I need opinions! Flirting vs Hitting On

[JayOctavarium]

So I was having a discussion with my (female) cousin while at work. I had mentioned that I felt slightly bad because I had just been flirty with my (step) mother and sisters' former boss's daughter (long story), who's like engaged or whatever.

My cousin responded with "Stop hitting on unavailable women!".

I explained that I wasn't hitting on her. Just flirting with her. She says "They are one in the same."


Really?

Because to me, "Hitting on" shows intent. You know when you are hitting on someone. But being flirtatious? You can be flirtatious and not even realize it..


Please tell me I am not crazy.

[gmillerdrake]

You're not crazy. There's a definate difference. Although these days flirting with someone.....especially a coworker can be dangerous

[El Barto]

Different things. One is a legitimate attempt to get into another's pants, and one is a playful attempt to get into another's pants.

[Adami]

I'd say they're different things that often overlap.

[Chino]

Pre-relationship, I flirted with girls I expected to never have sex with. Hitting on was an attempt at pop pop.

[King Postwhore]

There's 2 kind of flirting.

1. Flirting because you want to see where it goes.

2. Flirting to make your self esteem climb.

They can be separate.  Sometimes, they can be blurred.

[KevShmev]

Your cousin is overreacting.  Granted, we can never know someone's ulterior motives, but a little flirting is pretty harmless, so long as you don't do it in front of your significant other and/or in front of theirs.

[TioJorge]

I'd say they're different things that often overlap.

Absolutely this. If you're both in the know and it's just flirting, it's flirting. But you can definitely be flirting with someone and be hitting on them. But I wouldn't say you can't hit on someone without flirting with them.

I'm very flirty with a chick at work whose married and we both know nothing will come of it and she jokingly calls me her "work husband" (a pretty popular term in the industry given the nature of bartenders/servers and our business). But not once has it gone beyond that nor will it. I've also flirted a lot with another chick at work.










And then I fucked her.


So.


Y'know.

(But seriously never fuck a co-worker. It very rarely ends well unless you got lucky like me and found a chick who actually is down with just hooking up, or even on your own end and don't develop feelings or are the jealous type)

[JayOctavarium]

Thanks guys


I asked a female friend this same question, and she referred to my search for someone who agrees with me as an ego trip, and also seemed genuinely offended.

What?

[KevShmev]

That's how a lot of people are conditioned to think nowadays.

If you cold approach a girl to ask her out/hit on her, some will think you are creeping on her.

If you look at someone's Facebook page, you are creeping on them.

It's hysterical.

[Phoenix87x]

That's a really good question. Like I playfully flirt all the time with people who are taken, since that's just my personality, but there's absolutely no intention of pursuing them. And I keep it very innocent.

On the flipside, if someone is single and I actively want to pursue them, then I would consider myself hitting on them. Like with more obvious intent.

That's how a lot of people are conditioned to think nowadays.

If you cold approach a girl to ask her out/hit on her, some will think you are creeping on her.

If you look at someone's Facebook page, you are creeping on them.

It's hysterical.

Totally agree about the facebook thing, lol. I remember once I told another girl that I looked at her friend's facebook page once and she actually called me a stalker, WTF

[KevShmev]

Totally agree about the facebook thing, lol. I remember once I told another girl that I looked at her friend's facebook page once and she actually called me a stalker, WTF

Perfect example. That is how people are conditioned to think now.

[JayOctavarium]

That's a really good question. Like I playfully flirt all the time with people who are taken, since that's just my personality, but there's absolutely no intention of pursuing them. And I keep it very innocent.

On the flipside, if someone is single and I actively want to pursue them, then I would consider myself hitting on them. Like with more obvious intent.

Where I work, I deal with people, whether they be residents here or even the general public. I tend to flirt a lot. (A good friend and coworker actually nicknamed me J-Love- If any of you call me that I will hunt you down...) He says I have a natural gift with women. Ummm.. no.. I just talk. I'm naturally flirty. I have no intention of every trying to get into the pants of any of these women. It's just customer service.

[Phoenix87x]

Oh I totally agree

Thinking about it more, I'm really just acting polite and friendly and then people respond to that. 

But on the flipside, there's this 45 year old married crazy woman pharmacist that I work with that openly hugs me (strongly) and kisses my cheek and stuff in front of everyone and I just laugh and play it off. Its pretty wild, lol.

[Cable]

I'd say they're different things that often overlap.

I'm with this too.

It can be taken the other way easily, and I'm not personally comfortable talking or acting that way with someone who isn't single. But I have had too many negative relationship experiences, so a lot of that shapes what I say and do. Especially in a work setting, as I like to stay as far away from sexual harassment scenarios as possible.

[Adami]

I'd say they're different things that often overlap.

I'm with this too.

You're so sexy.

[Cable]

I'd say they're different things that often overlap.

I'm with this too.

You're so sexy.

Awesome, my male hit-on balance was off. 

[Sycsa]

Pre-relationship, I flirted with girls I expected to never have sex with. Hitting on was an attempt at pop pop.

This. I'd also add that flirting is reciprocal, while hitting on can be one-sided. Also, in many cases when I'm talking to a girl, I can't help not to be flirtatious. It just comes naturally in certain situations, regardless of whether or not I find her attractive.

[Stadler]

I can't help but think that some of this is "outcome dependent", coupled with "rationalization". 

If your wife catches you with the waitress, it's "flirting".     If the wife doesn't and the waitress ends up telling you to fuck off, it's "flirting".  If the wife doesn't and the waitress ends up blowing you in the back, it's "hitting on".   

I tend to talk to anyone at any time.  I suppose if that "anyone" is a woman, it's "flirting".  I don't know.  It's rarely ever with the intent of "I'ma gonna bang this broad."   I don't have that skillset.   Now that I'm married, I don't cheat, I'm good like that, but then again, I don't have 1000 opportunities either, and I can't honestly say that it never crosses my mind whether the deal could be closed under different circumstances.  Is that flirting?   I don't know.   I tend to think it is, but see above.  "Rationalization". 

But as an aside, I don't understand the OP; were you flirty with your (step) mother?  Or some girl who happens to be engaged, and who's mom happened to be your (step) mother's boss?   Where does your sister fit in?  For the love of god who are you flirting with?

[JayOctavarium]

So the girl is the daughter of basically a close friend (who also is the former boss) of my step mother and my sister (they all worked together.

And this daughter happens to be engaged.

It was also like a short conversation. She lives in the complex I work in. So I see her (and a hundred other people) daily. Sometimes several times a day.

[TheCountOfNYC]

They are usually very different. Once I come out of my shell I tend to be very flirtatious around girls but when I was in a relationship there was never a thought in my mind that I would actually want to cheat on my girlfriend. With that said, now that I'm single, I use flirting as an attempt to pick up girls because I feel like it's more playful and gives a more friendly vibe instead of hitting on girls which can sometimes unintentionally come off as sleazy. So flirting and hitting on someone are interchangeable depending on the situation, but since they give off very different vibes, I don't think that they can be called the same.

[IDontNotDoThings]

They can be the same if you want 'em to be.

[Dublagent66]

Only the same if they yield the result you're looking for.  At that point, doesn't matter what you call it.