Author Topic: Parenting/marital advice  (Read 4171 times)

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Offline kaos2900

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Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #175 on: January 11, 2019, 11:48:13 AM »
As a parent of 2 kids (both girls 6 and almost 3) one of the constant struggles I have is straddling the line between being a hardass and giving in. I 100% believe that the entitlement culture we have going on is not a good thing and I want to try to raise my kids to appreciate the things they have and also learn how to be respectful and to listen and follow directions. I got in an argument with my 6 year old last nigh because she wanted to use a cookie cutter on her sandwich which I said no to. She ended up stealing the sandwich and used the cutter her self. Both of us lost it and start yelling at each other over a sandwich which in hindsight seems ridiculous. But at the time in my mind I was upset because she disobeyed my instructions and I'm sure she was pissed because she didn't get her way. I need to do a better job not emotionally escalating the situation but man that can be hard to do at the end of a long day.

Parenting is hard.

Don't think I'm picking on you, and don't take this personally. I'm just curious about your thought process because this is the kind of thing I think about when I ponder on being a parent one day. 

What was the big deal about her using the cookie cutter on a sandwich? To me, that's harmless, exploratory, and inquisitive. Was it a "don't play with your food" kind of thing? Again, not knocking you, but I feel like that could have been segued into some kind of other lesson. "You see, ______. That's made for cookies, not sandwiches, and now it's all dirty. We're going to have to clean that after dinner". Then make the kid clean it and put it away. My mom used to get on my case for seemingly pointless stuff as a kid, and we fought, and fought, and fought.

No worries, and this is what I meant by in hindsight it seems petty and dumb. A little more back ground on this, earlier in the week she wanted to use this particular cookie cutter but couldn't find it so I did let her use another type that fit the size of the bread with little waste. Fast forward two days and she finds the cutter she wanted and it's almost twice the size of the bread. I tried to be diplomatic and offer to use it for something else on the weekend and she lost it because she didn't get her way. Upon reflection, my anger came from her not listening and also from the "i need to teach her that she doesn't always get what she wants" part of my brain.

I am continuously self reflecting and am trying to get better. In this instance I felt like ended up over reacting a bit especially since she was very well behaved the rest of the day. I ended up apologizing for my reaction and tried to explain to her that even though she broke the rules I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I consider myself tough but fair and try to go out of my way to praise them when they do the right thing. Part of it just my personality though. I'm very hard on myself and strive to do the best I can all the time and I'm noticing I hold my daughters and even my wife to the standards I hold for myself which is not always fair.

Offline Chino

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Re: Parenting/marital advice
« Reply #176 on: January 11, 2019, 11:50:12 AM »
I'm not disagreeing with any action that comes after they disobey an order. I was more curious about the initial "no". Because as non-parent, that seems like no big deal to me. As a child, I was putting garden hoses down the oil inlet pipe to the furnace, shoving bagels in VCRs, and depositing my dad's coin collection into the floppy drives on his PCs. Wanting to turn a sandwich into a fun shape seems like small potatoes when I think about what children are capable of.