybe you shouldn't be together.

I don't know how you navigate rough waters without this.  We DO talk and even then, I sometimes feel it's not quite enough!  :)

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #91 on: August 20, 2021, 07:09:33 AM »
If communication is exhausting to the one you love, maybe you shouldn't be together.

I don't know how you navigate rough waters without this.  We DO talk and even then, I sometimes feel it's not quite enough!  :)

For us guys, we want to get right to the point.  Women take the long way back home.  We just have to be patient.   So that what they say matters.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #92 on: August 20, 2021, 07:46:28 AM »
Honestly,  I'm happy when Lisa spends money on herself  for clothes and flowers for the gardens.  It makes her happy.

My wife will NOT spend money on herself. And when she does she shops the clearance racks. I always give her a bunch of shit. :lol

this must be a woman thing. There have been a handful of times in our marriage where I've stashed away $$$ then had her sisters kidnap her and take her and 'make' her buy clothes...items...for herself.

@Gary, I don't know how much all that costs, but if I were to buy a golf club, or a firearm, or a tattoo (none of which I have :lol), that to me is an expensive self gift, and I'd probably center that around a Christmas present.

I have zero issues buying something for myself IF I have cash for it (no charges or card crap) Like many of you here I work hard for the money I'm paid and I want to enjoy it while I'm alive. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow or drop dead of a heart attack. I buy my kids stuff all through the year because they're good kids and for the most part work hard in school, are respectful and courteous so if I overhear them say they'd love to have this or that....there's a good chance they wind up with it.

I do all of that AND am still able to contribute to our savings and investments so in my eyes it's all good.


For us, marriage is a union.

Well of course it is. That's why you figure out what works for your union. Early on in dating my wife alluded to how much she hated having to maintain bills and her house, all the stuff that I do. I took that off her plate AND satisfied my need to 'control' those aspects. That's a long story but lets just say I grew up in a household where any given moment the electric, water...cable....would be shut off because bills weren't being paid. I took that responsibility in our marriage to assure that would NEVER be the case in a family I was the head of.

We can access each others accounts if we needed to....say I died, she isn't locked out of it. But we operate pretty independently financially. Like Joe, Tim and Bill have mentioned...it is important to talk about all the major purchases and financial decisions which we do. You gotta talk that stuff out.

Another thing we don't have is credit card debt. Our one credit card is for extreme emergencies and if we do use it we pay that sucker down near immediately.
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #93 on: August 20, 2021, 07:54:07 AM »
I hear ya, and hope my comment didn't come of judgey or anything.  We've just things that there is no explicit 'my' vs 'her' responsibilities.  We naturally fall into some habits (eg, I do the actual activity of paying all the bills and managing the finances), but it's more of an assumed/implied responsibility.  We talk about all things big and small financially.  Mrs.jingle too came from a house of meagre means, but ended up insecure about money issues, so she doesn't want any of that responsibility.  It's funny, she just joked to our kids the other day that if/when I die first, they're going to have to show her how to pay bills  :lol

And yeah, she rarely buys shit for herself - at least without agonizing over it, and needing to be convinced to do it.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #94 on: August 20, 2021, 08:01:17 AM »
I hear ya, and hope my comment didn't come of judgey or anything.  We've just things that there is no explicit 'my' vs 'her' responsibilities.  We naturally fall into some habits (eg, I do the actual activity of paying all the bills and managing the finances), but it's more of an assumed/implied responsibility.  We talk about all things big and small financially.  Mrs.jingle too came from a house of meagre means, but ended up insecure about money issues, so she doesn't want any of that responsibility.  It's funny, she just joked to our kids the other day that if/when I die first, they're going to have to show her how to pay bills  :lol

And yeah, she rarely buys shit for herself - at least without agonizing over it, and needing to be convinced to do it.

No you didn't Chad.....I was just diving deeper into an explanation since I am on a keyboard and not a phone. From many conversations the way we handle our accounts seems to be...I won't say rare but it's just not as common as the shared account way. I think our approach is in the minority.

If you want to watch my wife's blood boil you should see her react to how I remind her (and/or pout) when I'm paying for/buying something that is typically outside of my normal 'responsibility'. I'll whine about it for a bit or whatever to give her a hard time and she will give me that look only a wife can give you. It's so much fun.
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Offline Dublagent66

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #95 on: August 20, 2021, 08:40:34 AM »
Single (never married)

Don't believe in marriage cause I don't believe in divorce.  Both younger brothers married and divorced.  I'm not falling into that statistic.  I'll be damned if someone tries to come into my life and take half my shit.  Sure I could save a lot more money shacking up with someone, but in that situation, you give up a lot more than you get.  Not talking about just money either.  You give up your freedoms.  Sorry, but I only met one woman who would've been worth all that and she's been dead and gone from my life for over 5 years now.  That was my one and only shot at that kind of life and it taught me that I'm probably not meant to be with anyone.  The occasional visit from a GF is enough for me.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #96 on: August 20, 2021, 08:58:27 AM »
Single (never married)

Don't believe in marriage cause I don't believe in divorce.  Both younger brothers married and divorced.  I'm not falling into that statistic.  I'll be damned if someone tries to come into my life and take half my shit.  Sure I could save a lot more money shacking up with someone, but in that situation, you give up a lot more than you get.  Not talking about just money either.  You give up your freedoms.  Sorry, but I only met one woman who would've been worth all that and she's been dead and gone from my life for over 5 years now.  That was my one and only shot at that kind of life and it taught me that I'm probably not meant to be with anyone.  The occasional visit from a GF is enough for me.

Man plans, and God laughs.    :)

Offline Dublagent66

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #97 on: August 20, 2021, 09:08:10 AM »
Single (never married)

Don't believe in marriage cause I don't believe in divorce.  Both younger brothers married and divorced.  I'm not falling into that statistic.  I'll be damned if someone tries to come into my life and take half my shit.  Sure I could save a lot more money shacking up with someone, but in that situation, you give up a lot more than you get.  Not talking about just money either.  You give up your freedoms.  Sorry, but I only met one woman who would've been worth all that and she's been dead and gone from my life for over 5 years now.  That was my one and only shot at that kind of life and it taught me that I'm probably not meant to be with anyone.  The occasional visit from a GF is enough for me.

Man plans, and God laughs.    :)

God who?
"Two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #98 on: August 20, 2021, 09:17:47 AM »
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #99 on: August 20, 2021, 09:19:49 AM »
Of course, it's a metaphor for the futility of the idea that the human controls his/her environment.

Offline Dublagent66

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #100 on: August 20, 2021, 09:48:14 AM »
I've heard of Jesus Christ and Holy Ghost.  What's God's last name?  Dammit?  :lol
"Two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
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Online hefdaddy42

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #101 on: August 20, 2021, 12:01:13 PM »
We have one checking account.   It's our money. That makes for a healthy marriage.
This.
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #102 on: August 27, 2021, 06:20:45 AM »
Just curious. For those of you who are married or living with your partner, how do you guys split up the bills? Like do you do the mortgage 50/50? Or does one person do the mortgage and the other does utilities and other bills?

How to you guys break that up?

My wife and I split everything. We both make roughly the same amount of money but keep everything separate.

Mortgage comes out out her checking account so I send her my half, I pay all the utilities and she pays the cable which roughly balances out (it's insane to me that our cable bill is roughly the same as heat, water, trash, electricity). She has a company car and I have my car that comes out of my account. I love to budget and see where my money is going and I help her budget her money as well but everything stays separate. We have access to each others accounts in case of emergency.

Funny story, my only real big luxury expense is my car, everything else I'm cheap as hell about so I put a lot of money into investments. A few months ago I sat down my wife to show if anything happened to me suddenly how to withdraw and close my trades. Felt like I was giving a lecture and her eyes started drooping :lol

Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #103 on: August 28, 2021, 01:10:21 PM »
I find the % exhausting.   We just put our money together and bills are paid.  Want to buy something,  we talk to each other. Seems streamlined to me.

For some couples, this is exhausting  :biggrin:
It is  :lol Every time my husband asks me if he should spend a chunk of change on some piece of software or online course, I literally could not care less! Man, you only buy old PC games and like one record per month, what else are you gonna spend your money on :angel:

Of course, we both grew up much poorer than most people on here, so even though we're better off now, it's pretty hard to make us spend money in the first place. If your spending muscle is strong, you probably actually need to check in with a partner every once in a while.

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Offline Stadler

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Re: Experiences with Marriage and/or Divorce
« Reply #104 on: August 30, 2021, 06:54:24 AM »
I don't tell my wife for PERMISSION, though, I tell her out of respect and awareness. If she doesn't want to do anything with the information, that's on her.  There's plenty she tells me that is only important in the moment.  I get that it's probably more me than anything universal, but at a certain point if we we're doing our own thing, managing our own money, etc., we're just roommates.