Parenting/marital advice

[millahh]

So, everything with J's pregnancy had been going super smoothly (with a couple of unnerving false alarms)...until today.  She drew the short straw apparently, and her gestational diabetes test lit up like a Christmas tree. It's ultimately not that big a deal, but it's a pain in the ass we really didn't need right now.  I've spent a good portion of my day talking her off the ledge, that it's not her fault and there was nothing she did to cause this, and nothing she could have done to prevent it.  Sigh.

[King Postwhore]

Keep her focus on her health.  Her health is the babies health.

[jingle.boy]

Damn, that's awful.

[millahh]

Damn, that's awful.

Thing is, it's actually not all that awful, it just sucks and is going to be burdensome. The only real risk is to the baby getting too big too early, and that is "easily" managed through monitoring, diet, exercise and maybe drugs.  But it does bring me to a major frustration that I have (both with stuff around pregnancy & covid):

I know more about this stuff than the vast majority of people.  I'm involved in design of clinical trails and interpretation of the data.  I spend time trying to figure out nuances of exactly how a drug is working, to get a read on potential for unexpected effects.  Lots of teasing out of causation vs. correlation.  I have a decent amount of experience in the diabetes clinical space and some in infectious disease.  And yet...I have a hard time finding sources for information that is reliable, meaningful, or usable.  For gestational diabetes, even reputable sources (e.g. Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins) do a lot of spouting of the old party line about causes & prevention (which seems to revolve around shaming of expectant mothers), and don't get into enough mechanistic detail.  There is also huge conflation of cause vs. correlation.  It took me looking at like five different sources to piece together a proper understanding of the what and why, so I could finally convince J it wasn't her fault and there's nothing she could have done to prevent it.

It's the same thing for Covid...for example, the risk in pregnancy isn't some magical "it will hurt the baby"...rather, it can cause early labor if it's severe in the third trimester, because the baby isn't getting enough oxygen, and says "get me the fuck out of here".  But again, I had to piece that together from multiple sources and apply my own understanding of physiology.  So much of the medical profession is so paternalistic and so bent on providing the "safe" or "conventional wisdom" recommendations (so they don't get sued...safer to stick to the party line than to take a risk to do the right thing) that it's tough to truly understand what's going on or what makes sense.  I think there's lots of good individual doctors, but some of the professional bodies are trash. And communication/messaging that is clear, honest and accurate is sorely missing.  It's infuriating that I have to "do my research"* to understand what the hell is actually happening. Like, I agree with most of the recommendations, treatments and public health measures, but the communication around the what the risk is, to whom, and why is just awful.

*I don't mean youtube or FB...I mean reading the literature, looking at case reports, etc.

[jingle.boy]

So you could say that you’ve done your own research? 

Also, I realize there are worse things to happen medically during pregnancy, but GD does suck.

[millahh]

So you could say that you’ve done your own research? 

Also, I realize there are worse things to happen medically during pregnancy, but GD does suck.

indeed.  I suppose the more precise way I could have said it was that I use my own professional research skills to make sense of what information is out there, to make a picture out of things that actually makes sense and is free from dumb agendas or lazy logic.  But, I saw where my post was going and just steered into it 

We're equilibrating on the GD thing...it will suck, but it will likely suck substantially less than the IVF process did, so we're applying that perspective.

[Skeever]

Anyone have kids with asthma or have asthma themselves? My 18 month old is going down that path. He's getting nebulizer medications twice per day, plus additionally every 4-6 hours as needed. But sometimes it works better than others. And I worry about the long terms effects. Also, no fun in COVID times, as a kid with asthma is just going to cough on and off, even when they have their asthma relatively under control. His daycare are thankfully understanding - if he couldn't go every time he had a little cough, one of us would be out of a job because we simply wouldn't have the sick time to keep him home that often.

[jingle.boy]

Both the jingle.kids have asthma.  Son was on puffers (2x/day) for a lot of his youth. Daughter gets very cough-y when the dust builds up in the house - fortunately we have mostly hardwood floors, but the basement is carpeted, and that’s where her bedroom is.   Neither has had a serious problem with it though.

[Stadler]

Damn, that's awful.

Thing is, it's actually not all that awful, it just sucks and is going to be burdensome. The only real risk is to the baby getting too big too early, and that is "easily" managed through monitoring, diet, exercise and maybe drugs.  But it does bring me to a major frustration that I have (both with stuff around pregnancy & covid):

I know more about this stuff than the vast majority of people.  I'm involved in design of clinical trails and interpretation of the data.  I spend time trying to figure out nuances of exactly how a drug is working, to get a read on potential for unexpected effects.  Lots of teasing out of causation vs. correlation.  I have a decent amount of experience in the diabetes clinical space and some in infectious disease.  And yet...I have a hard time finding sources for information that is reliable, meaningful, or usable.  For gestational diabetes, even reputable sources (e.g. Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins) do a lot of spouting of the old party line about causes & prevention (which seems to revolve around shaming of expectant mothers), and don't get into enough mechanistic detail.  There is also huge conflation of cause vs. correlation.  It took me looking at like five different sources to piece together a proper understanding of the what and why, so I could finally convince J it wasn't her fault and there's nothing she could have done to prevent it.

It's the same thing for Covid...for example, the risk in pregnancy isn't some magical "it will hurt the baby"...rather, it can cause early labor if it's severe in the third trimester, because the baby isn't getting enough oxygen, and says "get me the fuck out of here".  But again, I had to piece that together from multiple sources and apply my own understanding of physiology.  So much of the medical profession is so paternalistic and so bent on providing the "safe" or "conventional wisdom" recommendations (so they don't get sued...safer to stick to the party line than to take a risk to do the right thing) that it's tough to truly understand what's going on or what makes sense.  I think there's lots of good individual doctors, but some of the professional bodies are trash. And communication/messaging that is clear, honest and accurate is sorely missing.  It's infuriating that I have to "do my research"* to understand what the hell is actually happening. Like, I agree with most of the recommendations, treatments and public health measures, but the communication around the what the risk is, to whom, and why is just awful.

*I don't mean youtube or FB...I mean reading the literature, looking at case reports, etc.

First and foremost, as someone who has gone through a trying pregnancy (my daughter was early and underweight due to fibroid tumors; I've told the story about the heartless and uncaring "specialist" and facing hard questions during the pregnancy itself.  Almost twenty-one years later she is everything I ever could have imagined for my child and I give thanks every day for her) my heart is with you, and I certainly hope and pray that everything goes according to Hoyle for you and your partner.


But as to the topic at hand... you're a well-trained professional who is good at what you do.  If you can't (sometimes) make heads nor tails of the morass of information, what are the rest of us supposed to do?  Does it wonder anyone - I know it doesn't me - that we have the stories we do about misinformation and bad judgement based on poorly interpreted data? 

[Stadler]

Anyone have kids with asthma or have asthma themselves? My 18 month old is going down that path. He's getting nebulizer medications twice per day, plus additionally every 4-6 hours as needed. But sometimes it works better than others. And I worry about the long terms effects. Also, no fun in COVID times, as a kid with asthma is just going to cough on and off, even when they have their asthma relatively under control. His daycare are thankfully understanding - if he couldn't go every time he had a little cough, one of us would be out of a job because we simply wouldn't have the sick time to keep him home that often.

Mine has had severe asthma and allergies for most of her life.  At this point - she'll be twenty-one in literally one month - it's almost a non-factor in her life except when she gets serious respiratory illnesses.  And sometimes not even then; she had COVID a year ago and it was damn near asymptomatic.  Not quite, but compared to the horror stories (including my brother's bout with it about two months ago) it might as well have been.

[Harmony]

Damn, that's awful.

Thing is, it's actually not all that awful, it just sucks and is going to be burdensome. The only real risk is to the baby getting too big too early, and that is "easily" managed through monitoring, diet, exercise and maybe drugs.  But it does bring me to a major frustration that I have (both with stuff around pregnancy & covid):

I know more about this stuff than the vast majority of people.  I'm involved in design of clinical trails and interpretation of the data.  I spend time trying to figure out nuances of exactly how a drug is working, to get a read on potential for unexpected effects.  Lots of teasing out of causation vs. correlation.  I have a decent amount of experience in the diabetes clinical space and some in infectious disease.  And yet...I have a hard time finding sources for information that is reliable, meaningful, or usable.  For gestational diabetes, even reputable sources (e.g. Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins) do a lot of spouting of the old party line about causes & prevention (which seems to revolve around shaming of expectant mothers), and don't get into enough mechanistic detail.  There is also huge conflation of cause vs. correlation.  It took me looking at like five different sources to piece together a proper understanding of the what and why, so I could finally convince J it wasn't her fault and there's nothing she could have done to prevent it.

It's the same thing for Covid...for example, the risk in pregnancy isn't some magical "it will hurt the baby"...rather, it can cause early labor if it's severe in the third trimester, because the baby isn't getting enough oxygen, and says "get me the fuck out of here".  But again, I had to piece that together from multiple sources and apply my own understanding of physiology.  So much of the medical profession is so paternalistic and so bent on providing the "safe" or "conventional wisdom" recommendations (so they don't get sued...safer to stick to the party line than to take a risk to do the right thing) that it's tough to truly understand what's going on or what makes sense.  I think there's lots of good individual doctors, but some of the professional bodies are trash. And communication/messaging that is clear, honest and accurate is sorely missing.  It's infuriating that I have to "do my research"* to understand what the hell is actually happening. Like, I agree with most of the recommendations, treatments and public health measures, but the communication around the what the risk is, to whom, and why is just awful.

*I don't mean youtube or FB...I mean reading the literature, looking at case reports, etc.

First off - congrats on the new baby.  I had GDM with both of mine and both diet controlled.  After initially being scared out of my wits the first time I heard I failed my 3 hr glucose test, it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise insofar as managing my diet/exercise during my pregnancy.  I'm convinced that had I not had GDM, I would've gained 50 pounds and given myself permission to eat for 200.  LoL.  Instead I watched my sugars carefully as I was determined to not go on insulin and only gained approx 30 pounds. 

So here is my little bit of unsolicited advice.  Protein with every meal is important.  I wound up having mad cravings for fruit and would eat an orange or grapefruit for breakfast and then nearly pass out from low sugar before lunch.  Having some protein at breakfast made a huge difference.

There is a correlation in the literature around GDM and postpartum depression.  And especially if the woman has any kind of depression/anxiety or other mental health issue when not pregnant.  It might be wise to have some discussions about that together.  Some women are good at keeping emotions bottled up because they fear being judged.  Something like 20% of women have diagnosed PPD and it is likely much higher in women who are never diagnosed.  There is no shame/stigma but it is important to talk about and get help if needed.

GDM can mean a higher risk of DM2 later in life.  My midwife made a point to tell me that it is important to watch my weight and exercise as I got older to avoid that.  Diabetes often runs in families so there is a genetic component there.  Prevention is key.

As to the Covid risk in pregnancy part; what I'm hearing from my husband's colleagues is that especially with Omicron what they are seeing is more cardiovascular symptoms in the general population but also in the maternal population.  So higher risk of cardiac events, clots, strokes, etc.  It seems to be a bit more than a risk for early labor/prematurity in baby from the virus.  But then again, there is a lot that is still unknown with this disease.

I hope you and your wife have an uneventful remainder of the pregnancy and enjoy that new baby.  It's the best (and most terrifying) ride of your life. 

[millahh]

Thank you so much for all of that, Harmony.

Her only risk factors are age and IVF (plus, very little processed food and no soda or fruit juice), and her weight is exactly where it should be. I keep telling her it's like driving, being a good driver doesn't mean you won't get in an accident, because there is so much that is out of your control.  But it's certainly possible to increase risk by being a bad driver...

The GDM/T2DM thing is one I've been grappling with a bit.  The same risk factors (behavioral and genetic) that can make GDM more likely are also the things that make T2DM more likely.  I need to do more digging, but my reflex is to wonder if maybe the increased T2DM risk is correlated to GDM, rather than caused by it...after all, nobody is changing their genes, and people's relationship to food usually doesn't undergo a drastic change after giving birth. Ultimately the course of action is the same (eat right, exercise, monitor), but I just am not really buying that T2DM is the boogeyman lurking around the corner, as long as the GDM is managed properly.

I also appreciate the heads-up on the postpartum depression.

And Covid...ughh. Omicron's proclivity to infect upper respiratory tissue is a game changer, both clinically and for transmission. Could have done without that.

[millahh]

Man, this has been a fucking grind. for GDM, both the nurse and the nutritionist pretty strongly intimated that it was J's fault she had it (based on exactly no evidence).  That sent things spiraling for a good week or so, a lovely blend of shame, paranoia and just plain old fear.  We switched nurses (and laid down the law with this one up front) have cancelled future appointments with the nutritionist.  Now that we are working with a better nurse, we've been able to get a much better understanding of how to properly, intuitively manage the situation (in a way that doesn't involve fear or shame! Amazing!). Between a more holistic understanding of the management, plus the anxiety being much lower, things are actually working ok now.

[TAC]

Sounds much better Mill. Hopefully Mom and baby remain healthy.

[Harmony]

Man, this has been a fucking grind. for GDM, both the nurse and the nutritionist pretty strongly intimated that it was J's fault she had it (based on exactly no evidence).  That sent things spiraling for a good week or so, a lovely blend of shame, paranoia and just plain old fear.  We switched nurses (and laid down the law with this one up front) have cancelled future appointments with the nutritionist.  Now that we are working with a better nurse, we've been able to get a much better understanding of how to properly, intuitively manage the situation (in a way that doesn't involve fear or shame! Amazing!). Between a more holistic understanding of the management, plus the anxiety being much lower, things are actually working ok now.

In what way would it be her fault?  That is a terrible thing to tell anyone.  FFS

As for nutrition advice, request an appointment with a registered dietician.  Anyone can call themselves a "nutritionist" with almost no credentials.  Good call getting a better team of providers who are supportive.  Ain't nobody got time for that kind of BS.

In that vein, at least before covid times you could schedule meet and greet appointments with potential pediatricians.  It's important to pick a provider for your child that you trust and feel comfortable with which includes the front office staff and PAs/RNs.  If you haven't picked one already, you might want to consider at least a telehealth appointment with prospective providers and make an informed decision.

[millahh]

Man, this has been a fucking grind. for GDM, both the nurse and the nutritionist pretty strongly intimated that it was J's fault she had it (based on exactly no evidence).  That sent things spiraling for a good week or so, a lovely blend of shame, paranoia and just plain old fear.  We switched nurses (and laid down the law with this one up front) have cancelled future appointments with the nutritionist.  Now that we are working with a better nurse, we've been able to get a much better understanding of how to properly, intuitively manage the situation (in a way that doesn't involve fear or shame! Amazing!). Between a more holistic understanding of the management, plus the anxiety being much lower, things are actually working ok now.

In what way would it be her fault?  That is a terrible thing to tell anyone.  FFS

As for nutrition advice, request an appointment with a registered dietician.  Anyone can call themselves a "nutritionist" with almost no credentials.  Good call getting a better team of providers who are supportive.  Ain't nobody got time for that kind of BS.

In that vein, at least before covid times you could schedule meet and greet appointments with potential pediatricians.  It's important to pick a provider for your child that you trust and feel comfortable with which includes the front office staff and PAs/RNs.  If you haven't picked one already, you might want to consider at least a telehealth appointment with prospective providers and make an informed decision.

I think some providers just like to traffic in shame, blame and fear because it makes their job easier, and they don't have to see their patients as unique human beings (and, nursing has a huge mean-girl problem).

In talking w/ my therapist yesterday, she actually said how boundary/expectation setting with providers is going to be important as we get closer to delivery and once Baby Girl is here, so this is good practice.  Good idea on starting to vet pediatricians now.  And we'll wee if our OB has any recs, the whole practice is great, guessing they have some connections/recommendations.

[TAC]

Hopefully everyone in the thread is doing well. This is a wonderful thread and we cover a lot of important shit here.

This popped up in my Youtube feed and it cracked me up. I thought I'd drop it here since it has to do with Marriage..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNQ2CHEL3Tw

[jingle.boy]

Hopefully everyone in the thread is doing well. This is a wonderful thread and we cover a lot of important shit here.

This popped up in my Youtube feed and it cracked me up. I thought I'd drop it here since it has to do with Marriage..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNQ2CHEL3Tw

THIS is the host of Family Feud!!!

[TAC]

Well played.

[jingle.boy]

Well played.

 

[Cool Chris]

I like how some of those "awful" answers actually made the board.

[gmillerdrake]

I'm at work so I can't get too in depth....but, after a few months of what I believed to be pretty positive movement with our son, my wife found a kitchen knife stashed in his room last night and we noticed some new cuts this morning. It had been quite some time since we'd seen this and I 'thought' things were going well. He has been really resistant to talking this past week and basically told my wife this morning the only reason he won't kill himself is because he's to chicken too and he doesn't want to make other people sad....but that he hates himself.

I had to sprint off to work after hearing this as I was leaving for work and so I've used it to escape today.....me writing this right now is just for me to remind myself this is real and I'm not imagining it. I'm pretty shell shocked at the moment because it seems like things just turned on a dime this past week.

[vtgrad]

I'm at work so I can't get too in depth....but, after a few months of what I believed to be pretty positive movement with our son, my wife found a kitchen knife stashed in his room last night and we noticed some new cuts this morning. It had been quite some time since we'd seen this and I 'thought' things were going well. He has been really resistant to talking this past week and basically told my wife this morning the only reason he won't kill himself is because he's to chicken too and he doesn't want to make other people sad....but that he hates himself.

I had to sprint off to work after hearing this as I was leaving for work and so I've used it to escape today.....me writing this right now is just for me to remind myself this is real and I'm not imagining it. I'm pretty shell shocked at the moment because it seems like things just turned on a dime this past week.

Man... I'm sorry Gary.  My wife and I were just thinking/talking about you.

There has to be a catalyst... something that has happened in the past few days to trigger it again.  Perhaps you guys will be able to dig and find out what it is... then you can face it with him.  There has to be some variable(s) that you can pin-point that's made him regress this quickly...

[Chino]

Jesus, Gary. Not even sure what to say, man. Is this the point where you get an involuntary hold or something at a psych facility that specializes with that sort of thing?

There has to be a catalyst... something that has happened in the past few days to trigger it again.  Perhaps you guys will be able to dig and find out what it is... then you can face it with him.  There has to be some variable(s) that you can pin-point that's made him regress this quickly...

I'm not an expert in the academia portion, but I am well-versed in having to wander around some park places in my head from time to time. I don't think there has to be a catalyst. There might not have been any trigger or regression. It's entirely possible little to no progress was made and the improvements were a front. I do it regularly, and have done it for months at a time on a number of occasions. Every ounce of energy goes into preserving the act as to not tipoff anyone around me that I'm secretly screaming inside. It's a heavy feeling, and there are breaking points. I don't know if I'd call that a regression, more like a crack in the facade.

And Gary, I really hope that's not the case, but it might be something to consider. I hope this doesn't read as me questioning anything you and your wife have done to this point, or me saying you've handled this in any kind of incorrect or mislead capacity.

[Grappler]

Jesus, Gary. Not even sure what to say, man. Is this the point where you get an involuntary hold or something at a psych facility that specializes with that sort of thing?

There has to be a catalyst... something that has happened in the past few days to trigger it again.  Perhaps you guys will be able to dig and find out what it is... then you can face it with him.  There has to be some variable(s) that you can pin-point that's made him regress this quickly...

I'm not an expert in the academia portion, but I am well-versed in having to wander around some park places in my head from time to time. I don't think there has to be a catalyst. There might not have been any trigger or regression. It's entirely possible little to no progress was made and the improvements were a front. I do it regularly, and have done it for months at a time on a number of occasions. Every ounce of energy goes into preserving the act as to not tipoff anyone around me that I'm secretly screaming inside. It's a heavy feeling, and there are breaking points. I don't know if I'd call that a regression, more like a crack in the facade.

And Gary, I really hope that's not the case, but it might be something to consider. I hope this doesn't read as me questioning anything you and your wife have done to this point, or me saying you've handled this in any kind of incorrect or mislead capacity.

I actually think that's great advice and something to look into, if you haven't already at some point - has some of the prior success been a facade where he is just making sure that you aren't worried about him, or was there a true positive change for a while? 

My heart's out to you though.  My kids are still young and parts of me dread when they get older and their focus is on more than just the fun, happy things in their life. 

[gmillerdrake]

I can completely see if he's just been internalizing things and trying to maintain an appearance and it just got to be too much. As Brian mentioned, I've done it....he's done it.....we've probably all done it. He was really upset monday and I asked him what was wrong and he said that there was a real 'jerk' at school who was basically making fun of him and his buddy at lunch. He said that he wanted to punch the kid but he just told his buddy to ignore him and they did and walked away.

I told him that I was super proud of him and that I knew it was tough to ignore people like that.....I said people like that usually get what they deserve and that was coming to them but that he gave great advice to his buddy and that he did the right thing.....just made sure he knew I was proud of the way he handled himself. We were standing in the kitchen and he turned to me and said "thanks dad" and gave me a legit big hug....the really good ones that get more fleeting as the kids age. It was (I thought) a real good moment.

I know he's going through some stuff and that he is dealing with realizing he's just not like the other kids. He's very sensitive and caring....empathetic to a fault I think....for a lack of a better term he's not in the 'cool' crowd and I think that bothers him. He does have a good group of buddies that he plays music with and hangs out with....but, he just can't shake this sadness and depression that he's clearly feeling. It kills me that I can't say or do anything to make this easier on him to break out of.

[TAC]

Gary, I don't even know what to say. That's heartbreaking. Thinking about you, man.

[jingle.boy]

I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts.  I can't imagine what you and mrsmillerdrake are feeling like.  I know we all wish we had *that* piece of advice that would magically make everything better.

I will say this, and this comes from experience from some pretty vicious fights between me and mrs.jingle.  At our worst, we say things that we don't really mean and feel - even to the lengths of saying we REALLY mean/feel it at the time of our low points.  I hope/pray that's the situation with your son... that he really isn't suicidal, but that it's a feeling that sometimes feels absolutely real, but it isn't.  Not sure if that makes sense, but regardless... it's something you have to handle with the utmost sincerity.

Have you guys informed the school and his teachers - I'm not sure if that's proper protocol, but to have as many caring and empathic eyes on him when you and your wife aren't around can't be a bad thing??

[Stadler]

I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts.  I can't imagine what you and mrsmillerdrake are feeling like.  I know we all wish we had *that* piece of advice that would magically make everything better.

This times a brazilian.   I wish so bad that I had the magic words for you.

[Podaar]

I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts.  I can't imagine what you and mrsmillerdrake are feeling like.  I know we all wish we had *that* piece of advice that would magically make everything better.

This times a brazilian.   I wish so bad that I had the magic words for you.

This is me. I must have thought about posting in this thread a dozen times yesterday, but in the end everything I had to offer just sounded hollow. Love you, Gary, is about the best I can say.

[TAC]

I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts.  I can't imagine what you and mrsmillerdrake are feeling like.  I know we all wish we had *that* piece of advice that would magically make everything better.

This times a brazilian.   I wish so bad that I had the magic words for you.

This is me. I must have thought about posting in this thread a dozen times yesterday, but in the end everything I had to offer just sounded hollow. Love you, Gary, is about the best I can say.

This. The little post I ended up making came after about 6 starts and stops.

[gmillerdrake]

Guys....I do appreciate all of you and don't expect that there is a whole lot one can say about this situation. Just know that I appreciate what you all have said and love that this community is what it is.

He and I had a great hour or so in his room last night just talking. I didn't bring up any of the new marks or the comments that he made the other day.....I just talked to him about anything and everything else and made it a point that he knew and understood how much I (we) love him and that he's a great kid. I made sure there were laughs and hugs and anything to try and remind him that he's loved. That's about all I could think of doing that I had real control over.

I will say that when I was telling him all the great things I love about him he would deny each one.....so somewhere along the line he's developed a real dislike for himself. I don't know when and where it happened but I'm just hoping to crack that shell somehow to help him realize what a good kid and person he is. Anyway......again, thank you all.

[jingle.boy]

If it matters, the DTF crew are rooting for him - and I want to see a cover of La Villa Strangiato some day!

[wolfking]

I sometimes think I'm a tough nut, but I'm nothing seeing you lads with kids dealing with these sorts of things.  Next level.  I can't offer anything except thoughts and well wishes.

Although, Gary, with the situation, you are doing an incredible job with this by the sounds of it.  Mad respect and admiration.

[cramx3]

I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts.  I can't imagine what you and mrsmillerdrake are feeling like.  I know we all wish we had *that* piece of advice that would magically make everything better.

This times a brazilian.   I wish so bad that I had the magic words for you.

This is me. I must have thought about posting in this thread a dozen times yesterday, but in the end everything I had to offer just sounded hollow. Love you, Gary, is about the best I can say.

This. The little post I ended up making came after about 6 starts and stops.

This

I sometimes think I'm a tough nut, but I'm nothing seeing you lads with kids dealing with these sorts of things.  Next level.  I can't offer anything except thoughts and well wishes.

Although, Gary, with the situation, you are doing an incredible job with this by the sounds of it.  Mad respect and admiration.

and this, minus thinking I'm a tough nut