Author Topic: Family Drama  (Read 3150 times)

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Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Family Drama
« on: February 03, 2016, 02:09:56 PM »
OK. For this to make any sense I need to give you folks some back-story:

My cousin Stephen is twelve years younger than me. Stephen's mom died of a brain aneurysm when he was three. This left my uncle Geoff to raise a child all on his own. This was something he absolutely was not prepared for. Geoff wasn't really cut out to be a single parent and as a result he and Stephen butted heads. A lot. So much so, in fact, that when Stephen turned 18 he just bolted. I mean it was like he fell off the face of the earth for several years. Uncle Geoff came home one day and Stephen's room was empty. All of his personal belongings were gone. Vanished. Kaput. Nobody knew where he was. All he left behind was a simple note that said "I'm leaving. Goodbye." True to character, my Uncle Geoff just blew it off to Stephen being immature. No effort was made to find him or anything. Everybody just assumed (hopefully, that is) that Stephen was just wandering around the country somewhere.

When Stephen left I think that it slowly began to sink into my uncle's brain that maybe, just maybe, he'd been a bad parent and so he started getting his life in order. He quit drinking, started going to a therapist, started attending church and over a period of six or seven years he eventually became the person that I think he probably would have been all along had his wife not died.

OK. With that said, here's the issue:

About five years ago Geoff met a woman named Carrie. They seemed to almost immediately fall in love with one another and wound up getting married about a year or so after they started dating. In all honesty I have to admit that I never really took very kindly to her. There was something about her that I just couldn't seem to trust. Carrie was, shall we say, substantially younger than my uncle who, coincidentally enough, also just so happened to be very, very well off financially. In the end, though, I decided that it really wasn't any of my business. If she was making him happy then who was I to judge either of them?

Fast forward with me to about six weeks ago. It's now been about thirteen years since Stephen took off when he decides, out of nowhere, to call my uncle. The two talked on the phone for an hour or more and agreed to meet up. After some heartfelt apologies and manly tears they hugged it all out and Geoff agreed to let Stephen move back in with him and Carrie until he can get himself squared away. Good for them, right?

Nah.

Geoff stopped by my house about a week or so ago to borrow some tools. While he was here he mentioned to me that Carrie had started acting more than a bit weird lately. He called me one afternoon (this was probably a month or so ago) and told me that he felt like something was up but that he really wanted to push through it and make things work. Again, though, this was really none of my business. Who was I to judge?

OK. With that said let's skip to yesterday. Geoff called me and he was about as distraught as I think I've ever heard him and so of course I ask him what happened. Five or so uncomfortable minutes of crying and sobbing later he eventually explained to me that Carrie had been having an affair.

With Stephen.

I, of course, was rendered totally speechless here. I had absolutely no idea what else to say, so I ask him how he found out. Through his tears he said "Thursday was her birthday and I left work early to surprise her. That was when I walked in the house and saw Carrie on my wayward son."

Offline TioJorge

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2016, 02:19:18 PM »


I literally jumped to the end of this post because I saw it was you posting. I am so fucking simultaneously disgusted and proud with myself right now.

Bravo, sir. Bravo. (and bravo to me for being heartless and knowing people so well on a forum)
« Last Edit: February 03, 2016, 02:52:05 PM by TioJorge »

DTP says "WOW, LOOK AT THAT GREAT POST"
RIP DTP.

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2016, 02:20:24 PM »
:lol

Offline El Barto

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2016, 02:40:14 PM »
The Scoobie Doo one a few years back was better.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
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Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2016, 02:43:24 PM »
Cozmo you fuck
Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2016, 03:08:00 PM »
Oh, ffs... I'm mostly stunned you went to that much effort.

You're an especially special prick because of the real family drama you've got with your dad... well, not in the "drama" sense of the word, but the shit going on there.

Fuck you you fucking fuck.


That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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Offline sneakyblueberry

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2016, 03:17:06 PM »
hahahahahaha shit

Offline splent

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2016, 03:59:22 PM »
I don’t know what to put here anymore

Offline splent

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2016, 04:00:04 PM »
 Are they from Kansas?
I don’t know what to put here anymore

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2016, 04:00:47 PM »
Not today, no.

Offline splent

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2016, 04:02:00 PM »
 Did the two of them leave like dust in the wind  singing patriotic songs of America and the point of no return?
I don’t know what to put here anymore

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2016, 04:40:51 PM »
No u

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2016, 04:52:15 PM »
Goddammit I read the whole thing.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
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Offline DragonAttack

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #13 on: February 03, 2016, 05:15:47 PM »
"I would simply say, 'Geoff, don't you cry no more.'"
...going along with Dragon Attack's Queen thread has been like taking a free class in Queen knowledge. Where else are you gonna find info like that?!

Offline TempusVox

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2016, 05:25:31 PM »
I'd say your uncle knew more than me or you.

Oh...and what Hef said.  :\
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Offline millahh

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2016, 07:59:04 PM »
Oh, ffs... I'm mostly stunned you went to that much effort.

You're an especially special prick because of the real family drama you've got with your dad... well, not in the "drama" sense of the word, but the shit going on there.

Fuck you you fucking fuck.



Yeah, this exactly.  Remind me to buy you a shot of terrible bourbon when we eventually meet!
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #16 on: February 04, 2016, 07:34:44 AM »
Goddamnit, I got really sucked in half way through :lol

Offline Podaar

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #17 on: February 04, 2016, 08:22:05 AM »
 :omg: :lol

Is it wrong that that was the ending I was hoping for?
"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

Offline vtgrad

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #18 on: February 04, 2016, 08:42:12 AM »
Read the whole thing... read the last line twice and thought "hmmm, that's odd; maybe someone will make and ill-timed joke and start an arguement.  What a truly terrible situation."

 :lol

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."  Ecclesiastes 12:13

Now with Twitler taking a high end steak of this caliber and insulting the cow that died for it by having it well done just shows zero respect for the product, which falls right in line with the amount of respect he shows for pretty much everything else.- Lonestar

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #19 on: February 04, 2016, 08:43:25 AM »
:rollin

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #20 on: February 04, 2016, 09:10:29 AM »
I'm with VT.  I had to do a double take on the last line, because I got hooked by the story.  A 'punch line' was the last thing I was expecting.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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Remember the mark of a great vocalist is if TAC hates them with a special passion

Offline XJDenton

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #21 on: February 04, 2016, 03:05:31 PM »
*groan*
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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #22 on: February 04, 2016, 07:07:25 PM »
 :facepalm:

Offline TheAtliator

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2016, 12:46:38 AM »
 :rollin  :rollin :rollin

Offline chaossystem

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2016, 03:02:38 AM »
You really reached the Point of Know Return and put me On the Other Side of The Wall with that story...

It definitely WASN'T a Miracle out of Nowhere!
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Offline TheAtliator

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2016, 02:11:38 AM »
I read this entire thing out loud word for word to my friends today...

When I finally finished, I burst out into the most hysterical laugh I've had in the past 3 months that sounded like a drowning person gasping for air for like a minute strait, while they all just looked at me.  :rollin

Offline Evermind

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2016, 03:13:07 AM »
Oh fuck. :lol :lol

This first band is Soen very cool swingy jazz fusion kinda stuff.

Offline Podaar

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #27 on: February 06, 2016, 05:07:31 AM »
Coz, I read this to Mrs. P with a complete straight face. She was ohing and uuughing at all the right points. Then when I read the last line, she said, "Fuck you!" and flipped off my computer screen.
"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2016, 07:27:34 AM »
:rollin :rollin :rollin

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #29 on: February 06, 2016, 10:07:01 AM »
Fucker. Read the whole thing, bought it hook line and sinker and didn't catch it until I read the next few posts.

You can't do this shit to me first thing in the morning.

Dick.

:lolpalm:

Offline Podaar

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #30 on: February 06, 2016, 04:07:01 PM »
Guess what I caught Mrs. P humming when we were in Costco today.  :lol
"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #31 on: February 06, 2016, 04:26:11 PM »
Guess what I caught Mrs. P humming when we were in Costco today.  :lol

Your cock?
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
Quote from: Puppies_On_Acid
Remember the mark of a great vocalist is if TAC hates them with a special passion

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #32 on: February 06, 2016, 05:04:58 PM »
Guess what I caught Mrs. P humming when we were in Costco today.  :lol

Your cock?

While getting those free snacks next to the frozen food section?
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline Podaar

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #33 on: February 07, 2016, 10:29:16 AM »
So, this is the joke that keeps on giving.

Yesterday afternoon, Mrs. P was sitting at the kitchen counter painting her nails, sipping some whiskey, reading a school assignment and beboping to her 80's playlist on the house stereo. I went out on the back patio to have a smoke (there are speakers out there too) and while I was standing there I had a devilish idea. I whipped out my iPhone and opened the ap for the house stereo and scrolled to the Kansas Leftoverature album. Just as Inxs (or some such) was finishing I tapped "Carry On My Wayward Son". Through the closed sliding glass door I could hear her busting a gut with laughter. After she caught her breath, she yelled out to me in a sarcastic voice, "Oh, you are a funny, funny man!"

Thanks, Cos!  :biggrin:
"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Family Drama
« Reply #34 on: February 07, 2016, 10:58:52 AM »
Mrs. Podaar is awesome!
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
Quote from: Puppies_On_Acid
Remember the mark of a great vocalist is if TAC hates them with a special passion