Parenting/marital advice

[Podaar]

I'm curious, TAC and CC. Why do you care? Seriously.

[TAC]

I'm curious, TAC and CC. Why do you care? Seriously.

I don't necessarily care how I am addressed, though I would feel it kind of inappropriate if my son's friend called me Tim. I was just brought up that as a kid, you refer to an adult as Mr. _______.

I just think it's always better to be respectful. And while I realize this has been said by every generation ever, we seem to be in a "fuck everything" society.

[Stadler]

I'm a "you have to know the rules to break them" kind of guy, so I'm with TAC and CC here all the way.   Most of my daughter's friends refer to me as "Mr. F*******" (my last name).  My daughter refers to most of her friends parents as "Mr./Mrs. So-and-so".   There are select exceptions, though.  But for me, and maybe this has to do with having a daughter, I see no need to be overly familiar.   I'm not looking to be their best friend.   (Side bar, but I have a personal, unspoken rule that I make it a point to not even be alone with any of my daughter's friends unless it's an absolute emergency; I just don't want to be in that position).   

With my two oldest step-kids - one's 26, one's 21 - it's a little different.  The oldest, while I'm still not looking to be his (or his friends) drinking buddy, I'm more apt to use my first name.  We're getting there with my second-oldest (though it's my step-daughter, and I have a similar, personal unspoken rule there too.)

[TAC]

"Mr. F*******" (my last name)

Mr. Foxnews?   

[TAC]

With my two oldest step-kids - one's 26, one's 21 - it's a little different.  The oldest, while I'm still not looking to be his (or his friends) drinking buddy, I'm more apt to use my first name.  We're getting there with my second-oldest (though it's my step-daughter, and I have a similar, personal unspoken rule there too.)

My Stepson turns 30 next month. I met his mother when he was 5 and we got married when he was 7. He has always called me Tim.

[lordxizor]

I rarely addressed my friends parents by their names, but when I did it was usually by their first name. My kids friends usually call me "Max's dad".

[axeman90210]

I was always a Mr/Mrs [LastName] person with my friends' parents growing up (unless they specifically told me to drop the formality) and I'd raise my kids to do the same if I ever have any. I did start calling my parents by their first names a bit young though (~14 or 15) just because I worked alongside both of them at my dad's restaurant.

[Stadler]

With my two oldest step-kids - one's 26, one's 21 - it's a little different.  The oldest, while I'm still not looking to be his (or his friends) drinking buddy, I'm more apt to use my first name.  We're getting there with my second-oldest (though it's my step-daughter, and I have a similar, personal unspoken rule there too.)

My Stepson turns 30 next month. I met his mother when he was 5 and we got married when he was 7. He has always called me Tim.

Oh, no, I wasn't clear: all my step kids call me "Bill".  I was talking about their friends. 

[TAC]

Oh, gotcha! I don't think his friends ever actually addressed me. I was always introduced as Tim though.

[Northern Lion]

I'm pretty old fashioned, so Mr. for me Mrs. for my wife.  And Dad/Mom for my kids.  I won't accept anything else.  Although at church most call me brother (last name) which I also think is fine.

[jingle.boy]

I'm pretty old fashioned, so Mr. for me Mrs. for my wife.  And Dad/Mom for my kids.  I won't accept anything else.  Although at church most call me brother (last name) which I also think is fine.

That does it.  Brother Lion it is from now on.

[pg1067]

Question/comment for parents here... how do your kids' friends (or children in general) address you? How do you refer to adults when talking to your kids?

When I was a kid, any adult was Mr./Mrs. <last name>. Now it seems like kids refer to adults by either their first name, or Mr/Mrs <First Name>. If I am not explaining this well, for example our adult friends will tell their kids "Go ask Mr. Chris if he can get you a snack." It has started irking me. I want to be addressed as Mr. <my last name> and I want my kids to address and refer to adults in the same manner.

Am I out of line? Not hip with the times?

Kids' friends:  It depends.  My son's best friend always refers to my wife and me as Mr./Mrs. [last name].  On the other hand, my daughter's best friend refers to my wife by her first name, and I'm "Blue T-Shirt" (because, apparently, the first [large number] of times she met me, I was wearing a blue t-shirt.  It's a bit weird, but she's like family, so neither of us mind (my daughter refers to her friend's mother and stepfather by their first names, and the friend refers to her stepfather by his first name).  Pretty much every other kid I've met over the years goes with "Mr. [last name]."

I find the Mr. Chris/Miss Brooke thing to be very odd, although that seemed to be reserved mostly for teenagers or young adults who sat for my kids back when they couldn't be left home alone.

[Stadler]

I do the "Miss [First name]" thing a lot; I picked that up in the south, when I lived in Atlanta and Charlotte. 

[bosk1]

As has been pointed out, it's a way of communicating respect, so that is how we have always taught our kids.  And many (but not all) of the people we are regularly around do the same.  As for whether it is "Mr. [first name]" or "Mr. [last name]," it just depends.  Either way is perfectly respectful as far as I'm concerned.  The former is a bit more familiar, but still showing an effort to show that respect. 

[TAC]

Good point Mr. Bosk.

[bosk1]

I won't insist on "Mr. 1."

[Northern Lion]

I'm pretty old fashioned, so Mr. for me Mrs. for my wife.  And Dad/Mom for my kids.  I won't accept anything else.  Although at church most call me brother (last name) which I also think is fine.

That does it.  Brother Lion it is from now on.

 

It feels weird to be called that on a forum, but I'm cool with that.

[Cool Chris]

I'm curious, TAC and CC. Why do you care? Seriously.

I don't know why I care, which is why I wanted the feedback, which I highly appreciate from everyone who posted their thoughts. I am glad Bosk brought up respect because that is the bottom line, and I never feel like I am treated otherwise when I am called Mr. Chris. I was mostly curious if this was a cultural shift that happened sometime between my childhood and now, as I never called any adult anything other than Mr. <Last Name>

[lordxizor]

Marriage can be fucking hard some times guys. I don't feel like I signed up for this shit. I hate that I'm so damn selfish, but damn it... I just want to undo the last few months. Don't wanna share any details, but if you're the praying type, I'd appreciate you sending some my way.

[bosk1]

Sorry, man.  Prayers absolutely directed on your behalf.

[TAC]

Prayers sent!

[lordxizor]

Thanks guys. This is a time when I need to be supportive of my wife and put aside my own needs. But it's hard because I feel like I've been doing that all along and was finally having my needs met which then dredged up past trauma for her.  My wife is the one who really needs the prayers and healing, but I'm just frustrated and angry that things will never be what I want them to be and what I thought they would be when I got married. For better or worse is what I signed up for I guess. It just sucks that things were so much better and are now suddenly worse again.

[cramx3]

Sorry man, I'm rooting for you and your wife to pull through whatever you are going through.

[Stadler]

Me too.   Prayers!

[Phoenix87x]

Has anybody had to deal with their child having Night Terrors, or had them yourself when you were a kid?

This stuff is really scary. Basically the person is having a waking nightmare, so they are in their room screaming bloody murder living out the nightmare while half awake. Had one for the first time in a long time last night and its still got me freaked out. 

[jingle.boy]

Has anybody had to deal with their child having Night Terrors, or had them yourself when you were a kid?

This stuff is really scary. Basically the person is having a waking nightmare, so they are in their room screaming bloody murder living out the nightmare while half awake. Had one for the first time in a long time last night and its still got me freaked out.

jingle.son had sleeping issues, and some mild night terrors - nothing that was absolutely horrifying though (for him or us).  I'd have to check with mrs.jingle, but my recollection was that it didn't last too long.  We had a baby gate at the top of the stairs for a very long time to make sure he didn't get too far.  Then one time we found him downstairs, as he was old enough to know how to open the baby-gate.  Went out and got a hardcore latch for our front door the very next day.

[Kwyjibo]

Our oldest daughter also had some sleeping issues when was age 6-8, problems falling asleep, bad dreams and sometimes sleepwalking (that's when we locked the front door), but I wouldn't really call them night terrors.

[kirksnosehair]

Marriage can be fucking hard some times guys. I don't feel like I signed up for this shit. I hate that I'm so damn selfish, but damn it... I just want to undo the last few months. Don't wanna share any details, but if you're the praying type, I'd appreciate you sending some my way.

In about 6 weeks I will be married exactly 20 years and you are right, it can be very challenging sometimes.  I couldn't help but notice your comment about being selfish.  Let me tell you based on my own experience, successful marriages are all about the exact opposite of being selfish.  There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and having the things in your life that make you happiest, that's not selfish, that's living.  In a healthy marriage both parties should put a very high degree of care and concern into the happiness and security of their partner.  The best marriages are collaborative and have constant open communication.  It's not easy and really it's more about having that as an aspiration than ever actually achieving some perceived state of marital bliss.


Anyway, I just mainly wanted to let you know that I understand how challenging it can be, but selfishness is relationship poison. 

[lordxizor]

Marriage can be fucking hard some times guys. I don't feel like I signed up for this shit. I hate that I'm so damn selfish, but damn it... I just want to undo the last few months. Don't wanna share any details, but if you're the praying type, I'd appreciate you sending some my way.

In about 6 weeks I will be married exactly 20 years and you are right, it can be very challenging sometimes.  I couldn't help but notice your comment about being selfish.  Let me tell you based on my own experience, successful marriages are all about the exact opposite of being selfish.  There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and having the things in your life that make you happiest, that's not selfish, that's living.  In a healthy marriage both parties should put a very high degree of care and concern into the happiness and security of their partner.  The best marriages are collaborative and have constant open communication.  It's not easy and really it's more about having that as an aspiration than ever actually achieving some perceived state of marital bliss.


Anyway, I just mainly wanted to let you know that I understand how challenging it can be, but selfishness is relationship poison. 

Thanks. January/February were rough for us. Especially me. I was being far too selfless for many years and not speaking up for myself. When I finally did it lead to a lot of conflict and my wife really digging in her heels, for some good reasons and some not. We've made it through for now, but sometimes I fear we only kicked the bucket down the road a bit and we'll be revisiting the same issues later since she got pregnant in February and we now have a newborn at home. There is a fine balance between "I have needs that must be met" and "There are things you could do that would make me feel loved and appreciated" and selfishness and I'm trying to tread that line. Its difficult when it seems like you're asking so little and the other person sees it as asking too much. It's especially difficult when there's a lot of anxiety and past trauma involved, particularly when you weren't aware of that trauma until 14 years into your marriage.

[Stadler]

One problem I had with all that was just that the dynamic was set.   Sometimes it's not the absolute position that is bad, it's the change from one position to another.

[King Postwhore]

My wife is going through "The Change" right now and is being very aggressive.  She finally realized it when I started to talk to her like she talks to me.  She wouldn't admit it but she's calmed down on how she asks/talks to me.  I'll take my victory in silence.

[TAC]

My wife is going through "The Change" right now and is being very aggressive.  She finally realized it when I started to talk to her like she talks to me.  She wouldn't admit it but she's calmed down on how she asks/talks to me.  I'll take my victory in silence.

Plus she tried to kill the cat!

[King Postwhore]

My wife is going through "The Change" right now and is being very aggressive.  She finally realized it when I started to talk to her like she talks to me.  She wouldn't admit it but she's calmed down on how she asks/talks to me.  I'll take my victory in silence.

Plus she tried to kill the cat!

That she cried about.  Me, I better count my meds.

[jingle.boy]

My wife is going through "The Change" right now and is being very aggressive.  She finally realized it when I started to talk to her like she talks to me.  She wouldn't admit it but she's calmed down on how she asks/talks to me.  I'll take my victory in silence.

Plus she tried to kill the cat!

That she cried about.  Me, I better count my meds.

And don't let her count them for you!!

[hunnus2000]

My marital advice??? Don't do it!

That is all...........





































I'm joking.