I'm sitting at the computer and I hear a weird sound coming from... over there, towards the stairs. Hard to describe; lots of white noise but some kind of fluttering or modulation, frequency is pretty constant though, thus so is the pitch. Yes, I think like a keyboard player 24/7. I'd opened a window upstairs earlier because it's nice out; am I hearing something out there? Just to make sure, I head over to the stairs, and I hear the sound again and it's coming from the bathroom just past the stairs. Go in, and there's a huge bumblebee, very angry, buzzing against the closed window. It's very loud up close.
I go into full reactive mode. Not panic, no, pretty much the opposite. Presence of mind, weigh the options, back out and close the door to contain the threat, upstairs, grab the fly swatter hanging by the kitchen, grab the wasp spray under the sink, note my stocking feet, do I want shoes on for this? No, but a slipper would make a nice backup weapon in case the swatter can't do the job, grab, wait, are bumblebees our friends? Is this guy actually a stinging threat, or should I try to find a way to get him outside. No time for that shit, and I don't know, giant black and yellow striped buzzing bug, so in we go, shaking the spray can in my right hand, swatter and slipper in my left hand, slide the shower door open all the way, grab the towel and bath mat hanging there, toss them in the corner, open the toilet lid, gonna need it, there he is, huge and buzzing against the window, loud as fuck, blast him with the spray, down he goes on the windowsill, but he's still moving, blast him again, now he's covered in poison foam, he turns over and gets up on his feet, blast again, soak the motherfucker, he drops and rolls, he's breathing in the poison, he's on his back, his legs start curling, I notice the foam oozing down the shower wall from the windowsill, he's still moving but slowing down, he's still moving, he's still moving, fuck I have no time for this, I have tunes to work on today and this is harshing my buzz, slip the fly swatter under him, his legs are still moving but the poison foam helps stick him to the swatter, carry him over to the toilet and drop him in, flush!
Rinse everything off real good, good thing it's a shower stall, ha! Double-check the toilet, no revenants. Success!! I have removed a threat to our species! Wait, are bumblebees our friends? Still no time to Google it, I have to tell DTF about my latest adventure.