You got skills and all, and you're mostly in key, but the moods just don't match in the slightest bit. You're just kind of hitting tons of notes.
One of the important aspects of improv is matching the tone of the song, I just don't feel this matches the tone in the slightest. Like I said, you got skills, and your style would be better suited for a more straight ahead thrash/heavy song of theirs.