So, I figure the time is right for a follow-up post, now that about five months have passed.
Things are much better. I feel like I passed the inflection point on the learning curve. I'm commanding the room with authority and credibility, people are accepting of me in the role, I am leveraging my strategic thinking, and I'm back in my normal mode of challenging people with higher titles. I presented to the CEO in July, and felt good about it, and held my own in a semi-heated discussion with the head of R&D a couple of weeks ago.
So, what changed?
• Just getting more time and reps under my belt helped a lot. There are four stages of being in a role (this is the hyper abbreviated version of Ken Blanchard's Situational Leadership):
o Stage 1: Naïve optimism (“Hey, that sounds like a fun challenge!”); think of wanting to learn to ride a bike
o Stage 2: Rude awakening (“This is fucking impossible, I feel like a failure and this whole thing is horseshit”), think of repeatedly falling off a bike when first learning
o Stage 3: Getting your feet but still needing some coaching (“I think I’m getting the hang of this”), think not falling down anymore, but still not quite being 100%
o Stage 4: Autonomy/competence (“Why are you bothering me, I’ve got this”), think being completely intuitive.
o I was at Stage 2, I’m now on the line between 3 & 4.
• I got a lot of feedback, both in 1:1 conversations, and as part of a 360. I found out that others thought more of my capabilities than I did, and it became increasingly clear that my lack of confidence was the central issue, rather than issues around competence
• I have a lot of great, supportive colleagues, and I became better able to see and feel that support
• I had a bit of a long-playing row with one colleague, and us working through it reminded me that I’m good at solving people problems and making myself understood
• Additional progress in therapy. Leaving our gruesome details, I was programmed to be a submissive doormat who doesn’t make waves, and I’m still slaying some of those demons
• I’ve found my leadership style for this team, which is as the facilitator of development of sound strategy…which requires general familiarity, but no real expertise. I know how to push the right buttons, how to get decisions make, and how to uncover peoples’ real motivations and concerns. I’m never going to be the technical expert, and I’m never going to be the charismatic leader working off personal magnetism…but I don’t need to be.
I do appreciate the thoughts that I got here, and I think even venting about it a bit was helpful as well, it helped my focus down on what wasn’t working for me.
Now…to keep my hold on it…