Author Topic: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon  (Read 5578 times)

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Offline Dublagent66

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #140 on: April 24, 2017, 02:48:13 PM »
Well, it's not really bottled up if you choose to express the hatred here, now is it?
Everything that CAN go wrong, WILL go wrong ...and if nothing has gone wrong...you obviously DON'T UNDERSTAND the situation.

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #141 on: April 24, 2017, 03:44:54 PM »

I guess I'm curious as to why you're choosing to partake in something you know to be ridiculous.

Part of the definition of marriage is comprise.  It's helps in the relationship.
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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #142 on: April 24, 2017, 04:04:18 PM »

I guess I'm curious as to why you're choosing to partake in something you know to be ridiculous.

Because it's part of being in the relationship. Victoria probably thinks me going out every other Sunday and racing remote control trucks is ridiculous, but she let's me do it because it puts a smile on my face and come every Christmas there's a $200 giftcard to Tower Hobbies in my stocking. I also think it's ridiculous that I have to wear pants and long sleeve button down shirts in the middle of summer for my job, but I choose to partake in it because I like getting a paycheck and health benefits. Life is full of compromising, and by compromising I mean bottling up all my hatred for societal norms until I finally die one day.

She *lets* you do it??? This one word alone speaks volumes to me.

Offline Chino

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #143 on: April 24, 2017, 04:14:08 PM »

I guess I'm curious as to why you're choosing to partake in something you know to be ridiculous.

Because it's part of being in the relationship. Victoria probably thinks me going out every other Sunday and racing remote control trucks is ridiculous, but she let's me do it because it puts a smile on my face and come every Christmas there's a $200 giftcard to Tower Hobbies in my stocking. I also think it's ridiculous that I have to wear pants and long sleeve button down shirts in the middle of summer for my job, but I choose to partake in it because I like getting a paycheck and health benefits. Life is full of compromising, and by compromising I mean bottling up all my hatred for societal norms until I finally die one day.

She *lets* you do it??? This one word alone speaks volumes to me.

Oh fuck off.

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #144 on: April 24, 2017, 04:53:53 PM »
You are devoted to another person and you ask as a courtesy.  What's with being a dick NunoTenniscourt? You don't understand relationships?
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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #145 on: April 24, 2017, 04:57:41 PM »
You give some and you take some, got to have balance.  Something I've honestly struggled with as someone who is very selfish I admit, but I got to think the "let's" him do things is not so serious and more so phrasing. 

Offline SystematicThought

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #146 on: April 24, 2017, 07:07:24 PM »
Good luck with that Brian.  In 1994 I spent $3500.00 on the ring.
Adjusted for inflation, that's about $5,900. Nice!

I've never been in a relationship, but this is the one thing that always makes me nervous. Not THE one thing, but one of the things. What if she doesn't like it? How do you get it fitted to her finger? Dumb questions, but it's what makes me think
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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #147 on: April 24, 2017, 07:36:31 PM »
You can get the ring fitted after or if you know a friend that knows or take a ring she wears,  play dumb when you shop.  The can get the size for you.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #148 on: April 25, 2017, 07:31:49 AM »
You give some and you take some, got to have balance.  Something I've honestly struggled with as someone who is very selfish I admit, but I got to think the "let's" him do things is not so serious and more so phrasing.

And even if it is actually "let", and not phrasing, so what (not targeting this at you, Cram, just saying).   If you do it of your own free will, it's YOUR choice, and everyone else can take their judgment and put it not so gently up their ass.   I know for me, there are absolutely things that my wife "let's" me do - in the sense of "I do it at her leisure", either because it bothers her, or perhaps she sees the downside better than I do, whatever.  We're partners, and her voice, her wisdom, her judgment is important to me.   It's MY choice. 

This macho bullshit that "I'm the man, I'm the king of the house, and what I say goes, fuck her if she doesn't like it!" doesn't work, bro.  And besides, I have two daughters in the house that are looking at us as models for how a relationship might work, and I CERTAINLY don't want my girls to be married to some Neanderthal that expects them to kowtow(boy) to them on every issue.  They are smart, strong, living, breathing free women that ought to have an equal voice in their relationships.

Personally, though I think he's going to blow at a Waffle House someday (I kid, I kid), I think Chino is handling this as maturely and reasonably as one can.     

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #149 on: April 25, 2017, 07:40:06 AM »
Oh fuck off.
I understand, but let's try respect our fellow members.
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Offline Chino

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #150 on: April 25, 2017, 07:52:49 AM »
Oh fuck off.
I understand, but let's try respect our fellow members.

Fair enough. I'll clarify the "lets me do it" bit.

NunoTenniscourt. Have you ever heard someone use a phrase such as "I need to check with headquarters" or someone referring to their wife as their "ball and chain"? I imagine you're smart enough to understand that "ball and chain" is not to be taken literally.

I'm sure every man on this forum has heard cases of crazy girlfriends who try to tie their significant others down, or give them all kinds of shit at every turn because they disapprove of something they're doing. When I say Victoria "lets me" do something, I mean that she doesn't give me an ounce of shit about what I do regardless of her stance. When I come home from a race day with a new $400 truck, I'm sure deep down she would have rathered me put that aside for a trip to Italy or something, but she keeps her mouth shut because she's happy that I have a hobby that makes me happy, and she understands that we're both individuals and not every single thing we do has to necessarily be done with our relationship at the forefront. She doesn't even ask me what it costs. She "lets" me do me, and I respect her to death for it.

She spends about $40 a month on essential oils and "bath bombs" that she swears by. I think they are a crock of shit and modern day snake oil. I've never once said anything about these purchases or indicated in anyway that I'd rather her reallocate her funds elsewhere. I "let her" buy these by not giving her the slightest flack for her purchases or comment in anyway that I think they are worthless or useless.

I can't believe I'm even having to explain myself over this, and your comment yesterday genuinely infuriated me. I go off on rants and tangents about stupid things society buys into all the time, but I very rarely get legitimately angry. Kudos to you for finding the button. Please note that your level of assumption toward others you know absolutely nothing about is incredible. 




Offline Chino

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #151 on: April 25, 2017, 07:54:22 AM »
Personally, though I think he's going to blow at a Waffle House someday (I kid, I kid), I think Chino is handling this as maturely and reasonably as one can.     

That wouldn't be a terrible way to go  :lol

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #152 on: April 25, 2017, 08:24:54 AM »
I told Mrs. P on the day that she let me propose to her, "I'll do whatever you tell me to as long as we agree upfront that I don't have to." It seems to have worked out pretty well.  :)

Offline El Barto

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #153 on: April 25, 2017, 08:45:41 AM »
I think Marriage is a pointless tradition that has outlived its usefulness. It probably should have gone away around the time of Charlemagne, and humanity would be wise to forget the whole silly thing. After seeing what Victoria is willing to put up with on Chino's behalf, even I told him to marry the damn girl. The whole "lets you do it" thing is pretty far off base.
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Offline Implode

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #154 on: April 25, 2017, 08:51:10 AM »
Just reading through this thread. Great discussions. I agree that I can't imagine spending two months salary on a ring. That's just... so much.  :lol

Also,

1) Our dance will be to the BTTF version of Earth Angel

My friends had a wedding recently and did this. It was beautiful.

Offline mike099

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #155 on: December 13, 2018, 06:21:55 PM »
Bump.  Did not want to start anew thread

Replacing the wife's engagement ring lost 2 years ago.  We have been married 33 years.

If you spent 3k and the choice is one half caret better quality or 3k and the choice is three quarter caret lower quality, which would you choose?   This assumes that the jeweler can show you the paperwork and let me see the difference.

3k is not really a lot of money but I want to pay cash.

It will be a total surprise since I already kidded that we both already got our Christmas gifts. I got an Echelon spin bike and she got a knee replacement with us thankfully only having to pay out 2,500.00 out of pocket.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #156 on: December 13, 2018, 09:37:37 PM »
she got a knee replacement with us thankfully only having to pay out 2,500.00 out of pocket.

Um...   uh... bro. 

You need to go with the ring. I might spring for the "1/2 carat better quality", if her only gift profile contains a "knee replacement with only $2,500 out of pocket."




(I'm kidding; I'm married, four kids two out of the house already and I know how it goes.  You do what's right for you, and just hoping your wife is back on two legs soon!)

Offline Grappler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #157 on: December 14, 2018, 04:49:44 AM »
I went with quality over carats.  My wife's ring is a 1/2 carat, but near perfect quality.  I think the salesman pointed out one or two very tiny blemishes.  The other choice was a larger, but less perfect stone.  She's never been concerned with the size of the diamond and prefers the smaller stone over something too big for her hands and gaudy.

Offline Nekov

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #158 on: December 14, 2018, 07:12:05 AM »
Nice to see this thread coming up again because I will be proposing to my girlfriend during our next vacations and I need to get a ring. I really want to get her a diamond but prices are a bit ridiculous and we're spending a good amount of money in the trip already. My brother told me that he got a crystal one that looks very similar to a diamond and is much less expensive, but I know my GF will be disappointed with that. Do you guys have a good recommendation?
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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #159 on: December 14, 2018, 07:14:17 AM »
<Waiting for Nekov's girlfriend to post "Thanks for blowing the surprise.  I'm right here!">

(Just kidding!!  Congratulations!)

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #160 on: December 14, 2018, 07:15:15 AM »
Do you guys have a good recommendation?

Yes. DON'T get the crystal. :lol
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #161 on: December 14, 2018, 09:32:25 AM »
Do you guys have a good recommendation?

Yes. DON'T get the crystal. :lol

 :lol

Yeah, don't make that mistake.
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Offline bosk1

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #162 on: December 14, 2018, 09:41:17 AM »
If you spent 3k and the choice is one half caret better quality or 3k and the choice is three quarter caret lower quality, which would you choose?   This assumes that the jeweler can show you the paperwork and let me see the difference.

I would say it really depends on your wife's preference.  Do you think she would care more about size or clarity?  I know for my wife, the clarity probably would not make as much difference.  But some would want the higher clarity, even knowing that in 99% of situations you are in in real life, nobody would be able to tell the difference.  It just depends on what you think she would value.  And if you don't know, to me that means it is more likely that she doesn't care enough to have ever made a fuss about it, so you might be better off with the slightly bigger diamond of slightly lesser clarity.  That's my two cents.

But a bigger preliminary question is:  Where are you buying?  I would NOT buy from a typical mall or chain jeweler.  Their overhead is through the roof, and the cost gets passed on to you.  I would do some serious due diligence among friends, family, and coworkers and try to find an independent jeweler that they trust.  If you are in N. Cal., PM me and I can give you a recommendation.  But either way, ask around.
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Offline mike099

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #163 on: December 14, 2018, 10:08:24 AM »
Nice to see this thread coming up again because I will be proposing to my girlfriend during our next vacations and I need to get a ring. I really want to get her a diamond but prices are a bit ridiculous and we're spending a good amount of money in the trip already. My brother told me that he got a crystal one that looks very similar to a diamond and is much less expensive, but I know my GF will be disappointed with that. Do you guys have a good recommendation?

Yes, I agree get the real diamond, but is she really going to know by looking.  My wife knows how cheap I am so she will probably get it appraised if I do not provide paperwork that looks authentic.  I wonder how many guys have gone the diamond look alike route, not told the fiancé and then she found out later, even much later in the marriage or after a divorce when going to hock the ring.
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Offline mike099

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #164 on: December 14, 2018, 10:12:02 AM »
If you spent 3k and the choice is one half caret better quality or 3k and the choice is three quarter caret lower quality, which would you choose?   This assumes that the jeweler can show you the paperwork and let me see the difference.

I would say it really depends on your wife's preference.  Do you think she would care more about size or clarity?  I know for my wife, the clarity probably would not make as much difference.  But some would want the higher clarity, even knowing that in 99% of situations you are in in real life, nobody would be able to tell the difference.  It just depends on what you think she would value.  And if you don't know, to me that means it is more likely that she doesn't care enough to have ever made a fuss about it, so you might be better off with the slightly bigger diamond of slightly lesser clarity.  That's my two cents.

But a bigger preliminary question is:  Where are you buying?  I would NOT buy from a typical mall or chain jeweler.  Their overhead is through the roof, and the cost gets passed on to you.  I would do some serious due diligence among friends, family, and coworkers and try to find an independent jeweler that they trust.  If you are in N. Cal., PM me and I can give you a recommendation.  But either way, ask around.

Thanks for the opinion.  I am going to an independent in nashville, tn. that I have done business with in the past.  They have been in business for about 20 years at the same location and do very little advertising.  They do a lot of mens room urinal advertising and at the YMCA.  That is probably a good return on investment.
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Offline Grappler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #165 on: December 14, 2018, 10:16:35 AM »
But a bigger preliminary question is:  Where are you buying?  I would NOT buy from a typical mall or chain jeweler.  Their overhead is through the roof, and the cost gets passed on to you.  I would do some serious due diligence among friends, family, and coworkers and try to find an independent jeweler that they trust.  If you are in N. Cal., PM me and I can give you a recommendation.  But either way, ask around.

I bought my wife's ring from Jared and while the cost may have been higher up-front, they also provide some services after your purchase, so I feel we have more than made up any increased cost by taking advantage of these.  Maybe a neighborhood jeweler offers these too, but I've been very happy with the service we've received. 

1.  Semi-annual ring cleanings for free, for life.

2.  Annual ring inspections for free, for life (they found a broken prong and repaired it FOR FREE.)

3.  Diamond buy-back option/Serial number.  Each of their diamonds has a microscopic serial number engraved in it.  Our paperwork matches the ID, so if stolen and recovered, we can prove our ownership.   They will also buy it back with the paperwork matching the ID, should we wish to upgrade and my wife is ok with parting with it (if she wants to save it for sentimental value or to pass down as an heirloom, then yes, we'd have to buy a new stone for an upgrade). 



My advice - buy a real diamond.  Buying a cheap look-a-like just sends a message that you don't think your partner is worth the real thing.  Nothing looks better than seeing my wife's diamond sparkle after she has it cleaned. 

Offline vtgrad

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #166 on: December 14, 2018, 10:42:08 AM »
If you spent 3k and the choice is one half caret better quality or 3k and the choice is three quarter caret lower quality, which would you choose?   This assumes that the jeweler can show you the paperwork and let me see the difference.

I would say it really depends on your wife's preference.  Do you think she would care more about size or clarity?  I know for my wife, the clarity probably would not make as much difference.  But some would want the higher clarity, even knowing that in 99% of situations you are in in real life, nobody would be able to tell the difference.  It just depends on what you think she would value.  And if you don't know, to me that means it is more likely that she doesn't care enough to have ever made a fuss about it, so you might be better off with the slightly bigger diamond of slightly lesser clarity.  That's my two cents.

But a bigger preliminary question is:  Where are you buying?  I would NOT buy from a typical mall or chain jeweler.  Their overhead is through the roof, and the cost gets passed on to you.  I would do some serious due diligence among friends, family, and coworkers and try to find an independent jeweler that they trust.  If you are in N. Cal., PM me and I can give you a recommendation.  But either way, ask around.

Thanks for the opinion.  I am going to an independent in nashville, tn. that I have done business with in the past.  They have been in business for about 20 years at the same location and do very little advertising.  They do a lot of mens room urinal advertising and at the YMCA.  That is probably a good return on investment.

Holy sh!t.   :rollin  One of the funniest things I've ever read whether it's true or not.  :lol

I went with Blue Nile and couldn't have been happier... actually went back and purchased diamonds for earrings and a pendant.  You buy the stones separately and Blue Nile will build the piece for you.  Had the stones for each piece checked by a GIA gemologist and compared their findings to the certs I received... everything was kosher. 

Following what other wiser sages here have said, go with the Diamond.
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Offline mike099

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #167 on: December 14, 2018, 12:17:04 PM »
If you spent 3k and the choice is one half caret better quality or 3k and the choice is three quarter caret lower quality, which would you choose?   This assumes that the jeweler can show you the paperwork and let me see the difference.

I would say it really depends on your wife's preference.  Do you think she would care more about size or clarity?  I know for my wife, the clarity probably would not make as much difference.  But some would want the higher clarity, even knowing that in 99% of situations you are in in real life, nobody would be able to tell the difference.  It just depends on what you think she would value.  And if you don't know, to me that means it is more likely that she doesn't care enough to have ever made a fuss about it, so you might be better off with the slightly bigger diamond of slightly lesser clarity.  That's my two cents.

But a bigger preliminary question is:  Where are you buying?  I would NOT buy from a typical mall or chain jeweler.  Their overhead is through the roof, and the cost gets passed on to you.  I would do some serious due diligence among friends, family, and coworkers and try to find an independent jeweler that they trust.  If you are in N. Cal., PM me and I can give you a recommendation.  But either way, ask around.

Thanks for the opinion.  I am going to an independent in nashville, tn. that I have done business with in the past.  They have been in business for about 20 years at the same location and do very little advertising.  They do a lot of mens room urinal advertising and at the YMCA.  That is probably a good return on investment.

Holy sh!t.   :rollin  One of the funniest things I've ever read whether it's true or not.  :lol

I went with Blue Nile and couldn't have been happier... actually went back and purchased diamonds for earrings and a pendant.  You buy the stones separately and Blue Nile will build the piece for you.  Had the stones for each piece checked by a GIA gemologist and compared their findings to the certs I received... everything was kosher. 

Following what other wiser sages here have said, go with the Diamond.

Holy sh!t.   :rollin  One of the funniest things I've ever read whether it's true or not.  :lol 

Yes, it really is true.  Here is Nashville, Tennessee, there is advertising in the men's rooms at restaurants and at the YMCA.   Besides jewelry stores, the usual male advertising for trucks, truck accessories and even pet shelters.
 
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Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #168 on: December 21, 2018, 05:28:43 AM »
Nice to see this thread coming up again because I will be proposing to my girlfriend during our next vacations and I need to get a ring. I really want to get her a diamond but prices are a bit ridiculous and we're spending a good amount of money in the trip already. My brother told me that he got a crystal one that looks very similar to a diamond and is much less expensive, but I know my GF will be disappointed with that. Do you guys have a good recommendation?
If she is not a super traditional girl who wants a huge rock, maybe you could go with an alternative stone - something with a bit of color or not a traditional shape. If she is more traditional, RIP your wallet ;D

I can't speak for all women, but things like these have always been very important to me - not so much the price of the ring, but the selection, making sure it's something lovely that fits her personality. Just putting some thought into it is so important. Sure, when you think about it rationally, it makes zero sense why a proposal with a diamond ring should be required, and knowing what the root of that tradition is sours it, but most of our traditions are nonsensical with weird or even unsavoury origin stories, and yet people care... about Christmas, in Christian countries. Mother's Day, in most Anglo countries. Serbian slava. And I think a lot of women care about being proposed to, because it's a universal experience (so far) among the vast majority of married couples, and not having it makes you feel left out.

It always saddens me how me and my husband missed the boat on that - we got married so I could live abroad with him, when he suggested getting married he didn't think about proposing, and I didn't think about getting engaged either. In the ten months between agreeing to get married and getting married we spent about six weeks together due to being fairly long distance, and the last few visits, I can't lie, I kinda hoped that something more formal than "I think the best thing to do right now is for us to get married as soon as possible" would happen after all, ring or no ring. I intend to be married until death does us part, so it's a little sad we'll never have that moment. Having said that, it was sweet that afterward we went over to my mom's and he officially asked her if she wouldn't mind him whisking me away to the land of ice and snow :angel:

So like... diamonds are expensive, alternatives range from kinda cheap to kinda expensive, but the thought and the event is priceless imo.

If anyone reading this thread would like to know how to find out what their future wife would like, I have a lot of great tips! My best tip is to ask one of her best and most discrete female friends to start a conversation about wedding rings by showing her what she would like to wear, or asking all of her friends if they ever talked about that, because chances are, they have. Also, maybe she has a Pinterest board about the kind of wedding she would like, or an account on Etsy, and Facebook and Instagram display likes so nowadays, if she likes a ring or a jeweler or a style of jewelry you can figure it out just by having social networks.

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Offline Nekov

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #169 on: December 21, 2018, 07:44:38 AM »
Thanks Mora. I'm putting a lot more thought into the actual proposal than the ring itself. I do have an idea of what kind of ring she would like and next week I'm going to go shopping for it since it should be a quite one at work. As far as the proposal, I'll do in in February/March while we are on holiday in Southeast Asia. I have a couple of options based on the places we are going to visit. I'll try to be ready and see when the moment really calls for it.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #170 on: December 21, 2018, 07:58:23 AM »
I kind of like - and veyr much agree with - your thoughts on the notion of "tradition".   

Having said that, it was sweet that afterward we went over to my mom's and he officially asked her if she wouldn't mind him whisking me away to the land of ice and snow :angel:

I've written here about how my stepdaughter "eloped" a couple weeks/months ago, and generally most of the family isn't thrilled with her choice, and oddly, for me, this is the part that bothers me the most.   I get they don't have a ton of cash, I get that he's in the Army and so he's limited in time and scope, and I get that the heart wants what the heart wants, and so while he's a piece of crap generally, she "loves" him.  So be it.  But that fucker could have come over and asked her mom - even if symbolically - to marry her daughter.  Hell, I was in my late forties, we were both previously married with kids and I went and asked my current wife's parents for "permission".   They both superficially laughed at me and called me "ridiculous", but it created a bond and now, a couple years later, I'm closer to them than any of the other "spouses" in the family, and even, in some ways, than their own son.  It's always the little things, I'm finding out in this life.

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My best tip is to ask one of her best and most discrete female friends...

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Offline Nekov

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #171 on: December 21, 2018, 09:52:14 AM »
Well, I think that tradition has mostly died out. In this days of women fighting for their rights and their freedom it's just weird to ask her parents for permission like she was some kind of object they could deny. I know it's mostly a symbolic thing, but it still rubs me the wrong way.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #172 on: December 21, 2018, 10:06:55 AM »
Well, I think that tradition has mostly died out. In this days of women fighting for their rights and their freedom it's just weird to ask her parents for permission like she was some kind of object they could deny. I know it's mostly a symbolic thing, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

No argument; I totally get that.  It's more of a family thing though.  I think "blessing" is more accurate than "permission".  In my case, her ex treated her like a bag of trash, and so I wanted to send the message that if nothing else, I was going to treat her and her family with a level of respect that they might not have seen before. 

Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #173 on: December 22, 2018, 02:05:00 PM »
I've only skimmed this thread the past couple of pages (sorry I've been drinking) but I guess I'm in the minority because I bought my now finance a moissanite ring. She actually picked it out and loves it, it cost about 3k and I think it's really nice. If she had wanted a real diamond I would've gotten it for her but she said she'd rather spend the money on the wedding/honeymoon.

I kind of like - and veyr much agree with - your thoughts on the notion of "tradition".   

Having said that, it was sweet that afterward we went over to my mom's and he officially asked her if she wouldn't mind him whisking me away to the land of ice and snow :angel:

I've written here about how my stepdaughter "eloped" a couple weeks/months ago, and generally most of the family isn't thrilled with her choice, and oddly, for me, this is the part that bothers me the most.   I get they don't have a ton of cash, I get that he's in the Army and so he's limited in time and scope, and I get that the heart wants what the heart wants, and so while he's a piece of crap generally, she "loves" him.  So be it.  But that fucker could have come over and asked her mom - even if symbolically - to marry her daughter.  Hell, I was in my late forties, we were both previously married with kids and I went and asked my current wife's parents for "permission".   They both superficially laughed at me and called me "ridiculous", but it created a bond and now, a couple years later, I'm closer to them than any of the other "spouses" in the family, and even, in some ways, than their own son.  It's always the little things, I'm finding out in this life.

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My best tip is to ask one of her best and most discrete female friends...

Does such a creature exist?   I KID!  I KID!  I KID!   

So I asked my gf's dad for permission. I was against it initially because I don't really believe in the tradition but after some major health issues with my gf's father and how my gf was really stressed about him being healthy enough to walk her down the isle I sort of put my beliefs aside and decided to ask him for permission. It was actually pretty hilarious. We were all at the beach about a month before I proposed and I asked if he wanted to go grab lunch with me to bring back for my gf and her mom. We got to the car to get lunch and I asked him for permission and he was just stunned, then he started crying, it was a pretty sweet moment.

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: The ridiculous 'tradition' of buying a overpriced chunk of carbon
« Reply #174 on: December 27, 2018, 08:26:54 AM »
I asked my father-in-law for his permission/blessing.  But I waited until after I actually proposed to my wife lol
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