Yeah, so, at our solstice party last Friday, daughter #2's live in beau asked for my blessing for him to marry her. It was very awkward because I don't really know the guy well, he's ten years older than her, on disability, and works a crummy minimum wage job. All that being said, he seems nice enough and daughter2 seems happier than she's been in many a year. Part of that, I suspect, is that her boyfriend has a two-year old son and she really digs taking care of the boy.
I told him that I don't think it's my role (or right) to approve or disapprove of my adult children's choices but that I'm pleased she seems happy with him. That's enough for me.
Then, then, SMH...after the dinner, everyone was having fun chatting, joking, and digesting. This guy (who barely knows any of us) wants to make a toast and gets half the room's attention (keep in mind there are eighteen of us). Well my two youngest granddaughters (at the other end of the table) are messing around, singing Christmas carols in funny voices to the amusement of the adults at that end. This guy proceeds to yell, angrily, "SHUT UP! I need your attention!"
He made his toast (to the military) and everyone, pretty shocked and subdued now, responds woodenly. The party moved on and we wound up having a good evening in spite of it.
Here's the hard part: Mrs. P and I never yell at anyone. We have never raised a hand in violence to any of our kids...we never really had to. A disapproving look and quiet one-on-one lecture was all that we ever needed to curb behavior we don't approve of. Our philosophy is that family, and especially our home, should be a safe place to enjoy each other's company free of fear and strife. A safe shore from the trials of the larger world, so to speak.
So, what do I do with this guy? My plan is to take him aside and explain the above to him and point out that the family looks to me to ensure the peace. That I expect him to respect our ways if he plans to be included in our family gatherings.
But then, it occurred to me this morning (at 2:00 am in the dark). If he's willing to dominate and yell at near total strangers, how is he treating my daughter when no one is around? She's thirty years old. Do I have the right to stick my nose in and ask?