The "Wow, am I really that stupid?" thread (facepalm self-directed)

[Orbert]

There comes a time in each of our lives when we have to say to ourselves "Wow, you really are truly, incredibly stupid, aren't you?" Most people don't have occasion to say this to themselves very often, but I am not like most people. I get to do it far more often than most.

My main keyboard, my Yamaha, has a single large LCD display which tells me everything. What patch, what settings, everything. The display was fried, a beautiful purplish-white with just a hint of the text and icons I was supposed to be able to read. Hey, it's seven years old, and I'm happy to say that it's been used quite a bit during that time, so it's not really surprising. It's just not exactly good news. Fixing the keyboard, including replacing the display, would cost nearly as much as getting a brand new one, so it was declared a total loss by my own august authority.

John, guitarist, band leader, and someone who is much smarter than me, did some research and found that fried displays are not uncommon in this whole line of Yamaha keyboards. But out of dozens of reported cases, only one had symptoms which really fit mine. Someone else smarter than me, on one of those Internet technical help boards, asked "Have you tried adjusting the Contrast?"

No facepalm, not here. Directly to slapping myself in the face, hard (mentally). It cannot be that simple. How do you adjust the Contrast?

"It's one of the knobs on the back."

It is.

[Stadler]

HAHAHA.   

I pride myself on being reasonably in touch, and reasonably aware of my surroundings.   So someone brought up "Mount Rushmore" and mentioned something about putting four other faces on there (drummers, so it happens; mine would be Peart, Collins, Bonham and Portnoy, but I digress).   And I thought, "Dumbass, every one knows there're FIVE faces on Rushmore, just like on that Deep Purple album cover, "In Rock"".   I started preparing my witty comeback, setting this heathen in his place.   And just as I got the perfect response, I thought, "I'll even put in a picture with it, as sort of the 'coup de grace'" and I found the perfect picture... with Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln.  Four.  Four faces.  Delete post. 

[Orbert]

I'm sure "In Rock" permanently warped many young minds, as a good Rock and Roll album should.

[King Postwhore]

This story is about my cousin.

So on a Sunday in my mid-twenties my boss calls me up. He tells me his car is broken down and was wondering if I could pick him up and drive him to our work.

I said sure. My cousin who was over at the time came with me and my brother to pick up my boss. Who we got there my boss is broken down on an exit of a highway. We pick them up brought him to work and then I was here driving home my cousin said to me,


"Why would your boss leave his car on the off ramp?"

Yup,  we told him, "For shits and giggles."

This lead my brother and I to do a cover of Pink Floyd's, " Comfortably Numb" changing the lyrics to fit the story and changed the title to, "Fucking Dumb".

Chriiiiisss has become,  Fucking Dumb!!

[Orbert]

So your boss never arranged for a way back to his car, or he assumed it would be you and you ditched him?  I'm having trouble connecting the pieces, being a bit "comfortably numb" myself right now.

[King Postwhore]

My cousin couldn't understand why my boas left his car on the off ramp. 

It broke down right there Chris.  It wasn't about a,tow truck coming to pick it up.  It wasn't about putting it in neutral and push.  He couldn't understand why his car was left there. 

He was there for the whole conversation.

[Orbert]

Holy crap!    Now I get it.

[King Postwhore]

He also had a 3.8 gpa in high school.

It still makes me giggle thinking of that day.

[Phoenix87x]

Oh man, i am going be posting in this thread on like a daily basis

[bosk1]

Holy crap!    Now I get it.

Don't feel bad.  I literally had to read it about 3 times myself. 

[King Postwhore]

That's what I get typing it out parked in my car.

[home]

Fuck I am more stupid 
Apparently I left my keys in my bike when visiting a friend this evening. So now my bike is stolen and I don't have keys and can't enter my room. Luckily I can crash on a housemates couch but damn this sucks. I really hope my landlord had spare keys but he lives in a city quite a big distance from here so I probably won't be able to get them tomorrow

[King Postwhore]

Another stupid story that is recent.

We recently had a temp working for us who left early few days in a row on the last day he left 3 hours and 45 minutes into the shift.  He said he was sick.

I called the temp agency to get him a ride home and then told them to do not return him because I was tired of him not working a full day.  He was an OK worker but couldn't work a full day.

Now a little backstory.  My supervisor for our first shift goes to break at 9 every morning punches out goes across the street to a 7-11 to get coffee.  He offered the temp who wanted to get cigarettes to go with him and he did and then he came back with my supervisor.

Fast forward to the kid not getting picked up for two hours from the temp agency and he decided to the steal the supervises car.  What you don't know about the story is my supervisor always leaves his keys in the car unlocked in the temp noticed it so having to waiting two hours without getting like ked up he stole the car that he knew the keys were in it and the door was unlocked.

I trust no one and my wife mocks me for a locking my car up all the time but this is the reason.

[KevShmev]

The temp is stupid.

Your supervisor is stupid.

The end.

[TheSilentHam]

At the office: I left the cap off a black pen and had accidentally made a few marks on my khakis.  Knowing I had a Tide pen in my desk drawer,  I got it out and began to trace over the inked area.  This did not have the desired effect because I realized too late that I had grabbed my orange highlighter instead of the Tide pen.  Lessons learned: do not store a Tide pen in the same tray with your orange highlighter.

[Orbert]

I hate ball-point pens that you have to "click" to open and close, so I always used to use pens that have a cap you physically remove and put back on, and I still prefer them.  Bic Biro, or perhaps Write Bros. if you can find them.  Back when I was teaching, I perfected sliding a pen into my shirt pocket without looking at it before I perfected remembering to make sure the cap was on.  Then one day I noticed I had a bunch of shirts with black lines drawn on them in ink right over the pocket, and it looked really stupid, like the guy who did it was an idiot, and that idiot was me.

[black_biff_stadler]

I've jerked off with toothpaste.

[PowerSlave]

I've jerked off with toothpaste.

Nothing beats that minty fresh feeling.

[black_biff_stadler]

4 outta 5 bachelors can't be wrong!

[bosk1]

At the office: I left the cap off a black pen and had accidentally made a few marks on my khakis.  Knowing I had a Tide pen in my desk drawer,  I got it out and began to trace over the inked area.  This did not have the desired effect because I realized too late that I had grabbed my orange highlighter instead of the Tide pen.  Lessons learned: do not store a Tide pen in the same tray with your orange highlighter.

[King Postwhore]

The temp is stupid.

Your supervisor is stupid.

The end.

Yup.

[TheSilentHam]

Another khaki incident from the recent past... not as stupid, but more a poor choice of words:

I had just finished a fiber bar with dark chocolate chips.  One of the chips had fallen on my khakis, and I had somehow smudged it into my pants.   So I'm cleaning this brown smudge off my pants when a co-worker stops and observes me with a bewildered look on his face, and then asks "what happened"?!  My response: "I just need to stop eating these fiber bars".

[black_biff_stadler]

Oh that is divine

[TheCountOfNYC]

Another khaki incident from the recent past... not as stupid, but more a poor choice of words:

I had just finished a fiber bar with dark chocolate chips.  One of the chips had fallen on my khakis, and I had somehow smudged it into my pants.   So I'm cleaning this brown smudge off my pants when a co-worker stops and observes me with a bewildered look on his face, and then asks "what happened"?!  My response: "I just need to stop eating these fiber bars".

Lmfao!!!

[rumborak]

We had a guy interview at my company, and I was the "lunch guy", i.e. I sit with him over lunch, which is usually lighter talk than during the actual interview sessions.
So, we talk about hobbies, and he asks me what I do. I tell him that in the summer I like to play beach volleyball. He replies "oh cool. Is there a large body of water around here?"

........


Me: "Um ... the Atlantic ocean?"

The most bizarre part is, we flew the guy in. He would have had to consciously look away from the windows during touchdown to not notice that Boston is a coastal city.