I can't. I tried writing it down and it definitely didn't help me.
If anything - seeing it written down was like a confirmation.
I hate talking to Doctors too. I can't get past the whole " woe is me - i'm depressed " - and how utterly self absorbed that sounds.
I'm all for talking to people. Talking to people does help, and it's helped me. A journal? Unless the journal can talk to me, I don't see the point. Communication is key. I don't want to take anger management. I just want communication. I'm all for seeing a psychiatrist, as I really have no one else to talk to about my problems. I'm a mess. I dwell, I bottle it up, I'm an asshole. It's probably too late for me, but my girlfriend doesn't want to communicate. I'm just the crazy hothead.
Example:
This morning she and her daughter came in the room with science project stuff, looking fully like they were going to work on it in our bedroom. I expressed how much I didn't want them to do it in there, rude or not, I made it clear. I suggested they do it at the table to which she said she didn't want to, all the while opening the blinds still looking like they were going to work on it in the room. She kept leading me on with my assumption until I blew up, and never once did she tell me they weren't going to do it in the room. She doesn't feel she has to explain anything to me. No matter what I did to piss her off yesterday which she was still mad at me for (she looked to be over it last night) she used that as an excuse to justify not just saying "hey calm down, we aren't doing it in here."
I have an anger problem. I need help. I need her help. I don't expect her to walk on eggshells. That isn't fair, and she shouldn't have to, but why can't she just talk to me, and inform me before I rage? I don't like the person I am. I want to change but I can't on my own. It's the little things that set me off. I don't always just jump to conclusions, or assume, it's the little things that never change. She refuses to change or help me in any way. She says it's not her responsibility. What kind of relationship is that? She says she loves me. That isn't love to me. Again, I'm an asshole. I've said horrible things, but I've tried to change. I don't want to be an asshole. I'm not placing ALL the blame on her. I'm plenty to blame, but she just doesn't want to compromise in any way, and I'm just the psycho the doesn't listen, and everything is in my head, and I make myself this way. She tells me she's depressed because of the way I act, and that makes her not want to do anything, but it's because she wont do anything that pisses me off the most.
I'm not even going to get into how horrible me daughter has been. That's greatly effecting me in a negative way.
Topic: DTF Chat Thread v. Kinginese (Read 323647 times)
