So over the past couple of days a few forum members have reached out privately to see how things have been going with my son.....it was kind of weird as the timing was coincidental yet within a day or two of each other....so...here's a little synopsis of how things have been going....sorry if this turns out to be a long post.
How I describe it right now is 'three steps forward, two steps back'. Just as it seems like we're turning a corner or things have improved and we look to be past some hurdles something will happen that derails the progress. It's typically a self harm / cutting instance after multiple weeks of nothing and it's usually his response to something stressful. He just can't seem to implement the coping mechanisms 100% of the time. It's heartbreaking but there are some successes.....but, it's just not a done deal.
Ever since we had the issue with him in May where we had to hospitalize him he's been fixated on a particular kid and insistent that had that kid not gotten busted with the vape pen which then led to him being discovered to have some serious things he'd been lying about....that had that kid not gotten in trouble his life would still be fine. Everything bad that's happened since then in his life in his mind is this other kids fault. He's had an unhealthy perspective on it as he's blamed that kid for everything.
We've tried to work with him and let him know that his poor decisions have led him to encounter the trials he's facing.....not that kid telling on everyone. Yet, he has this refusal to accept that his actions have led to his challenges. This all culminated two weeks ago into him attacking that kid in the hallway of his school. He grabbed the kid from behind, briefly choked him and told him 'you are not safe here' then shoved him into a locker
As you can imagine....he was suspended from school for a week AND the parents of said kid filed a restraining order against him so he was served that and we have a court date on the 11th to see if it gets lifted then or continues.
Obviously I was none to pleased with my son attacking someone for no reason so he has faced some severe consequences at home with the loss of most his privileges (computer time, phone, gaming etc) and now has forced us to have him watched or essentially baby sat in any instance when we're not around.
He has insisted that the counseling and therapy doesn't work....yet, we have explained to him that it hasn't worked because he's yet to buy in to what he's being taught. It's all been half measures with him to this point. After multiple conversations with him we've gotten an assurance from him that he's going to really try with his therapy and counseling now....and, we have found an intensive DBT Dialetical Behavior Therapy treatment that we are enrolling him in. It's a (6) week program, M-T from 4-6pm and Saturdays 9-11am.
We love on him, we listen to him, we get him every form of help we can....frankly, we're at our wits end. It's taking a toll on my wife and I for sure, it's just 'hard' there's no other way to explain it. We have our other two sons who are enjoying great successes in school and their activities and that offers some sort of distraction but....he's always in the back of my mind as I wonder 'what else' can I do or 'how' can I fix this all?
I've really tried to explain to him that this is the moment in his life where he can buckle down and tackle this all with simply opening himself up to the treatments and counseling. We're just in a 'hope' mode that he finally makes the decision to accept it all and start trying to implement what he's learning.
I wish I had a big 'happy ending' post to share with you all but unfortunately I think we're some ways off from that. But I do hold out Faith and Hope that he is going to come out of this all because I know his character and soul and he's a great kid....he's a compassionate kid.....but right now, he's just crippled by this depression and low self esteem and stuck in the cycles that accompany those things.
Topic: Parenting/marital advice (Read 49682 times)
