Author Topic: Parenting/marital advice  (Read 2564 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Phoenix87x

  • From the ashes
  • Posts: 5495
  • Gender: Male
  • The Phoenix shall rise
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2016, 11:15:19 AM »
If your kid is starting to get hip the whole Santa not being real thing, what's a good age to let them in on it?

Like with me, I think I was around 6 when I was like "is there really a guy flying around and coming down our chimney" and they just looked me in the eye, dead serious and insisted there was. I kind resented that a little, since I don't like being condescended to, especially when I really truly felt like something was up.

I think if my 6 year old came up to me and was seriously skeptically, I would probably just let them in on it, especially if it was clear that they had figured it out.

Thoughts?
Live to ride


Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 12117
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2017!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #36 on: December 29, 2016, 11:20:33 AM »
I've been through this four times now (my current youngest is eight) and ALL FOUR knew well before we gave up the ghost, but all four were/are scared to death that if they said anything about it, the presents would dry up.   So, it's less about WHEN than HOW.   Make sure you do it in a loving, careful way, not a mocking, or "hipster" way.

Offline Implode

  • Lord of the Squids
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 5509
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #37 on: December 29, 2016, 12:39:27 PM »
I totally agree with you. But I have to ask: what would be a hipster way of telling your kid Santa isn't real?

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 12117
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2017!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #38 on: December 29, 2016, 01:47:40 PM »
I totally agree with you. But I have to ask: what would be a hipster way of telling your kid Santa isn't real?

Well, I don't have a specific example, I meant just not to treat it as a joke or make the kid feel stupid for believing in Santa Claus.   

Offline 7th

  • Posts: 367
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #39 on: December 29, 2016, 01:56:51 PM »
I think we pretty much let our kids figure it out on their own.  But they both now say they still believe in the *idea* of Santa.
"Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners" - George Carlin

Offline Scorpion

  • Unreal Heir
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9782
  • Gender: Male
  • Ragnarök around the Clöck!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #40 on: December 30, 2016, 02:06:32 AM »
On the Santa topic: I've been working as Santa the last two Christmas Eves (dressing up and delivering presents to kids and families). It's fun and also some good money (I get 32€ per family and I spend like twenty minutes at each house), but this year my cousin (when me met on the 26th) that he'd never do that because he hated the fact that his parents lied to him about Santa and wouldn't want to participate in that lie towards someone else.

I hadn't considered that angle before so it got me thinking, but ultimately, while I see where he's coming from, I think he's being a little dramatic and I don't really have a problem with the whole thing.

What do you guys think?
scorpion is my favorite deathcore lobster
Hey, the length is fine :azn: Thanks!

Offline Adami

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 26378
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #41 on: December 30, 2016, 02:09:55 AM »
I totally agree with you. But I have to ask: what would be a hipster way of telling your kid Santa isn't real?

I dunno, but I assume it would involve an intentionally ironic sweater.
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 12117
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2017!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #42 on: December 30, 2016, 09:04:19 AM »
On the Santa topic: I've been working as Santa the last two Christmas Eves (dressing up and delivering presents to kids and families). It's fun and also some good money (I get 32€ per family and I spend like twenty minutes at each house), but this year my cousin (when me met on the 26th) that he'd never do that because he hated the fact that his parents lied to him about Santa and wouldn't want to participate in that lie towards someone else.

I hadn't considered that angle before so it got me thinking, but ultimately, while I see where he's coming from, I think he's being a little dramatic and I don't really have a problem with the whole thing.

What do you guys think?

I think not a "little dramatic" but "way overboard dramatic".   It's all in the participation.  There are, for better or worse, literally MILLIONS of lies we tell our kids every fucking day, in order to help them cope, develop and grow.   the problem doesn't come from "participating in the lie", it comes from how we relate that "lie" to real life and how we communicate the transition from coddling infanthood to hardcore real world adulthood.   Not Santa, but you'll get my point:   I was a HUGE - Yuuuge! - Kiss and Ozzy/Sabbath fan growing up, although I was never really "metal" with the leathers and tats and devil horns, I was INTO metal.  And I remember my dad asking me a bunch of questions about Ozzy (especially around the time he bit the head off the bat) and after seeing the cover of Diary, he started calling him "Ozzy Osboob".  And it took me a while, because he's not a "preacher" kind of guy, but I realized pretty quick that he wasn't making fun of ME, or my MUSIC, or my LOVE of music (he's bought me more instruments than I have bought myself) but he was teaching me that Ozzy, above all things, has to sell records.  So does Gene Simmons.  BUT... so does EVERY musician that puts out a record and tries to make a living at it.  So he sort of broke that fourth wall in a way that didn't ruin it, didn't make him out to be an "old fart", or just serve to highlight the generation gap.  And to this day, I love the MUSIC.  I don't get worked up over the marketing and merch, and "Sharon is the DEVIL!" crap, or the whole Kiss/Tommy/Ace/Peter/Eric thing.  It is what it is, and I understand it (don't have to LIKE it, but I understand it). 

Offline Phoenix87x

  • From the ashes
  • Posts: 5495
  • Gender: Male
  • The Phoenix shall rise
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #43 on: January 18, 2018, 12:58:59 PM »
I had no idea where else to put this.

What do you guy think about this new trend of the Tide Pod challenges, where the kids are eating the tide pods?



Live to ride


Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 12117
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2017!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #44 on: January 18, 2018, 01:06:19 PM »
I had no idea where else to put this.

What do you guy think about this new trend of the Tide Pod challenges, where the kids are eating the tide pods?

Part of me says "these are idiot kids with too much time on their hands; buy them a book!".   But part of me says "these are idiot kids with too much time no their hands; and when/if they survive until adulthood, they'll have learned their lesson".   When I was in college, one of my buddies "ate" a urinal cake on a bet.    Now, the guys know what I'm talking about:  those disks, they look exactly like a hockey puck, that get put in the urinals to absorb odors and sanitize.   They smell like detergent or mothballs, and are comprised of carcinogenic materials.  Funny in hindsight - and we laugh about it 30 years later - but he is clear; it wasn't fun, it wasn't a picnic, and he's lucky he didn't sustain bad chemical burns.  So I can't really say it's a "generational thing" can I? 

Offline kingshmegland

  • defender of the brew!
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 38653
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #45 on: January 18, 2018, 01:40:16 PM »
Not once did I ever look at AJAX as a kid and think, "I should snort this".  I don't get it.
“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart

So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam

Offline Cool Chris

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 5968
  • Gender: Male
  • Rest in Peace
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #46 on: January 18, 2018, 01:59:36 PM »
What do you guy think about this new trend of the Tide Pod challenges, where the kids are eating the tide pods?

It's very stupid, which humanity has excelled since we crawled out of the primordial soup. Now, however, you can broadcast your stupidity to the world, and the world will say "Hey, Imma try that, brb!"
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

Offline kaos2900

  • Posts: 2250
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #47 on: January 18, 2018, 02:01:46 PM »
I think everyone does stupid shit growing up. Some are unlucky and die young, the majority grow up and cringe looking back at some of our decisions.  That being said, I did a lot of stupid shit growing up and never once did I think eating soap of any form would be a good idea or something funny to do to impress people.

Offline AngelBack

  • I'm officially a lard......
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 993
  • Gender: Male
  • Why you want beef with broccoli ?
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #48 on: January 18, 2018, 02:43:14 PM »
I had to put the kibosh on the "knockout challenge" last week after watching a vid of my 19 year old cause my 17 year old son to pass out.  Deep knee bends with large inhales then squeeze.  Some of the "challenges" have been funny.  Some cross the line. As a parent I don't over react, I just jump in when needed.  I"ll quote Mr. Peart, "learning that we're only immortal for a limited time". 
« Last Edit: January 18, 2018, 02:56:25 PM by AngelBack »
But the arc of your life will still be profound

Offline sylvan

  • Alter Bridge Disciple
  • Posts: 793
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #49 on: January 18, 2018, 03:09:19 PM »
I think that humanity tries to eliminate Darwinism through any means necessary, also being arguably the main goal of modern human society: Keep as many people alive as possible for as long as possible.

(Jeff Goldblum voice) "Darwinism, uh, uh, finds a way..."

Offline El Barto

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 20252
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #50 on: January 18, 2018, 03:47:50 PM »
I had to put the kibosh on the "knockout challenge" last week after watching a vid of my 19 year old cause my 17 year old son to pass out.  Deep knee bends with large inhales then squeeze.  Some of the "challenges" have been funny.  Some cross the line. As a parent I don't over react, I just jump in when needed.  I"ll quote Mr. Peart, "learning that we're only immortal for a limited time".
Ah, the venerable elevator charge. Back in our day that was combined with pot (the aforementioned charge) and almost guaranteed to put you on the ground.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline kingshmegland

  • defender of the brew!
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 38653
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #51 on: January 18, 2018, 03:55:17 PM »
I had to put the kibosh on the "knockout challenge" last week after watching a vid of my 19 year old cause my 17 year old son to pass out.  Deep knee bends with large inhales then squeeze.  Some of the "challenges" have been funny.  Some cross the line. As a parent I don't over react, I just jump in when needed.  I"ll quote Mr. Peart, "learning that we're only immortal for a limited time".

That was me at 13 until a friend fell face first into the concrete. 
“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart

So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11472
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #52 on: January 18, 2018, 10:14:49 PM »
This is flat out child abuse and child endangerment. Don’t care how ‘cool’ it looks or how skilled that guy is, one wrong move and his daughter could be paralyzed for life or killed. This guy deserves to be slapped in the face.



https://www.reddit.com/r/DadReflexes/comments/7rd7uc/daddy_daughter_snowboard_time/?st=JCLGX5TE&sh=2f80f5d7
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline Adami

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 26378
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #53 on: January 18, 2018, 10:17:43 PM »
This is flat out child abuse and child endangerment. Don’t care how ‘cool’ it looks or how skilled that guy is, one wrong move and his daughter could be paralyzed for life or killed. This guy deserves to be slapped in the face.



https://www.reddit.com/r/DadReflexes/comments/7rd7uc/daddy_daughter_snowboard_time/?st=JCLGX5TE&sh=2f80f5d7

Eep!


I remember walking to get some lunch from work one day and saw a dude skateboard while holding his kid (couldn't be more than 1-2 years old).
fanticide.bandcamp.com

Offline kaos2900

  • Posts: 2250
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #54 on: January 19, 2018, 07:01:18 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Offline sylvan

  • Alter Bridge Disciple
  • Posts: 793
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #55 on: January 19, 2018, 07:30:32 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Yeah, I had no problem with either. COULD it have gone wrong? Sure. So what?

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11472
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #56 on: January 19, 2018, 07:35:46 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Yeah, I had no problem with either. COULD it have gone wrong? Sure. So what?

You guys are insane. Do you have kids? That's a human being....a tiny near defenseless one who I'd bet any amount of money has never had a choice on whether or not she actually likes or wants to snowboard....she's doing it no matter what because Daddy said so. She's not a doll or toy which her dad is treating her like. That entire video is a selfish vanity shot for him to look cool and 'go viral' with no thought as to what would happen if he were to drop her while he's tossing her in the air or land on her if he botched a jump. He's an Master Level D-Bag
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Online Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 19879
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #57 on: January 19, 2018, 07:39:22 AM »
This is flat out child abuse and child endangerment. Don’t care how ‘cool’ it looks or how skilled that guy is, one wrong move and his daughter could be paralyzed for life or killed. This guy deserves to be slapped in the face.



https://www.reddit.com/r/DadReflexes/comments/7rd7uc/daddy_daughter_snowboard_time/?st=JCLGX5TE&sh=2f80f5d7

I'm iffy on that one. I don't really think it's much different than giving a little kid a mini quad or dirtbike. And honestly, this guy looks like he's 100% competent at what he's doing. I'd say that kid is safer on the dad's board than some of the kids I've seen in strollers being pushed by a parent that's got a cellphone in one hand.

I actually think these are far more dangerous than what that father is doing.

Offline Stadler

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 12117
  • Gender: Male
  • Pointing out the "unfunny" since 2017!
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #58 on: January 19, 2018, 07:40:01 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Yeah, I had no problem with either. COULD it have gone wrong? Sure. So what?

You guys are insane. Do you have kids? That's a human being....a tiny near defenseless one who I'd bet any amount of money has never had a choice on whether or not she actually likes or wants to snowboard....she's doing it no matter what because Daddy said so. She's not a doll or toy which her dad is treating her like. That entire video is a selfish vanity shot for him to look cool and 'go viral' with no thought as to what would happen if he were to drop her while he's tossing her in the air or land on her if he botched a jump. He's an Master Level D-Bag

I do agree with that second to last sentence.  I think sometimes as parents we forget that our kids are individuals and may or may not like what WE like, or may or may not get jazzed by what jazzes us.   

I learned this - a little with my kid (she's now 16 going on 17) but it REALLY came clear watching my stepson (he's 9 going on 10) deal with his real dad (who is also a Master Level D-Bag).   Plain and simple, that kid would gargle Drano if his dad told him to because he's part scared of his dad and part wants to please him more than anything in life.  We have to always remember these kids are individuals, even if they aren't always capable of reasoned, informed decisions.   

Offline bosk1

  • Bow down to Boskaryus
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3893
  • Shopping Cart Apologist
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #59 on: January 19, 2018, 07:45:21 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Yeah, I had no problem with either. COULD it have gone wrong? Sure. So what?

You guys are insane. Do you have kids? That's a human being....a tiny near defenseless one who I'd bet any amount of money has never had a choice on whether or not she actually likes or wants to snowboard....she's doing it no matter what because Daddy said so. She's not a doll or toy which her dad is treating her like. That entire video is a selfish vanity shot for him to look cool and 'go viral' with no thought as to what would happen if he were to drop her while he's tossing her in the air or land on her if he botched a jump. He's an Master Level D-Bag

There are quite a few assumptions in that post that I would guess are probably incorrect. 

In any case, while I am uncomfortable with the amount of risk he is taking, if he is training her to someday have the ability to be a pro snowboarder, the type of things he is doing are correct.  And if he is in fact a pro with the requisite amount of skill, he is exactly the one to be doing it.  When she is double the weight and size, can she ride along on his snowboard and see up close what those obstacles and tricks feel like?  Nope.  Can she be twirled in the air by dad so she can learn aerial awareness and body control on the snow?  Nope.  Again, assuming he is sufficiently trained and competent, she's getting some pretty awesome training that there simply isn't any other way to get.  Too much risk for me.  But if I'm growing up in a family where the kid has the potential to become a pro and has the ability to be trained just about from birth, I get it.
"The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11472
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #60 on: January 19, 2018, 07:56:00 AM »
I don't really think it's much different than giving a little kid a mini quad or dirtbike.

I've never been a fan of small children having mini quads or dirt bikes. And I'd respectfully disagree about the ride behind bike stroller being more dangerous....but, I can see the danger in it. 

I understand the dude looks like a pro and all but it still looks extremely negligent to me to be putting her in that scenario, no matter how 'professional' he is.
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Online Chino

  • Be excellent to each other.
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 19879
  • Gender: Male
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #61 on: January 19, 2018, 07:58:51 AM »
I don't know, the guy seems pretty experienced and the kid has a helmet on, and it looks like she has her own little snowboard. No more dangerous than seeing parents with their kids riding on the back of their motorcycles in my opinion. The kids looks to be 3ish, if she was an infant then I'd have issues.

Yeah, I had no problem with either. COULD it have gone wrong? Sure. So what?

You guys are insane. Do you have kids? That's a human being....a tiny near defenseless one who I'd bet any amount of money has never had a choice on whether or not she actually likes or wants to snowboard....she's doing it no matter what because Daddy said so. She's not a doll or toy which her dad is treating her like. That entire video is a selfish vanity shot for him to look cool and 'go viral' with no thought as to what would happen if he were to drop her while he's tossing her in the air or land on her if he botched a jump. He's an Master Level D-Bag

But don't all parents force their lives on their children to some degree? I mean, I'm sure you bring your kids to church and teach them about Jesus, no? They are tiny child that had no choice on whether or not they actually like or want to be a member of a church, but as a parent, you're having them do what you do. They're doing it no matter what because daddy said so. Forgive me for not remembering their ages, but have you taken any of your boys shooting yet? Kids have been hurt and instructors have been killed at gun ranges regardless of how safe their parents are trying to be. Is that much different? 

The kid is probably having a blast.


Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11472
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #62 on: January 19, 2018, 08:12:18 AM »
But don't all parents force their lives on their children to some degree?

Fair point. What we've always done with our sons is introduce them to something (i.e. baseball, soccer, piano lessons etc) and if they like it then we do all we can to help them enjoy the experience. If they tell us they really don't enjoy it then we ask what they'd like to try out and look for something else.

mean, I'm sure you bring your kids to church and teach them about Jesus, no?

We absolutely do. And I'd say that's a bit different than us holding them out the car window on the way there and flipping them around. Not to get into the specifics of our churches beliefs but all we do is expose them to learning about Christ, God etc and as they grow they can then choose to get Baptized and follow Jesus if they'd like. It's really up to them. BUT, and this is where I think your point might come in.....up until they are (18) and can legally make their own decisions, they are attending church with their mother and I for as their parents we've decided that is the best thing for them. Far from placing them in physical harm.

Forgive me for not remembering their ages, but have you taken any of your boys shooting yet? Kids have been hurt and instructors have been killed at gun ranges regardless of how safe their parents are trying to be. Is that much different? 

7, 10 and 11 and yes, I take them shooting often and given them proper instruction on fire arm safety. I get your point, accidents do happen but in light of the world around us I think having uneducated kids in the aspect of fire arms is a poor decision. Not meaning they should learn to protect themselves but meaning I don't want them finding a gun at someone else's house and then having a horrid accident AND I've removed the curiosity from them seeking to 'find' my weapons and mess with them as they know every couple months we'll be shooting anyway.


The kid is probably having a blast.

I'm sure she was. I just personally feel that video was first of all NOT about the kid but all about that Dad wanting to look cool at the expense of his defenseless child and also full of risk that had many variables where if something went wrong the kid was paying the price, not the dad. 

Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline El Barto

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 20252
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #63 on: January 19, 2018, 08:14:54 AM »
That kid was having the time of her life.

Riding behind the bike was far more dangerous since it's exposed to traffic and other drivers. Snowboard Dude had the situation all under his control.

People forget that helmets for bikes, skiing, and whatnot were unheard of when half of us grew up. I won't try to argue that it was a better thing, but their necessity nowadays is highly overstated. You're better off wearing one but it's not a death sentence to go without. 

Oddly, I have to disagree with Bosk's assumption, though. I think he's right about the safety aspect. Where I would have a problem is if he's training a 3 year old to be a future Olympic snowboarder. If she's expressed a genuine interest in it, which from the replies here I think improbable, then it'd be one thing. To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods or Marv Marinovich.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline gmillerdrake

  • Proud Father.....Blessed Husband
  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11472
  • Gender: Male
  • 1 Timothy 2:5
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #64 on: January 19, 2018, 08:18:45 AM »
To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods

Honestly, this was my first thought as well. She may grow up to be the worlds greatest female snowboarder....but did she really want to be the worlds greatest snowboarder or really have a say in it?
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline bosk1

  • Bow down to Boskaryus
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3893
  • Shopping Cart Apologist
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #65 on: January 19, 2018, 08:28:14 AM »
Oddly, I have to disagree with Bosk's assumption, though. I think he's right about the safety aspect. Where I would have a problem is if he's training a 3 year old to be a future Olympic snowboarder. If she's expressed a genuine interest in it, which from the replies here I think improbable, then it'd be one thing. To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods or Marv Marinovich.

I'm not saying it necessarily IS the case.  Just saying that it very well COULD be.  The point is, if I'm into a sport to the point where I am a pro, and I can look back and say, "Man, as much as training has advanced nowadays, as good as I am, I could have been exponentially better if I had this kind of training from the time I could walk," then it's a natural thing to then provide that when you have a kid.  Maybe he's an overbearing Nazi who is determined to raise a little snowboarding machine from the time she pops out of the womb just for his own ego.  Maybe he just wants to provide her the opportunity to have a lot of training from that time so that by the time she actually IS old enough to consent and affirmatively say, "yes this is something I want to do," she already has a HUGE head start by having a lot of advanced skills already ingrained and instinctual.  Maybe something in between.  Point is, we don't know, and there are a lot of potentially good or at least neutral motives for dad providing that opportunity from such a very young age.

Assuming, for just a moment, that he has good or at least neutral motives, I think it could likely play out like this:  18 years from now, maybe she is an Olympic snowboarder.  Or maybe she is just an everyday Jane going through college and looking to start her career, but she snowboards and probably teaches snowboarding on the side, and has developed some amazing skills and earned some pretty good money doing it.  Either way, I can easily see it playing out where she can look back and say:  "I'm glad dad taught me that stuff from day 1. I didn't know it at the time, and certainly couldn't process the experience I was getting, but I was learning some cool stuff that really enabled me to take it to the next level by the time most of my friends were first learning how to strap on their boots.  If he waited until I was 'old enough to have a say,' I would not have been able to progress the way I did." 
« Last Edit: January 19, 2018, 08:34:22 AM by bosk1 »
"The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Offline El Barto

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 20252
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #66 on: January 19, 2018, 08:30:13 AM »
To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods

Honestly, this was my first thought as well. She may grow up to be the worlds greatest female snowboarder....but did she really want to be the worlds greatest snowboarder or really have a say in it?
Earl was Father of the Year next to Marv. Look into that one.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline El Barto

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 20252
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #67 on: January 19, 2018, 08:34:33 AM »
Oddly, I have to disagree with Bosk's assumption, though. I think he's right about the safety aspect. Where I would have a problem is if he's training a 3 year old to be a future Olympic snowboarder. If she's expressed a genuine interest in it, which from the replies here I think improbable, then it'd be one thing. To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods or Marv Marinovich.

I'm not saying it necessarily IS the case.  Just saying that it very well COULD be.  The point is, if I'm into a sport to the point where I am a pro, and I can look back and say, "Man, as much as training has advanced nowadays, as good as I am, I could have been exponentially better if I had this kind of training from the time I could walk," then it's a natural thing to then provide that when you have a kid.  Maybe he's an overbearing Nazi who is determined to raise a little snowboarding machine from the time she pops out of the womb just for his own ego.  Maybe he just wants to provide her the opportunity to have a lot of training from that time so that by the time she actually IS old enough to consent and affirmatively say, "yes this is something I want to do," she already has a HUGE head start by having a lot of advanced skills already ingrained and instinctual.  Maybe something in between.  Point is, we don't know, and there are a lot of potentially good or at least neutral motives for dad providing that opportunity from such a very young age.
That's fair enough.  :tup

Out of curiosity, do any of your kids have that level of fondness for your hobbies? My old man took me fishing, camping, sailing, and skiing, all things that he was super-keen on and quite good at, and aside from a moderate interest in camping I didn't develop any interest in these things. And he has no interest in video games, Asian chicks, and recreational drug use. Lifelong interests of mine. Just seems like an interest in hobbies, much less passions, aren't really something hereditary or socially developed.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline bosk1

  • Bow down to Boskaryus
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3893
  • Shopping Cart Apologist
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #68 on: January 19, 2018, 08:46:31 AM »
Oddly, I have to disagree with Bosk's assumption, though. I think he's right about the safety aspect. Where I would have a problem is if he's training a 3 year old to be a future Olympic snowboarder. If she's expressed a genuine interest in it, which from the replies here I think improbable, then it'd be one thing. To me, though, it reeks of Earl Woods or Marv Marinovich.

I'm not saying it necessarily IS the case.  Just saying that it very well COULD be.  The point is, if I'm into a sport to the point where I am a pro, and I can look back and say, "Man, as much as training has advanced nowadays, as good as I am, I could have been exponentially better if I had this kind of training from the time I could walk," then it's a natural thing to then provide that when you have a kid.  Maybe he's an overbearing Nazi who is determined to raise a little snowboarding machine from the time she pops out of the womb just for his own ego.  Maybe he just wants to provide her the opportunity to have a lot of training from that time so that by the time she actually IS old enough to consent and affirmatively say, "yes this is something I want to do," she already has a HUGE head start by having a lot of advanced skills already ingrained and instinctual.  Maybe something in between.  Point is, we don't know, and there are a lot of potentially good or at least neutral motives for dad providing that opportunity from such a very young age.
That's fair enough.  :tup

Out of curiosity, do any of your kids have that level of fondness for your hobbies? My old man took me fishing, camping, sailing, and skiing, all things that he was super-keen on and quite good at, and aside from a moderate interest in camping I didn't develop any interest in these things. And he has no interest in video games, Asian chicks, and recreational drug use. Lifelong interests of mine. Just seems like an interest in hobbies, much less passions, aren't really something hereditary or socially developed.

You know, it's hard to say.  They are 14 and 12 (boys) and 7 (girl).  Between the three of them, they seem to like a lot of stuff my wife and I like.  But that's because we have been doing that stuff with them since they were young.  Some of it may likely stick with them through the years.  Other stuff, they will let go of and realize it isn't their thing.  Either way, that's cool.  For me, the point isn't really trying to indoctrinate them into my interests.  It's more about spending the time with them and teaching them skills.  A lot of those skills will hopefully translate into other things that they find on their own.  Some won't.  That's cool too.  And there are also things on the flip side that they have found interest in that I have had to try to learn and develop so I can teach them that I otherwise wouldn't really care much about.  And even among the three of them, their interests often diverge in plenty of areas.  Again, to me, it's about imparting what I DO know and love, and if they grow to love it, they've hopefully got a leg up by developing it early and I will have helped them develop that. 

Going back to the snowboarding example, I could easily see a scenario where dude has three kids and does the same thing for all of them, and 30 years down the road has the following scenario:  Kid #1 grows up to be a pro snowboarder.  Maybe not Olympic level, but pro nonetheless, and is thankful to have developed those skills early to be really good at what she loves.  Kid #2 grows up to be a casual snowboarder that is into plenty of other things in her "real life."  But when she can get out on the slopes, she is grateful for the skills she developed early, and thankful for the memories with dad.  Kid #3 hates all things snow and, as soon as she is able, goes in a completely different direction with her life and never goes into the outdoors at all.  She doesn't have very good memories of snowboarding in particular, but has a decent relationship with dad because of the time he spent with her even though it wasn't her thing.  Pretty likely.  And I think most would be pretty okay with any of those three situations.

I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here based on something you posted.  You and I both come from a generation where I think it is pretty common for kids to have grown up with VERY different interests than their parents.  Some of that is just kind of the natural process of people growing up and coming up with their own identities.  But there was also a VERY pervasive school of thought that emphasized independence from one's parents as well, no?  Do you think that may also have played a part in it?  I think our generation is less likely to have followed our parents' interests and hobbies in large part due to how we were raised in the '70s and '80s.
"The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Offline El Barto

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 20252
  • Bad Craziness
Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #69 on: January 19, 2018, 10:01:58 AM »
I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here based on something you posted.  You and I both come from a generation where I think it is pretty common for kids to have grown up with VERY different interests than their parents.  Some of that is just kind of the natural process of people growing up and coming up with their own identities.  But there was also a VERY pervasive school of thought that emphasized independence from one's parents as well, no?  Do you think that may also have played a part in it?  I think our generation is less likely to have followed our parents' interests and hobbies in large part due to how we were raised in the '70s and '80s.
That's an interesting observation, quite correct I think, but I'm not sure how I'd factor into it. My mom was very much of the "independence from one's parents" mindset, and was my primary parent. She probably got a little more than she bargained for in that regard during my teenage years. My old man was an every other weekend guy, and as such had an attitude closer to your own, I think. He sought to expose us to his interests, so those weekends would often involve camping or spending the night on the boat. I'm a land-lubber (not his doing) so that part didn't pan out. I lack the patience for fishing. Again, not his doing. Shooting, camping, and photography are all things I have a casual interest in, and his exposure undoubtedly factors into that.

I suppose the upshot is that your take on it is probably about right. While my mom and I are very much alike intellectually, we really share very few common interests. While I also share few common interests with my Old man, there are a handful from many he exposed me to.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson