The post funny stuff thread v.graham's number

[Orbert]

My concern is less the vultures - though that's a concern - but I know my family pretty well.  Winning a multi-million dollar lottery WOULD create resentment with some, of that I have no doubt.  But that creates a different concern:  if you "give", it's almost worse than if you give nothing, becuase it's the same problem that we see in the P/R threads.  $10 million for ME is a massive amount, and life-changing.  But I can't give $10 million to 20 people.  Even if I gave half of my prize away, it's around $200,000 (round numbers) to 25 people,with (possibly) another tax burden... I can absolutely see someone saying "You fuck; you won $10 MILLION, and all you gave me was $200k? Cheap bastard."    That to me is worse than a charity hounding me.

The Chinese (of which I am one) have a way around that.  Ever see those little red envelopes that get passed out at Chinese New Year or weddings or maybe birthdays?



The rules are pretty simple.  If you ever make a big "score" (the lottery certainly qualifies), you share the good fortune.  You put some of it into the Hong Bao (the little red envelopes) and pass them out.  Family and friends.  If you ever receive one, be grateful.  Period.  Do not even think of complaining about the amount, you ungrateful ass, just take it and go away now.


We got one in the mail one time from my uncle with $100 inside.  He'd hit a minor jackpot in Vegas for like $100,000, so he was being a good Chinaman and sharing the good fortune.  Cool, a hundred bucks.  We went out to dinner or something.  You don't compare what he'd won with how much he gave you, that's not just bad form, it's literally forbidden.  Complain about it, and you'll be run over by a herd of stampeding yaks, or possibly worse.

[pg1067]

I volunteer. 

My concern is less the vultures - though that's a concern - but I know my family pretty well.  Winning a multi-million dollar lottery WOULD create resentment with some, of that I have no doubt.  But that creates a different concern:  if you "give", it's almost worse than if you give nothing, becuase it's the same problem that we see in the P/R threads.  $10 million for ME is a massive amount, and life-changing.  But I can't give $10 million to 20 people.  Even if I gave half of my prize away, it's around $200,000 (round numbers) to 25 people,with (possibly) another tax burden... I can absolutely see someone saying "You fuck; you won $10 MILLION, and all you gave me was $200k? Cheap bastard."    That to me is worse than a charity hounding me.

I volunteer too...and I guess this would be one of those rare occasions where it's a good thing that almost all of my immediate family is dead.

Someone getting $200k and bitching that it wasn't enough?  That would be enough for me to cut ties forever with that person.  I'm not Chinese, but what Orbert wrote is apt:  "You don't compare what he'd won with how much he gave you, that's not just bad form, it's literally forbidden.  Complain about it, and you'll be run over by a herd of stampeding yaks, or possibly worse."

If I even thought there was even the most remote possibility of someone complaining like that, the person would get nothing.  And that's especially when you consider that, for a large lottery win, upwards of 45% is going to the IRS and (for me) the California Franchise Tax Board.

[El Barto]

I decided on my solution that unlikely problem a long time ago. My mom gets money. Everybody else gets the same gift. I pay off your mortgage, or if you live in an apartment I buy you a modest house. My friends and family don't have to worry about keeping a roof over their heads, but everything else is on them. Peace of mind is more valuable than the bling people would buy for themselves, lousy ingrates.

[Lonk]

The Chinese (of which I am one) have a way around that.  Ever see those little red envelopes that get passed out at Chinese New Year or weddings or maybe birthdays?



The rules are pretty simple.  If you ever make a big "score" (the lottery certainly qualifies), you share the good fortune.  You put some of it into the Hong Bao (the little red envelopes) and pass them out.  Family and friends.  If you ever receive one, be grateful.  Period.  Do not even think of complaining about the amount, you ungrateful ass, just take it and go away now.


We got one in the mail one time from my uncle with $100 inside.  He'd hit a minor jackpot in Vegas for like $100,000, so he was being a good Chinaman and sharing the good fortune.  Cool, a hundred bucks.  We went out to dinner or something.  You don't compare what he'd won with how much he gave you, that's not just bad form, it's literally forbidden.  Complain about it, and you'll be run over by a herd of stampeding yaks, or possibly worse.

But you are talking about tradition and manners (which we do not have lol). Let me put it this way, about 6-7 years ago this Dominican man from New Jersey won $300+ million on the Powerball. As soon as he was announced the winner, there were people lined up at his house, all claiming to be relative. He then traveled to the Dominican Republic, were another wave of people were literally waiting for him with the same claim of being relative.

Then some women came out saying he had not pay child support for years And as recent as 2 years ago, he was accused of Sexual Assault against a little girl back in 2010.

[Stadler]

I decided on my solution that unlikely problem a long time ago. My mom gets money. Everybody else gets the same gift. I pay off your mortgage, or if you live in an apartment I buy you a modest house. My friends and family don't have to worry about keeping a roof over their heads, but everything else is on them. Peace of mind is more valuable than the bling people would buy for themselves, lousy ingrates.

I thought about something similar - setting up scholarships for my neices and nephews and what not - but I like your answer better, because it doesn't presuppose anything.   

But to PG, I ABSOLUTELY have relatives that would compare and judge.   Without question. 

[Harmony]

Fuck, I'm taking the money and the best forged phony documents I could buy and am leaving the country without a forwarding address.   

Haha - I'm kidding.  I've always promised the-god-I-do-not-believe-in that I'd be a very good lotto winner.  Lots of money to charity and plenty of financial security for my immediate family.

I did admire James Holzhauer's idea for spending the money he won on Jeopardy.  He and his wife would pick 12 cities from anywhere in the world - places they've always wanted to visit and spend a month in each one.  No expense spared.  That would be epic fun.  But how to pick the 12 cities....?

[Phoenix87x]

[jingle.boy]

That's funny... but I smell 'shop

[Phoenix87x]

That's funny... but I smell 'shop

Yeah, I was getting that vibe too, but it would be pretty wild if it was legit.

[Lonk]

Still a better love story than Twili...oh that joke is not funny anymore? ok then.

[Stadler]

That's always funny. 

Got to be honest; not really understanding that, unless it's just the inanity of posting everything online.   Then again, I haven't had my prunes or my walk yet this morning. 

[The Walrus]

Nobody's noticed the "My wife told me to leave because of my last video" is 8 and a half hours long? 

[Nekov]

Well, maybe the guy goes into a deep reflection on relationships and domestic abuse

[Chino]

[pg1067]

That's funny... but I smell 'shop

Most or all of those (and more) are real.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_yIF-9jOge6nNA0z-ScrBQ/videos

At least they exist.  Whether there's any legitimacy to any of the things said I have no idea.

[Snow Dog]

That got a WTF out of me. But then I saw the majesty logo on the bucket and I got it. Still creepy, but hilarious.

[ReaperKK]

I don't blame that guy.

Some states allow lottery winners to collect their winnings anonymously, but if I ever win, I become part of a public record.  My name (and probably some personal details) will be in the papers, or at least on some website somewhere.  People can find me and know that I'm a new millionaire.

I've heard that in some ways, it's a pain in the ass winning the lottery because all of your friends and relatives come out of the woodwork wondering if you're going to share the good fortune, and a bunch of charities and organizations you've never even heard of are right behind them.

I remember listening to a really good podcast about what you should ideally do if you won the lottery, it was pretty interesting to hear how some people just had their lives destroyed by becoming instant multi-millionaires.

[Orbert]

Yep, it seems like there are at least as many tragic endings as they are happy endings.  I mean, probably not, but it seems like it because you remember hearing about the tragic ones.

[cramx3]

They really should make that a national law to be able to claim anonymously, I may be wrong but I think only some states allow this.  It's really not to anyone's benefit to let everyone know who won.

[El Barto]

They really should make that a national law to be able to claim anonymously, I may be wrong but I think only some states allow this.  It's really not to anyone's benefit to let everyone know who won.

There are two reasons, one pretty good and one pretty silly. Part of it is publicity, you're expected to show everybody how super-cool the lottery is. The other is transparency, and it actually does make some sense. If nobody knows who the winner is nobody knows if it's rigged or legit. Maybe the governor's degenerate brother in law wins one week, his mistress the next, the guy with pictures of all of them the next. How would anybody know?

[cramx3]

Yea, as I was writing that, I thought it's probably also good for the public to know that "random" people do win the lottery.  I don't know, maybe there's a better way to prove that without making winning the lottery a kind of shitty thing for lots of people.  But then again, the whole lottery system is kind of crazy when you think about it, hence why I don't even play.

[max_security]

Seems like a bad idea to me.

https://youtu.be/Yx4osljrMkA

[Lonk]

[Nekov]

Are they hiring?

[Zydar]

[jingle.boy]

So much this!

[cramx3]

Oh come on! You can do your crazy work out but cant keep up with the concert?  Hope you aren't too pooped for the headliners at progpower 

Also, I'll still be 34 (birthday is near the end of September) so I guess that doesn't really apply to me.... yet

[jingle.boy]

Oh come on! You can do your crazy work out but cant keep up with the concert?  Hope you aren't too pooped for the headliners at progpower 

Also, I'll still be 34 (birthday is near the end of September) so I guess that doesn't really apply to me.... yet

Standing for extended hours isn't aided by my aerobic prowess.  It kills my lower back!

[cramx3]

Good thing there are seats, and your bed is across the street 

[jingle.boy]

Good thing there are seats, and your bed is across the street 

You know it!

[The Walrus]

I'm not even 30. I'm ready to be up 20 hours straight every day. Keep up if you can.   

[Zydar]

[Stadler]

Now that's funny.   

[bosk1]

I wouldn't say "funny."  But it genuinely made me smile. 

[Zydar]