Fuck off.
No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
That first bolded part I can relate to mate and I think relates a lot to what I was trying to say also, and is a relief reading that. I am the type of personality that I need to be the one to reach out, that's just the way I've given myself off now over the years, I just choose not too most of the time.
And the second part, I have been fine with that for years, but for some reason now I'm doubting myself. I am so comfortable in my own skin and still happy with my situation but I know even though I could be more social, I know if situations arose, I'd probably start wishing again that I was never asked or find an excuse to get out haha.
I think it's my quiet time at work this time of year and work is my main social point (7 days a week normally) so I think I have too much time on my hands, but I know once I get into the busy period and dealing and talking and socialising with people all the time, I'll crave for these quiet, alone days. Life is funny and the mind really plays tricks on you if you let it.
I totally get what you're saying. Social situations for me are usually uncomfortable. I don't want to be the center of attention and don't care to be around those who do. I have no problem being social with genuine people. However, being social in general is usually not my preference. In other words, I don't go out of my way to meet new people and be social with everyone. If someone happens to cross my path and we get along, then great! I used to be a lot more active and social when I was younger, but now it's different. I know a lot more now about how most people are, and I don't care to be around that type of environment.
Pretty much mate, good post. I think that's the thing, large social situations are normally filled with people who are more insecure, can't really be alone with themselves or a certain someone for too long and need to be the centre of attention, which isn't everyone, and has never been me. Same, I had large groups of friends at school but yeah, things are different now. That bolded line is big, 99% of people are about themselves and IMO if someone isn't adding value to my life, there's no point forcing yourself to be around them.
No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
Basically me too, minus the bar thing, but including the thing about your wife.
Good to see I'm not really alone. I've had some time off work reflecting and I think ended up thinking too much and felt like I was the only one for some reason. Love this place.
I would say I'm fairly social. I don't 'go out' much as far as bars (don't drink) and partying....but the most social aspect of my life right now is our neighborhood and neighbors. All the parents hang out a lot at one another's homes...mostly outside while all the kiddos are running around. We play bags, watch Sports (few of the neighbors have Large TVs in their garages) BBQ and go to the subdivision pool. It's pretty fun considering we all get along well.
I've had the same group of (5) buddies since elementary school (I'm 41 now) and we are in constant contact. We have annual fishing and hunting trips mixed in with several times a year of all of our families get together. I've been told by many people it's a rarity that a group of friends has stayed close friends like that for so long....and I consider myself pretty blessed to basically have (5) guys I'd trust with anything still in my life. We've all been through a ton together and I can't imagine that there would be anything that could break the bonds we've formed. Heck, one of our group became addicted to Meth....it was so strange because you'd just never expect it from someone like him....but he did.....and we along with his family and wife were massively supportive in anyway we could be and he's been clean for 6 years now.
At the same time....I have no issues going to movies alone and actually do that quite often being my wife and I don't share similar tastes in movies and my boys aren't quite old enough yet for the Rated 'R' ones. By nature given my childhood circumstances of abuse I prefer to do things alone. Writing, drawing....hiking...I love anything that would allow me to just be alone. Growing up and in high school when I did find myself in large groups I appeared outwardly to 'enjoy' it as I'd do anything to make people laugh or do something 'crazy' because I was a wreck on the inside....although not understanding at the time my behavior was all directed at making sure no one could figure out how distraught I was. I was just the 'crazy' one or mr. funny guy.
anyway...that was probably TMI but at this point in my life I've learned to really appreciate spending time with people who appreciate spending time with you. Not that I haven't made new friends who I value over the years because I have, but I don't think they'll ever get into that 'core' group I have.
I can see having kids would warrant quite easy interaction with other adults mate. And it is definitely a hufe rarity for a group of guys to stay friends that long, well done. It's great you still have a core group of people.
Your sentance about doing outwardly enjoy things and groups of people really shows that I think a lot of people use a group of people as a way to hide. You need to be comfortable in yourself and I think doing things by yourself makes you the strongest.
I'm at my happiest when I'm sitting in my room by myself listening to music. I like going out and having a few drinks with friends but at the end of the day, I'm always happy when I get home and can just be with myself. Part of this has to do with my social anxiety, which makes being around a lot of people a little uncomfortable, but really, I'm just very introverted and don't want to interact with people who aren't my friends or immediate family.
Amen mate.
FINALLY figured out the passage that was not breaking through the firewall, and removed it.
I like to socialize with people, but I don't really like to socialize with NEW people. Like you Kade, I lost contact with a lot of my friends over the years - not sure why... I'm pretty sure I put the effort in, but it was rarely reciprocated, and eventually I just got tired of it being largely a one-way effort. So, I have a very limited set of people I socialize with. Working from home (when I was working) is also somewhat isolating. But, when I do get together with people that I know and am comfortable being around, I have a helluva fun time.
At my age, I'm just not all that interested in starting anew with people to get to that level of comfort - especially when there isn't a common interest that binds.
Given how much time I invest with my wife and kids, I too appreciate the value of just being left the hell alone to do whatever I want - music, working out, gaming, movies. I do a lot of that on my own - but do now have a movie companion in jingle.son given he's almost 17.
Kade... come to Canada? We can hang.
Cheers for persisting Chad. I think I do need to realise that losing old friends as people grow up is common. It's probably the same, there may have been times when I've tried, but most of the time I know I'm the one that hasn't reciprotated and they stopped trying. I guess again, if I feel they don't add value to me, I don't need them, cold, but just the way it is. Both those bolded parts are so true mate and totally relate. Work for me in the second part too.
Mate, if we do ever cross paths I know we'd hit it off like a frog in a sock. I think that it's a shame everyone on here is from all different places in the world, cause all of us in the hard rock thread would be a hoot and our partners would be getting shitty cause we'd never see them anymore haha. Brent was up here a while back and he shot me through an email but I checked it too late and we missed out on hanging out. A shame, but next time we are in the same state, I won't let that happen.
Kade, I could have basically written that post word for word.
Cheers Jon, that's comforting to know.
I've always been very personable. I love talking to friends, family and strangers. Over time I've pulled back a bit. Maybe it's my age or I'm just not energized to talk or debate anymore. Maybe it's dealing with people at work 24/7 that makes me want to shut down.
I see myself talking less and less to people.
Yes mate, exactly, and totally hear you re the work stuff.
I can be social, but it drains the living shit out of me where I end up needing to balance it out by having time completely alone. I don't like big parties, but I like little get together's with some close friends.
I really enjoy time just all by myself. Just quiet, laid back and chill. But on flip side, I love going to work because I work with a bunch of goofball weirdos and it feels more like a social party than work. So its a balance
I think this is the thing and maybe why I'm questioning myself. Work in my busy period is a 7 days a week, 12 hour day thing and work has been the reason why it's just me, guys from work and my partner. My job is so hectic I don't have time in life outside of it and when I do it's my partner, then of course other family etc. Most of my social networking is from work and a lot of the time is the place where we can hang, even have a BBQ on a quiet day and enjoy time. I guess there's nothing wrong with that really and I need to stop reading too much into it. The guys that are friends at work, we all are friends because of that exact thing, work. Other guys hang out with each other so much it's hard to see what they all did before actually working together.